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Author Topic: How to find a friend/writing partner on E.  (Read 9858 times)

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How to find a friend/writing partner on E.
« on: April 26, 2015, 02:00:33 pm »
[Staff note:  This post was originally written by Cycle, who has graciously allowed us to repost it for the benefit of all members.]

We are writing this because we know of several individuals who have reduced their E presence because they are tired of a type of negative attention they have received here.  Specifically, they are tired of people directly PMing (or IMing) them with suggestive comments, and unsolicited cyber-contact (e.g., kissing, touching, etc.).  To be clear, not everyone is doing this.  Likely a very small minority.  But still, it is noticeable.

For the sake of simplicity, we will hereafter refer to the people initiating such contact as Pursuers and the people receiving them as Pursuees.

We'd like to think that the bulk of the Pursuers are not ill-intentioned, but rather as individuals who want sexual attention from the Pursuee and sending them such PMs/IMs is the best idea the Pursuer came up with. 

To this group of people (the Pursuers), I'd like to say this:  it doesn't work.

You're putting the cart before the horse.  Build a nonsexual friendship first, then if you two sync, see if the Pursuee is interested in more intimate activities.

And if the Pursuee does not explicitly show interest, then full stop.  Please.

Don't keep trying until the Pursuee "gives it up."  It won't happen.

Cut back on blindly sending the "hey baby *hot passionate kiss and stroke*" messages as soon as you see them log on.  Try this instead, ask them "How are you doing?  Did you have a good weekend?" 

Be interest in the person using the keyboard.  Not just their cyber genitalia.  Not just what they can do for your cyber genitalia.

We think you'll find that people will be far more receptive of intimate contact when they know you, when they like you, and when you truly care about their feelings.

To the Pursuees, we'd like to say this:  if someone is making you feel uncomfortable, please let the Staff know.

Stop thinking it's because you sent the "wrong signals."

Or that "Pursuer's really a nice [insert gender] and doesn't mean anything by it."

Or that you have done anything wrong.

Or that the Staff will summarily execute people as soon as you PM them.

The Staff are experienced with handling this aspect of cyber communication/relationships/whatever you want to call it.  They won't act rashly.  And they won't ignore it.

If someone is making you feel creeped out, it is extremely likely that they have done, are doing, or soon intend to do something similar to someone else.  If you are not convinced your protection and comfort is worth it, surely another E member's protection and comfort is? 

(And yours is worth it.)

Thanks for reading.