You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
May 28, 2018, 05:14:28 AM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Send us your theme!

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: No pun intended!!!  (Read 627 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline PhaiaTopic starter

No pun intended!!!
« on: October 03, 2008, 07:46:48 AM »
 The Best Pun IN THE WORLD!! Finalists
by David K. Israel - March 19, 2008 - 3:35 PM We’ve narrowed down all the punny entries from last week’s Best Pun IN THE WORLD!! Competition and settled on the following 10. As with the caption contests, we’re letting YOU guys pick the winner. One vote per person, please, and may the best pun win!
The 10 finalists are…

A)  Two fishermen were in a boat by the lake, when one of them stood to catch a fish in a net. As he scooped up the carp, his wallet fell out of his back pocket. As the seemingly doomed billfold started to sink to the lake bottom, the carp slipped out of the net and swam after it, re-emerging with it on his nose.
However, instead of returning it, he tossed it to one of his fish buddies, who balanced it on his nose. More of more of fish-buddies emerged from the water, and all of them played this strange game of keep-away with the man’s billfold.
The first man watched, slackjawed. He said to the other “Have you ever seen anything like this before?”
The second man answered “Sure I have. Haven’t you heard of carp-to-carp walleting?”
- Michael
B)  A thief attempted to steal paintings from the Louvre in Paris, but was caught 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas. All the thief could say for himself was: “I had no MONET to buy DEGAS to make the VAN GOGH. But I tried for it anyway because I had nothing TOULOUSE!”
- kerensa
C)  “Did you see this story? Says here that a newspaper published a report about election fraud, and some goons from the ruling party went and attacked their offices.”
“What did they do?”
“Oh, toppled file cabinets, threw paper around, smashed monitors…”
“Any loss of life?”
“No, it looks like just a monitor-y loss.”
-        AG
D)  I’ve been reading something very interesting — Stephen Hawking’s latest book about anti-gravity.
I just can’t put it down.
- buddz
E)  Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often. They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait….
-        ;im
F)  Kay Nein’s English Bulldog, Og, had just been awarded ‘Best in Show’ and she
felt a celebratory ice cream from Calabash’s Frozen Doggie Treats was in order; however, what she had intended to be a single scoop in a cup quickly evolved into a glop of every flavor available -leading Kay to comment, “It’s a mishmash, Calabash… give Og a cone!”
-        Amy
G)  Thanks to fossils, archaeologists have been able to determine that there once a genetic mutation millions of year ago, causing the creation of a five-legged dinosaur.
As far as we know, this is the first evidence we have ever seen of a reptile dysfunction.
-        Michael
H)  What do you get after playing the lute for 10 hours straight?
Minstrel cramps.
-        Denise
[Ed. Note: Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.]
I)  I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers, but I Kant.
- Dan
J)  Did you hear they found a narcissistic male lion whose females had turned on him?
No, really?
Yeah. Course it was his pride that did him in…
-        Justin

Offline PhaiaTopic starter

Re: and more puns to ponder!!
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2008, 07:50:13 AM »
1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

10. Did you hear about the guy who emailed ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Offline Sabby

Re: No pun intended!!!
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2008, 10:22:12 AM »
Wow, almost none of those were funny.

Offline PhaiaTopic starter

Re: No pun intended!!!
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2008, 11:44:38 AM »
i know i didnt find them that funny or punny either just amused they were listed as the best!!

Offline Lanzlo

Re: No pun intended!!!
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2008, 06:14:35 PM »
Yeah, but did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his grinding machine and made a spectacle out of himself?

Offline Inkidu

  • E's Resident Girlomancer, Dedicated Philogynist, The Compartive of a Superlative, SLG's Sammich Life-Giver
  • On Hiatus
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Jul 2008
  • Location: In a staring contest with the Void.
  • Gender: Male
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: No pun intended!!!
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2008, 06:33:08 PM »
Puns are meant to be spoken, and are the lowest form of humor, according to Sophocles.

Did you see the headline of today's paper?

Yeah about the optimist who drowned in a half-full bath tub!