"Well hey there! I bet you might be wondering why I'm standing on the right side of this page here, pointing a gun at a cuddly, innocent looking furry little blue bear! Well, let me tell you something! Don't trust that fucking bear! You can't see me right now, but I'm currently spiraling around in some kind of crazy ass black hole vortex thingy, possibly being teleported away to the wonderful land of Oz. Though that seems unlikely, I'll admit!"
"Of course you're not going to the land of Oz Wade, that's fiction! You're real, you know that! Now get to the point so the readers aren't as overly confused, will you?
"You can just go ahead and ignore that shit spackled little bastard, but he does have a point regardless! This all started roughly 12 hours ago...
Roughly 12 hours ago, give or take, in Deadpool's apartment -
"Oh well hey again there, whoever the fuck you are! This is past me, explaining what's happening with future me, even though I can't possibly know what future me will be up to and what not. But yet I know what I'm explaining here. It's all a bunch of quantum mechanics and time flow scientific shit that would make both yours and my brain melt, so let's skip over it, shall we?
"Wade, you're not making this any easier!
"You can just kiss my cancer riddled ass, other me inside my own head!
While arguing with himself, the buzzer rings at his apartment door. Naturally, not expecting any company and suspecting it could be a trap, he stands up and pumps a few rounds from his trusty sidearms through the door.
"Well I don't hear any screaming, and nobody is kicking in the door, soooo...maybe we scared off Pete again?
Pete was the only delivery man in Toronto that would still deliver anything to this address, mainly due to the likelihood of being shot at if Deadpool wasn't expecting anyone. Confident that it was at least most likely safe, he holstered his firearms and careful tip toed over to the door. Plastering his body up against it, he looked out through one of the bullet holes, and when he wasn't kicked in the face or charged at by some big monstrous mutant, he whipped the door open to find a box sitting in his hallway.
"Ooooo, what could it be?? Pie? Cake? Cyanide burger? It better not be another god damned bomb...
" he muttered to himself as he bent over to pick up the box, and brought it back into his apartment. Going into the kitchen, he dropped it down on the counter and grabbed a knife to cut open the tape sealing it.
Unphased by the potential of it being a bomb, since he would survive it regardless, he tore the package open and peered inside. There was naught but a piece of paper, wrapped around a polaroid picture of a small, blue, fluffy bear. The letter read as follows -
"Dear Mr. Wilson, aka Deadpool,
I strongly urge you, at your earliest convenience, to retrieve the bear pictured in the enclosed polaroid. The fate of many worlds, as well as a universe not of your world, hangs in the balance.
"Why does that name sound familiar?? Hmm...oh right! That's the weird guy with all the tribal tattoos and his bodyguard named Blok. Hehehe, silly ass name, that.
"You're literally named Deadpool, Wade...
"And that's the shit coolest name ever, you smug son of a bitch. Don't you forget it either, or next time I'll chop your balls off, all right? I mean...wait, no, that'd probably be a bad idea...anyways, what's that mind reader want with a bear like this? Doesn't make any sense. Hmm...well, I guess the only way to find out is to find the bear! Not like I have anything better to do anyways, right?
"Wade, you know it's almost certainly a trap orchestrated by someone other than Mr. X. You have to be smarter about things like...
"Trap? Ohhh, goody goody goody!!
" squeeling happily as he danced around in the kitchen.
Now, in the swirling mass of a black hole vortex thingy -
"What followed after that was basically just me hunting down the whereabouts of the bear, breaking into the mansion of the person who had it, and then guess what happened? As soon as I approached that mother fucking bear, it started to talk to me! Hence the gun pointing at its head. I mean, a talking teddy bear? You can't trust that shit! It was mumbling something about taking me to another universe at the behest of some ass hat or another, and then this bright, swirling yellow mass just popped open behind it! And in I got sucked, and here I've been swirling around. Weird, though, the opening would be yellow but the innards of this...whatever it is, would be black. Anyways, I think it called itself a mother box, whatever the crap that is. Guess I'll just wait and find out where I'm going!
Over Gotham City, a moment from now (which...makes it now anyways) -
As the yellow mass opened up once again, Deadpool found himself falling down towards a city he didn't recognize in the least. At the height he was at, which he judged by how far down the tops of the nearest buildings were, he'd almost certainly break every bone in his body and likely get knocked out as soon as he hit the ground.
"Welp...wherever this is, hopefully the people living here are nice and friendly! Maybe I'll get to cause tons of crazy, mass havoc and what not! Oooo, maybe there's an alternate version of people here! Got to find alternate me then, we'll have such a bl...
With a loud splat sound, Deadpool's body connected quite firmly with the concrete and sure enough, most every bone in his body was broken...or, more like half liquefied. He could hear sirens in the distance that seemed to be getting closer, just as he started to slow pass out.
Unknown to him, the trip through the boom tube and the dimensional passing had caused the cancer riddling his body when he acquired his healing powers to be pulled out from his body, effectively making his body as handsome as it was before all of that nasty Weapon X experimenting. And so he lay, his body healing up the many injuries he'd just sustained, remaining unconscious for a good half an hour or so. Even with amazing regenerative properties, it was hard to survive a fall like that and get over a coma inducing concussion much faster than that.
When he awoke, he appeared to be in an apartment? Of some kind...it wasn't his, that's all he knew. Smelled too...girly, and looked much more well kept than his own. Plus, the bed he was laying on was way too comfy to be something in his apartment.
"Ooooo, wow...that was a sucker punch if ever I've felt one. Now to ascertain where I am...and who the heck brought me here...
" as he looked around, noting his being tied to the bed, just as she
walked into the room.