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Author Topic: A message from your friendly computer guy.  (Read 861 times)

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Offline PsiTopic starter

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A message from your friendly computer guy.
« on: July 07, 2008, 07:47:40 AM »
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

14. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice : "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?". That motivates us.

15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you ?

22. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call I.T. Support.

26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T. Support. We love to hack.

27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.

30. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.

31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Birmingham like to keep abreast of what's going on.

32. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.

35. In no way do we believe that end-users are ungrateful. It hurts our feelings that one could even think such a thing on the basis of the above statements. In truth we wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of wonderful end-users portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible.

Your friendly computer guy.

Offline Maeven

Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2008, 09:30:42 AM »

16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

*big innocent eyes*

What? You mean that's bad?


Offline PsiTopic starter

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2008, 09:52:55 AM »
*big innocent eyes*

What? You mean that's bad?

It is when its the document causing the problem :lmao:

Perhaps I should make people who do that go collect up all the copies and recycle the paper *evil grin*

Offline Sherona

Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2008, 10:22:17 AM »
*cracks up laughing* Sad to say I am one of the worlds worst at not remembering technical names for things. I am always saying Thingy or do-hicky..I call the remote control for the TV a thingy still. *grins* I do try to describe IN detail what the various thingy's I am talking about though...do I get brownie points for that? *smiles*

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2008, 10:43:24 AM »
*smacks Sherona's hand*  Don't make it easy on them!  *steals her brownies*

Offline PsiTopic starter

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2008, 10:45:36 AM »
*grins* I do try to describe IN detail what the various thingy's I am talking about though...do I get brownie points for that? *smiles*
That might depend on just what the thingy's you are describing in detail are - and perhaps there various uses...  *evil grin*

Offline Sherona

Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2008, 11:51:18 AM »
That might depend on just what the thingy's you are describing in detail are - and perhaps there various uses...  *evil grin*

*laughs and tacks up a PG-13 Sign* sorry hun, public place ;)

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2008, 01:07:36 PM »
That's when you go into the breast feeding room and lock the door. . .*shifty eyes*

Offline loki

Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2008, 02:34:24 PM »
17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up"

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

omg .. those three had me in tears. though I have to admit the first one I a am extreamlly guilty of atleast I can say that I have done the second one ... as for the third, are you trying to tell me that they actually hate playing that fun game of asking over a thousand questions? *gasp* I never knew ...

Offline PsiTopic starter

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2008, 06:04:26 AM »
*laughs and tacks up a PG-13 Sign* sorry hun, public place ;)
It got a laugh, so all good :)

And if they were not over 13, chances are they wouldn't understand it :p

Offline Sherona

Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #10 on: July 08, 2008, 09:54:39 AM »
It got a laugh, so all good :)

And if they were not over 13, chances are they wouldn't understand it :p

*laughs* The PG-13 rating is basically stating that nothing that would not be proper for someone aged 13-17 to participate in ;)

Offline Amzer

Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #11 on: July 08, 2008, 02:02:59 PM »
Quote
28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

I hate that one, it actually cripples me ;-;

Funny list there, some of it is so true I couldn't stop laughing.

Offline PsiTopic starter

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2008, 06:32:12 AM »
The sad thing is..

Reading back over the list tonight.

27 out of 35 I have actually experienced, with options on several more - usually on the one or two rare house calls.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: A message from your friendly computer guy.
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2008, 11:05:35 AM »
My dad's a computer tech and sometimes he has to go work on someones comp only to get there and find they either, have their comp unplugged, their monitar off, their monitar unplugged, their mouse unplugged, or their keyboard unplugged.  It irritates him to no end!