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Author Topic: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'  (Read 1703 times)

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Offline SerpentKissTopic starter

Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« on: April 12, 2008, 07:12:14 AM »
Okay, usually, I hate them, the Chuck Norris jokes and Chuck Norris facts...

some are stupid and can't even be comprehended. for example....well okay, I only ever remember the funny ones...but most of the rubbish ones are terrible, like when chuck Norris lost a fight to MrT...and in response invented racism. Now I'm pretty sure that neither MrT or Mr Norris want to be associated with this 'fact'.

But here are some ones I did find amusing....

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can successfully divide by zero
Who's more awesome? Chuck Norris or God? Trick Question. Chuck Norris is God.
Chuck Norris doesn't use email. He staples notes to kittens and Roundhouses them to their required destination.
Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands...now they're just called 'The Islands'

Now this one is a little long, but this has to be my personal favourite.

Chuck Norris and two cowboys are sat by a fire, out in the wilderness, surrounded by the wagons and the cattle one night. The first cowboy turns to Chuck and the other guy and says, "Why, I remember back in the day, when this place was overrun with injuns. Not the nice kind though, the nasty ones like the headhunters, they really did go for your scalp. I once took on four of them at once, using just a knife." He sits back, smug, nods to the two Cowboys and grins, spitting baccy onto the floor.

The second cowboy lights a cigar and says, "That ain't nothin'. I remember one time, I was taking a dip near a waterfall, no weapons, no clothes, no nothin'. When a cougar came up and tried to kill me. Well we all know what happened to him." He too, leans back on his little perch, tipping his Cougar-skin hat to the pair.

Chuck Norris stays ever silent, refusing to be part of this game of macho-bravado, whilst slowly stirring the coals of the fire with his penis.

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2008, 07:35:13 AM »
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he acknowledges is the element of surprise.

Offline SerpentKissTopic starter

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2008, 08:16:45 AM »
I was trying to remember that one so badly

Offline Hunter

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2008, 09:25:21 AM »
Chuck Norris is so tough that his bobblehead beats up criminals.

And, of course, the Chuck Norris commerial.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIgey9NLdhk
« Last Edit: April 12, 2008, 09:27:25 AM by Hunter »

Offline Sabby

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2008, 09:43:23 AM »
Theres no chin under that beard... there is only another fist.

Offline Hunter

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2008, 10:06:24 AM »
Chuck Norris is so tough that even Chuck Norris can't beat up Chuck Norris.

Offline SerpentKissTopic starter

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2008, 11:02:20 AM »
Chuck Norris once ate 3 72oz steaks in 45mins. He spent the first 30mins having sex with the waitress.

Chuck Norris can successfully pull a wheelie on a unicycle.

Offline Arete

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #7 on: April 16, 2008, 03:51:07 AM »
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

Jesus has only missed one Jeopardy question, ever. Chuck Norris has yet to miss one.

Chuck Norris once killed a German Fighter Pilot, during WWII. He didn't shoot the pilot down, he just looked up into the Man's eyes, and the man's head exploded.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2008, 03:52:28 AM by Arete »

Offline Kitikat

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2008, 09:16:46 AM »
Superman has Chuck Norris pyjamas.

Offline King_Furby

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #9 on: April 17, 2008, 01:42:37 AM »
that chucknorrisfacts.com site rocks some are so funny.

i like the

"if you have 5 dollars and chuck norris has 5 dollars, chuck norris has more money then you."

"Pie is really equal to one roundhouse kick in the face"

"When chuck norris takes a poo, he shits a person."
« Last Edit: April 17, 2008, 01:47:20 AM by King_Furby »

Offline The Overlord

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2008, 07:09:17 AM »
Only Chuck Norris knows if Chuck Norris can make a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it.

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Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2010, 05:50:53 AM »
Proving what Sabby said:

Chuck Norris on Family Guy [ENG]



And also:

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you.  If you *can't* see Chuck Norris, then you might only be one roundhouse away from death.

Offline RP7466

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2010, 02:17:39 AM »
Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands, Now they're just called The Islands

If Chuck Norris is late time better slow the fuck down

Offline TheLovelyMaid

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2010, 05:08:34 PM »
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2010, 07:09:23 PM »
Chuck Norris at one point in the past had sex in an 18-Wheeler Tractor-Trailer rig. Some of his semen got into the gas tank of the cab.

That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Offline GeekFury

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2010, 07:23:43 PM »
Red Bull is made from the Urine of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

If you type 'How to find Chuck Norris' into google and hit Feeling Lucky. You get a rather funny message. DO IT.

Offline the taken

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2010, 12:03:05 PM »
If you type 'How to find Chuck Norris' into google and hit Feeling Lucky. You get a rather funny message. DO IT.

My face hurts.

Offline Lady Annabelle

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2010, 01:53:55 PM »
When Chuck Norris' daughter lost her virginity, Chuck Norris found it and brought it back.   ;D

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Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #18 on: April 25, 2010, 03:48:01 AM »
Chuck Norris doesn't have to stare at goats; he just thinks about them and they fall down.

Offline Sanai

Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #19 on: April 25, 2010, 08:14:27 AM »
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he doesnt cry.
Chuck Norris CAN simply walk into Mordor.
Chuck Norris CAN touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris had an awkward moment once, just to see what it was like.

Offline Inkidu

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Re: Chuck Norris Jokes/'Facts'
« Reply #20 on: April 25, 2010, 05:04:49 PM »
Chuck Norris can run so fast that he can run around the world and kick his own ass.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Hunting implies a probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.