Just when I thought he was going to kiss me he began yelling at me merely inches from my face, and in the locked stall of a crowded bar. I was sure someone was going to assume some sort of abuse was going on. That is, until I began to register what exactly it was that he was yelling about.
"I treked my arse all the way across the Atlantic after having safely hidden myself from you and all the heartache you've caused me just to see you; and this is the welcome I receive!?" he exclaimed, eyes blazing in all their Irish fury. I opened myself to speak and was swiftly interrupted. "Oh no ye don't! ye dannae git tae come back at me wit yer quick wit when I am standin'ere wit ma 'eart on me sleeve and my hopes in the air! Yer gonna listen tae me naeu darlin', I love yeh, Ah always have and god help me I always will. There ain't a woman on this planet that makes me burn like yeh'do and I'll be damned if Ill let another man try'n take my place in yer 'eart! Naeu I came back from me home, the land that I love wit all me Irish 'eart and pride, to live in this miserable joke of a place to call home only tae be closer to yeh. Open yer eyes woman! I'll make yeh the happiest woman on eart if only ye would let meh!"
Throughout this whole cacaphony of noise, I could only see fit to do one thing, which was to stand there with my jaw clenched and my fists curled tightly into balls at my sides. When he finally finished his screaming tirade of a love confession, I waited while he stood there chest heaving, and watched all the red rage drain from his face. I stood silently while he waited impatiently for a reply.
Then it was my turn.
"You better think long and hard before you open your mouth again. I want you to take one long look at your surroundings, and I mean your literal physical location at this very moment. I want to consider who exactly you're talking to, and what exactly you were hoping to accomplish when you decided to shove me into a bathroom stall and scream at me from a distance which made it literally impossible to avoid every decible and every glob of spit that emitted from your gaping maw. Now I want you to understand, and I mean really understand exactly what is going to happen to you if you dare to say one more word to me on this subect in this particular venue. What I am gathering at the moment, and I'm sure a court in the world wouldn't convict me, is that you are about to become a grease stain on the floor of this bathroom, because you in all your infininite wisdom decided that it was perfectly acceptable to shove the love of your life into the bathroom stall of the seediest bar in America, and scream out a marriage proposal from within one inch of her face."
At some point during my speech, which was ground out from between my teeth, at a perfectly acceptable volume for any polite conversation, all of the self-righteous anger and cocky pride drained from his face, along with the color and gave way to a cold sweat and pure fear. Without turninging his back to me, he fumbled for the lock, fell backwards out of the stall, and scrambled out of the bathroom, back into the bar disappearing into the crowd and a really awesome rendition of Rage Against the Machine's "Wake Up".
I took a deep breath, counted to ten, took two more deep breaths, and counted my steps as I made my way over to the bathroom sink. I examined my reflection, as I carefully thought about my next move. Somewhere out there in the crowd is the love of my life, who told me exactly what I wanted to hear, in the worst way imagineable. I made a conscious decision not to base the potential happiness of my entire future on one singular, however major, error in judgement. So I turned on my heel, and marched out into the crush of people. Somewhere in the back of my mind realized that I needed to beg Alyssa's boss to book this band a second time so that I could fully appreciate their talent. Judging by the crowd, I somehow doubted that would be difficult. I scanned the room, heart racing when I laid eyes on Derick, sitting at the bar, withhis forehead against the bar, and his arms wrapped around his face. I cooly sauntered over to him, sleekly sliding into the empty stool next to him, and in the sexiest voice I could manage, I leaned in and asked "Buy me a drink?"
He jerked his head up, and gripped the rail that lined the edge of the bar. His mouth set in a hard line, his eyes searched my face. I didn't know what he was looking for so I just looked back, eyes wide, hoping that he didn't take my rage for rejection. I faintly heard lyrics to an unfamiliar tune "weee aree yoouunnggg...So lets set the world on Fiiirree!" Whatever he was looking for he must have found because he jumped off of his stool and scooped me up in his arms, burying his face in my neck. Without hesitation, I mimicked his grip on me. I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't come off as another one of my smart ass comments, so I said the only thing I could think of that wasn't cheesey or gimmicky and was full of more truth than anything else I could manage at the time. "I will never, ever let you go again. You belong to me."
Without letting go or moving an inch, he whispered into my neck "Thank you m'darlin'." After he scooped me up, and carried me over the threshold of the bar to the fading melody of an original song by the band , I realized the irony of the lyrics that I heard as the door closed behind us "I'll carry you home, toniiigght." I decided two things, the first being I wanted that band to play at my wedding, and two, that I probably wouldn't be spending my friday nights holding down a bar stool anymore.
and they lived happily ever after.