You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
 
August 11, 2020, 01:57:48 PM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Platinum Send us your theme!

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 237646 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Oreo

  • Centurion ~Clotho~ ~ALWAYS HUGGABLE~ Doddering Ailurophile ^_^
  • Guardian
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Apr 2009
  • Location: Excuse me...what level of hell is this?
  • Peace - Inspire positivity.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1700 on: December 23, 2019, 12:36:27 AM »
I hope things get better CS. *hugs*

Offline AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1701 on: January 04, 2020, 06:01:36 PM »
Today has not been a good day. I had a particularly sobering conversation with my sister, who lost her fiance back in early October, in which, hearing her talk about getting treatment for suicidal depression & grief counseling, I realized, including myself, that's three siblings at risk of suicide and if one of us chose that option it might lead to a cascade effect where the other two followed not long after, which would utterly devastate my family. I just felt, if she did take that route, my only chance would be immediate hospitalization & counseling because I don't think I could handle losing her. Out of the five miracle children that are me and my siblings, she's the biggest. Born with bacterial meningitis, pneumonia, & strep throat, she was given five days to live by the doctor, complete with a timeline of her progression. She beat those odds, was released, perfectly healthy, a week later. She turned 25 in November.

On top of that ... I reached out to my father today. I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say there is a lot of shit and a lot of hurt between us. He couldn't talk for long, and is supposed to call me back and I have no idea what I'm going to say or how I'm going to feel or how it's going to go.

Offline Giulianna

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1702 on: January 05, 2020, 03:25:34 AM »
Not much to add, just wanted to send a hug. I suppose basically everyone in this thread know those feelings so, you are really not alone. *hugs*


Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1703 on: January 05, 2020, 11:04:17 AM »
Agreed.  Please let us know how it goes with your father.

Offline Bruja

  • This is the Way⭐️ Splendid Star 🌙 Truth seeking magick user *Forever Thine*
  • Centurion
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Mar 2008
  • Location: 6 and counting
  • Dancing naked in the moonlight for them.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1704 on: January 06, 2020, 07:02:19 PM »
*Leaves hugs and love for those that need it*


I wish I could say everything I want to say....It's battle..an everyday battle. You are not alone...we are not alone *hugs*

Offline Tmii3

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1705 on: February 07, 2020, 10:36:47 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but here goes. This last month and a half had been incredibly tough for me, dealing with my family and struggles that always seem to come up around the holiday season. This year added a break up with my long time girlfriend, and I haven't been coping well with it at all. It feels like a weight is always attached to me, beating me down and making it harder to breathe. I've been shorter with people lately, it sometimes coming out as anger towards people that I really shouldn't. I've lost more friends due this, being shorter with them and generally being not pleasant to be around. I feel like my mind is always losing its train of thought, and I don't know. I just feel awful lately. Like I'm stuck and can't break out of whatever this is.

Offline Oreo

  • Centurion ~Clotho~ ~ALWAYS HUGGABLE~ Doddering Ailurophile ^_^
  • Guardian
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Apr 2009
  • Location: Excuse me...what level of hell is this?
  • Peace - Inspire positivity.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 2
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1706 on: February 07, 2020, 10:49:53 AM »
Sorry you are going through all that Tmii3. Depression hits hard and lingers like an unwelcome relative. Even with medication I am struggling through this season.

Offline AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1707 on: February 07, 2020, 11:04:39 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but here goes. This last month and a half had been incredibly tough for me, dealing with my family and struggles that always seem to come up around the holiday season. This year added a break up with my long time girlfriend, and I haven't been coping well with it at all. It feels like a weight is always attached to me, beating me down and making it harder to breathe. I've been shorter with people lately, it sometimes coming out as anger towards people that I really shouldn't. I've lost more friends due this, being shorter with them and generally being not pleasant to be around. I feel like my mind is always losing its train of thought, and I don't know. I just feel awful lately. Like I'm stuck and can't break out of whatever this is.

*hugs* I know it hurts. I know that situation all too well. But you can get through it. Never give up, never surrender.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1708 on: February 07, 2020, 11:38:27 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but here goes. This last month and a half had been incredibly tough for me, dealing with my family and struggles that always seem to come up around the holiday season. This year added a break up with my long time girlfriend, and I haven't been coping well with it at all. It feels like a weight is always attached to me, beating me down and making it harder to breathe. I've been shorter with people lately, it sometimes coming out as anger towards people that I really shouldn't. I've lost more friends due this, being shorter with them and generally being not pleasant to be around. I feel like my mind is always losing its train of thought, and I don't know. I just feel awful lately. Like I'm stuck and can't break out of whatever this is.

Thank you for sharing, Tmii3.  This is exactly the right place for this.  You have my sympathies, and I dearly hope that you have someone in your life that you can talk to.

Offline Drakan

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1709 on: February 21, 2020, 12:13:41 AM »
I have to admit writing this i've feel myself sinking down a dark hole of reality of one of many possibilities, all terrible in my opinion.  So here goes, time to spill the truth.  Well after a year hiatus/retirement I have returned to help get myself back into writing and resurrect my once trusty muse.  Yet after being back for three months I find myself practically deflated and defeated in a sense.  I have put out feelers of interests for stories and even offered a few myself and for the past month its been nothing but either no replies or some excuse (normally centered around the need for elite grammar skills.)  My only save and grace is that ive have been fortunate to have an old friend catch up with me but because of our schedules its makes it difficult to find time to discuss plot points let alone post.  To be honest its made me come to a terrible realization of one of two things or even both really.  First that having been gone for a year and a half, new writers have joined but writers who require i higher degree of writing style which includes an elite level of grammar skills, or the other potential reason is the sudden realization is perhaps I am actually a crappy story-writer.  Either way not being able to put my muses thoughts into words that others can enjoy has me questioning whether or not it was better to stay retired.....I dont know.  Normally I would be able to distract myself from such damaging realities but it just really, really stings tonight.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1710 on: February 21, 2020, 09:19:13 AM »
I understand that, Drakan.  That kind of rejection is never fun.  Hang in there.

Offline Drakan

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1711 on: February 21, 2020, 11:25:43 AM »
I understand that, Drakan.  That kind of rejection is never fun.  Hang in there.

Thank you for confidence b12 shot remiel.  Believe me that it helps even if a little

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1712 on: February 21, 2020, 12:10:38 PM »
Also, I should note that every single one of us experiences rejection of one sort or another.  For every PM exchange that's successfully worked out into a story, I bet I've had an instance where I say something like "Hey, I like your style, do you happen to have any openings on your dance card?" and nothing.  Zip. Nada.  Not even a response. 

When that happens, I try not to take it personally, shrug it off, and move on.  That's all you can do, really.

Online Nowherewoman

  • Knife ears leave heart wounds.
  • Oracle
  • Carnite
  • *
  • Join Date: Aug 2014
  • Location: In the gray twilight.
  • Gender: Female
  • Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 3
Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1713 on: February 28, 2020, 10:06:00 PM »
I'm finding that, even if I don't 'feel depressed', it's still there, reflected more in what I don't do than what I do.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but the revelation has crept up on me.

For example:  For quite a while, I was an avid amateur photographer; enough so that family banded together to get me a rather decent DSLR rig. Any odd weather formation, slow-to-react bird, or interesting bug was fair game. It was even a thing with my partner for some time, them pointing out all sorts of stuff, trying to see if I'd think it would make a good shot.

If I've taken a dozen shots in the last three months, that'd be a lot, I think.  I basically never write music any more.  I rarely search out new books; instead, I reread old favorites over and over. They're comfortable, an unchallenging pleasure. Even writing here is becoming a chore, something I still want to do, but never seem to find the focus or energy for. All this in the context of a 'functional' and generally baseline, if not exactly 'cheery' adult.  I'm 'not depressed', I keep telling myself- after all, I know what that feels like, and this ain't it, right?

Right?
« Last Edit: February 28, 2020, 10:07:41 PM by Nowherewoman »

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1714 on: February 28, 2020, 10:48:53 PM »
I rarely search out new books; instead, I reread old favorites over and over. They're comfortable, an unchallenging pleasure.

Believe me, I know that feeling all too well. 

Offline AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1715 on: February 28, 2020, 11:06:44 PM »
I'm finding that, even if I don't 'feel depressed', it's still there, reflected more in what I don't do than what I do.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but the revelation has crept up on me.

For example:  For quite a while, I was an avid amateur photographer; enough so that family banded together to get me a rather decent DSLR rig. Any odd weather formation, slow-to-react bird, or interesting bug was fair game. It was even a thing with my partner for some time, them pointing out all sorts of stuff, trying to see if I'd think it would make a good shot.

If I've taken a dozen shots in the last three months, that'd be a lot, I think.  I basically never write music any more.  I rarely search out new books; instead, I reread old favorites over and over. They're comfortable, an unchallenging pleasure. Even writing here is becoming a chore, something I still want to do, but never seem to find the focus or energy for. All this in the context of a 'functional' and generally baseline, if not exactly 'cheery' adult.  I'm 'not depressed', I keep telling myself- after all, I know what that feels like, and this ain't it, right?

Right?


This. So much this. There's a particular fanfic I have read probably 12 times, minimum. And I start re-reading it no more than a week after finishing it, usually the next day. I have physically available to myself a book I very much wanted to start reading. I have not touched it in weeks. Not counting what I write on E, but in fanfics and original stories, I have written maybe 2,000 words in the last two months, most of that in one short story I hammered out during a caffeine-fuelled all-nighter in like an hour.

Depression isn't always suicidal thoughts. It usually is that way for me, but seeing your post made me realize "holy shit, this is me." And here I thought I was doing okay. But then, the one-year anniversary of my last, most drastic suicide attempt is coming up (March 23rd, for those curious, and as for the how, 9-millimeter bullet through the neck), so maybe it makes perfect sense that it would be acting up. But then, depression doesn't always make sense. If it did, I could explain why, when I was 7, I was not only suicidal, but I had a plan and I had a date set. It was a really random date, too (2 days before my ninth birthday). The only thing that saved me was walking up to my mom and casually informing her of my intent and plan.

I'm obviously rambling, so I'll STFU now