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Author Topic: One of my Short Stories: Kitten and Fluffy  (Read 728 times)

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Offline GthicbellydancerTopic starter

One of my Short Stories: Kitten and Fluffy
« on: March 06, 2011, 10:20:56 AM »
I do hope you all enjoy this. This is from a series of short little stories I am writing. Reviews and critiques are welcome. So, onto the story.


Kitten And Fluffy

This is the story of a little girl named Kitten. Kitten is not like all girls her age, but is a dark little emo. She has tried to kill herself many times, but death just does not come, and her wounds always heal. In fact, she is death, as her parents soon tell her after many failed attempts. Of course, children at her school already gave her a name based on her actions. 'Suicidal Emo Kitten'. But those who call her that, turn up dead, mysteriously, in the girls bathroom in the small elementary school she goes to.

Kitten has a pet. Her pet is a small snake named Fluffy. Fluffy is not like all snakes, no. He turned up her Kitten's room one day, and Kitten, instead of killing the poor, hungry snake, kept him for a pet. Fluffy, as I said, was not normal, no, in fact, Fluffy could change his size. And thus, Kitten devised a plan. Now, those who taunt her, turn up missing, and Fluffy doesn’t have to eat for a month or two.

One fine summer day, when school was out, Kitten was playing outside with Fluffy, when a neighborhood bully walked over. "Killed yourself lately, Kitten?" He asked, laughing heavily. He was the average bully, thinking since he was bigger, older, and stronger that he ruled the streets.

Kitten sighed, glaring. She was an average looking seven year old girl with freckles and glasses, just a bit overweight. No one paid her any mind, her parents overindulged her, and her older sister caused trouble throughout the town with her magic. Her older sister though, was no where near, and was probably causing mayhem by attacking people with zombies. Oh, how she would laugh when she saw the chaos on the news. So, Kitten did what came natural to her. She glared at the boy and pulled out a thread, the same color of his hair. "Just die." She said, snapping it. The boy turned pale and fell onto the hard earth.

Kitten sigh, laughing cutely. "Fluffy, lunch." She said as her small snake slithered from a bush, though grew to the size of an anaconda and began to eat the bully. "Its really fun watching you eat." She said, petting her snake while he ate.

It was later that night, and kitten and her sister were reading books on chairs in the den, the television before them playing the ten o'clock new. The top story, a zombie attack, and Kitten laughed. "Rea, how is it that you cause so much trouble, and not get caught?" She asked.

"The same way you kill and no ones knows." Rea said, smiling as she turned a page in the large leather bound book she read. Kitten smiled and continued to read. Her sister was cool, though her temper was nothing to tempt, she had witnessed that when a boy hit her. But, that is a different story best told from Kitten's point of view.

Offline N2O

Re: One of my Short Stories: Kitten and Fluffy
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2011, 02:32:40 PM »
Thanks for sharing this from your series ^_^ I enjoyed reading it. I hope you'll share more of your little shorts. I really like "children type stories" that are laced with a little bit of goth, for example Nightmare Before Christmas, some of the Grimm's fairy tales, etc. I only have a few suggestions for you:
 

-"He turned up her Kitten's room one day," should be He turned up in Kitten's room one day or He turned up in her room one day

-When you said "She glared at the boy and pulled out a thread, the same color of his hair." I immediately thought wouldn't it be super cute if she wore Fluffy in her hair as her cute little emo hair bow or even in a pony tail as her ribbon. Anytime anyone upsets her, she removes her bow/ribbon and siks Fluffy on them. She'd always have her pet snake with her and look quite fashionable.

-"Kitten sigh, laughing cutely." It was a little awkward for me to think of sighing then laughing but if you keep it that way it should read Kitten sighed

-When Kitten and her sister are in the den, "the ten o'clock new" should be the ten o'clock news