You are either not logged in or not registered with our community. Click here to register.
May 26, 2018, 10:32:07 PM

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

Login with username, password and session length

Click here if you are having problems.
Default Wide Screen Beige Lilac Rainbow Black & Blue October Send us your theme!

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Pandora's Box  (Read 900 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline FenrirTopic starter

Pandora's Box
« on: February 24, 2011, 08:17:52 PM »
So in my college Creative Writing class I had a flash fiction writing assignment where I take something from history and write about it in 350-400 words.  This is how mine ended up.  Some liked it and some hated it... but I'm posting it here!  Feel free to leave your opinion about it!

I opened Pandora’s Box earlier this morning.  I know, I know it has supposedly already been open by that Pandora woman and I have unfortunately repeated her mistake.  I was at a friend's house when I came across that stupid unopened box.  It wasn’t even a box, or a square for that matter which of course made me all the more curious.  Imagine my confusion when it resembled more of a cookie jar then a box!  The size and shape matched a cookie jar almost perfectly, though I had never in my life came across a cookie jar that was bright pink with butterflies on it.  . When the sign read, “Pandora’s Box- Do not open even in an emergency" I felt even more compelled to open the box that was not really a box.  Standing in the kitchen, where cookies are usually located, I might add, with my curiosity piqued I began to wonder.  What kind of sound would the cookie jar make when it was opened?  I preferred the mooing cows myself.  Other questions came to my mind.  What kind of cookies would a bright pink cookie jar have in it?  How could these cookies be so good the owner threatened Pandora’s Box?  As selfish as I was I walked over to that bright pink container and I opened it.  Thousands of screams filled the room and lights came rushing out of the jar.  It stopped almost as quickly as it had started and I stood there shocked.
   Now, I have googled all I can about Pandora’s Box and there is a ridiculous amount of information about it.  Apparently Pandora had let out all the evils in the world; murder, deceit, diseases, labor and other things man had previously not known.  It scares me.  If that is what was let loose the first time what did I let loose?  The story also says that the last thing to come out of the box was hope- mankind’s only thing to hold on to with all the evils in the world.  I smile as I look down at the key board next to me.  The best oatmeal raisin cookies I have ever eaten.  There was hope at the bottom of that jar. 

Offline Brittani1123

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2011, 11:14:39 PM »
Very interesting and visual. I can honestly say I really liked it. Although I got a little lost with how many times the word "box" was used, I think it was just the line spacing though.

Offline FenrirTopic starter

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2011, 01:18:26 AM »
Oh goodness I never realize how many times I used box in there... it is easy for me to over look minor mistakes like that... most of the time I just read it write in my head... though I think my main problem was that I didn't have any other good words for box!  At least none that I liked lol.  I'm glad that you liked it though! It is great to hear...

Offline Pandoras Kitten

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2011, 06:48:52 AM »
No wonder I ended up in E! Someone opened "The Box" here. :3

Offline HatTrick

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2011, 07:59:53 PM »
Fenrir, I really really liked that!  Nice ending!  I would suggest cutting up some of the longer sentences and changing some small wordchoices, but overall it was really cute.

Offline N2O

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2011, 12:11:58 AM »
Thank you for sharing that Fenrir,

Out of all the catchy titles on this "Non-adult Story Telling" Page I choose to click and read your story (title caught my eye). I enjoyed the ending the most. It was as sweet as an oatmeal raisin cookies ^_^ Some of your sentences could have read a little smoother, for example that second one:

"I know, I know it has supposedly already been open by that Pandora woman and I have unfortunately repeated her mistake."

I think it sounds much better as: "I know, I know supposedly it was already opened by that Pandora woman, and unfortunately for me, I have just repeated her mistake."

"Pandora's Box" makes for some pretty good philosophical discussions. Not sure if I can start any here.

Offline SinClaire

  • Sinful Butterfly
  • Deverified
  • Orgiest
  • *
  • Join Date: Apr 2011
  • Location: The attic that is my mind
  • Gender: Female
  • ʚɞ The world is a butterfly's dream ʚɞ
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 0
Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2011, 12:28:12 PM »
It's very good :) It could use a little bit of editing and clean-up, but it works well as a short stand-alone, or as the introduction to something bigger. Of course, since it's part of a school assignment, maybe you never had any intentions of expanding it, but if you did, it could work!

Also, N20's suggestion is very good. It's a matter of personal taste and style, though.

Offline Koren

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2011, 08:29:25 PM »
Awesome writing. Not so sure about the pink butterflies ( :D ) but very nice twist at the bottom