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Author Topic: Pandora's Box  (Read 788 times)

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Offline FenrirTopic starter

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Pandora's Box
« on: February 24, 2011, 08:17:52 PM »
So in my college Creative Writing class I had a flash fiction writing assignment where I take something from history and write about it in 350-400 words.  This is how mine ended up.  Some liked it and some hated it... but I'm posting it here!  Feel free to leave your opinion about it!

I opened Pandora’s Box earlier this morning.  I know, I know it has supposedly already been open by that Pandora woman and I have unfortunately repeated her mistake.  I was at a friend's house when I came across that stupid unopened box.  It wasn’t even a box, or a square for that matter which of course made me all the more curious.  Imagine my confusion when it resembled more of a cookie jar then a box!  The size and shape matched a cookie jar almost perfectly, though I had never in my life came across a cookie jar that was bright pink with butterflies on it.  . When the sign read, “Pandora’s Box- Do not open even in an emergency" I felt even more compelled to open the box that was not really a box.  Standing in the kitchen, where cookies are usually located, I might add, with my curiosity piqued I began to wonder.  What kind of sound would the cookie jar make when it was opened?  I preferred the mooing cows myself.  Other questions came to my mind.  What kind of cookies would a bright pink cookie jar have in it?  How could these cookies be so good the owner threatened Pandora’s Box?  As selfish as I was I walked over to that bright pink container and I opened it.  Thousands of screams filled the room and lights came rushing out of the jar.  It stopped almost as quickly as it had started and I stood there shocked.
   Now, I have googled all I can about Pandora’s Box and there is a ridiculous amount of information about it.  Apparently Pandora had let out all the evils in the world; murder, deceit, diseases, labor and other things man had previously not known.  It scares me.  If that is what was let loose the first time what did I let loose?  The story also says that the last thing to come out of the box was hope- mankind’s only thing to hold on to with all the evils in the world.  I smile as I look down at the key board next to me.  The best oatmeal raisin cookies I have ever eaten.  There was hope at the bottom of that jar. 

Offline Brittani1123

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2011, 11:14:39 PM »
Very interesting and visual. I can honestly say I really liked it. Although I got a little lost with how many times the word "box" was used, I think it was just the line spacing though.

Offline FenrirTopic starter

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Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2011, 01:18:26 AM »
Oh goodness I never realize how many times I used box in there... it is easy for me to over look minor mistakes like that... most of the time I just read it write in my head... though I think my main problem was that I didn't have any other good words for box!  At least none that I liked lol.  I'm glad that you liked it though! It is great to hear...

Offline Pandoras Kitten

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2011, 06:48:52 AM »
No wonder I ended up in E! Someone opened "The Box" here. :3

Offline HatTrick

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2011, 07:59:53 PM »
Fenrir, I really really liked that!  Nice ending!  I would suggest cutting up some of the longer sentences and changing some small wordchoices, but overall it was really cute.

Offline N2O

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2011, 12:11:58 AM »
Thank you for sharing that Fenrir,

Out of all the catchy titles on this "Non-adult Story Telling" Page I choose to click and read your story (title caught my eye). I enjoyed the ending the most. It was as sweet as an oatmeal raisin cookies ^_^ Some of your sentences could have read a little smoother, for example that second one:

"I know, I know it has supposedly already been open by that Pandora woman and I have unfortunately repeated her mistake."

I think it sounds much better as: "I know, I know supposedly it was already opened by that Pandora woman, and unfortunately for me, I have just repeated her mistake."

"Pandora's Box" makes for some pretty good philosophical discussions. Not sure if I can start any here.

Offline SinClaire

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Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2011, 12:28:12 PM »
It's very good :) It could use a little bit of editing and clean-up, but it works well as a short stand-alone, or as the introduction to something bigger. Of course, since it's part of a school assignment, maybe you never had any intentions of expanding it, but if you did, it could work!

Also, N20's suggestion is very good. It's a matter of personal taste and style, though.

Offline Koren

Re: Pandora's Box
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2011, 08:29:25 PM »
Awesome writing. Not so sure about the pink butterflies ( :D ) but very nice twist at the bottom