Acting with RespectThe Pleasures of a Harem or How to Avoid Despair
The word 'harem' conjures images of dusky skinned maidens, all exotic, beautiful, and all clad in nearly nothing, yet throughout history especially in the Ottoman Empire in Istanbul, the sultanate women of the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries held political power and royal prerogatives.
Unfortunately, this does not center on that history, but concentrates on a rising concern that has been noticed by the staff on this site, and has negatively impacted several members of both genders. The problem is lack of respect that members have for one another on this site.
Elliquiy, first and foremost, is a community. It is a “We”, a “Gathering” where one can be with “Friends” and “Enjoy” life, gaming, writing, and “Sharing” with others. In the spirit of a community, recognition of fellow members are important. Please be courteous of others, be polite and civil, be helpful and welcoming of one another including new members. Realize that people are social creatures, that friends are needed amongst us, and that it can be unpleasant at times when one feels neglected or ignored or alone. Be supportive and reach out to one another as a friend, and as a community. It can make a difference.
It is distressing then that others both suffer and demonstrate lack of respect. The major problematic areas are the Introduction Threads, Private Messages and The Shout Box.
One must recall that there is a person behind the avatar, not a character, who feels emotion. They can get emotionally hurt from words. They can become intimidated, feel unwanted, unwelcome, and general unpleasantness occurs from that point. Please remember what Mum and Da or the Governess said in your childhood: “Play nice in the park with others” and if one desires something more biblical and stern: “do unto others as you wish them to do unto you.” Elliquiy is an adult play yard so those words still remain true. Some members forget this as well as courtesy. Although courtesy should be “common”, it is a sibling to “common sense”, and it does not bless everybody. With that in mind, it is apparent that members need help in this field, and the following guide may be of use.The Skinny of It:
The “Guide” concentrates on the following issues:
1. Reminders to post in a game: the reasons for it, the appreciation or annoyance of it, and meeting a middle ground regarding it.
2. Personal space: boundaries with flirtation, guarding your reputation, and possessive behaviour: awareness of it and preventive measures. The Poking! Just Stop The Poking!
There it is! That little message from your writing partner wanting you to post in the game you have with him or her. What is that about?
On other gaming sites, it is acceptable and part of gamer etiquette to message your writing partner, to 'tag them' with a reminder. On Elliquiy, this can be useful since the Notification function does not always work, and too, many members can become forgetful when they have multiple games, lead busy lives, and forgetfulness naturally happens. Unfortunately, not every member appreciates or wants that reminder. You may be asking: “Why not? It seems logical and friendly.” It may, but on flipping the view, here are some reasons Not to send that message:
Many find it annoying. Sometimes, a person is not in the mood to make a reply in a particular story, but may post elsewhere. They are not ignoring that one story, but are waiting for that 'mood' to pass. Sometimes real life issues occur, and one cannot post. Those issues should take priority over online life. Too, a person occasionally feels like being chatty, talkative, and not in the mood for any gaming. Whatever the reason is, many members do not like receiving that notice, be it in a private message or in the Shout Box.
Be respectful of your writing partner. Allow them time to make a reply otherwise that simple reminder may make you wait longer having the opposite effect. If you are waiting for days, and there is no reply in game from them, no contact, try a different approach. “I haven't heard from you in awhile, and I'm wondering if all is well with you?” Being concerned about your partner is better than being concerned about your game. Too, if you're having difficulty in making a reply, and days pass, please be courteous and inform your writing partner that the thread has not been neglected. People don't 'poke' because they necessarily want a post immediately, but if someone doesn't post in a thread for a week when they make dozens of posts per day, their partner has a right to be curious if their post got missed.
Try to create a middle ground. There is always the option that on starting a game you and your partner(s) decide on an acceptable reply time, a set schedule, and if the schedule is not made then a PM from the partner is sent, and is allowed.
If 'poking' occurs frequently, and it is unwanted, mention it to your writing partner. Simply, and politely, ask them to stop.
Furthermore, if you have a thread in the Ladies, Lieges or Lords Ons/Offs, feel free to list it, or make a note in your profile.The Gimme Gotta Have Gropes
Everybody gets snugly at some point in time. It happens. It is natural. Virtual hugs, kisses, gropes, and tickles, ...it happens and does so for many reasons. One should be free to express their affection for a friend, a person that one knows relatively well, or welcome a new member into the community of E with a virtual hug or kiss. Those virtual flirtations are normally welcomed, however, not all flirtations are wanted
, and personal boundaries must be respected.
There is a simple rule here. If you do not know the person well, if there is a doubt in your mind about a virtual flirtation, do not impose yourself upon that person. Furthermore, many members are in stable real life relationships, and do not want virtual flirts, or to 'meet up' with another member, and that there is a difference between real life and online playfulness. Do not cross boundaries, and do not give out personal information about yourself or others.
For those that virtual flirt, remember that it will co-exist with your reputation and personality. It is no different from real life. It is wise to use measures of caution.
If in the circumstance where member(s) are virtually molesting you, that it is unwanted, that they are being disrespectful, contact those involved and tell them to stop. If you do, and it continues, contact an Oracle and explain the situation.
If you are being flirtatious in the Shout Box, remember that the public can view it. It is a glimpse into our community. If one begins cybering in the Shout Box, the world can see it. It is their first impression about Elliquiy. Some may want to join the community for that purpose, but Elliquiy is not about cybering.Got Static Cling? Use Fabric Softener.
In the real world, cliques happen in communities. There are church groups, sports groups, book clubs, gaming clubs, etc. Not only that, but there are subgroups to the cliques. It happens in the work force, school, and it does not differ from online communities such as Elliquiy. Cliques form naturally.
Then it happens. Cling! One member develops a great fondness for another, and has difficulty separating themselves from that person. This problem is not gender specific affecting Lords, Ladies and Lieges.
Something else happens. The clinging person talks about (or to) the other member as a “My”, “We” or “Our” or “Your”. The clinging person has just degraded the other into a possession or object. They forget that there is a person behind the avatar, and they forget that the person should be granted space, be allowed to converse and game with others, and be granted respect. There is no reason for one person to cling to another, to be possessive. Be aware of your treatment of others.It all comes down to one basic thing: Respect. Respect for yourself and for others. Please demonstrate it.
Originally posted by Airindel