THE BEST THING EVER: Week 14

[Noelle]

TBTE: Week 14

This is coming ridiculously late -- sorry about that, I've been sick/busy/negligent lately. Consider this a SPEED ROUND!!11omg!cactus

As always, feel free to chime in: What is the best thing ever?



THIS WEEK'S DEATHMATCH:

Coffee vs. Tea

COFFEE. Holy shit, can we just talk about this? Coffee, one of the most widespread gateway drugs into the realm of caffeine use and abuse, partaken in by people from all walks of life. The great world-uniter, connecting young and old, youthful optimism to grumpy curmudgeon. Legal Ritalin for college students. Makes the chronically wheezy coworker tolerable again. You suddenly no longer want to abandon your children. Your spouse's tangly lumberjack beard is suddenly less disgusting. Life becomes nicer, sunshine becomes brighter. Speeds you up, and I mean everything. You drink one cup and you poop nonstop for at least eight hours, even while you're having the worst crash of your life as you come down from all that seemingly endless energy you once had and the homicidal thoughts begin to return.

TEA. Insta-credit with the bookish crowd. You could be holding Pride and Prejudice upside down in the middle of your local hipster cafe and if you've got one hand wrapped around a natural bisque-fired, hand-glazed cup of herb-juice, prepare for gratuitous amounts of intelligent ass to drop itself into your lap. Soothes the nerves. Warms the soul. Makes you look intelligent and pretentious, especially when paired with glasses. You are the opposite of the coffee-fueled business-monster stalking down the street. Goddamn, how did you get so cool?! Downside: 87% of all varieties taste like running your tongue in circles around Mother Nature's dirty, herb-tinged sphincter.



Last week:

Warm towel vs. The feeling you get after a sneeze
This round wound up in a tie, but with one single vote, warm towel was tipped to be the victor!

[Noelle]

or!



Just a few hours left!

[Aiden]

Coffee only because Tea does taste like ass and I loathe hipsters.

Hate! My motivation to pick coffee!