Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View (Read 178144 times)

Sybl · « **Reply #375 on:** September 05, 2011, 10:53:09 AM »

Thank you :) I will next time <3

Rhedyn · « **Reply #376 on:** September 06, 2011, 04:00:37 AM »

*extends that offer to anyone who wants or needs to vent in private*

Izzy1337 · « **Reply #377 on:** September 06, 2011, 11:14:45 AM »

So I am a complete failure at everything.

I can't keep a job, I can't take good care of my kids (they're with my mother right now), I can't hang on to a good relationship to save my life, and I can't keep up with my posting here or on Facebook. My boyfriend whom I thought was going to be The One, left our relationship a couple days ago, and now wants to "just be friends". I lost my job earlier this summer, and because of that, I have to leave Nebraska and move back into my mother's house, which is a failure for me. I'm 28. Because of all these things going on in my life, I want nothing more than to isolate myself (which I know is bad), and just cry for days. This has left me completely uninspired to write or do anything. I don't know what to do, or who to turn to. Steve, my boyfriend, says that I have no support system beyond him, and that I'm too dependent on him. He says that he wants to be friends, but I don't see how that will be possible with me going back to Arkansas, and him getting deployed soon. I don't do long-distance things well. All my experience has shown me that separation facilitates growing apart, not fondness. Why do these kind of things always happen to me? Why am I always such a failure? Why am I incapable of doing anything in my life right?

I'm so down right now, I have been for a while, I'm reaching out and venting to you all. Please say something helpful and not cliche. How can I fix my life?

Thanks so much.

--Izzy

Izzy1337 · « **Reply #378 on:** September 06, 2011, 11:16:46 AM »

Oh, also my finances are in the toilet, and I have no way of fixing that either.

Just a over-all lovely situation to be in.

Modern Fairy Tale · « **Reply #379 on:** September 06, 2011, 02:18:14 PM »

Hello. Ive read your entry on 'Dealing with Depression' and I know you want someone to say something brilliant and make things better. I cant say anything that cool, but I do have some suggestions for you.

Life is long. Imagine a very long journey across country. Now imagine being in some empty, godforsaken area... one of those states like Wyoming or Arizona where its a 100 miles to the nearest twinkie or gas station... its swealtering hot, the AC is out... you look around and all you see is desert around yourself. Just flat dirt and a few cactuses and cow skulls and thats all you see. You cant stop right then, stand up, and just declare... 'Oh... my... gosh. This is the worst trip ever. I hate everything. Im going back home.' The truth is that life will take up turns and down turns, but just like Arizona or Idaho or whereever you are, these are only markers on the side of the road.

You are so young. You arent even thirty. Thirty is the age when a man is concidered a man in biblical times, and looking back all the changes which happened to me between twenty and thirty... its like I was a totallly different person. One decade changed everything. Thats the decade you are in right now.

So, here is my advice. Improvement doesnt happen insta-maticly. You dont... hey, wanna stop doing heroine and get that graduate degree Ive always wanted and want to make things right with my mother by the end of the week. It happens in increments... the miles of your journey pass... and as long as you dont get overwelmed by it all... and seeing it as a journey or process can help with that... before you know it you can transform yourself and your life. Work on one thing at a time.

Try to get a better job. Find something you kind of like and can make a sort of home. Find a way to get your children back. Be friends with your ex, write him, life is long and the relationships that take the longest to form are the best... like comparing wine to beer. Find people you can talk to... on your Myspace page... at your job... wherever. Friends are cultivated like a garden. No one just finds a good job, has a good family and support network, has everything they want just because they are lucky or stumble upon all of it like found art on the side of the road. It takes work, it takes time, it takes calm effort, and it doesnt happen overnight.

Life gets better, I promise. I have been so troubled, so hateful, so lost most of my life. With each year, though, I get better. Maybe its just a half of a degree or so sometimes, but anything can happen and all of your dreams can come true, given enough time and effort. It isnt easy. Life... or anything else which is worth anything... isnt easy. If it were, we would be on autopilot during most of it.

I hope this helps you. You seem very desperate, and I hope you find some peace here. If not by my words, then maybe someone else will have something even better to say. The world is bigger than your pain, but like someone standing on the moon who can block the entire earth with thier thumb, it can seem as if your pain is the entire world. It isnt... its just blocking you. Clear your mind, relax, take deep breathes, put things back into perspective, and you will find the world is not a dark, scarry place to hid from, but a very warm, beautiful place to live and thrive. You just have to see things to the correct scale.

Good luck. I hope all goes well with you. I hope you get that job... I hope you get back your child... I hope you find that One you spoke of. I hope you see the bigger meaning in life. Most of all, I wish you Peace.

Sybl · « **Reply #380 on:** September 06, 2011, 02:40:36 PM »

Quote from: Izzy1337 on September 06, 2011, 11:14:45 AM

So I am a complete failure at everything.

I can't keep a job, I can't take good care of my kids (they're with my mother right now), I can't hang on to a good relationship to save my life, and I can't keep up with my posting here or on Facebook. My boyfriend whom I thought was going to be The One, left our relationship a couple days ago, and now wants to "just be friends". I lost my job earlier this summer, and because of that, I have to leave Nebraska and move back into my mother's house, which is a failure for me. I'm 28. Because of all these things going on in my life, I want nothing more than to isolate myself (which I know is bad), and just cry for days. This has left me completely uninspired to write or do anything. I don't know what to do, or who to turn to. Steve, my boyfriend, says that I have no support system beyond him, and that I'm too dependent on him. He says that he wants to be friends, but I don't see how that will be possible with me going back to Arkansas, and him getting deployed soon. I don't do long-distance things well. All my experience has shown me that separation facilitates growing apart, not fondness. Why do these kind of things always happen to me? Why am I always such a failure? Why am I incapable of doing anything in my life right?

I'm so down right now, I have been for a while, I'm reaching out and venting to you all. Please say something helpful and not cliche. How can I fix my life?

Thanks so much.

--Izzy

Izzy,

#1 You are not a failure. Failure is a final result of life when one gives up. Quits. Stops caring, and ends it all. You have not, so, therefore you are Not a failure. You have Real life issues that have torn you apart. For the Moment. Your life is still moving forward, therefore, you are (What?). You are a hurting human being, so what happens next, is your choice. It can improve or get worse. Failure is not an option. *hugs*

#2. You are here. Asking for support. You got it. *hugs*

#3. You do not have to believe the lie you have told yourself, too many times. You may not know what to do, but there is help for you, even in Nebraska. help for Izzy also see this: helps
(When I lost everything and I mean everything, there were others that rose up from my need.) *hugs*

#4. You are not alone. You have people here at E that care about you, me for one, and I know several others here, from Rhedyn to Athos, as well as Anjasa, Adammair, and Night Stalker who is only a post or PM away. Not only that, you are in good thoughts. *hugs*

#5. I know this may sound stupid, but if you think about it hard, maybe it will ease you somewhat. Your bf is going to be deployed soon. Is it possible, that he broke away, not because he doesn't love you, but because he does? Truly, hear me out Izzy.
Being a Veteran of the Navy, I know what it is like to leave those behind you care about. It isn't easy, trust me on this. *hugs*

Perhaps he is taking a step back, because he is scared, maybe because he feels if he breaks away now, it won't hurt as much of God forbid something awful happens. Without knowing his true thoughts, we just don't know, we being you and those closest to him. I am not saying this is the case, I am saying look at it think about it. Does it make sense? *hugs*

#6. Facebook is not that big a deal, don't add on more than you can handle. Posting on E. is not going to end anyone's life, if you don't post. Send your partners a PM, tell them you are over the line with Real Life issues. (Including me) Izzy, it is okay to leave things for now. Go relax on the games threads.

#7. Look in any mirror you own and tell yourself everyday, I am not a failure. Just do it. Until you believe it. This is a serious thing.

You have options, you have choices, Food use them, and if you need anything else, I am only a PM away. *Hugs*

I love you like my Sister Izzy, don't forget it. *hugs and love*

Sybl

Rhedyn · « **Reply #381 on:** September 06, 2011, 05:24:21 PM »

I agree with both the previous responses Izzy. I know it's very difficult to do or to see things in perspective when you feel like this but I would urge you to try to take this one small step at a time rather than fretting about tackling it all in one go.

I can completely relate to the boyfriend issue believe me I can and truly I think that if it is meant to be with him then it will happen in time. My last two relationships have taught me that you need to love and respect yourself and be happy in yourself before commiting to someone. You are the same age as me, you shouldn't view moving back in with your mum as a personal failure, I would try to think of it as an opportunity to set the wheels of change in motion while you have that support around you.

You are not a failure, none of us are despite how we may feel about ourselves sometimes and there is always a way back up, it's never an easy way but there is a way and when you reach the top again you will feel immensely proud that you did it yourself, one step at a time.

*offers hugs and a friendly ear if you want it*

Night Stalker · « **Reply #382 on:** September 06, 2011, 08:12:13 PM »

*HUGS* Izzy.

HUGS for everyone else who may need or want them.

Adammair · « **Reply #383 on:** September 07, 2011, 08:28:47 PM »

I agree with Sybl and Modern Fairy Tale, as well, Izzy. They speak the truth. Take one thing at a time, one step at a time, while you've got people around you who care about you.

The only failure is the person who doesn't do anything. After all, how can you succeed if you don't put any effort into making things better? And putting effort into any worthwhile activity is a success in and of itself.

Remember me, if you need an ear, too. I'm a good listener and good for advice, as well. Don't believe me? Just ask Mithlomwen (who I need to PM soon, anyway.

).

*offers BIG HUGS to Izzy and anyone else who needs/wants them*

Izzy1337 · « **Reply #384 on:** September 07, 2011, 10:23:45 PM »

Thanks everybody. I am beginning to feel better. Sort of. In any case you are all very much appreciated.

*love, hugs, 'n' cuddles* to all

Adammair · « **Reply #385 on:** September 07, 2011, 10:49:53 PM »

Actually, Izzy, I have a slight modification to Sybl's point #7. I agree with all of it, except for the part about telling yourself "I am not a failure" Affirmations are meant to be stated in the positive, not the negative, so instead, try looking in a mirror every day, and saying to yourself "I am a good person, caring, and deserving of success." Repeat that any time you feel down. Leave the word "not" out of it, and look at the bright side. Always stay positive. Say "I am..." instead of "I am not..."

For example, "I am successful and worthy of love." instead of "I am not a failure." Say it to yourself right now. Feels good, doesn't it? "I am successful and worthy of love."

Sybl · « **Reply #386 on:** September 07, 2011, 10:53:50 PM »

Quote from: Adammair on September 07, 2011, 10:49:53 PM

Actually, Izzy, I have a slight modification to Sybl's point #7. I agree with all of it, except for the part about telling yourself "I am not a failure" Affirmations are meant to be stated in the positive, not the negative, so instead, try looking in a mirror every day, and saying to yourself "I am a good person, caring, and deserving of success." Repeat that any time you feel down. Leave the word "not" out of it, and look at the bright side. Always stay positive. Say "I am..." instead of "I am not..."

For example, "I am successful and worthy of love." instead of "I am not a failure." Say it to yourself right now. Feels good, doesn't it? "I am successful and worthy of love."

I agree with Adammair, not is a negative, my apologies for that, Good catch Adammair.

Imogen · « **Reply #387 on:** September 08, 2011, 06:59:05 AM »

Well put, Adammair!

And guys, I don't think I've said it before but I appreciate all you do here! And that include all of you. Whether you post when you're feeling low or offer a shoulder to cry on. May sound crazy but you guys form a solid block against depression, and make it acceptable, something that can be talked about rather than shoved into the darkest corner of your soul to gnaw away at the remains of self-esteem and confidence.

You guys rock *HUG*

Ophelia Jaxon · « **Reply #388 on:** September 08, 2011, 08:51:53 AM »

You know. I keep coming in here and hitting the Reply button, then closing it down or staring at a blank screen. You guys are all so brave to be able to share, even amongst strangers. You are also so supportive oof eachother and not condeming it's a nice change.

I have my own problems with depression. I hate myself most of the times at 7am every day when everyone leaves I find myself covering all the mirrors with towls so while I'm doing my daily routine I don't have to look at myself. Sometimes I want to boin over and spill and talk to someone, but I'm so...I dunno like...scared of people judging me that I just hold every thought and feeling on the inside and keep on my fake smile and cheerful outter attitude.

Sybl · « **Reply #389 on:** September 08, 2011, 09:01:25 AM »

Quote from: Ophelia Jaxon on September 08, 2011, 08:51:53 AM

You know. I keep coming in here and hitting the Reply button, then closing it down or staring at a blank screen. You guys are all so brave to be able to share, even amongst strangers. You are also so supportive oof eachother and not condeming it's a nice change.

I have my own problems with depression. I hate myself most of the times at 7am every day when everyone leaves I find myself covering all the mirrors with towls so while I'm doing my daily routine I don't have to look at myself. Sometimes I want to boin over and spill and talk to someone, but I'm so...I dunno like...scared of people judging me that I just hold every thought and feeling on the inside and keep on my fake smile and cheerful outter attitude.

Ophelia, *hugs*

I know, I know I came here like you many times to scared, to alone, didn't want to put myself 'out there' for people to see my 'weakness'.

It gets to the point when you just have to know, are these people for real? They are, the support is huge here, and if you are not comfortable posting, then PM one of us. Anytime! We support anyone who is in need of a hug, an ear, a shoulder, or just about any reason. So, Welcome, and post when ever you want, you are indeed welcome with open arms.
You will never be judged, that I can promise you, and everyone here will agree.

Always a PM away, if you need,

Sybl

Sybl · « **Reply #390 on:** September 08, 2011, 09:02:49 AM »

Quote from: Imogen on September 08, 2011, 06:59:05 AM

Well put, Adammair!

And guys, I don't think I've said it before but I appreciate all you do here! And that include all of you. Whether you post when you're feeling low or offer a shoulder to cry on. May sound crazy but you guys form a solid block against depression, and make it acceptable, something that can be talked about rather than shoved into the darkest corner of your soul to gnaw away at the remains of self-esteem and confidence.

You guys rock *HUG*

*Hugs Back*

Rhedyn · « **Reply #391 on:** September 08, 2011, 09:59:16 AM »

Quote from: Imogen on September 08, 2011, 06:59:05 AM

And guys, I don't think I've said it before but I appreciate all you do here! And that include all of you. Whether you post when you're feeling low or offer a shoulder to cry on. May sound crazy but you guys form a solid block against depression, and make it acceptable, something that can be talked about rather than shoved into the darkest corner of your soul to gnaw away at the remains of self-esteem and confidence.

You guys rock *HUG*

I'm so glad you think so Imogen, and I'm so pleased that so many people have found comfort and support through this blog as well as the strength to talk about what they are going through.

Quote from: Ophelia Jaxon on September 08, 2011, 08:51:53 AM

You know. I keep coming in here and hitting the Reply button, then closing it down or staring at a blank screen. You guys are all so brave to be able to share, even amongst strangers. You are also so supportive oof eachother and not condeming it's a nice change.

I have my own problems with depression. I hate myself most of the times at 7am every day when everyone leaves I find myself covering all the mirrors with towls so while I'm doing my daily routine I don't have to look at myself. Sometimes I want to boin over and spill and talk to someone, but I'm so...I dunno like...scared of people judging me that I just hold every thought and feeling on the inside and keep on my fake smile and cheerful outter attitude.

I can completely understand and I'm very happy that you found yourself able to reply eventually. For me it has always been easier to blog about how I am feeling then PM someone I know about how I'm feeling. I don't like to feel like I am bothering others, dumping my issues on them or possibly getting judged by them in a one on one scenario. It's a little strange I know, but so many bad experiences in the past have made me this way. Somehow it is easier for me to write and rant and explain honestly how I am feeling like this then any other way, I suppose I am able to distance myself slightly from it emotionally when I attempt to explain my thoughts on the topic.

My point is, to each their own. I and so many others are available via PM if you want to talk privately or just rant (I'm a good listener and will do just that if needed, no advice unless it's wanted and definitely no judging). Welcome to the 'family' Ophelia. We are here for you.

Adammair · « **Reply #392 on:** September 09, 2011, 05:42:38 PM »

Quote from: Ophelia Jaxon on September 08, 2011, 08:51:53 AM

You know. I keep coming in here and hitting the Reply button, then closing it down or staring at a blank screen. You guys are all so brave to be able to share, even amongst strangers. You are also so supportive oof eachother and not condeming it's a nice change.

I have my own problems with depression. I hate myself most of the times at 7am every day when everyone leaves I find myself covering all the mirrors with towls so while I'm doing my daily routine I don't have to look at myself. Sometimes I want to boin over and spill and talk to someone, but I'm so...I dunno like...scared of people judging me that I just hold every thought and feeling on the inside and keep on my fake smile and cheerful outter attitude.

There were too many good points made recently for me to quote them all (I tend to be on the lazy side when it comes to inserting quotes

), but this one I feel is the most important one.

Ophelia, instead of feeding the fear, self-doubt, and self-pity by covering the mirrors, leave them uncovered and use them as a tool to develop a more positive way of looking at yourself. Use affirmations, like the ones I mentioned before while looking yourself right in the eyes, and not backing down. You are a wonderful person, and a valuable part of a community, whether that community is your friends, your family, or even us here on E.

Don't judge yourself negatively. Instead, make a list of the positive things about yourself, and recite them while looking in the mirror. Stare right back into your eyes and pick one thing from that list, and repeat it at least 10 times, before you do anything. Before the depression sets in, in the morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself "I am a kind, caring, loving person, and I see that kindness reflected in others." It will be difficult at first, but not impossible, and the more you do it, the more confident and louder that voice will get, eventually getting to the point where the positive voice drowns out any negative thoughts. Keep at it, and you will eventually view yourself as a success. Trust me.

Just remember, always say "I am..." and leave the negativity behind. "I am kind, considerate, and helpful", or words to that effect.

*hugs warmly* Also, we're here to help if you want it. We're all just a PM away.

CelticWings · « **Reply #393 on:** September 17, 2011, 02:00:18 PM »

-Sneaks in to steal a few of the freely offered hugs just because everything's wrong right now-

Rhedyn · « **Reply #394 on:** September 17, 2011, 02:18:55 PM »

*Sneaks in behind Celtic to give her some special ~hope things get better~ hugs*

CelticWings · « **Reply #395 on:** September 17, 2011, 06:32:03 PM »

Thanks Rheydn... unfortunately, everything seems to always go from bad to worse. First, about three weeks ago I was diagnosed with pulmonary embolisms in my right lung, and now I'm on blood thinner injections (God but those hurt...). Then I find out I'm pregnant again, even though I was on birth control (fail, anyone?). Hubby and I are still living with my parents for lack of income and anywhere else to go, so another baby is really not a good thing (but definitely not unwanted). Then the older sister finally 'moves out' again, and we move the 14-month-old in the now empty room, thinking "This is great!" Now ten days later, the sister is coming back, the little one will be back in the room with hubby and I, and we don't know how this is all going to work. And to top it off, I might lose the baby... -cry- It's all just so wrong right now, and I can't see any way for it to be right.

I don't usually post things like this out there for complete strangers to read, but I've been following this thread, and I've seen how supportive and understanding you all are. And it seemed better than crawling into bed and crying until there were no more tears left. And I still might do just that once the little one is down for bed for the last time in her own room.

Rhedyn · « **Reply #396 on:** September 17, 2011, 06:55:26 PM »

I'm so sorry things are so rough for you at the minute Celtic, I can only imagine how difficult it all must be for you in that situation *sends plenty of hugs and positive energy your way*

As always my PM box is always open if you want to rant/vent or just talk privately.

Night Stalker · « **Reply #397 on:** September 17, 2011, 07:00:26 PM »

HuGS for all those who need and want them right now, offering a shoulder or ear if needed as well.

Sybl · « **Reply #398 on:** September 17, 2011, 07:02:25 PM »

My heart goes out to you Celtic, *hugs you*

I like Rhedyn, leaves my PM box open, 24/7

Quote from: Night Stalker on September 17, 2011, 07:00:26 PM

HuGS for all those who need and want them right now, offering a shoulder or ear if needed as well.

Accepts hugs* Thank you Night Stalker. Though not depressed today, my head aches from 3rd days of paint fumes.

Night Stalker · « **Reply #399 on:** September 17, 2011, 07:05:27 PM »

Quote from: Sybl on September 17, 2011, 07:02:25 PM

My heart goes out to you Celtic, *hugs you*

I like Rhedyn, leaves my PM box open, 24/7
Accepts hugs* Thank you Night Stalker. Though not depressed today, my head aches from 3rd days of paint fumes.

Pleasure anytime. You have my sympathies dealing with that and hope it eases up soon for you.