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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 244850 times)

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Offline Oreo

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1700 on: December 23, 2019, 12:36:27 AM »
I hope things get better CS. *hugs*

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1701 on: January 04, 2020, 06:01:36 PM »
Today has not been a good day. I had a particularly sobering conversation with my sister, who lost her fiance back in early October, in which, hearing her talk about getting treatment for suicidal depression & grief counseling, I realized, including myself, that's three siblings at risk of suicide and if one of us chose that option it might lead to a cascade effect where the other two followed not long after, which would utterly devastate my family. I just felt, if she did take that route, my only chance would be immediate hospitalization & counseling because I don't think I could handle losing her. Out of the five miracle children that are me and my siblings, she's the biggest. Born with bacterial meningitis, pneumonia, & strep throat, she was given five days to live by the doctor, complete with a timeline of her progression. She beat those odds, was released, perfectly healthy, a week later. She turned 25 in November.

On top of that ... I reached out to my father today. I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say there is a lot of shit and a lot of hurt between us. He couldn't talk for long, and is supposed to call me back and I have no idea what I'm going to say or how I'm going to feel or how it's going to go.

Offline Giulianna

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1702 on: January 05, 2020, 03:25:34 AM »
Not much to add, just wanted to send a hug. I suppose basically everyone in this thread know those feelings so, you are really not alone. *hugs*


Online Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1703 on: January 05, 2020, 11:04:17 AM »
Agreed.  Please let us know how it goes with your father.

Offline Bruja

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1704 on: January 06, 2020, 07:02:19 PM »
*Leaves hugs and love for those that need it*


I wish I could say everything I want to say....It's battle..an everyday battle. You are not alone...we are not alone *hugs*

Offline Tmii3

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1705 on: February 07, 2020, 10:36:47 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but here goes. This last month and a half had been incredibly tough for me, dealing with my family and struggles that always seem to come up around the holiday season. This year added a break up with my long time girlfriend, and I haven't been coping well with it at all. It feels like a weight is always attached to me, beating me down and making it harder to breathe. I've been shorter with people lately, it sometimes coming out as anger towards people that I really shouldn't. I've lost more friends due this, being shorter with them and generally being not pleasant to be around. I feel like my mind is always losing its train of thought, and I don't know. I just feel awful lately. Like I'm stuck and can't break out of whatever this is.

Offline Oreo

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1706 on: February 07, 2020, 10:49:53 AM »
Sorry you are going through all that Tmii3. Depression hits hard and lingers like an unwelcome relative. Even with medication I am struggling through this season.

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1707 on: February 07, 2020, 11:04:39 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but here goes. This last month and a half had been incredibly tough for me, dealing with my family and struggles that always seem to come up around the holiday season. This year added a break up with my long time girlfriend, and I haven't been coping well with it at all. It feels like a weight is always attached to me, beating me down and making it harder to breathe. I've been shorter with people lately, it sometimes coming out as anger towards people that I really shouldn't. I've lost more friends due this, being shorter with them and generally being not pleasant to be around. I feel like my mind is always losing its train of thought, and I don't know. I just feel awful lately. Like I'm stuck and can't break out of whatever this is.

*hugs* I know it hurts. I know that situation all too well. But you can get through it. Never give up, never surrender.

Online Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1708 on: February 07, 2020, 11:38:27 AM »
I'm not sure if this is the right place to write this but here goes. This last month and a half had been incredibly tough for me, dealing with my family and struggles that always seem to come up around the holiday season. This year added a break up with my long time girlfriend, and I haven't been coping well with it at all. It feels like a weight is always attached to me, beating me down and making it harder to breathe. I've been shorter with people lately, it sometimes coming out as anger towards people that I really shouldn't. I've lost more friends due this, being shorter with them and generally being not pleasant to be around. I feel like my mind is always losing its train of thought, and I don't know. I just feel awful lately. Like I'm stuck and can't break out of whatever this is.

Thank you for sharing, Tmii3.  This is exactly the right place for this.  You have my sympathies, and I dearly hope that you have someone in your life that you can talk to.

Offline Drakan

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1709 on: February 21, 2020, 12:13:41 AM »
I have to admit writing this i've feel myself sinking down a dark hole of reality of one of many possibilities, all terrible in my opinion.  So here goes, time to spill the truth.  Well after a year hiatus/retirement I have returned to help get myself back into writing and resurrect my once trusty muse.  Yet after being back for three months I find myself practically deflated and defeated in a sense.  I have put out feelers of interests for stories and even offered a few myself and for the past month its been nothing but either no replies or some excuse (normally centered around the need for elite grammar skills.)  My only save and grace is that ive have been fortunate to have an old friend catch up with me but because of our schedules its makes it difficult to find time to discuss plot points let alone post.  To be honest its made me come to a terrible realization of one of two things or even both really.  First that having been gone for a year and a half, new writers have joined but writers who require i higher degree of writing style which includes an elite level of grammar skills, or the other potential reason is the sudden realization is perhaps I am actually a crappy story-writer.  Either way not being able to put my muses thoughts into words that others can enjoy has me questioning whether or not it was better to stay retired.....I dont know.  Normally I would be able to distract myself from such damaging realities but it just really, really stings tonight.

Online Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1710 on: February 21, 2020, 09:19:13 AM »
I understand that, Drakan.  That kind of rejection is never fun.  Hang in there.

Offline Drakan

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1711 on: February 21, 2020, 11:25:43 AM »
I understand that, Drakan.  That kind of rejection is never fun.  Hang in there.

Thank you for confidence b12 shot remiel.  Believe me that it helps even if a little

Online Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1712 on: February 21, 2020, 12:10:38 PM »
Also, I should note that every single one of us experiences rejection of one sort or another.  For every PM exchange that's successfully worked out into a story, I bet I've had an instance where I say something like "Hey, I like your style, do you happen to have any openings on your dance card?" and nothing.  Zip. Nada.  Not even a response. 

When that happens, I try not to take it personally, shrug it off, and move on.  That's all you can do, really.

Online Nowherewoman

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1713 on: February 28, 2020, 10:06:00 PM »
I'm finding that, even if I don't 'feel depressed', it's still there, reflected more in what I don't do than what I do.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but the revelation has crept up on me.

For example:  For quite a while, I was an avid amateur photographer; enough so that family banded together to get me a rather decent DSLR rig. Any odd weather formation, slow-to-react bird, or interesting bug was fair game. It was even a thing with my partner for some time, them pointing out all sorts of stuff, trying to see if I'd think it would make a good shot.

If I've taken a dozen shots in the last three months, that'd be a lot, I think.  I basically never write music any more.  I rarely search out new books; instead, I reread old favorites over and over. They're comfortable, an unchallenging pleasure. Even writing here is becoming a chore, something I still want to do, but never seem to find the focus or energy for. All this in the context of a 'functional' and generally baseline, if not exactly 'cheery' adult.  I'm 'not depressed', I keep telling myself- after all, I know what that feels like, and this ain't it, right?

Right?
« Last Edit: February 28, 2020, 10:07:41 PM by Nowherewoman »

Online Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1714 on: February 28, 2020, 10:48:53 PM »
I rarely search out new books; instead, I reread old favorites over and over. They're comfortable, an unchallenging pleasure.

Believe me, I know that feeling all too well. 

Online AcademicCuriosity9110

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1715 on: February 28, 2020, 11:06:44 PM »
I'm finding that, even if I don't 'feel depressed', it's still there, reflected more in what I don't do than what I do.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but the revelation has crept up on me.

For example:  For quite a while, I was an avid amateur photographer; enough so that family banded together to get me a rather decent DSLR rig. Any odd weather formation, slow-to-react bird, or interesting bug was fair game. It was even a thing with my partner for some time, them pointing out all sorts of stuff, trying to see if I'd think it would make a good shot.

If I've taken a dozen shots in the last three months, that'd be a lot, I think.  I basically never write music any more.  I rarely search out new books; instead, I reread old favorites over and over. They're comfortable, an unchallenging pleasure. Even writing here is becoming a chore, something I still want to do, but never seem to find the focus or energy for. All this in the context of a 'functional' and generally baseline, if not exactly 'cheery' adult.  I'm 'not depressed', I keep telling myself- after all, I know what that feels like, and this ain't it, right?

Right?


This. So much this. There's a particular fanfic I have read probably 12 times, minimum. And I start re-reading it no more than a week after finishing it, usually the next day. I have physically available to myself a book I very much wanted to start reading. I have not touched it in weeks. Not counting what I write on E, but in fanfics and original stories, I have written maybe 2,000 words in the last two months, most of that in one short story I hammered out during a caffeine-fuelled all-nighter in like an hour.

Depression isn't always suicidal thoughts. It usually is that way for me, but seeing your post made me realize "holy shit, this is me." And here I thought I was doing okay. But then, the one-year anniversary of my last, most drastic suicide attempt is coming up (March 23rd, for those curious, and as for the how, 9-millimeter bullet through the neck), so maybe it makes perfect sense that it would be acting up. But then, depression doesn't always make sense. If it did, I could explain why, when I was 7, I was not only suicidal, but I had a plan and I had a date set. It was a really random date, too (2 days before my ninth birthday). The only thing that saved me was walking up to my mom and casually informing her of my intent and plan.

I'm obviously rambling, so I'll STFU now

Offline Gannameade

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1716 on: November 11, 2020, 12:03:30 PM »
Ever have one of those days...when it just doesn't matter?!?  No amount of medication seems to help...the bottle is calling for you to crawl into it and just stay there.  When..the ground is call for you and you just wanna succumb to the call!!!  And you just don't feel like fighting it.

You try to tell others to be strong and it will be fine if they can just make it until tomorrow...Just one more day!

And you feel like a bullshit hypocrite cause you just don't want too!!!!!!

Not enough writing to distract me from the way...I feel today...just don't want to take the constant rejections to heart...to brush things off like it doesn't bother me and most of the time...it doesn't...but then there are those days when...I turn the corner and feel like I am mugged.  Tied up and forced to watch every single time...I am walked by...over looked...ignored for gotten and left for dead cause I don't measure up in some way, shape or form!

God I can't wait for this day to be over...one way or another!!!!


Online CrownedSun

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1717 on: November 11, 2020, 12:59:35 PM »
I've had a number of days like that, lately, yeah.

Online Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1718 on: November 11, 2020, 07:17:41 PM »
Sorry you've been feeling that way, Gannameade.  I've certainly been there.

Offline Oreo

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1719 on: November 11, 2020, 08:04:24 PM »
I fight that too, Gannameade. It's a hard struggle, but I keep up with my meds and krill oil. Not gonna lie, there are days when I do curl up under the covers and hide. Ofttimes there are days when I want to crawl into the bungle of my brain, but I fight back by trying to pass positivity on to others.

This is one of those days. I hope you are feeling lighter and brighter soon. In the mean time, I'm thinking of you.

Offline Gannameade

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1720 on: November 12, 2020, 10:12:00 AM »
I've had a number of days like that, lately, yeah.

I wanna smack the light out of you Sun!!   >:)

Sorry you've been feeling that way, Gannameade.  I've certainly been there.

Yeah I get it.  Somedays it is truly worse than others.  I just need to get off the mat, get back up in the ring and keep swinging.  O8)

I fight that too, Gannameade. It's a hard struggle, but I keep up with my meds and krill oil. Not gonna lie, there are days when I do curl up under the covers and hide. Ofttimes there are days when I want to crawl into the bungle of my brain, but I fight back by trying to pass positivity on to others.

This is one of those days. I hope you are feeling lighter and brighter soon. In the mean time, I'm thinking of you.

I do too, Oreo.  Normally!  Yesterday was simply hell!  And nothing would work.  I have too much going at home to crawl and hide sorry.

But yeah I need to go cut down the fu*#!! In that field again so it will be barren once more.

And smack that person that fixed my give a damn so it can be busted once more. 

Thank you all!  Huggles!!!!   ;D ;D ;D

Offline noric

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1721 on: November 12, 2020, 10:29:24 AM »
Quote
“I’ve found that it’s of some help to think of one’s moods and feelings about the world as being similar to weather.

Here are some obvious things about the weather:

It's real.
You can't change it by wishing it away.
If it's dark and rainy, it really is dark and rainy, and you can't alter it.
It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row.

BUT
it will be sunny one day.
It isn't under one's control when the sun comes out, but come out it will.
One day.

It really is the same with one's moods, I think. The wrong approach is to believe that they are illusions. Depression, anxiety, listlessness - these are all are real as the weather - AND EQUALLY NOT UNDER ONE'S CONTROL.
Not one's fault.

BUT
They will pass: really they will.

In the same way that one really has to accept the weather, one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes, "Today is a really crap day," is a perfectly realistic approach. It's all about finding a kind of mental umbrella. "Hey-ho, it's raining inside; it isn't my fault and there's nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow, and when it does I shall take full advantage.”

― Stephen Fry

Offline Phoenixrisen

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1722 on: November 13, 2020, 10:47:08 AM »
I'm finding myself in a bit of an odd situation where symptoms are concerned. Everything is hard, executive function is a bit of a bitch, so starting anything, getting out of bed, any transition really takes forever, and to top it off being fully present is beyond me. Bad thoughts are starting to creep back in. In many functional ways I'm starting into a majorly bad episode, and yet I'm finding it easier to remind myself to do the things I need to to mitigate the bad as much as possible. It takes time to get to doing the thing if it's something I haven't conditioned into myself, but making myself do them isn't as much of a challenge as it has been even not heading towards a bad episode of I can't find a way to get anything other than me be what gives.

I don't know if that made any sense. I'm not entirely with it right now. Anyway, I gotta get my head into work mode, cause that starts soon. I hope everyone has the most amazing day they possibly can.