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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 102011 times)

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Offline Aislinn

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #875 on: May 23, 2013, 11:47:18 AM »
Sometimes I need to remind myself its a daily struggle. I've been feeling pretty good the past couple weeks and then yesterday evening, I got smacked with a heavy dose of ickies and haven't been able to snap out of it.

Le sigh...

Offline Amber Meave

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #876 on: May 23, 2013, 05:47:08 PM »
I'm back to second guessing everything I do. Every time I go to say something I'm so afraid of how it will be taken, I end up saying nothing.

But if I sit back and do nothing, it's so easy to just listen and brood. All that leads to is me snapping at someone again.

I feel like a broken record.

It sound all too familiar. Somewhere in the words I hear you are aware that keeping yourself still is not  really contributing anything positive.  Awareness is the crucial step in change. Maybe the road to a different way of living, more freely, taking up your full space isnít a short or paved road, but that insight will push you forward and aid you if you choose to take that new road. Even if it is just for a while or some of the time.

Fifteen  years ago I was at the end of a very long period of trying to fit in. Deep down I was convinced the people around me that I loved, were better off if I was no longer around. For every time I spoke up, it hurt them. I did my best to become invisible. And slowly lost all feeling. Every time I hold back what I felt and thought, the sensation of feeling dimmed and the tension in my body augmented.

I denied myself space to live, I denied myself feelings and the room and freedom to express them.  And every time I did that it added to the pile of rage and frustration. Only I would never take that out on someone else: I took it out on me, holding all of that contempt and rage inside, dimming the bright light of love and mirth my heart ones used to be, till It was no more than an indecipherable glow.

It took a long time to forgive myself, to let go of every judgmental thought I had about myself. It took a long time to believe, at least a little that I was okay, just for being me. And even longer to grant myself affection and a right to love and be loved. Some days are still hard, and old patterns of thinking resurface.  But my heart is over flowing with love again, and I am aware of my destructive thoughts and behavioral patterns that they will lead to. And that helps me through those moments, and hours and days.

But what is the most relieving and helping thing: saying it, out loud or in writing, and getting a response. A confirmation of being heard and that it is okay. A response that comes from the heart and recognized the beautiful being we all are.

Dear Driskoll,

Your words unraveled something in my heart, for I recognize the feeling and the struggle and pain it brings. If you ever want to talk or just need a patient listener, Iím here.

Amber.

Offline marauder13

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #877 on: May 23, 2013, 10:41:25 PM »
I have hit another one of those times where everything seems to be a struggle, even the most enjoyable of activities. I need to put in more effort than normal to get the usual outcomes, which leaves me more drained than satisfied. I have tools and techniques to get out of it, so I know it will pass, but it frustrates the hell out of me while it happens. I'm trying to find a way of spotting it before it happens and heading it off at the pass, but until then, I'll just have to grit my teeth and deal with it.

Which of courses fucks up my roleplays when it happens. *grumbles*

Sometimes I need to remind myself its a daily struggle. I've been feeling pretty good the past couple weeks and then yesterday evening, I got smacked with a heavy dose of ickies and haven't been able to snap out of it.

Le sigh...

*leaves a box full of hugs for Aislinn on her doorstep for her to use as needed*

Hugs remove ickies a little bit at a time. It's been scientifically proven, with many papers to prove it. *nods* Some I've fabricated myself *nods some more*

Offline Amber Meave

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #878 on: May 24, 2013, 03:58:57 AM »
I have hit another one of those times where everything seems to be a struggle, even the most enjoyable of activities. I need to put in more effort than normal to get the usual outcomes, which leaves me more drained than satisfied. I have tools and techniques to get out of it, so I know it will pass, but it frustrates the hell out of me while it happens. I'm trying to find a way of spotting it before it happens and heading it off at the pass, but until then, I'll just have to grit my teeth and deal with it.

Which of courses fucks up my roleplays when it happens. *grumbles*

*leaves a box full of hugs for Aislinn on her doorstep for her to use as needed*

Hugs remove ickies a little bit at a time. It's been scientifically proven, with many papers to prove it. *nods* Some I've fabricated myself *nods some more*

Dear Marauder,

If you donít want to mention it, that's fine, but I wondered what techniques you use to battle the depression? 
Hugs definitely help, for they melt what depression froze. Anything that flows from the heart in kindness and love, and acceptance of what is, can.


The latter part being the most difficult for most people to do: accept that you are where you are. Without the pressure of needing you to be Ďhappyí.

The moment that happens: the unspoken demand for me to be happy, I start taking care of the other person, for it is really about him or her not being able to deal with my numbness or pain. It is not a switch I can turn, nor is it something I do to bug someone else.

How different things are when someone gives me the room to just be, however I am.  Letting me feel loved, just for the sake of love and being human.  It give me room to breathe, and in breathing more deeply, the tension and dragging fatigue slowly eases.

In a relaxed body warmth, and the love of the heart,  can flow freely.
Depression is the opposite state: everything is tense, colder, motion becomes more rigid, a frozen lake with all emotion buried underneath. 
I accept that it happens. When I am in the latter, I have no notion of the first. But I know breathing deeply relaxes and gets me closer, although I canít imagine it happening. I know when I go walking, preferably in nature, the motion will make my blood flowing and everything moving inside me, taking the rigidity out of it. It is not always enough, but it helps.

Love and Hugs,

Amber

Offline Dioxipus

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #879 on: May 25, 2013, 11:49:12 AM »
  I always see so many ''reasons'', so many explanations about depression and depressive behavior. And yet, as for myself, i feel i was always like thus, always depressive since i was a child. It's part of me and a think it's not related to any particular motive: it's just me!i am not a ''happy'', gregarious person, i am who i am. I don't think there's more of a need to change than a need to just accept myself as i am.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #880 on: August 11, 2013, 11:40:46 AM »
I feel a little bad that I abandoned you all and this thread a while back. I had a bit of a meltdown and had to remove myself from E and take a little break which turned into a long break but it was a break I desperately needed and, despite the rather low points, I am now back and feeling a lot better. I'm happy to see so many new faces to the thread and that the support has continued to flow.

~offers big hugs to all who want them~

I also wanted to show this to everyone. Recently channel four in the UK broadcast a programme called Notes From The Inside where concert pianist James Rhodes talks about his depression and meets four other people in a psychiatric hospital who he hopes he can help in some way through classical music, he explains his thoughts behind what he aimed to do in the programme. It was a strangely beautiful programme and very raw but touching and I wanted to share it with you all. I really hope that those outside the UK can watch it.

Offline Silver

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #881 on: September 02, 2013, 06:16:04 PM »

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #882 on: September 20, 2013, 11:05:46 AM »
A friend linked me to this and I really wanted to share it with you all, I know I could relate to pretty much all of them.

21 comics that capture the frustrations of depression.

Offline Silver

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #883 on: September 20, 2013, 03:17:40 PM »
A friend linked me to this and I really wanted to share it with you all, I know I could relate to pretty much all of them.

21 comics that capture the frustrations of depression.

Yes Indeed.

Thank you for sharing.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #884 on: September 29, 2013, 11:16:28 AM »
Ha! Excellent find, Rhedyn.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #885 on: September 29, 2013, 01:06:37 PM »
Glad you liked it Remiel :)

Offline Zaphod

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #886 on: October 07, 2013, 10:31:32 AM »
~offers big hugs to all who want them~
You get the biggest hug of all. ~Hugs and squeezes tight~ Thank you for the laughs and the smiles. :)

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #887 on: October 07, 2013, 05:06:04 PM »
D'aww

~hugs and squeezes back~

Thank you for taking the time to get to know me <3

Offline Immortal

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #888 on: November 16, 2013, 11:47:57 PM »
I feel like lately, and in a way it always has been but now more than not, I have been using roleplaying as a way to run away and get lost. Just so I don't have to face the reality that is life. My family and some of my friends don't understand why I spend so much time on my computer on sites like this. They think I just waste my life away, and maybe I do... I feel more at home on the internet. I can forget about all my worries and the issues that pop up around me. I think about school and one of the classes I am in I am really struggling and every time I reach out and try to find someone to help me my call is ignored and then my grade suffers because of it. I don't know why it upsets me that my grade isn't what I want it to be, but every time I think about it and having to go to that class I think of ways to try to get out of it. I try to remind myself that not going or not trying to do the work won't work. It won't make the problem go away, it will still be there. Though, I don't know how to help myself and in the end it just makes me feel helpless. I turn to E and try to pile as many roleplays on top of myself as I can manage and  I see I have seven responses to do and I sigh and bitch about it and maybe not even have the ambition to do it, but I find that I procrastinate on doing them because if I do them all and I have nothing left to do then all I have left to do is face my reality of what is happening in my life.

On top of school my family has been a pretty big stress lately, and it's not that things have directly been happening to me, but happening to members of my family and it just sort of effects everyone. Honestly these things just keep getting spoken of over and over and I seriously get tired of hearing about it and it gets on my nerves to hear about it. I look back at my life when I was younger and constantly question if these things happened when I was younger and I was just not as well informed as I am now. As I get older I find that more and more stuff happens, I am more... informed, and I just want to backtrack to a simpler time when things weren't like I see they are now. Or at least go back to being less informed about everything. I take all of the drama on sort of as my own and add it to the load that is already on my back and weighing me down, but I guess that's because people in my family are really close... Or at least they use to be up until like this last year. Which sucks because I see as family events come around, like holidays, less and less people show up for one reason or another. I love spending time with my family and whatnot and it hurts to know everyone is going their separate ways... It just sort of pushes me lower.

I try to find solace in my cats and my writing. Sometimes I feel like my cats are the only things that care about me... I feel like they are the only ones that are truly there for me when I am in a low spot or hit a minor bump. They try to make sure I am okay in anyway they can. Like now, as I have typed this, I have a big cat that is not the nicest, but she saw I was upset and came up to lay on me. She is purring and trying to get me to cheer up in anyway she can, by giving me kisses and whatnot.

I try to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day, full of new beginnings, and life will go on and be okay... At least for a little while.

Offline Immortal

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #889 on: November 16, 2013, 11:50:45 PM »
I got a bit off track with that... I just sort of wrote what came to mind. Sorry

Offline Oniya

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #890 on: November 17, 2013, 10:43:46 AM »
It actually made a lot of sense.  No need to apologize.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #891 on: November 17, 2013, 09:54:25 PM »
Yeah, I thought it was entirely appropriate for the thread, Immortal.  I know what you mean about people growing apart, and it is unfortunate.  I hope things get better, particularly with your class.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #892 on: November 18, 2013, 05:43:02 AM »
I got a bit off track with that... I just sort of wrote what came to mind. Sorry

~offers hugs~

I can empathise. As Oniya said there's no need to apologise at all, that's what this is here for... to rant, vent and find people that understand in some way.

I also hope things get better for you, hang on in there.

Offline Immortal

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #893 on: November 19, 2013, 04:23:46 PM »
Thanks everybody :)

~offers hugs~

I can empathise. As Oniya said there's no need to apologise at all, that's what this is here for... to rant, vent and find people that understand in some way.

I also hope things get better for you, hang on in there.

~hugs~
Thank you~

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #894 on: December 05, 2013, 01:52:51 AM »
Leaves hugs and good thoughts for all.

Offline ladia2287

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #895 on: December 06, 2013, 07:40:20 PM »
I can't profess to know your own individual circumstances Immortal, but I do have a glimpse of what you are going through. I have been battling chronic depression for thirteen years now and I know first hand how debilitating it can be, especially when you go through those periods where it feels like no one cares about you.
 
If I may be so bold as to offer a little advice. People may care more than you think. Dealing with someone who is suffering from a debilitating form of depression can be as difficult as it is suffering it first hand, and those around you may want to help, but not know what to do. Whenever it gets like this, try to think of all the people who would miss you if you suddenly disappeared or even passed away. I know it's a morbid train of thought, but it might help you keep some things in perspective. I know it's worked for me once or twice.
 
For one thing, I would bet you have partners on Elliquiy and any other roleplaying site you are on who would miss you if you randomly disappeared. It's not much, but it's a start.

Offline Null

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #896 on: December 06, 2013, 10:52:03 PM »
I think that even having a friend that you can count on, whether it be virtually or not, makes a world of difference. Going through depression alone is one of the hardest things about it... I would know. Having a shoulder to lean on helps immensely.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #897 on: December 10, 2013, 04:02:44 PM »
Just dropping off some hugs and love for all who need it.

Offline Conflict

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #898 on: December 13, 2013, 01:07:13 AM »
Hello all, this is my first post in the blogs. I just wanted to pose a question to all of you, because I'm struggling with it, and any input is welcome.

How do you deal with the simple, unalterable fact that nearly everyone you meet in your life, except your parents and maybe one or two other people, does not care about you?

It's not that they wouldn't stop you from committing suicide if you were about to; I think we all would attempt to preserve life as best we could. But I am finding it very hard to come to terms with the fact that (and it sounds so silly to say it) people aren't constantly thinking of how others feel. So many things get said and done, without any thought to the effects they have on others. And you, the person who is getting hurt all the time, cannot blame them; they cannot see what they are doing to you. You cannot blame a blind man for bumping into you, but neither can you make him see.

Part of the problem, I think, is that I am overly caring. Sorry, I've never gotten the hang of saying something positive about myself to people I don't know, but I do honestly think that I care way too much about other people. Every single post in this thread, every single time someone shares their troubles, I want to message them and offer to talk about it, to do something, anything to ease their pain. Of course, it can't be done, my logical side says, you'd just look creepy or needy or lonely or whatever. Your motive will always be misunderstood. I wish it wasn't that way.

It took me twenty-one years to figure it out, that I was overly caring; I was an "alpha" before. I believed in power through intelligence and dominance, in confidence, in ego. I wasn't a jerk, but I believed that showing emotion was weakness and that every weakness must be eliminated somehow. I was the guy who would never run, even when he was late for something important; it would have showed that there was something that mattered to me.

And now, here I am, struggling to deal with these emotions that have come back full force. I have come to see what a gift my oversensitivity is, as I can share the pain and joy of others, as people come to me looking for sympathy or advice, as I am capable of acts of pure altruism (it was very recently that I managed one). But some days, the things that are said are just too much for me to handle, and I am reminded just how little my friends are capable of caring. They don't mean it, I know, but they can't help it.

Any thoughts?

-Conflict

Offline Oniya

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #899 on: December 13, 2013, 01:22:24 AM »
There's a story that, one day on the set of Star Trek, Leonard Nimoy suddenly broke down into a mix of laughter and tears.  He couldn't explain it in the moment - nothing was particularly funny or sad - but later on he realized that putting himself into the emotionless role of Spock was sealing up a pressure valve.  Wait too long, and you end up with a mess.

I agree that empathy can be a wonderful gift, but sometimes you have to tend to your emotional health.  Find something that you can release those emotions on - anything from laughing at stupidly funny movies to shouting at a local sports team (or non-local!) to throwing on music and letting yourself react to it.  Do it alone if you feel the need - or go to places where it doesn't matter because everyone is reacting that way.

Another thing to do when you find yourself feeling too much of others' emotions, is to take a step back and sort through which 'stuff' is yours, and which 'stuff' is coming in from the outside.  It takes practice, but it does help.