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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 101462 times)

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Offline sexygrl08

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #675 on: March 23, 2012, 07:59:55 AM »
Thank you sexygrl08 and welcome to the blog. I'm sorry to hear about your accident last year and I hope you're recovering well. Good luck on your approval :)

*offers hugs

*accepts hug*
Thanks.I've been doing ok.I still have some issues every once in a while,mostly on rainy days like today,but other than that,I'm good.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #676 on: March 23, 2012, 12:09:36 PM »
Sorry, Sybl- don't know how I didn't get that!


...about some men, anyway. That is what I'm thinking. I don't mean to try and control her or judge her, I just want to help- like I think she might feel better, or sleep better, or something, if she got out of bed, got out the house. Okay, I can hear that it sounds judgmental when I say it, but I don't mean it that way. I'm trying to make up for lost time and learn emotional literacy as a grown man. 'Listening without judgment' is this week's resolution.

Hi Daggermouth, all is well on this side :)

I would like to address your last part..about some men-

It is not some men, it is some women too.

In my case, for example, my depression at times is crippling, meaning it is almost impossible to get up, get out do anything. It isn't that a part of us doesn't want too, it is we can't. Some  people depending on the past that brought on the depression in the first place has issues buried that they personally can not deal with, something snaps in the brain and nerves and we can't move.. Especially around anniversary dates of the occurrence. One being an accident that changed my life forever. Also having PTSD, among other issues health wise and being a D.i.D .

After a certain event that turned my life into a living hell, I did not leave my apartment for almost 3 years. Living in a safe house even, I could not go anywhere that people would be, not shopping, not fairs, nothing. The mind is delicate, those who have never  been in a deep depression just can't understand. Without being through it, and knowing the symptoms, even asking a person what is the matter with you?.. can trigger a deeper dark side and we are not wanting to be like this, but we can't help it.

Therapy and good friends, and Elliquiy as a whole,  have helped me so much. But I still have days that I fight the darkness, and days it wins, almost wanting to die, but I come here, or I PM someone, or talk to my love, and blog. (not here) Fractals have also become my friend, if I am really dark, my fractals show it.

Some times all we need is a virtual hug, or some one to say, it'll get better...even though some days that phrase ..will make us cry, let us cry, and I hope you understand a little better about people like us who fight the darkness when it comes.

*hugs for you*

Sybl

I just read your first post in this blog and I myself am going through that right now.I don't know for sure what's causing it,but I'm pretty sure its emotional buildup from February 2011 when I was almost killed in a car accident.I think it was brave of you to make that first post.

In 1978 I was almost killed in a car accident too.
If you get approved, PM me sometime,...sometimes all it takes is someone who understands.

Best wishes on a speedy approval sexygrl08.

Sybl


 

Offline TheDreadPirateRoberts

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #677 on: March 25, 2012, 10:49:21 AM »
I just have to say Thank You to Rhedyn and all the others who have posted here.  Its put into words quite alot of what Ive felt but haven't managed to form the words to myself. Or perhaps been just to afraid to try and admit them in a tangible form, too afraid of family reactions. My mom has both depression and bi-polar and yet even after several years my dad doesnt seem to get it. The way he talks about some of her reactions when she is in one spin of the monster or the other is like its her fault n she should be able to just snap out of it or something to see things 'normally'. It both makes me want to smack him into next month and make him realize that this isnt something we enjoy or want, we wish we could snap out of it, well during the periods we have stregnth enoigh to care. But we cant just turn it off like a switch. And those reactions have lead me to be mostly alone with this because I havent been able to stand the thought of being seen like that...its so hard for me to open up to people anymore. But here I know I can as Im among those that Do understand what this is like and that truly does help. The actually seeing and experiencing that I and we are not alone in this fight against ourselves to get back to the light helps that light feel like just maybe its reachable after all.

I also just wanted to say that I always lend an open ear to others that want to confide, or just have so
eone to talk at or vent too, its been one of my coping mechanisms. Concentrating on others problems or situations as, fot me at least, it so much easier to see the positive or a solution or suggestion for another as an outside observer than to see the big picture regarding yourself.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #678 on: March 25, 2012, 11:02:03 AM »
Welcome TheDreadPirateRoberts,

first here is a huge *hug* I am glad you found us, and if whether or not you get approved member status, know any one of us will reply to your posts here. If you become a member of E., our PM boxes are open if only to vent, I know I speak for all here, as they have been my light in a very dark place many times. :)

several of my friends battles bi-polar. It is very real, it is very discouraging, I know. You are among the most caring bunch here as you have read.

Again welcome and come back as often as you need. *hugs again*

Sybl


Offline TheDreadPirateRoberts

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #679 on: March 25, 2012, 12:56:19 PM »
Thanks Sybl *hugs back* I needed that  :-)

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #680 on: March 25, 2012, 01:02:11 PM »
You are very welcome TheDreadPirateRoberts, we all need hugs from time to time. :-)

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #681 on: March 27, 2012, 09:21:12 AM »
I just have to say Thank You to Rhedyn and all the others who have posted here.

You are most welcome and thank you for sharing too :)

*leaves hugs for all*

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #682 on: March 27, 2012, 10:21:38 AM »
Hey guys, just stopping by to say hi and leaving some hugs for any in need. Lots of love!

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #683 on: March 27, 2012, 04:00:30 PM »
Hello everyone,
*waves and hugs to all who need them*

Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #684 on: March 27, 2012, 06:07:02 PM »
Been some time. Just depositing hugs and withdrawing a few.

-surrenders bear hugs to all-

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #685 on: March 27, 2012, 08:45:29 PM »
*has a truckload of hugs delivered to Rhedyn's blog, with no return address, and the packing list marked 'PAID IN FULL'. :P *

Offline Saerrael

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #686 on: March 27, 2012, 09:03:24 PM »
My thought of the month. Not because I plan to post regularly or irregularly, but because I've been dealing with stuff and I thought I'd share.

I don't think people who do not suffer from any form of depression really understand how very debilitating this state of being can be. How you can freeze up physically, mentally. How cold and heartless you can be to behold when you battle your inner demons. How you don't have time to do anything but face your own mind. Or the power, for that matter.
What people on the outside see is nothing compared to what happens within. Some do hide this inner battle, yes. But even those who do not, can not even remotely share with you just how deep they are in that black pit that is their mind at such a time. And then there is the sheer fact you don't want to weigh down those you love.

Why this thought now? I had to write a letter. An official letter concerning finances. It took me two weeks and I was proud when I send it.
Not that I am not already doubting if I did it correctly or not, mind. But this was a small personal victory for me.
I don't feel like I can share this with anyone, though. Not with the people I hold dear. They would find it silly I took so long to get the nerve to write that letter. And then post it, too.
They couldn't see the struggle I went through in those weeks.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #687 on: March 27, 2012, 09:10:29 PM »
My thought of the month. Not because I plan to post regularly or irregularly, but because I've been dealing with stuff and I thought I'd share.

I don't think people who do not suffer from any form of depression really understand how very debilitating this state of being can be. How you can freeze up physically, mentally. How cold and heartless you can be to behold when you battle your inner demons. How you don't have time to do anything but face your own mind. Or the power, for that matter.
What people on the outside see is nothing compared to what happens within. Some do hide this inner battle, yes. But even those who do not, can not even remotely share with you just how deep they are in that black pit that is their mind at such a time. And then there is the sheer fact you don't want to weigh down those you love.

Why this thought now? I had to write a letter. An official letter concerning finances. It took me two weeks and I was proud when I send it.
Not that I am not already doubting if I did it correctly or not, mind. But this was a small personal victory for me.
I don't feel like I can share this with anyone, though. Not with the people I hold dear. They would find it silly I took so long to get the nerve to write that letter. And then post it, too.
They couldn't see the struggle I went through in those weeks.

Thank you Saerra for sharing. Personal victories mean a lot. *Hugs*

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #688 on: March 27, 2012, 09:15:58 PM »
Thank you Saerra for sharing. Personal victories mean a lot. *Hugs*

+1,000,000,000 ;D *hugs* You are SO right, that people on the outside don't understand what a huge thing such a simple accomplishment can do for a depressed person's ego and sense of satisfaction.

Offline Saerrael

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #689 on: March 27, 2012, 09:17:44 PM »
*smiles and hugs both* Thank you ♥

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #690 on: March 27, 2012, 09:39:15 PM »
You are very welcome Saerra.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #691 on: March 28, 2012, 10:11:12 AM »
My thought of the month. Not because I plan to post regularly or irregularly, but because I've been dealing with stuff and I thought I'd share.

I don't think people who do not suffer from any form of depression really understand how very debilitating this state of being can be. How you can freeze up physically, mentally. How cold and heartless you can be to behold when you battle your inner demons. How you don't have time to do anything but face your own mind. Or the power, for that matter.
What people on the outside see is nothing compared to what happens within. Some do hide this inner battle, yes. But even those who do not, can not even remotely share with you just how deep they are in that black pit that is their mind at such a time. And then there is the sheer fact you don't want to weigh down those you love.

Why this thought now? I had to write a letter. An official letter concerning finances. It took me two weeks and I was proud when I send it.
Not that I am not already doubting if I did it correctly or not, mind. But this was a small personal victory for me.
I don't feel like I can share this with anyone, though. Not with the people I hold dear. They would find it silly I took so long to get the nerve to write that letter. And then post it, too.
They couldn't see the struggle I went through in those weeks.

I think you did really well there Saerra! It's taken me three years to find it in myself to phone a solicitor and make an appointment to see one about getting a divorce...not because I don't want it sorted but because I have this really bad issue with talking to people on the phone, specifically phoning people I don't know but really it's an issue with talking to anyone at all like that.

*leaves hugs and love*

Offline Ember Star

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #692 on: March 29, 2012, 01:50:34 PM »
May I say that I understand your words perfectly. I have dealt with depression off and on since I was 13. At first I thought it was just hormones from pubicy giving me mood swings and dark thoughts of ending my life. But it continued to worsen, darken. I never told anyone, I didn't understand what was going on enough to tell the only person in my life, my mom. Didn't know how to put it into words. But I've been keeping dark secrets from the time I was tiny, so that was nothing new. I was, and am, good at putting on a happy face. It wasn't until I was 17 and entered a relationship with my boyfriend that I finally found peace and happiness. It lasted for a while, and still lasts. But, like you, the last few months I have felt it slowly creeping back in. The breakdowns in dark corners and showers, the dark thoughts of just ending it all, the feeling of being weighed down by invisible lead. I honestly think the only reason I didn't kill myself at 15 or 16 is responsibility. I have a farm with horses cats and dogs, my mother is in poor health physically, my we take care of her mother who's 98 almost 99. There's just too much that depends on me, that needs my help to survive. So what often stresses me out, also keeps me here.

Offline Starlequin

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #693 on: March 29, 2012, 03:07:36 PM »
As usual, I thought hard before posting this. It's directed to Ember, but  I believe it can apply to most -- if not all -- of us here.

I've done a stretch of time in that cell, Ember. It can be a special kind of hell when the things that you love and the things that are killing you are one and the same. I too have shouldered more than my share of responsibility from a young age, and youve probably heard all the same useless platitudes that i grew up with -- 'you're such a good child, taking care of your parent like that', 'you must be very strong to be so responsible at your age', 'I wish my children were as good to me as you are to her'. And you smile and nod and say thank you, because you just can't tell them how much it hurts, can't tell them how much you hate them for not seeing that you're drowning and needing help.

But at the same time, there's a (twisted, admittedly) sort of pride, as well. Because the platitudes are more right than they know. Because yes, you are strong. You are amazing. Athletes? Soldiers? Bah. They dont know what tough is. Athletes have coaches and teammates to guide them. Soldiers have comrades and weapons to defend them. You have learned to face the trials of life -- and even more importantly, your own inner darkness -- unarmed and alone, and you are still here. You are a survivor -- what everyone likes to imagine themselves as, but few truly are. And if you've made it this far, then you know you can make it just a little further. And then just a little further still, one day at a time. Keep on keepin' on.

*lots of hugs*

Offline TheDreadPirateRoberts

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #694 on: April 04, 2012, 10:42:54 PM »
As usual, I thought hard before posting this. It's directed to Ember, but  I believe it can apply to most -- if not all -- of us here.

I've done a stretch of time in that cell, Ember. It can be a special kind of hell when the things that you love and the things that are killing you are one and the same. I too have shouldered more than my share of responsibility from a young age, and youve probably heard all the same useless platitudes that i grew up with -- 'you're such a good child, taking care of your parent like that', 'you must be very strong to be so responsible at your age', 'I wish my children were as good to me as you are to her'. And you smile and nod and say thank you, because you just can't tell them how much it hurts, can't tell them how much you hate them for not seeing that you're drowning and needing help.

But at the same time, there's a (twisted, admittedly) sort of pride, as well. Because the platitudes are more right than they know. Because yes, you are strong. You are amazing. Athletes? Soldiers? Bah. They dont know what tough is. Athletes have coaches and teammates to guide them. Soldiers have comrades and weapons to defend them. You have learned to face the trials of life -- and even more importantly, your own inner darkness -- unarmed and alone, and you are still here. You are a survivor -- what everyone likes to imagine themselves as, but few truly are. And if you've made it this far, then you know you can make it just a little further. And then just a little further still, one day at a time. Keep on keepin' on.

*lots of hugs*

Hear, hear, how well put and how very painfully true! 


*hugs to all here in need of them right now* together we can make it a day at a time, even though some days even that seems a bit overwhelming.....we CAN do it.

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #695 on: April 05, 2012, 09:35:42 AM »
*accepts a few hugs from those offered, before starting his tale*

Only read if you feel you can handle a depressive's rant.
So, my job has me feeling down. Really down. As in "want to just spare everyone the trouble and shoot myself in the head." That kind of down.

At this point, I am glad (maybe) that my antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds are working, although I just want to either take them all at once (knowing the results of that), or stop taking them altogether, and let nature take its course (knowing the results of that, too - same as the previous results, except it might take a little longer).

I'm tired of hearing from my supervisor that I'm slow, productivity-wise. But he seems to insist on hammering it into my head. Thanks ever so much for making me feel this big *puts his thumb and index finger a nano-meter apart* and repeatedly doing so. I know I'm not up to standards. I've known that for the whole 12 years I've worked in that sh*thole.

I also know that managers are supposed to make their employees feel valued and appreciated, since a happy employee is a productive employee. Granted, I haven't been happy since I've been there, but now that we have a new store manager who is buddy-buddy with my supervisor because they were both marines, neither of them is willing to give me a chance to do something else around the store so I'm not so burned-out on the same old routine, day in and day out.

There are times when I really hate being me (even with the meds), and now is one of those times. I wish I wasn't bipolar. I wish I didn't feel like I was being walked over and denied a shot at doing something I might really enjoy. I wish for a lot of things that never seem to come true. Same with praying. I gave that up a long time ago, because I don't believe there's a deity or deities that care what I want, and that truly want what's best for me.

I don't know what to do. I'm at the end of my rope, and I'm beginning to wish that rope had a noose tied at the end of it. *sighs*

The light at the end of my tunnel seems to be a small incandescent bulb, which is dimming, on its way to burning out, and I have no replacements.

My only consolation is the fact that I'm almost finished with my college classes, but one more semester seems like a million years away at this point, and I'm stuck here until I complete them.

My Mom and my wife are supportive of me, to varying degrees, but it all seems so pointless, when I have a lack of support everywhere else I turn.

*after much thought, decides to put his tale in spoiler tags, to spare anyone the discomfort of his life, since he knows depression and the sensitivity it causes in others sharing the same affliction.*

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #696 on: April 05, 2012, 04:31:45 PM »
*accepts a few hugs from those offered, before starting his tale*


Adammair,
you know one friend at least who supports you as well.
*Leaves you a ton of hugs and much more*

Perhaps you need to make an appointment with Crisis? Seriously.

Please do this for you

24 hours / 7 days
1-888-424-2287

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #697 on: April 06, 2012, 10:13:06 PM »
*hugs Sybl* Thank you, dear one.

This battle is one I must fight alone, however. I made a vow to myself after being hospitalized twice, that I would never go back there again. I can't stand the thought of putting my family through that, and that is what I cling to as desperately as a child clings to their security blanket.

I am NOT suicidal, as much as my previous post made it seem. The meds are making sure of that. I do, however, truly appreciate your concern.

I must bear this burden, for what reason I do not know, but I made my choices in life, and good or bad, I have to believe that I will persevere. I may regret every single thing I've ever done in my life, but if this trial can teach me something about myself that I didn't know before, then I've at least succeeded in something.

Offline Ember Star

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #698 on: April 08, 2012, 02:24:19 PM »
As usual, I thought hard before posting this. It's directed to Ember, but  I believe it can apply to most -- if not all -- of us here.

I've done a stretch of time in that cell, Ember. It can be a special kind of hell when the things that you love and the things that are killing you are one and the same. I too have shouldered more than my share of responsibility from a young age, and youve probably heard all the same useless platitudes that i grew up with -- 'you're such a good child, taking care of your parent like that', 'you must be very strong to be so responsible at your age', 'I wish my children were as good to me as you are to her'. And you smile and nod and say thank you, because you just can't tell them how much it hurts, can't tell them how much you hate them for not seeing that you're drowning and needing help.

But at the same time, there's a (twisted, admittedly) sort of pride, as well. Because the platitudes are more right than they know. Because yes, you are strong. You are amazing. Athletes? Soldiers? Bah. They dont know what tough is. Athletes have coaches and teammates to guide them. Soldiers have comrades and weapons to defend them. You have learned to face the trials of life -- and even more importantly, your own inner darkness -- unarmed and alone, and you are still here. You are a survivor -- what everyone likes to imagine themselves as, but few truly are. And if you've made it this far, then you know you can make it just a little further. And then just a little further still, one day at a time. Keep on keepin' on.

*lots of hugs*


I hat to think for some time before replying to this. At firdst I just wasn't because I couldn't think of anything more to say. But then after deep thinking as I often do, I decicded I did have somethong to say. First I'd like to simply say thank you. Your words are true, but I choose to look at it slightly different. What your call strength, I call wisdom. Yes, they do go hand-in-hand at times, yes we do have both. But what we forget is the usefulness of wisdom. People who I just meet in the store think I'm much older than I am, not because of mu looks, but because I know and understand things others my age cannot. Yes it's painful to grow up a lonely childhood for whatever the reason may be. But we learn things that we usually don't come to understand until much later in life. I'm not saying it's not hell when you're going through it, it's more than hell, it's the black abyss of nothingness that sucked life away and never gives it back. Never again will I have a chance to be a child, I can never truly go back and experience the things I missed. That's that sad truth. But I look at myself and I look at other kids I knew as children and where I am now and where they are. And I realize, that despite the pain, despite the anger, despite the loneliness. I have something they can never hope to understand, I have wisdom. I can see things others cannot, I can tell when somebody's trouble simply by their little behaviors,when others my age walk in blindly. And that's something that'll save me from even greater pain, from having an abusive partner, and many other things.

That was a bit of a ramble and I don't even know if I got a point across. But what I was trying to say was out of all the bad good will come!


If I have any advice to offer, it's this. One, have a glass half full kind of viewpoint. Remember in the darkest times, there is always something good, some hope shining in the distance, and no matter how far away that hope may seem, keep focus on it. Two, 'dream, imagine it doesn't matter how un-real your fantasies are, keep them in your heart, find Zen in the depths if your mind. And three no matter how old you get, keep your child-like delight it doesn't matter how old we get, there's still something that makes us want to bounce up up and down with delight like a kid on Christmas morning. Find that something, or somethings, no matter how little it/they may be and let that delight consume you.

Those are the three rules I live by, those are the three rules that have kept me sane-ish and alive. They are hard rules to follow sometimes, but they are well worth it. And they are not just for those of us who have had lonely childhoods, they are for everybody and anybody who has pain in their life

Offline Ember Star

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #699 on: April 08, 2012, 03:00:25 PM »
Hear, hear, how well put and how very painfully true! 


*hugs to all here in need of them right now* together we can make it a day at a time, even though some days even that seems a bit overwhelming.....we CAN do it.


Painful? Yes. Painful for the fact that we lived through it and have those memories. But I find her words inspiring. Getting through it is only the first step, it's the hardest step, but it's the first. It's figuring out what you've learned from it and using that knowledge for your own good that's the tricky step. Not necessity hard, but tricky.



I'm putting this out there for anybody. I normally don't put my personal issues in the public eye, I usually prefer to be left alone about them. But there comes a time when putting it in the public eye with many others who feel the same way is exactly what you need. That being said, sometimes issues are best worked out and talked about in a one-on-one conversation. Sometimes that's just better. I have often been an ear for peoples problems to go into. I'm good at listening and not judging. For that reason and the fact that I understand what it's like, I want everybody here who feel they need an one-on-one conversation, or even just a one-way conversation to vent or anything. Feel welcomed to pm me. I am at my heart, a helper, I love to help people however I can, no matter if it's physical work, or emotional support. I like being there for people.