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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 102191 times)

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Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #575 on: December 30, 2011, 12:17:38 AM »
That's how I feel about many. Just friends and family. But nothing close enough I would say is even personal to myself. It's something I hope for with the person I could be with in the future where they can shatter that ice breaker and create a better environment for myself. I guess just someone else I can count on instead of myself is how I feel. At the same I want kind of want to be that person for someone else, really protective fellow and really caring, just can't seem to break into that boundary to meeting others.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #576 on: December 30, 2011, 07:39:53 AM »
but see, that's where it gets tricky. I'm an only child, have only my elderly father and no one I would call a close friend. Oh, I have acquaintances and co-workers.

That's how I feel about many. Just friends and family. But nothing close enough I would say is even personal to myself. It's something I hope for with the person I could be with in the future where they can shatter that ice breaker and create a better environment for myself. I guess just someone else I can count on instead of myself is how I feel. At the same I want kind of want to be that person for someone else, really protective fellow and really caring, just can't seem to break into that boundary to meeting others.

I can really relate to both of you, except, I am not an 'only' child, I was a 'lonely child'.

Shy beyond words, kept me away from meeting too many kids and the meanness of them, as I was a sickly kid growing up with too many things wrong with me, so being different I got teased or beat up a lot as a youngster.

I never came out of my shell until my adult years, and I was still quite shy and am to a point. I never really fit in anywhere. Until I found this area here. I can relate, with everyone here on this thread in some form or another. I belong, finally. :)

We are a tight group here, we share a common bond, so, I claim you both as a new friend, or family which ever you prefer, *leaves hugs*

I wish you both much success in coming to a place in feeling you belong and that we have a bond, strong enough to keep that bond growing stronger, and you find support, whether it is with all of us, or outside this community, Rhedyn has created for us, with her first post.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #577 on: December 30, 2011, 08:05:31 AM »
*loves on each and every one of you, all those that feel able post here and all those that don't*

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #578 on: December 31, 2011, 06:47:54 AM »
I can really relate to both of you, except, I am not an 'only' child, I was a 'lonely child'.

Shy beyond words, kept me away from meeting too many kids and the meanness of them, as I was a sickly kid growing up with too many things wrong with me, so being different I got teased or beat up a lot as a youngster.

I never came out of my shell until my adult years, and I was still quite shy and am to a point. I never really fit in anywhere. Until I found this area here. I can relate, with everyone here on this thread in some form or another. I belong, finally. :)

We are a tight group here, we share a common bond, so, I claim you both as a new friend, or family which ever you prefer, *leaves hugs*

I wish you both much success in coming to a place in feeling you belong and that we have a bond, strong enough to keep that bond growing stronger, and you find support, whether it is with all of us, or outside this community, Rhedyn has created for us, with her first post.

This. Not only was I an only child, there were no children my age where we lived and my parents were older. Plus our next door neighbor was one of those old men who hated children, dogs, cats, etc. so I had to be quiet. I loved reading and that was my escape. I too have never felt in..not where I grew up, not when I moved to TN and certainly not here in PA. I have always felt like the square peg trying to fit in the round hole, always on the outskirts. I often feel like that in the real world, there really is no place that I do belong.

I claim you as well as friends or family.

*leaves hugs for all*

Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #579 on: December 31, 2011, 10:19:20 AM »
I wondered how everyone's plan for the new years coming along? And I'm glad to be friends or family. Maybe decide that one of these days, but glad to meet you all. 2012 is coming along, what would you do to make it count seeing as so many people are probably going to turn fanatic about the December thing of 2012.

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #580 on: December 31, 2011, 10:34:34 AM »
This. Not only was I an only child, there were no children my age where we lived and my parents were older. Plus our next door neighbor was one of those old men who hated children, dogs, cats, etc. so I had to be quiet. I loved reading and that was my escape. I too have never felt in..not where I grew up, not when I moved to TN and certainly not here in PA. I have always felt like the square peg trying to fit in the round hole, always on the outskirts. I often feel like that in the real world, there really is no place that I do belong.

I claim you as well as friends or family.

*leaves hugs for all*

*invites all who want or need it into a group hug*

I wondered how everyone's plan for the new years coming along? And I'm glad to be friends or family. Maybe decide that one of these days, but glad to meet you all. 2012 is coming along, what would you do to make it count seeing as so many people are probably going to turn fanatic about the December thing of 2012.

I plan to make a resolution to stop vocally swearing, and keep my anger under control. *chuckles* I doubt I'll stick with either one.

As for making the coming year count, I'm also planning on doing as many of the things I've never had the courage to do.

I wish you all a very happy, healthy, and safe New Year.

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #581 on: December 31, 2011, 05:53:56 PM »
I rarely, if ever, make resolutions. But. I do want this to be the year I finally submit my writing for publication. *takes deep breath and debates hiding and not making the resolution.* My piece has a looooooonnnnng way to go before being ready though.

As for plans for tonight itself, if I manage to stay awake, my annual tradition is to start a new book at midnight.

Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #582 on: December 31, 2011, 06:35:48 PM »
I would love to read your novel. What book do you have in mind for tonight's delight?

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #583 on: December 31, 2011, 06:44:02 PM »
*slips in before bed with hugs*

Happy New Year guys and gals!
Here's hoping that 2012 is one filled with happiness and peace for you all x

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #584 on: December 31, 2011, 09:17:42 PM »
This. Not only was I an only child, there were no children my age where we lived and my parents were older. Plus our next door neighbor was one of those old men who hated children, dogs, cats, etc. so I had to be quiet. I loved reading and that was my escape. I too have never felt in..not where I grew up, not when I moved to TN and certainly not here in PA. I have always felt like the square peg trying to fit in the round hole, always on the outskirts. I often feel like that in the real world, there really is no place that I do belong.

I claim you as well as friends or family.

*leaves hugs for all*

I live in PA now too. Fancy that? :) wouldn't it be cool if we lived close by, could meet for lunch...or get together for a real support system. I think that would be awesome if we became real live friends too. My PM box is always open to those who wish to drop in.

*hugs*

Happy New Year to you and to all who need one.

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #585 on: December 31, 2011, 10:37:27 PM »
That would be cool :D

Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #586 on: December 31, 2011, 11:04:00 PM »
Happy New year! Im just acstate below! Or wherever va

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #587 on: January 01, 2012, 12:44:34 AM »
That would be cool :D

:D I agree!!

Happy New year! Im just acstate below! Or wherever va

Happy New Year lonlyazn  :D

Va is close too ;) Good wishes for a speedy approval

Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #588 on: January 01, 2012, 12:50:19 AM »
I either be really bashful, or pretty friendly. I can't tell sometimes how I'll act... but knowing you through here. I'd be a timid fellow or not... I still can't tell how I act at times  :-[
If I were to ever meet.

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #589 on: January 04, 2012, 12:01:30 AM »
*hugs to all who needs them* So the hits keep on coming here...my father, who had not been feeling well but refused to see a doctor, fell at a store tonight(not the store's fault...he's 81 and he has these moments where he gets going super fast and can't get stopped. Usually he grabs on to something but the support pole had other ideas. I was trying to catch him so he could hold on to the cart or use my cane to help slow him down, but when I went around the corner, there he was, laying face down on the floor. I may never get that image out of my head. I thought he would need stitches (as did the girl at the store and kudos to the four employees who went out of their way for us...one who waited for the ambulance and the other three who stayed with him and knew what to do). At the hospital, they discovered he has kidney failure, and I have no idea how he's going to react to having to go for dialysis. He's all I've got, truly, that I can count on in RL and I'm going to end up all alone. I can already tell you I hate it here all alone. I don't make enough to pay the rent here and my physical limitations are going to make it really difficult for me to live on my own (for example, I can't get down on the floor to clean, back pain and just not enough upper arm strength to mop really well. Who ever said we aren't given more than we can handle is wrong, because I passed that point with my health and lack of ability to get anyone to assist me with anything.

Offline lonlyazn

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #590 on: January 04, 2012, 12:25:54 AM »
I'm sorry to hear that. Just stay in high hopes and you got a safety net always elsewhere. I can't understand what you're going through, but I've known many friends with far too many health issues similar to yours and what not. I wish I could provide assistance to all of them, but I simply can't do much for them being a distance. I've sent things out to people and bought them things with what spare bits and pieces of money I could muster. I don't know why, but I just do it on a whim without question or thought. I hope he pulls through and being alive is great. You're stronger then you know it, after all this and you're still up and about. It takes a lot to keep chugging on regardless.

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #591 on: January 04, 2012, 01:01:57 AM »
*hugs Ariabella* Best wishes to you and lots of positive vibes. You will be in my prayers. *smiles*

Offline Ariabella

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #592 on: January 04, 2012, 04:44:38 AM »
*hugs* Thanks Adammair and Lonlyazn. Hugs and prayers are much appreciated.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #593 on: January 04, 2012, 05:11:01 AM »
*sends hugs and positive energy to Ariabella*

A friend had this on their facebook today and it immediately made me think of a few people I've seen around on E. Since I don't want to spam the site with the same image and I know we all feel alone sometimes I thought this would be a nice place to post it.



Remember that you are never truly alone no matter how much you feel like you are.

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #594 on: January 04, 2012, 07:58:08 AM »
Leaves Good Thoughts and Hugs for all who need or want them.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #595 on: January 20, 2012, 10:19:53 AM »
~collects on some of those stockpiled hugs today~

First slump in a while...

Offline Starlequin

I truly hope no one knows how much it took to post this.
« Reply #596 on: January 21, 2012, 05:32:16 AM »
I've never posted anything of my own in this thread before. From time to time I've offered hugs to those who've seemed down, or small encouragements when I felt it wouldn't do any harm. I've never been able (willing; comfortable; whatever) to offer anything...personal. At least, not in any place where it would be in danger of being read. But this evening, I've been in a rather unusual frame of mind, and this is where it's led me.

I've never been to a therapist, or any other psychiatric professional. So I've never actually been diagnosed with depression. I don't know what I may have, if indeed I have any sort of mental disorder at all. All I know is, I experience cycles of what I consider highs and lows. I  suppose I could be called manic-depressive 'lite', for anyone who likes labelling such things.

For the last week or so, I've been feeling miserable. More than usual, anyway. I discussed with a couple of people the idea of writing another rant and exorcising some of this pain, but I've had so much trouble putting it all into words. There's just...so much of it. Every time I opened a Notepad document and tried to start getting it all out, it felt like I was trying to level a mountain with a spoon. Then the other day, I read lollipop's latest excellent blog post, and something clicked. I realized something that I believe might be somewhat profound, and possibly a little heartbreaking.

I have been in mourning for the last 20 years.

There's so much I would have to tell, so much I'd have to explain, to make anyone really understand that. And I just don't think I can do that here, in so public a place. But looking back over my life this far, I've only very recently begun to realize the true scope of everything that I've lost, that I've sacrificed, that I've had torn away, and yes, that I've thrown away. Many of the choices that have shaped my life proved themselves not mine to make, but some of them were, and I know I made enough mistakes that I can't claim to be wholly innocent.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
I've been grieving for the loss of my childhood. It ended when I was 7, the first time one of my half-siblings tried to kill me. I've been grieving for the loss of my family. They faded away when I was 10, after my father abandoned us; my father's side disowned me outright, while most on my mother's side took the opportunity to forget I exist. I've been grieving for the loss of my potential. I had to bury it when I was 13, turning down the chance to attend a school for gifted students in order to take care of my mother. I've been grieving for the loss of my future. I shut the door on it when I wasted seven years of my life working a dead-end job and earning two useless degrees. I've been grieving for the loss of my grandparents. I lost them just five years apart, both just as I was beginning to know them as adults. I've been grieving for the loss of my sanity. Seven years without a single friend has left my thoughts withered, my heart empty, and my mind cluttered with dark figments of imagination. I've been grieving for the loss of my mother. I've watched her inch closer and closer to death every day for the last 12 years, and I don't know how much longer I can help her hang on.

Huh. Guess I wound up explaining a little of it, after all.

It was close to 1 AM when I started writing this. Time flies, I guess. Maybe what I'm trying to describe is normal. Maybe this sense of loss, of grief, maybe this pain is just what everyone goes through. Maybe this is just a part of me, finally becoming a 'real' adult. Whatever the hell that is. I don't know. I haven't had stable contact with another healthy, normal human being in so long, I don't know what normal is supposed to look like.

But I really, really hope that this isn't it.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #597 on: January 21, 2012, 06:02:50 AM »
What is normal? Does it even exist?

*Leaves a light on for a new friend, and hugs at the door.*

I understand your lost childhood very well Starlequin. My reasons are different, some are very close to the same.

Sybl

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #598 on: January 22, 2012, 05:46:49 PM »
*leaves his own light on for Starlequin, hoping that if enough of us leave our lights on, it will help to keep the darkness at bay*

*also leaves ferocious, 'attack-hugs' on a chain just long enough to allow them to reach anyone who should step onto his porch, and a sign on his PM box reading 'Open to all in need'*

I understand, as well, Starlequin. Know that we're here for you.

Let the past be the past, live in the present moment, and create your own future. I hope that helps, in some way.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #599 on: January 23, 2012, 12:05:51 AM »
~collects on some of those stockpiled hugs today~

First slump in a while...

*Hugs Rhedyn*