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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 101471 times)

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Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #500 on: October 24, 2011, 03:45:28 PM »
Thank you for your kind words Remiel :). I'm healing pretty fast which is good. I've got about a week or so before I can hopefully get back to school and work. As for the adage you used, I'm doing my best to make it so. We'll see how it goes, but I'm hopeful things will get back to normal pretty soon.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #501 on: October 26, 2011, 06:41:43 PM »
Sometimes when the depression comes on I don't realise it's really happening until it has taken root and become a problem to pull out. Take today for instance. A few things have been happening this week to get me down, I hadn't thought they were really effecting me that deeply until this evening when I'm sitting here, all alone and it washes all over me. One great big wave of sad loneliness.

Inside I'm screaming. It's deafening and all I want to do is give up, punish myself in some way for what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. I wondered why I've been feeling so clingy and in need of affection these last couple of days and now it's unfortunately becoming clear. I really don't want to drown like I did earlier this year in all the emotions but I feel like I could be going that way. I'm just so tired of it all. So tired of disappointing people and hurting, so tired of feeling bad because I can't give people what they want all the time and so tired of trying to cover up how I'm feeling.

Teetering on the edge and trying to keep balance but never truly falling because that would mean giving up. So I just struggle on and live and hope that tomorrow's going to be better. And you know what? It sucks. It sucks to a point where it can't suck anymore in it's suckiness. Of course I doubt it really cares what I think but then I'm the only one that really does care what I think these days.

It's late. I'm tired. Tomorrow has to be better because I don't know that I can deal with it sucking as bad as today did.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #502 on: October 26, 2011, 09:59:13 PM »
*hugs Rhedyn* I'm sorry, babe.

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #503 on: October 26, 2011, 10:23:06 PM »
*adds his own hugs* I'm sorry Rhedyn, I hope you feel better soon. I know how hopeless those feelings can make you feel, but in my experience they always pass after a while. If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #504 on: October 26, 2011, 10:36:59 PM »
Of course I doubt it really cares what I think but then I'm the only one that really does care what I think these days.

Though this may be partially true, this part is not..
Quote
I'm the only one that really does care what I think these days.
I know we all here care, I know I do, and you can PM me anytime my dear Rhedyn.

*hugs you tight wishing for you to fly free of those dark thoughts*

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #505 on: October 26, 2011, 10:55:43 PM »
*adds hugs exponentially* I hope you feel better soon, also, Rhedyn. It's rough, at times, but never give up. Athos is right, feelings pass, if you let them. Don't get caught up in them, and focus on the positive. *smiles warmly* My PM box is open, as well.

...ok, and Sybl just ninja'd me, while I was sitting with that post ready to send, because I didn't want to put my foot in my mouth again. But she has a point, too.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #506 on: October 27, 2011, 04:35:33 AM »
*hugs Remiel* Thank you dear <3

*hugs Athos* You're right of course. I hate when it gets on top of me like that. Makes me feel like I'm being foolish and melodramatic.

*hugs Sybl* That means a lot, thanks.

*hugs Adammair* They will pass, I know they will.

I felt marginally better after getting how I felt out last night. It always takes me unawares when I reach that point where I realise what is going on and once I know it sweeps over me in a big rush and I am able to work through it a bit better. I'm feeling much better this morning despite the fact I barely slept at all, I ended up getting into bed and drawing for most of the night. I don't usually feel able to be creative at all when the depression hits so this was a good thing. Helped me to focus on something constructive and do something with how I was feeling. Thank you all again. Your support really does mean so much. It made me happy cry when I woke up this morning.

*leaves hugs for all*

Offline ausyandy

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #507 on: October 28, 2011, 07:44:24 AM »
I've been watching this thread for a while and am long overdue to pop in a say hello. I don't usually like to bring my depression out onto forums but the positive energy in here is great and I must show my support, or what little strength I can give. Don't really have much to say right now, just wanted to check in and offer some *hugs* of my own to everyone that could use them...

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #508 on: October 28, 2011, 08:22:16 AM »
*shares hugs with ausyandy* Welcome and thank you. Hugs are always given a good home here!  ;D

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #509 on: November 04, 2011, 01:36:05 AM »
*Drops in for a few hello's and leaves a train full of hugs for all who need and want them*

You all are loved and hugged.



Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #510 on: November 04, 2011, 11:59:37 AM »
*hugs Sybl and hopes she is doing well*

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #511 on: November 04, 2011, 04:15:49 PM »
*hugs Sybl and hopes she is doing well*
*hugs back* Thank you, I am doing better. :)

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #512 on: November 04, 2011, 07:04:28 PM »
Well, its been something of an embarrassing week for me. It's the first week back to school since the assault and I had 5 midterms to write and I'm happy to say I'm fairly sure I did well on all of them. The embarrassing part came in our fitness class when we had to go out running. I'd been feeling much better for a couple of days and figured that I'd be fine. After all, we only did a quarter mile sprint and a half mile run which is usually no big deal for me. Well, apparently my body decided to revolt. Following the run I became very dizzy and my calf muscles seized up and I ended up flat on my back in the locker room floor unable to move. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing. It's bad enough that the attack happened at all, but shit happens and I can deal with that. But now I can't even rely on my body to do the things it used to do no problem. I guess I'm just impatient by nature and I expected to be back to 100 percent faster than this. Oh well, I've gotta keep going forward or else I'll never get my life back.

Love you all and hugs to all who need/want them!

Athos

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #513 on: November 04, 2011, 08:18:39 PM »
Well, its been something of an embarrassing week for me. It's the first week back to school since the assault and I had 5 midterms to write and I'm happy to say I'm fairly sure I did well on all of them. The embarrassing part came in our fitness class when we had to go out running. I'd been feeling much better for a couple of days and figured that I'd be fine. After all, we only did a quarter mile sprint and a half mile run which is usually no big deal for me. Well, apparently my body decided to revolt. Following the run I became very dizzy and my calf muscles seized up and I ended up flat on my back in the locker room floor unable to move. Needless to say, it was very embarrassing. It's bad enough that the attack happened at all, but shit happens and I can deal with that. But now I can't even rely on my body to do the things it used to do no problem. I guess I'm just impatient by nature and I expected to be back to 100 percent faster than this. Oh well, I've gotta keep going forward or else I'll never get my life back.

Love you all and hugs to all who need/want them!

Athos
It is said: Patience is a Virtue, Athos.

For me, I have been on both sides one of injuries, one of healing. Try to be more patient with your healing,
you don't want to make matters worse, by rushing.

*hugs*

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #514 on: November 04, 2011, 10:30:15 PM »
That's very true darling. I'll try to be patient. I'm just not used to feeling so weak all the time. It's a very humbling experience having to ask for help when I'm so used to taking care of everything myself. That being said, I am exceptionally blessed to have had so many wonderful people in my life there to lend a hand and their support.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #515 on: November 05, 2011, 06:30:26 AM »
*hugs Athos and sends some healing energy his way*

Offline Athos

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #516 on: November 06, 2011, 01:50:18 AM »
*returns hugs*

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #517 on: November 06, 2011, 09:35:39 AM »
leves hugs and good thoughts for all who need/want them.

Offline Sybl

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #518 on: November 06, 2011, 02:04:43 PM »
*Dropping off Sunday's and Monday's serving of hugs, for those who are well into Monday, ahead of the USA*

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #519 on: November 22, 2011, 10:26:36 AM »
Leaves Hugs and Good Thoughts for everyone.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #520 on: November 24, 2011, 05:34:11 AM »
*takes some hugs and adds to the pile*

I sincerely hope that everyone is doing well.

Offline Night Stalker

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #521 on: November 24, 2011, 09:23:14 AM »
Happy Thanksgiving To all who celebrate it.

Offline Adammair

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #522 on: November 24, 2011, 07:45:04 PM »
Happy Thanksgiving, Night Stalker, and everyone else, as well.

I think that nothing beats depression quite like picking at least one positive thing that we're thankful for, and focusing on it, reveling in it, and speaking it out loud (or typing it out loud, as the case may be) for the world to hear.

I'll start...I am thankful for my family and friends, and for my health.

Remember, I said "at least one"...I'm sure everyone can find that. *smiles*

*leaves hugs, thoughts of caring, and wishes of hope for all who need them*

Offline Zaakmaal

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #523 on: November 27, 2011, 05:37:25 AM »
I just found this blog, and tonight I am especially thankful for it.

I've been sitting up unable to sleep for the last few hours just staring at the computer screen. I don't like hearing that other people feel as down as I do on a regular basis, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone.

Its hard for me to remember a time when I was actually happy without it being fake. I am really good at faking happiness. Well, atleast pretending to care at all. Mostly I feel apathy. I feel like I just want to be left alone by everyone, yet at the same time I want to connect with someone. What I wouldn’t give for a few moments where my brain would just shut up.

I want to seem objective, but when my depression hits all bets are off. I do and think stupid things that I don’t realize are irrational at the time. I get nagging feelings of inadequacy. That nothing I do is quite good enough. That I am failing and there is no way out. It is self-perpetuating and only sends my spiraling down and down.

This post is difficult for me to make. I hate looking weak to anyone. I try to go through my day without showing any chinks in my armor. It's hard though. My mom always told me anger was a sign of mental illness, so I tend to keep it to myself instead of expressing it. I got punished for showing anger. It's not healthy. I know it isn't healthy. It's just a hard habit to kick. I may look calm, but at the same time I can just be crying out inside my head.

Right now, I am on the verge of tears, yet to anyone looking I would appear unbothered.  I push people who can see through my mask away. I only tend to really talk to people I can either discredit, can't harm me, or I can take down if need be. There is never any trust, and I hate that I can't trust. Ironically, I find men attractive, yet I have trouble trusting guys in particular.

P.S. There is a 50/50 chance this post will be deleted when I wake up tomorrow.

Online Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #524 on: November 27, 2011, 02:31:09 PM »
I hope it isn't deleted, Zaakmaal. You sound a lot like me in many ways. Very few people see behind my mask either. I do my best to hide the feelings of inadequacy, depression and fears that ripple through my days. I usually only get angry over good cause, but sometimes hormones take over and it is so hard to keep the lid on the pressure cooker. I think I end up with nightmares sometimes from holding so much inside.

;) The internet makes it so much easier to be both alone and connect at the same time. I think that is why my psyche finds it so alluring.

*offers hugs* >_> *coughcough* Blatant bribe - cookies too, if you don't delete the post.