*Hugs to all, esp. Rhedyn & Sybl*
Things are much the same here on my end. I know for many it is a chemical imbalance, but I think mine is, in part, due to a lot of emotional abuse. It seems like everyone who winds up in my RL is emotionally abusive in some form or another towards me and I end up feeling very beaten down. My so-called friend here who likes to come visit not only is verbally abusive, the other day we were were watching a movie and she kept slapping at/pinching/flicking etc at me.
When co-workers were trying to set me up with someone (which ended up going nowhere after one trip out together), I finally told them, look, why would I want someone when it will be just one more person to abuse me? And this is why, in RL at least, I'm no longer letting anyone in. Most days I'm simply left wondering why I'm even here because I seem to serve no purpose, know nothing and can do nothing. Right now I'm so down that even reading is not an escape. And I was looking forward to the August NaNoWriMo but I'm so beaten down I don't have a creative thought in my mind.
I can't even stand going to work any longer as my bosses (at least one of which I can guarantee is mentally unbalanced) as decided to cuss me, tell me everything I do is wrong and try to treat me like the store slave while others sit around talking and ignoring customers. However, since there is no law against being an ass, the actions are not something I can take to court and the only advice I get is to find a new job. Like I haven't been trying, especially since going back after surgery to my hours being drastically cut. My one co-worker is also being treated this way, but since she has actual support in her life it doesn't get her as down. All I get from my so-called support is "Do you like anybody? You get tired of working everywhere." Well, yeah, when every job ends up with people being verbally abusive, it's hard to like your job. I work my ass off and feel like I'm doing a good job, organize things so customers can find them and it gets torn down in store (and verbally) so why would I put out any effort? I still think a mountain top in Madagascar with the lemurs is the place to be.