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Author Topic: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View  (Read 101322 times)

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Offline Cassandra LeMay

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1000 on: October 05, 2014, 01:52:23 AM »
I ran across this on deviantart, and had to post it here, especially considering actor / comedian Robin Williams' suicide:



I am not sure if I agree with the sentiment of this quote, as I think it runs the dangerous risk of ... sugarcoating real problems. It strikes me a bit like telling a blind person "hey, that's cool. I bet you have super hearing." But being blind doesn't turn you into Daredevil. First and foremost it means you just can't see a thing, just as being sad or lonely primarily means you are sad or lonely.

It's all well and good to try help someone who suffers from a problem to keep (or gain) a sense of self-worth, but I see a certain danger in statements like this of painting a rosier picture of real problems than it should be. I doubt many people here would interpret it in this way, but the general public might be tempted by quotes like this to come to the conclusion that one should not complain about feeling sad or lonely or being "damaged" because that person somehow gained something from their suffering which makes up for it.

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1001 on: October 05, 2014, 01:10:56 PM »
Mmm, the way that I interpreted the quote was that often the people who seem the most outgoing or the friendliest--or perhaps, simply the most supportive of others--can sometimes be the most unhappy themselves.  Robin Williams being the case in point.  As we know, there are many causes of depression, but the prevailing myth is that it's solely due to external factors (breaking up with a girlfriend, etc.)   Sometimes people can be clinically depressed for absolutely no reason at all.

Offline davelincs

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1002 on: October 06, 2014, 08:58:29 AM »
Ibthink I've suffered from depression since I was a teenager (I'm 40 now) although it was only in my thirties that a doctor actually picked up on it. Once the anti-depressants started to work I suddenly felt like the person I should have been all my life. I felt confident, self assured, not trying to mind read what people were thinking about me, and I felt alive. Since then I've had up and down periods, usually related to whether my AD's were working or not. Nontheless, I feel that society is far more accepting of mental illness these days.

Offline Brazen Endeavors

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1003 on: October 06, 2014, 12:38:50 PM »
I need help...

I'm in tears now just writing this.. not that it's surprising, since I've spent most of the last two days crying..  but this is a low point for me.  I have not felt this bad since I was 18 and made an attempt on my life.  I'm 31 now, and I was doing so well without meds, without anything.  I spent years coping, and suddenly I cannot.

My mind..  i can't describe it.  How everything is an exit right now.  I am literally trying to plan my death around where my kids won't see it.  I'm literally trembling with this giddy sense of relief and fear because bullets have been so expensive lately, but my husband recently picked some up..

Just writing here makes me upset, that there's this great community i've lost touch with, that i have no real friends here.. with the exception of Ember, and even she's been kept at arms length..  I don't know what to do.  Please, help..

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1004 on: October 06, 2014, 01:45:49 PM »
Brazen, I don't know you, but my heart goes out to you.   Just posting this took a great deal of courage. 

All I can really say is that I know how dark things seem right now, but there is light in the darkness, if you look for it.  From the sound of things, you have a family that loves you and would miss you terribly if you were gone.  Please stay alive for them, if not for yourself.

Also, realize that this depression is not your fault, and it's not your doing.  It's a disease, just like cancer or heart disease or anything else.  And like any disease, it needs to be treated by a competent professional.

If you ever feel like ending it, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline first:  1-800-273-TALK (8255).    Remember, there are no takebacks with suicide, no second chances.   As long as you're alive, there's always hope, no matter how distant or improbable it may seem.  But once you're gone, it's forever.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1005 on: October 06, 2014, 02:30:23 PM »
Brazen, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It may not feel like it a lot of the time but you are special, loved and needed, I try to remind myself of this at my darkest times and gain strength from it.

I agree with everything Remiel has said, please use that number if you need to, there's no weakness in doing so or in seeking help from your doctor. Your post here shows you are strong and courageous, hold onto that for yourself and your family  ~offers many hugs and positive vibes~

Offline davelincs

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1006 on: October 07, 2014, 03:28:33 PM »
Hi Brazen. You're post has really impacted on me and I really hope you've been able to take the advice of the two other posters in seeking help. I'm thinking of you and hope your able to find a get better and overcome this horrible illness.

Offline Aislinn

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1007 on: October 09, 2014, 02:08:14 PM »
I've learned over the years that depression tends to go in waves, so to speak. Most of the time things are fine and then one thing triggers something of a cascade failure...which is what is currently happening with me.

Last month I got sick with the flu and it took a lot out of me. I'm a busy person with lots going on including a full time job and kids. I don't have time to be sick so I usually just push through it. 'Pushing through' it this time cost me probably another week in bed which I didn't accept gracefully. Being confined to bed brings out all those evil, negative thoughts that I generally can ignore like being useless and such.

I've noticed that since being back on my feet, I've not been able to regain my normal demeanor...and it's worrying me. I don't want to get stuck in the black abyss of depression again. I've already talked to my doctor and there is a plan in place...but still...ugh. It's been awhile since I've had a major episode and I really don't want to be battling this during my favorite time of year.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1008 on: October 10, 2014, 04:28:11 AM »
~hugs Aislinn~ I totally get the waves thing, it's the same for me. Sometimes it's a gentle wave I can swim past while other times it's more ferocious and I get swept up in the undercurrent and feel like I'm drowning.

I'm sorry to hear that it's been mentally bad for you at the moment, but I'm also glad that you went to see your doctor about it. It takes a lot of strength to do that once you recognise that familiar pull rather than ignore it and hope it goes away (which I have been super guilty of in the past).

~sends much love and positive thoughts your way~

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1009 on: October 14, 2014, 10:22:18 PM »
I have fought with depression my entire life. And ever since I was a young boy, it rarely gave moments of respite.

When I was barely 3, my mother and father split up and I spent years feeling responsible in some way. I didn't know what they argued or fought about and it didn't matter. I just knew that they were both pushed to their limits. I was old enough to know that something was seriously wrong. When I was 7, I was molested by a young male son to a babysitter's family. I didn't know anything about sex, but I knew something horrible just happened. It would take years for me to understand the long term damage it had done. I rarely knew friendship in school, and when I did... they would die (in the case of my first friend) or lose themselves in trying to be popular... to be somewhat "accepted" as a living lie as opposed to being true to themselves. I saw no point in pretending to be something I wasn't.

Then I would watch my strong, seemingly indestructible father go through a second divorce. Then my mother's second divorce. I would struggle and fail in nearly every relationship and then, finally my father's third divorce when I was lost and didn't know whether to believe in benevolence or ruthless ambition. I spent some 20 or so years of feeling unable to connect with any resemblance to a kindred spirit. I also had to help fight a government's war when I signed up to fight for a country instead. To top it off, I have heart-related issues that make me second-guess my mortality, if that makes any sense. I didn't have the hardest life of all time... others have hurt even more than me and have been damaged in ways more difficult to repair. But needless to say, life doesn't discriminate. Whether we live by greed, power or love... life sometimes deals a bad set of cards. Or in cases similar to mine... several. Because of that continuous pattern for years, I had allowed myself to be conditioned by it.

The solace I have is that my father was my hero and I never saw him broke as a child. His spirit cracked and fractured at times... but he never broke until during his third divorce. He was a perfect man in my eyes back then. Strong, capable, wise and had a big heart to go with a "No-Nonsense" Texan attitude. Later I saw his faults, but it didn't completely erase the man he (and later, my mother) helped to redeem. It is due to depression that I feel like an odd wolf, or some similar kind of beast. I am soft in my heart and tough at my hide. Weak in my body, strong in loyalty. I love fiercely and express it without apology and I don't contain vehemence (or a certain satisfaction) in striking down others that intend to harm people I love. Strangely, it is due to this topic that I had an odd epiphany. My bouts with depression have strangely made me strong in ways, but the campaign has weakened me with a crucial blow to my spirit: I have had trouble accepting that someone like myself can be loved or admired. It is why I have always shrugged off compliments and praise for the longest time. Because I've rarely been noticed, liked or valued in my life outside of the small, tightly-knit tribe that is my family... I have had a hard time believing that people could be caring (and as vulnerable) as I could be.

Today, I realize how far I have come. It's too long of a story on how I rose up and found tools to fight this longtime curse that we all feel at times in our lives. Maybe I'll tell the rest of that story someday, but right now I remember the positive effect that those few remaining in my life still provide. The family I still have, and those I've come to know on Elliquiy. Even you guys have a way of reshaping and improving me in ways I didn't imagine when applying here nearly a year ago! I can't believe it's been almost a full year now... and some of you I felt like I have known my entire life. I'm not glad I suffer from depression, I'm glad for the others that paint such a stark contrast to a world of hurt I once thought was all it could offer me.

All of these relationships in my life now (you guys, included!) give me a new sense of hope, renewal and power each day. I frequently am reminded that I'm not a perfect man, but I am much more than what others could ever see due to that new color they've added to my life in later years.

Online Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1010 on: October 14, 2014, 10:32:11 PM »
Crow, you have just torn me asunder in the most beautiful way possible. My heart felt every word. Thank you for sharing. It's true that we are shaped by what happens to us, but we have the ability to chose what that shape will be. What a marvelous soul has been cast by your hardship. May it continue to grow. I am glad to call you friend.

Offline marauder13

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1011 on: October 14, 2014, 10:51:38 PM »
Life sure as hell swings the hammer hard.

But the hammer that can so easily destroy, warp or break something also builds, strengthens and repairs.

Something tells me that the hammer has gone from the former to the later. Also, thank you for sharing that insight into your experiences. May to continue to find more strength, courage, empathy and peace in your further travels through life.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1012 on: October 15, 2014, 03:57:54 AM »
Thank you for sharing Crow, sometimes it feels like life is throwing us more than we can handle but what really counts is how we grow and strengthen ourselves from our experiences. I think you've done an amazing and inspiring job of this and I hope that you only grow in strength as life continues.

~offers hugs~

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1013 on: October 17, 2014, 08:47:55 PM »
:)

It is hard to deal with everyday. I have to look back ten years to see my improvement. It's hard to show a day-by-day progress. Perspective and all that.

Not really feeling too hot or interesting, today. But posting that felt... liberating for both personal issues and my doubts in my writing ability.


Thank you for reading, however. It is much appreciated.

Offline marauder13

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1014 on: October 17, 2014, 09:03:23 PM »
Thank you for reading, however. It is much appreciated.

No, mate. Thank you for writing. It is much appreciated.

Seriously, to everyone who takes the time, and the guts, to open up on this blog, you have my greatest respect for the effort you put in to getting the words out. One day, I will have the same courage to open up as well. My thanks to all of you for showing me that it can be done.


And finally, a really big thank you for Rhedyn for starting the blog, and allow others to share in the special place this is.

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1015 on: October 17, 2014, 09:17:54 PM »
I'd also like to extend my thanks to Rhedyn. *accepts her hug*

It is certainly not easy to expose yourself or leave yourself "vulnerable" to others... even if you know that they have your back. I just feel fortunate that Elliquiy is one of few places in this world that won't judge me harshly based on what they see in me. I'm truly glad to be a part of this flock, even if I'm not feeling at my best.  :-)

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1016 on: October 18, 2014, 03:32:51 AM »
I'd also like to say that my heart goes out to people that have to bear their frown beneath a smile. I know your pain all too well.  -_-

Online Oreo

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1017 on: October 18, 2014, 03:45:10 AM »
Sometimes it is so hard to wear the smile, but in the end I do feel better wearing the smile that covers pain, than wearing a frown. The frown makes me feel worse in spirit. The more you wear it the easier it gets to forget about the feelings of others. I would rather practice smiling.

Offline RhedynTopic starter

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1018 on: October 18, 2014, 03:47:36 AM »
And finally, a really big thank you for Rhedyn for starting the blog, and allow others to share in the special place this is.

I'd also like to extend my thanks to Rhedyn. *accepts her hug*

Awww, thank you both! I'm so happy that people have found it useful in some way and while I wish other people didn't have to struggle with depression I do feel less alone in my own struggles when others come forward with their own stories or just to offer hugs and support. I started this blog three years ago now (doesn't the time fly!), I remember writing the first post and just sitting on it for days until I got to a point where I felt I could post it as I wasn't sure what kind of a reaction it would get. I know that sometimes this blog can be very difficult to read but I wanted to say that I appreciate every single post in it and the courage it takes for others to make those posts.

~leaves hugs and love for all~

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1019 on: October 18, 2014, 04:21:47 AM »
I feel the need to vent, too. Although... I can't really do too much of that here. I have kind of assumed the role of part welcoming committee and friendly villager around here. I wish I could improve things. I wish I could connect more.

It's strange, though it really should feel that way, that I do relate with more people here on Elliquiy than those I've known in life. But the routine I have on E is pretty much the same as I'm used to doing out of empathy and habit. I've always assumed that hero role, even when I lost something important or experienced some kind of hurt. I'd try to be that guy for others to come to and help them out in any way I could. I find myself getting dry... my wits becoming frayed and split, and my heart turning into stone. I've asked my dad about what he had to deal with in his situation. His health has been concerning me lately. My Dad dropped a logic bomb on me recently, and he can kind of speak from experience on this. I didn't want to worry him, but I think he saw through my question and saw that I was asking what I should do, not really how he handled his situation back then. He posed this to me (paraphrasing, because he talks in circles like I do sometimes):

"Being the hero is admirable, son. But is it really fair for others to put all that pressure on you? All the time? What happens to the hero when he needs saving? Who can save him? Who would? The people that needed him before likely weren't as strong, brave or maybe even loving enough... or they wouldn't have needed the hero's help to begin with. Some people are too weak to be a hero, some are cowards and others too selfish. Not all people are like this, but there is a reason why you don't see very many people try to do what you do. It's a sacrifice with good intentions but diminishing return. So why/how could they save him from his problem? Who would rescue him?"

That's fitting. Because that's kind of the boat I'm in now, you could say. I feel like the one guy people have seem to forgotten, you know? I think he's afraid of me becoming bitter. And observing my current pattern. He very well could be correct.  -_-

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1020 on: October 18, 2014, 12:38:46 PM »
One doesn't always have to be strong, or even particularly brave to save a hero.  Loving can be enough.  Because every hero has a weak point - something that they can't cope with on their own.

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/brooklyn/brooklyn-special-ed-student-essay-vision-impaired-teacher-lands-superman-article-1.375043

And sometimes, the people that have been saved and that you don't think are 'up to it' just surprise you:

linked for kids' show reasons

Offline Cassandra LeMay

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1021 on: October 19, 2014, 02:22:13 AM »
Not all people are like this, but there is a reason why you don't see very many people try to do what you do. It's a sacrifice with good intentions but diminishing return.

If it were done for the 'return' it wouldn't be a sacrifice, would it?

I feel like the one guy people have seem to forgotten, you know?
I know the feeling and I suppose I could say a lot about the topic, but I'll just toss this thought at you instead:

Being forgotten and people just not telling you that they remember can be two very different things. What is it you expect people to say or do, to show you that they haven't forgotten? Do you do the same to others - all the time, sometimes, rarely?

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1022 on: October 21, 2014, 01:03:21 PM »
This is difficult to answer, because effort cannot be measured.

Regarding the other part, it feels more like I try harder for others because that's part of my protective nature. I can't really give an accurate amount when something like effort can only be subjective and sentimental in perception. I just feel like I could at least experience this two way street that people keep talking about.  -_-

Offline Remiel

Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1023 on: October 21, 2014, 03:01:33 PM »
People are selfish beings, by nature.  It's typical for people to take things for granted and not be appreciative of the nice things you do for them.  That doesn't mean that you shouldn't continue to be the "hero", just that you should either accept you're not going to get recognition for your selfless acts, or perhaps extend yourself out for others a little bit less. 

No kind of relationship can be all one-way.  It simply doesn't work.  There always has to be give and take, in any kind of relationship.  If you find that you're giving and giving and not getting anything in return, it may be time to let that relationship go.

That said, Cassandra does have a point.  Just because people may not be vocal about acknowledging your efforts, doesn't mean they don't appreciate them. 

Offline Dallas

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Re: Dealing with Depression ~ A Personal Point of View
« Reply #1024 on: October 21, 2014, 03:15:45 PM »
It is a fair point to consider, I will admit.