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Author Topic: Military Prisoner  (Read 505 times)

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Offline AnithinumTopic starter

Military Prisoner
« on: January 06, 2011, 09:07:58 PM »
Well this is the first draft of the beginning of my 4th Novel. It's a rough, so it might be a bit messy. It's just a short view of it really, just thought it would be appropriate in case people want to know my style of writing:


„Dear Jo-jo,
Sorry my reply took so long, it’s really busy down at my end and you know how things are here...curfew for everything!!! Which unfortunately includes writing letters to friends and family. I hope you’re keepin’ mom and dad sane, and hopefully off each other’s necks! And keep those grades up or I’ll come back and beat some chemistry into you. Just messing, I know you always score unnaturally high, higher than me but hey what can I say? I ain’t a geek like you, guess the smart-genes all got passed down to you from the family tree ay?
I’m stalling. I said I’d be home for Easter, but I got some bad news and I hope you’re not gonna hate me for it. I got drafted. Again. I know. I know. You’re freaking out, just like mom would. I wrote them a letter too just to spare you having to go through with all the explaining. But Iraq is in turmoil, and we’re being sent down there to ‘help out’. Bit cliché if you know what the army’s really like. You never get sent to just ‘help out’, there’s always a fine print. So I don’t know what to tell you and I can’t lie to you or feed you a covered up version like with mom and dad, please don’t tell them about this. They’ll sleep better if they think I’m just setting up camp and building shelters there.
Anyway I’m stalling again. I just wanna write you to say I’m sorry Joe, I haven’t seen you in two years and I just got back from Iraq and now I’m goin’ again and I know that must be hard for you, but I don’t have a say in this, like you know. I have to leave in the morning, by the time you get this I’ll probably already be halfway there and God knows when I’ll be able to write you next so I’m taking the opportunity now. I miss you baby sis’, and I’ll try to be home as soon as I can to ruffle your hair and see how strong you got, maybe now you can beat me in a decent fight, although I doubt that, what with all this governmental training I’m getting. Nah, just messing again.
Keep me proud Jo-jo, and keep kicking those adolescent boys’ butt’s in my absence! That’ll give me some shut-eye in Iraq. I’ll write you again as soon as I can.
Your annoying bro;

6 Months Later...

  Joe folded the letter and stuffed it back into her jacket and turned her head to look out the window at the flashing country-sides that flew by. That was the last letter she ever received before the casualty. Now he was just a fallen soldier. Three months after Joe had found out, she dropped out of university. Her motivation had vanished quicker than a speed train. Instead she dedicated her time to research to expose the government everyone thought to know. Prowling around waving their flags shouting things like: “preventing war” and “Keeping the country safe”. She hadn’t found out a whole lot, they’re the government after all and they had ways to cover these things up. The same way they make people believe in all the rubbish they promise them. Sometimes it made Joe think of the time she wished to be out of high school to leave all the entrapment and deceits and lies behind, only then to discover that the world on the outside wasn’t that much different; people still lied and sat in cages. However, the one difference was that in high school it was all a game, even if unbearable at the time. It was serious now, though the facts stayed the same, it was the actions that had been inflated; bullying became murder, groping became rape, the self-aware stuck-ups became the rich high consumers who ran the monopoly, and the teachers became the government that have a monthly conference on what information they feed the students. This was one of the reasons Joe decided to leave school behind all together; she didn’t need it, it was just the smokescreen that would prepare her for the inevitably disgusting world outside shut doors.
  The only thing Joe had found out was that Afghanistan didn’t want the British Governments help, or need it. Joe concluded that what England was doing was sending brave but completely blind soldiers out into mine-fields telling them they were there to help care for the community. It was the Military’s way of chivalry. Joe was willing to bet that all the soldiers who were drafted to Afghanistan knew exactly what they were sent out there to do; gain control and power and destroy anything that tried to stop them, but as is human nature; a person’s greatest enemy is oneself. The denial Joe’s brother had been trained into; “The Military protects people, helps people, helps our country”, where the hidden meaning would read: “The Military controls people, manipulates people, and sends them out to die for their country”.
    Which brings us again to Joe dropping out. Like everyone, she had become a product...of the government. They pulled the strings that she couldn’t know were there. Made to believe that when she left school she was free to do what she wanted. But was that the truth? Hector’s death woke her up from that belief and washed her down with ice water. People aren’t kind, they do what they have to, to survive. In the modern world that means; money, power and a few silenced deaths swept under your carpet.
 She had gone out looking for answers, but the cruelty of the world isn’t listed in books or on the internet, or even in the retired who fought for the government at one point. The cruelty of the world is to be found where it takes place. It might be far cry, but Joe was injured, and until the wound healed, she wouldn’t give up. So she’d got on that train at o-five-hundred, and she’d signed up two days before, and she’d shaved her hair off, taken the ‘necessary’ shots, sworn to be loyal, and left her entire life behind. Her brother had died in Afghanistan because the enemy became hostile, and that was where she was going.
    In order to get there, and live the same experience to find the truth, she’d signed up for the army. Two years training, then she’d be sent on her first mission to Afghanistan, that’s how long her brother would have to wait. Joe had left everything, detached herself from everything, and only held onto the one thriving hope; the passionate hate she felt towards the Military.
   The truth is, Hector was the perfect assassin, the only way he would die was if something unexpected had happened and Joe knew, that could only have been an inside job. So she swore that even if it cost her life, she would find out what really happened and make whoever was responsible pay for the damage they had done.

Offline Rygarr

Re: Military Prisoner
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2011, 01:37:54 PM »
So far it sounds great anithinum, you defiantly know how to start stories and create characters. Keep it up!

Offline AnithinumTopic starter

Re: Military Prisoner
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2011, 01:45:53 PM »
Thank you! :P