LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN
Slevin: I'm gonna say the same thing any man with two penises says when his tailor asks him if he dresses to the right or left.
[cuts to Boss's penthouse]
The Boss: They call him "the Fairy"...
Slevin: Why do they call him "the Fairy"?
The Boss: Because he's a fairy.
Slevin: What, he's got wings... he flies around sprinkling magic dust on people?
The Boss: [angry] He's a homosexual!
Brikowski: Who are you?
Slevin: Philosophically speaking?
Slevin: Rank, serial number?
Dumbrowski: You should really play ball kid.
Slevin: Really? You think I'm tall enough?
Brikowski: [hits Slevin in stomach]
Brikowski: What is your name?
Slevin: [gasping for breath] Oh yeah, now I remember, Slevin Kelevra.
The Boss: [shows Slevin the body of Slim in his freezer] Hey, Slim! You know this cat? Slim!
[turns to Slevin]
The Boss: No use. Ever since somebody shot him, old Slim went deaf.
Slevin: What happened to make Slim go deaf?
The Boss: Why?
Slevin: Well, because I owe you $96,000, and I may have a slight problem coming up with the money.
The Boss: Oh, okay. Well, why don't we just make it an even 90?
Slevin: I... may have exaggerated the slightness.
Mr. Goodkat: The reason I'm in town, in case you're wondering, is because of a Kansas City Shuffle.
Nick: What's a Kansas City Shuffle?
Mr. Goodkat: A Kansas City Shuffle is when everybody looks right, you go left.
Nick: Never heard of it.
Mr. Goodkat: It's not something people hear about. Falls on deaf ears mostly. This particular one has been over twenty years in the making. No small matter. Requires a lot of planning. Involves a lot of people. People connected by the slightest of events. Like whispers in the night, in that place that never forgets, even when those people do. It starts with a horse.
Slevin: Listen, I've been hearing that a lot lately...
The Rabbi: [interrupting] My father used to say: "The first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle."
Lindsey: What happen to your nose?
Slevin Kelevra: I used it to break some guy's fist.
Elvis: Yo, man, I ain't askin' nobody nothin'! Nick, Slevin, Clark Kent, whatever the fuck your name is. The Virgin Mary herself could com waltzin' up in here with her fine ass, titties hangin' out and everything, and if she tells me your name is Jesus Christ, I still gotta take you to see the Boss. You know why?
Slevin Kelevra: No.
Elvis: Orders. Now you do know what orders is right?
Slevin Kelevra: I think I know... -...
Elvis: Orders is orders.
Slevin Kelevra: So, I guess no one ever taught you not to use the word your defining in the definition.
Elvis: [smirks, punches Slevin] Say something else! I will break your motherfucking nose! I ain't playing with you!
Slevin Kelevra: My nose is already broken.
[scene cuts, with audio of Slevin being punched again, to Slevin's nose broken again]
Slevin's Girlfriend: [after Slevin walks in on her cheating on him] This is an accident.
Slevin: What, like... He tripped, you fell?
Lindsey: How ironic.
Slevin Kelevra: I know, I don't even gamble.
Lindsey: No. A rabbi with a gay son. That's ironic.
Slevin: How did you find out about us?
Mr. Goodkat: I'm a world-class assassin, fuckhead. How do you think I found out?
Slevin: I'm not gay.
Brikowski: I'm a cop.
Slevin: Well, I'm not a robber if you catch my drift.
The Rabbi: But killing you before you killed me would be...
The Rabbi: Acceptable.
Now watch this movie! lol