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Author Topic: How weird are you?  (Read 937 times)

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Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

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How weird are you?
« on: January 29, 2007, 05:53:06 AM »
The Kook Report

   How weird are you?

   Many occultists, pagans, new-agers, geeks, physicists and little old
   men like to claim that they are weird, at least when faced with
   blatantly normal company. But how true is it? After all, there's a lot
   more to being weird than just knowing some funky stuff.

   To see if you actually capture the unhinged feeling of tentative
   lunacy that makes up genuine weirdness, just go through the following
   quiz question by question, keeping score.

   The more points you get, the stranger you are.

   If you don't understand any of the questions, then you can assume that
   you scored a 0 for that question.

   The genuinely weird may like to email me their scores, although this
   is not an action that will gain you any bonus points. If this is so in
   your case, I undertake not to react too offensively to such an email,
   perhaps.

     _________________________________________________________________

   In the following quiz, select the answer 1-6 that most closely
   corresponds with your actual feelings/attitude/life. You may
   occasionally be asked to make a choice in advance - do so before
   reading the answers for maximum effect. Each answer will score from 1
   to 6 points, with 1 being 1, 6 being 6, and 2 - 5 being 2 - 5 points
   respectively. This is very intuitively obvious, if you are able to
   think about it. You know. 3 is 3, yeah? Yeah. You got it.
   Trust me.

     _________________________________________________________________

    1. MAKE A CHOICE - Select a number between 1 and 100 NOW!

       You chose:
         1. 2-4, 6, 9-16, 19-22, 24-41, 43-56 or 58-99
         2. 1, 7, 69 or 100
         3. 42
         4. 23, 5, 17 or 18
         5. 8
         6. 57

    2. I'm going to say The Illuminatus! Trilogy to you.

         1. What is The Illuminatus! Trilogy?
         2. Oh, that old yarn by Wilson, right?
         3. I read the Illuminatus once. It was funny.
         4. I've read the Illuminatus many, many times. It contains the
            secrets of the universe, if you look hard enough.
         5. I own a printed & bound copy of the Principia!
         6. I sign my name with the letters KNS after it.

    3. You're walking down the street, dressed in your favorite clothes.

         1. Businessmen look upon you as an equal
         2. No-one pays much attention. Trendy young people snigger
            slightly.
         3. Little children look slightly nervous at you.
         4. Builders and laborers cross the road to avoid passing you.
         5. A concerned citizen phones the police, who send in a SWAT
            team to take you out. Ha! It does no better than the last
            three.
         6. No-one pays much attention, until they try to seduce you.
            When they see your underwear, those who survive run away
            very, very fast, and do not talk to anyone about sex ever
            again. You do try not to sit down too much, though.

    4. What do you think of Cthulhu?

         1. Ummm... it's a random string of unintelligible letters?
         2. Monster from Lovecraft's horror fiction.
         3. Tentacled monster that sleeps imprisoned in a sunken island
            in the south pacific, waiting to rise again.
         4. A fascinating magickal egregore, very useful for dream-based
            rituals to Unknown Kaddath.
         5. Hng! Hng! Ia! Ia Cthulhu f'thagn! f-f-f-father! YOG SOTHOTH!!
         6. [Secretive smile] Who? Didn't you come in here to buy a book,
            sonny, not to ask an old man silly questions?

    5. How do you derive your regular income?

         1. I work in an office. Why?
         2. I get a grant.
         3. I'm on welfare hand-outs.
         4. I deal drugs in Times Square.
         5. My father, who died some years ago, left me an inheritance
            that produces a modest monthly stipend. It isn't fantastic,
            but it's more than enough to keep my work going without
            'dipping into the capital'.
         6. Money comes to me as and when I need it. The means varies
            from day to day - yesterday, I found N$3000 (Three Thousand
            Nigerian Dollars) hidden inside a cat.

    6. Bob?
         1. Jim?
         2. Oh yeah, what do you call a disabled guy in a swimming pool,
            haha.
         3. Haha! Slack! The Anti-Bob! Kill me! Frop! Hahaha!
         4. ... Ha! Watch me go! I'm the cosmic neutron gun! Throw my
            switch and watch me blast you into space, baby! I ate the
            Earth for breakfast, but it tasted like crap so I spewed it
            back up again! Nothing can come close to me, because I COME
            CLOSE TO IT!! I...
         5. That'll be $5, please.
         6. No.

    7. MAKE A CHOICE! Select a number between 1 and 10 NOW!

       You chose:
         1. 1, 5, 7, 8, 10.
         2. 3
         3. 2
         4. 9
         5. 6
         6. 4

    8. Where, to your mind, do 'Strange Phenomena' start being strange?
         1. Anything that science can't explain easily.
         2. Telepathy. That really weirds me.
         3. A Rain of Live Frogs.
         4. Crop Circles appearing in concrete.
         5. Large demons appearing on live TV and ripping up a
            politician.
         6. From the womb onwards, dude.

    9. What is Magick?
         1. David Copperfield. (But you spelt it wrong - no 'k',
            dumb-head)
         2. Strange people in silly clothes doing pointless things to
            chickens.
         3. Frazer's Law of Sympathy and Law of Contagion.
         4. The art of causing change in conformity with will.
         5. All life is Magick.
         6. Laughter.

   10. Do you possess any psychic powers?
         1. Aw, frag off smeghead.
         2. No, but I wish I did.
         3. Well, I am very intuitive and in touch with my feminine
            nature.
         4. I know who's on the phone before I answer it.
         5. Yes, I often get visions which later come true. Bookies hate
            me.
         6. Yeehaw! I've nearly got the full set! All I need now is
            Full-contact Psychometry! Say.. you wouldn't swap me for 2
            Telepathys and a Clairvoyance, would you? I could throw in a
            Green Fingers, too...

   11. Do you play any Role-Playing Games?
         1. Dungeons and Dragons leads to Satanism and suicide. I'm way
            too smart for that.
         2. Oh boy, yes! I only stop playing CarWars to go to the toilet
            once a week!
         3. Yeah, sure, I've played some role-playing games. They're an
            interesting exercise.
         4. I read White Wolf(tm) Rulebooks, but I don't actually play.
         5. I write role-playing games professionally, as a matter of
            fact.
         6. Play??? Look bud, all my best magick was learnt from RPGs!
            Don't believe me? Watch, then, as I fireball your cat!

            ***WHOOOOOSSSSSSHH***
            **WHUMP**
            *MEEeeoooww......*
            HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

   12. A typical thing that your parents would say to you is:
         1. "Hello, dear, it's your mother. When are you bringing the
            kids round to see us again? I hope you're eating properly...
            I've been so tired recently."
         2. "TURN THAT BLOODY NOISE DOWN!"
         3. "Mph. Snrph. Wassup? Uh? Its 2am, forgodsake!"
         4. Told to you only by mediums, 'cos they're no longer alive.
         5. "Its who??"
         6. Nzrgnbit Zipplikaddah Cherbis Gazrag Earth Minnip Koodah
            Soon. Mwahahah!

   13. Do you see auras?
         1. What they?
         2. No.
         3. I tried once or twice, but no luck.
         4. After 30 minutes naked, alone in a dark room...
         5. Yes.
         6. That depends. I had a real mean aura in here once, it chewed
            up half the place, and I had to replace the sofa too. How
            much is it offering? Is it house-trained?

   14. If you are going to program a computer, what language do you use?
         1. Oh, I don't program computers. I use Microsoft.
         2. BASIC.
         3. Pascal
         4. Object-extended C++, with the help of some home-defined
            libraries.
         5. I program in binary, actually.
         6. COBOL.

   15. Let us suppose that you have a long-lost great-aunt, who dies and
       leaves you something in her will. What would it be?
         1. Ten Million Dollars.
         2. A nice house, say 30-40K, some furniture.
         3. A cat.
         4. A crumbling old Gothic mansion, miles from anywhere, served
            by a single elderly retainer, just as crumbly. As you drive
            through the obligatory little village to take possession, all
            the locals stare at you with a mixture of fear, hope and
            pity, but all you can think of is the wonderful party you're
            going to have there at the next full moon with all your
            Sorority sisters from the Campus.
         5. A mysterious old envelope, containing three sheets that look
            suspiciously like an ancient map...
         6. A peculiar brass casket, sealed with wax and covered with odd
            heiroglyphs and symbols. Despite repeated urgings, you put it
            in the attic, unopened, and never touch it again. The matter
            is never mentioned again, save for a strange new addition to
            your will that your lawyer receives a short time later.

   16. What did you last eat?
         1. A nice pork chop, with some boiled potato and cabbage.
         2. Lentil stew with wok-fried beansprouts and a glass of
            holistic carrot extract.
         3. A portion of chips.
         4. A pizza that was delivered to your door by a jumpy delivery
            guy.
         5. Some wafers made of a mixture of your own blood, your dog's
            sexual fluids, burnt parchment and oatmeal bran.
         6. Somalia.

   17. What work of Aleistair Crowley's did you find most illuminating?
         1. Who?
         2. Oh, well, actually, I never read any of his stuff yet, but I
            will real soon.
         3. Magick in Theory and in Practice
         4. Diary of a Drug Fiend
         5. The Book of The Law
         6. The Book of Lies

   18. What is your normal sexual position?
         1. Ohh. Uhh. Um. My. Um. The missionary, I suppose.
         2. On top.
         3. In train toilets.
         4. In the middle.
         5. Spread on the altar with a candle up my ass
         6. Hanging by our feet from a street lamp, with our ears welded
            together and a pair of Moroccan Baboons for light relief.

   19. Do you have any pets?
         1. Yes, a dog.
         2. No.
         3. Yes, a cat.
         4. Yes, six Japanese fighting fish, carefully segregated.
         5. Weellll, sort of - I breed rabbits, goats and black
            cockerels. I do try not to get too attached to them, though.
         6. Oh yes, *giggle*, yes indeed. He'd like to see my pets, Igor!
            Come, come, let me show you. Its much easier that way.

   20. Which of the following phrases do you use most often?
         1. "Isn't the weather dreadful!"
         2. "No, thanks."
         3. "A beer, Charlie. Make it a cold one."
         4. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that your child? Please, have her back.
            Good day! I beg your...? Fuck you too, Madam."
         5. "Ateh! Malkuth! Ve Gevurah! Ve Gedulah! Le Olahm!!"
         6. "Please come back, little person! I only playing! Ha! Caught
            you! Oh. You leaking, person! Wake up! Why you all go sleep?
            No fun! You people so boring!"

     _________________________________________________________________

   Now, add up your scores. You'll need to subtract twenty (Hey! Is it my
   fault that the ordered list tag in HTML can't be configured to start
   numbering at zero?!?)

   How did you do?

   0
          Mmm. You're normal. You're so straight, you even think in
          lines. In fact, anyone this normal would have never bothered
          reading this post, so if you're reading this, you're either
          curious, stupid, or very, very silly. This level of person is
          dullsville.

   1-20
          Well, you've heard the call of the strange out there, roaming
          the plains of life. You haven't answered, but at least you
          didn't assume it was indigestion. This level of score indicates
          a person who is probably more normal, to be fair, than someone
          who got 0. If you only got 1 or 2, be very careful - its all
          downhill from here!

   21-40
          You're fairly odd. Your normal friends describe you as weird,
          and you take it as a compliment. You probably wear black, so as
          to make a point and slightly worry the people who still
          remember World War I. You are likely to be interested in
          strange things, but you never seem to manage to get to grips
          with them.

   41-60
          Definitely a bit on the wild side. You are probably a student
          of paranormal matters. People who get to know you are often
          surprised that you aren't as straight as they first thought.
          Your last girl/boyfriend was scared for 3 weeks after splitting
          with you, just in case. You intimidate petty authority figures,
          such as interviewers, bus conductors and moral rights
          campaigners.

   61-80
          You are undoubtedly odd. You worry your family, and you no
          longer have any normal friends. When you go on holiday, you
          chose places like Transylvania, the Sonora desert, McMurdo
          Sound and the Amazonian rain-forest. You mutter and mumble to
          yourself in times of stress, and you try not to open your
          wardrobe too often, in case something comes through...

   81-95
          You, my friend, are either several bats short of a belfry, or a
          dedicated, trained occultist. If there is a difference. Plants
          wither in your presence, children run away yelping, dogs run
          away yelping, even chicken run away yelping, for god's sake.

          You live in a different world to the rest of the planet, and
          you like it there. Definitely, unashamedly weird.

   96-100
          You are so bizarre that I'm surprised you managed to read this
          quiz, let alone complete it. Talking to you is rather like
          trying to carry a basket of live turkies up the side of the
          Empire States Building in a gale - very hard, extremely
          dangerous, full of 'gobble-gobble-gobble' noises, and covered
          in feathers. The last time you stopped long enough to observe
          the rest of humanity, someone slapped a parking fine on you.
          You wouldn't know a tax return unless it came up to you and
          introduced itself to you by clan. Most of them do.

   100
          You are being silly. This test has ended. Give it up. Go get a
          life, for god's sake!

- - - - -

Answering (mostly) seriously, I normally come in around the mid 50s.

Offline Elvi

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2007, 06:18:11 AM »
Strangely and I have just done the test and we almost got the same scores:

          You are undoubtedly odd. You worry your family, and you no
          longer have any normal friends. When you go on holiday, you
          chose places like Transylvania, the Sonora desert, McMurdo
          Sound and the Amazonian rain-forest. You mutter and mumble to
          yourself in times of stress, and you try not to open your
          wardrobe too often, in case something comes through...

Just about fits, though I am afraid that it's just too late for the wardrobe, you should see the state of the door!

Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

  • Lei varai barbu - The true bearded one
  • Knight
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Dec 2006
  • Location: Ireland
  • Gender: Male
  • And the Scorpion said "Little frog .. I can swim."
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Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2007, 06:19:14 AM »
Did you remember to knock off the 20 points at the end?

Offline Mia

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2007, 06:23:22 AM »
Hmmm 63... and I thought I was worse then that ;)

Offline Elvi

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2007, 06:30:12 AM »
Yup......20's deducted as instructed sir....and questions answered as truthfully as possible within the boundries of the answers....

Though all of our friends are perfectly normal, it's everyone else that is strange.....

Offline Mia

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2007, 06:33:43 AM »
Ah! Now I see... that must be how it is ;)

Offline HairyHereticTopic starter

  • Lei varai barbu - The true bearded one
  • Knight
  • Addict
  • *
  • Join Date: Dec 2006
  • Location: Ireland
  • Gender: Male
  • And the Scorpion said "Little frog .. I can swim."
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 1
Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2007, 06:35:08 AM »
No worries. I've seen a fair number of people forget that bit, which was why I asked.

Offline Mia

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2007, 06:35:42 AM »
Well I did :) (didn't forget)

Offline Cherri Tart

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #8 on: February 05, 2007, 02:01:45 AM »
Definitely a bit on the wild side. You are probably a student
          of paranormal matters. People who get to know you are often
          surprised that you aren't as straight as they first thought.
          Your last girl/boyfriend was scared for 3 weeks after splitting
          with you, just in case. You intimidate petty authority figures,
          such as interviewers, bus conductors and moral rights
          campaigners.

lol - yeah, i am SO intimidating  ;)

Offline Lirliel

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #9 on: February 05, 2007, 12:42:50 PM »
21-40
          You're fairly odd. Your normal friends describe you as weird,
          and you take it as a compliment. You probably wear black, so as
          to make a point and slightly worry the people who still
          remember World War I. You are likely to be interested in
          strange things, but you never seem to manage to get to grips
          with them.

Yeah that's me :)

Offline Elandra

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2007, 05:34:07 PM »
23 to be exact....

          You're fairly odd. Your normal friends describe you as weird,
          and you take it as a compliment. You probably wear black, so as
          to make a point and slightly worry the people who still
          remember World War I. You are likely to be interested in
          strange things, but you never seem to manage to get to grips
          with them.


Offline Apple of Eris

Re: How weird are you?
« Reply #11 on: February 06, 2007, 12:29:17 AM »
 1-20
          Well, you've heard the call of the strange out there, roaming
          the plains of life. You haven't answered, but at least you
          didn't assume it was indigestion. This level of score indicates
          a person who is probably more normal, to be fair, than someone
          who got 0. If you only got 1 or 2, be very careful - its all
          downhill from here!



I feel inadequate, only a 19