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Author Topic: Prostitute Paladins  (Read 4314 times)

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Online delle

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #50 on: December 19, 2006, 01:38:26 AM »
It's supposed to be bad AND funny, that's what camp is all about. Remember the Black Knight in Monty Python? :D

Offline Zakharra

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #51 on: December 19, 2006, 09:09:34 PM »
We could make it really campy too:

"Behold as I shower thy facial features with mine holy semen, thus granting you Protection From Evil 10 feet radius!"

"Lord Tyr, bless this man, for I will soon suck all the sin from him and consume it in my bellyful of righteous might!"

"O Ilmater, Saint of Suffering! As this supplicant causes me untold agony from the rough treatment of my puckered anus, I dedicate this pain to you!"

 "Tyr! Bless my holy Rod of Might and let the supplicant recieve my blessed spooge!"

 "Bend over my knee and bare thy ass for the Paddle of Absolution. Ilmater bless you"

 "Acolyte, lay back and spread your legs so I can bless your pussy in Try's name."

Online delle

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #52 on: December 20, 2006, 03:43:04 AM »
"Think your magic resistance is enough? I have a Rod of Greater Anal - I mean Spell - Penetration!"

Offline Lirliel

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #53 on: December 20, 2006, 06:34:29 AM »
Evard's Tentacles of Sex manipulation? *smirks*

Online Zaer Darkwail

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #54 on: December 20, 2006, 06:51:21 AM »
Or like once Thorne said; "Evard's Thorny Tentacles". Also dwarven warcry "I own you waist down!" gets new meaning.

But we kinda get lost from main subject. So we know that paladins can pratice prostitution so long society and her/his belief is okay whit it and no vows forbid it (examply vows regarding protect maiden's virginal virtue examply plaadin would honorall times).

What about mons? Or nuns basically but monk as DnD characther? They also could be excelent lovers because 'perfect your body' philosophy and they can become immune to disease later on and they likely have more stamina and also entertainer's skills than paladin does.

Offline TheAlchemist

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #55 on: December 20, 2006, 07:00:33 AM »
The Monk's Vibrating Fist would surely be in high demand  ;D

Online Zaer Darkwail

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #56 on: December 20, 2006, 07:01:52 AM »
Hmmm, new name for Shivering Palm attack? Anycase I think all monks want get soon as possible to 20lvl so they may look all their lvies good looking 20-30 year old despite being 80 years old :P.

Offline Vice

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #57 on: December 28, 2006, 02:10:23 PM »
Most Paladins will go questing after evil and being a prostitute would for the most part interfere with this. However, I don't think a Paladin *MUST* quest after evil. I see nothing inherently wrong with a Paladin that acts as the defender of a town or something--if there's nobody else that can take up the burden and the defense is needed then it's the only right thing to do. Thus you have a Paladin who stays put and needs a source of income.

Lets see what the Paladin can do to make money:

Err...if the Paladin is the town's only defense, why can't they just pay him/her for their services? In a situation like that, it would be a little odd for the town defender to have to turn tricks to feed themselves...what kind of town is this? Any village that would let it's only staunch defender starve in the streets isn't worthy of a Paladin's services. And on a more practical note...what about response time? It takes time to don armor, and if you're attacked while your Paladin is giving a naked rubdown to a client, you could be in trouble. Sound the alarm and hope that the sounds of passion aren't drowning it out, then wait for them to get dressed, find their weapon, and ride out to meet your attackers.  Doesn't sound all that practical to me.

While a Paladin's sexual practices are going to vary based on their deity, by definition most Adventurers would make terrible prostitutes; the two lifestyles aren't all that compatible. Successful prostitutes work with return business a lot, while adventurers are almost always travelling. I suppose a Bard or Rogue could turn a few tricks on the road for extra cash, but that's about the equivalent of any Adventurer's "profession" check to find some temp work in their field.

Offline DreamyTopic starter

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #58 on: December 28, 2006, 05:03:50 PM »
What about if the troubles are rare and the Paladin are actually stopping them somewhere else than the village. Like an annual conflux needing to be put down, or the village will suffer a draught and an invasion of rats, but as long as the Paladin goes away to perform the sacred rituals whenever the signs have been seen, the town will be safe and none the wiser?

Just reaching for straws here, to my own amusement. This thread has been great fun to read ;)

Offline Hunter

Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #59 on: December 28, 2006, 05:05:56 PM »
Armor wouldn't be necessary if the paladin had the right equipment (not that kind of equipment, you perverts).  With bracers of armor...

Offline HairyHeretic

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Re: Prostitute Paladins
« Reply #60 on: December 28, 2006, 05:32:16 PM »
Evard's Tentacles of Sex manipulation? *smirks*

Evan's spiked tentacles of forced intrusion.

A classic Order of the Stick strip