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Author Topic: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?  (Read 2919 times)

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Offline RubySlippers

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #25 on: August 04, 2010, 07:58:41 AM »
Spare the rod (I would use hand here), spoil the child. But it should not be the first option more I warned you, grounded you or whatever, you did this again so now you give me no choice.

Does it do harm I would say if your using a hanger or something (my mom was beaten as a child) it is clearly a problem.

Offline Cassiopeia

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #26 on: August 04, 2010, 10:44:35 AM »
If you read my first reply to this thread, I don't deny that spanking happens, or even that parents should rule it out as an option completely. I don't automatically see a troubled adult (or even teenager) and think "they must have been spanked", because people aren't just a summation of one individual happening, but rather a culmination of things that they have experienced. Still, any parent should want to give their child every opportunity to succeed in life, so it's worth considering if this can't be included in as a part of that.

Ultimately, I'm not telling anyone how to parent, and just to reiterate, I did mention that if an adult deemed spanking necessary, it should always be last-resort, and done with a clear, rational head and not out of reactionary anger -- and follow up after with gentle, calm words that reiterate why their actions were wrong instead of just leaving the spanking as the lesson to be learned.

In terms of your own parents, one versus the other, how did their behavior differ that made you respect more than the other? My mom was often the one to use words and disciplinary action, whereas my dad often just yelled and got angry. I was very, very rarely spanked, which says in hindsight that it really was a dead-last resort and that my parents found other ways that were more effective and remained consistent.

And there's no blanket statement being made here at all -- in fact, if anything, I'm trying to assert that spanking your child will not automatically turn them into a sociopath, but that there can be subtler damages done that you are unaware of.

Just to be clear I wasn't really directing any of those statements at you but rather the whole thread.  The only thing specifically directed at you was the answer to the question you posed.  In my first post I think I explained my parents' differences in behavior.  My mom would calmly explain why I was being spanked and tell me she loved me and that she was doing it for my own good, also she always did it as a last resort.  My dad however would react in anger, use excessive force, and never talk to me about WHY it was happening.  Also, and I actually think this is a big thing looking back, before or after he never said he loved me or even look at me, and I know that made me feel very abandoned by him at the time.  So it was a world of difference, I respected my mom for disciplining me out of love and concern, I feared my father because I knew he was taking his frustrations out on me.  Maybe not all children can sense the difference, but I would think they can.

I will say though that neither of my parents used spanking as a way to humiliate me and I appreciate that.  It was always done privately and I never was spanked past the age of 5.  Not saying that some children wouldn't need it past the age of five but I myself didn't, and I clearly remember feeling humiliated by the very last time I got spanked simply because I was self aware enough by that point.  I think the older the child gets and the more they can really grasp your words and reasoning the less corporal punishment needs to be relied on, even as a last resort.  Not always of course, but I would think in most circumstances.

Offline Endorphin

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #27 on: August 05, 2010, 01:39:56 AM »
The most important thing with disciplining a child, or anyone else for that matter, is consistency and measure. People learn patterns of behaviour because of the response(s) they get from their actions, with reinforcement resulting from favourable responses and the opposite from unfavourable responses.

I don't have any objections to spanking as an appropriate form of punishment, though I do think that there are generally other alternatives available (such as in schools and child care centres, which are usually prohibited from corporal punishment. They have to use other effective means). 

Offline jouzinka

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Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #28 on: September 04, 2010, 09:10:17 AM »
Personally I think that every child is different and as their parent you must know what form of punishment to apply. Both my nieces are quite immune to physical punishments. Sometimes they even laugh at you. But excluding them from what is happening at the moment (and sending them out, for example, or to their room)... you should see how quickly they start to behave.

So, yes, every kid is different. My mom broke a spurtle against my ass for the last time when I was 13 years old (happened only three times as far as I can remember), my sister doesn't spank the kids almost at all, I don't dare to predict how I'll behave with my kids. Right now I do think that adequate physical punishment has its place in the upbringing, but who knows what will be when (if) I'm a mom and what my kids are going to be like...

Offline Mudaline

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #29 on: September 05, 2010, 07:52:52 AM »
My Gram still threatens to "Beat mah bum!"  with a wooden spoon on occasion...    :o

Offline Lithos

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #30 on: September 05, 2010, 10:38:29 AM »
Spanking worked fine on me as a kid, I approve.

Offline WolfyTopic starter

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #31 on: September 05, 2010, 10:44:04 AM »
Spanking worked fine on me as a kid, I approve.

Yes..but it was also a different time with different views back then. :P

Offline Lithos

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #32 on: September 05, 2010, 10:45:23 AM »
Perhaps, but people are still the same. Then again I was quite bratty kid anyway, if there had not been real consequences I would probably not have kept my nose away from anything really dangerous. Even as it was I did manage to get in trouble often enough :P

Was good times though :)

Offline Acinonyx

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #33 on: December 27, 2010, 05:10:07 AM »
This might be helpful:

Social Science & Corporal Punishment- Introduction

Social Science & Corporal Punishment as viewed from the perspective of those who actually studied these issues.
This is the first of a handful of movies, but you can click yourself through, I think.

Offline Paradox

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #34 on: December 27, 2010, 10:36:44 AM »
If we spank you enough, would it make you stop using so many ellipses?

Offline AtlasEros

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #35 on: December 27, 2010, 11:54:46 AM »
I have a son, I do not think it is a big deal.  The key is not too, loose it.  Not to, hurt the child.  Spanking them on the butt doesn't really hurt them and isn't a big deal.  Certainly some parents go way too far with this and that's sad but a lite spanking isn't going to injure them or cause any mental trama.

Offline Wyrd

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #36 on: December 27, 2010, 10:17:46 PM »
If spanking a little shit head to teach him a lesson is wrong then I don't wnat to be right. The kids I know are all little bastards who truly need a good lickin. One I'd be happy to give, but only if it ment i'd be helping this child shape into someone that can contribute to the world

Offline Scott

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #37 on: December 28, 2010, 11:26:20 AM »
As long as it doesn't cross the line and go into abuse I don't see a problem.

Offline Empress Leo

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Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #38 on: December 31, 2010, 01:20:41 PM »
Oh no! I believe in corporal punishment. It just doesn't work for every child. If the kid isn't getting the picture, then find another way to discipline. For others, it works. I've only been spanked once as a child and that was it for me. I wasn't having that, but I was a good kid anyway. Some kids KNOW they'll get spanked and still do stupid things.

Offline little princess

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #39 on: December 31, 2010, 05:53:46 PM »
I don`t have any kids yet but I always see spanking as a last resort thing.lets face it time out,talking it out and stuff like that doesn`t work for all kids

Offline Moonhare

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #40 on: January 12, 2011, 08:57:43 PM »
I just finished a psychology course on the subject, and I have to say that I am on the fence about it. Do I think it causes issues in children? Honestly, no.

There are studies on so many parts of humans, but very very rarely do they take the larger picture into account. A study saying that spanking causes aggression, or lowered I.Q. can draw it's own conclusions. But do they take the twin and adopted studies of aggression in family members raised in different households, with different parenting styles into account? If I remember them right, they found that HOW a child was being raised didn't change the level of aggression seen between the siblings. What I took this to mean, was that aggression, depression, etc. was more a matter of the person's genetic material then their upbringing. Hopefully, being raised in a non-violent, upbeat atmosphere would lessen what was inherited, but that you can't change DNA even if you can change the environment.

I also think this might be why the data would be flawed. If the parents are raised with spanking, then they are aggressive, then the children are aggressive because of the spanking, not because of the DNA theory that has been studied showing that children with the same biology raised apart still share more characteristics of aggression and depression than children from a non-aggressive family DNA patern. Or that they get this from their parents in their DNA, not from any action that happened during the developmental years. The same can be said for I.Q.

Also, as part of the class, was a comment in the text that though sexually abused children were more likely to commit the same crime, most abusive parents didn't come from an abusive home. These were all in the Pearson published book on Introductory Psychology. I don't remember the exact statements without looking them up nor the edition, but I can look them up and give exact quotes if needed.

My point is, aggressive people need to learn less aggressive ways to deal with problems. They are not aggressive just because they were abused, spanked, etc, but because they have it passed on a genetic level from their parents. If banning spanking, and actually having parenting courses as mandatory as driving classes to help re-direct aggressive parents AND aggressive children would lower future acts of violence, then OK, I'm for it. But if, like in most cases of parenting, you are told that you should just know what to do, and what is wrong to do, etc when you inherited the same problem from your parents, then controlling your aggression with just an act of spanking, as a last resort, with other options exhausted should be allowed as long as it is without leaving marks. Though, I will admit that I think there is a fine line between a spanking and crossing the line into abuse.

So, like I said, I am on the fence.

Offline Serephino

Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #41 on: January 12, 2011, 09:57:12 PM »
Yes, mental disorders are genetic.  Like I think my father was bi-polar because I have been diagnosed as being bi-polar, and I noticed he and I have similar behavior in a lot of ways, especially when it comes to temper control.  The main difference between me and him is that I admit there is a problem and am trying to fix it. 

Offline Oniya

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Re: Hmm...Elliquiy...is spanking a child..a bad form of punishment?
« Reply #42 on: January 12, 2011, 10:01:08 PM »
I think the point is that while aggressive parents may spank their children, and aggressive parents may also have aggressive children, it's not for certain if the children's aggression comes from being spanked, or from genetics.  It's the whole nature/nurture thing.