Perverted Wishes

[Josietta]

Granted. I get abducted by aliens and find out I am the true Queen they have been searching for. I take over their home planet and lead them into a war with other planets winning over the solar system. Oh and I find a super hot sex God for my King and he does everything I want all the time because he is under my power and control for all of eternity. Maybe.

I wish I had teleportation powers.

[CaptainErotica]

 Granted, but they only work when you have an orgasm.

I wish I could type without ever making a typo.

[Kalen]

All of your letters on the keyboard are now X.  Considering what we write on E, it still comes out to the same thing when you write.  Xxxx xxx xxxxxxx-xxxxx xxx'x X.

I wish I knew what to do with my life.

[jstarz]

Granted but you realize that what you really want to do is so horrible you can't stand to live with yourself so you resolve to commit suicide.

I wish I could sing.

[Inkidu]

Granted, but you have to sing in an alien language that no one understands so Area 51 agents come and put you on a slab for autopsy.

I wish I had rhythm.

[MusicNeverDies]

Granted, but it's because you go deaf and can only feel the beat.

I wish I was more helpful.

[Josietta]

Granted, but it's because you go deaf and can only feel the beat.

I wish I was more helpful.

Granted. You become a self proclaimed self help book. Though your pages will be read over once maybe twice you will spend most of your shelf life as a paperweight, or a "book end", always helping the other books to stay upright; and on those hot sweltering summer days, you do your best work ever. You hold the air conditioner at just the right angle as it is settled between window panes to allow for proper drippage and air flow. Until the day that you are passed onto the Goodwill and someone else will find a place for you amongst their books and air conditioners. Who knows, on your last days, maybe you'll save a homeless mans life by allowing your pages to be burnt for warmth on a bitter cold night.

I wish I had the wit of a comedian, the intellect of a Nobel prize winner, the body of a salsa dancer, the face of a goddess and the voice of an angel.

[Ignaddio]

Granted.

You are now as witty and funny as Carrot Top, with the intelligence and schizophrenia of John Nash. Take comfort in the body of an 80 year old Salsa dancer, for you hold the face of Hindu Goddess Dhumavati, an ugly eternal widow. You won't be able to complain, though, as the voice of a Seraphim is only used to praise God. Have fun, here's your script: "Holy Holy Holy is the Lord of Hosts"

>.>

I wish the release date for inFamous was closer.

[Inkidu]

Wish granted. They pushed the date up to within a few days. Unfortunately they hadn't anticipated an outbreak of chicken pox at the development firm and had to push the date back a year.

I wish I could dance any dance that exists or will exist.

[Zaer Darkwail]

Congrats, your wish comes true and you can do all dances both in present, past and future but you cannot stop dancing until you die.

I wish to make grand scientific discovery almost accidentally and become famous from it.

[Inkidu]

Granted you accidentally discover that turkeys explode instantly when exposed to a rare, new type of radiation. You die in the resulting explosion of hot turkey. You are famous in your demise and remind scientists to stay away from turkeys and radiation.

I wish I could see in the dark.

[Kalen]

You can, but are now blind in the light.

I wish I had a nicer computer

[Magenta]

Granted, but you no longer have access to the Internet. 

I wish I could go on vacation. 

[MusicNeverDies]

Granted- enjoy the hurricane.

I wish I could focus on my thoughts better.

[Zaer Darkwail]

Your wish comes true, you perfectly focus on your thoughts but you cannot focus at all what is happening around you.

I wish I would look like male playboy model.

[jstarz]

Granted but you get arrested for having steroids.

I wish Bush got abducted by aliens.

[Random]

Granted, but he's not the only one that gets abducted... you are also abducted by the aliens and are forced to do all sorts of ungodly things with our dear Commander In Chief, because an alien's probe can only do so much. They are curious about those dangly bits you two've got, and are interested to see just what they can do. Have fun!

I wish I could get an A in my chemistry class with no problem! *sweats it*

[MusicNeverDies]

Granted- but you horribly fail everything else.

I wish I could give good, solid replies to all my Roleplays tonight.

[jstarz]

Granted but you get so sucked into your roleplays you can no longer discern reality from fiction and are institutionalized. 

I wish I could get a song out of my head...

[Zaer Darkwail]

Wish granted, you forget the song but also lose all your memories.

I wish to be dating with playboy female model.

[Kalen]

You do... but she's had a few surgeries lately.  Her facial hair is filling in nicely, don't you think?

I wish that food that tasted good was always good for you.

[jstarz]

Granted but you manage to overeat it anyway and wind up 600lbs.

I wish I could set a Guniess World Record.

[Idej]

Granted, you become the world's biggest man, and then die due to health problems.

I wish that Republicans and Democrats would get along with each other forever.

[The Dark Raven]

Granted; But then the Whigs resurface and start the cycle over again with the newly united Republicrat party as its new whipping boy.

I wish I could remember my past lives.

[Zaer Darkwail]

Wish granted, but all past lives were boring ones, very short or sad.

I wish able travel both to past, future and present as I wish.