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Author Topic: Perverted Wishes  (Read 89509 times)

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Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #625 on: May 29, 2008, 10:31:49 PM »
Granted, but its awesomeness causes a time paradox and resets back to the rabbit.

I wish your ass tasted better

Sorry, I shit myself every time I see that horrendous hare.

But, because you wished--granted. I washed it twice.

I wish three nubile asians would shave it for me.

Offline Kalen

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #626 on: May 30, 2008, 05:56:50 AM »
Granted.  Unfortunately, they're shaving it in order to prepare it for the invasion of a million tentacles from their Lovecraftian god.

I wish that there were more hours in the day.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #627 on: May 30, 2008, 08:33:47 AM »
Granted, but you go into a constant epiletic seizure during those extra hours, so they aren't really of any use to you.

I wish I could finish waking up.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #628 on: May 30, 2008, 09:48:05 AM »
Granted, you're fully awake, forever.

I wish that pedophiles would all be brutally murdered.

Offline Kalen

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #629 on: May 30, 2008, 10:11:08 AM »
Done.  But you're falsely accused... and have no recourse or defense.  Nice knowing you...

I wish that carrots tasted like french fries.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #630 on: May 30, 2008, 10:12:31 AM »
Granted now frenchfries taiste like carrots.

I wish that I had a way to proove my innocents.

Offline The Great Triangle

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #631 on: May 30, 2008, 10:20:44 AM »
Granted.  It turned out that reality was a lie all along.  Old man jenkins was putting on a mask to scare people away and lower the property values on this part of the multiverse so he could get it cheap.

I wish I was a smart as old man jenkins.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #632 on: May 30, 2008, 10:48:34 AM »
Granted now old man jinkins is a dumb as you (just a joke no offense).

I wish that I had a tuna salad sandwich. . .mmmmmm

Offline Muff Diver

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #633 on: June 21, 2008, 08:45:30 PM »
Granted. Here's a whole tuna and some lettuce leaves stuck in two slices of stale bread. Enjoy!  ;D

I wish that I could live each and every one of my fantasies.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #634 on: June 21, 2008, 09:00:16 PM »
Granted, but they are all preformed by someone INCREDIBLY unattractive.

I wish that I was a famous author.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #635 on: June 21, 2008, 10:03:16 PM »
Granted, you're famous cause everything you write sucks.

I wish that I didn't always apoligize to my husband when he's the one that did something wrong.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #636 on: June 22, 2008, 12:03:53 PM »
Granted, but from now on everything actually is your fault.

I wish I could be in a play on Broadway.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #637 on: June 22, 2008, 02:38:23 PM »
Granted, but you're an extra with no lines who has to wear the worst costume of the entire cast.

I wish that I could sleep in a bed of bunnies.

Offline Kalen

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #638 on: June 23, 2008, 08:53:50 AM »
As you do, you get humped to death by the constantly reproducing horde.  Anya was right, bunnies are evil.

I wish that I had the 1.5 hours of my life that were just wasted by that meeting back.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #639 on: June 23, 2008, 09:45:30 AM »
Wish granted, you spend that time going to another meeting that's even worse.

I wish that people that I know didn't die so close together.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #640 on: June 23, 2008, 10:17:33 AM »
Granted, they all die at once, thus leaving you alone and wondering why you didn't die too.

I wish alcohol didn't leave you all groggy the next morning.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #641 on: June 23, 2008, 10:24:39 AM »
Granted it kills you so you don't see the next morning.

I wish that people would take the hint that Judge Porter is on vacation and stop calling for him!

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #642 on: June 23, 2008, 10:34:46 AM »
Granted. No one ever calls for him again. Everyone forgets that he's a Judge, so he eventually loses his job; consequently, so do you.

I wish that the moon really was made of cheese.

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #643 on: June 23, 2008, 10:35:45 AM »
Granted, you eat it all become very constipated and the world ends because we no longer have a moon.

I wish that my head didn't hurt so bad!

Offline Mathim

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #644 on: June 23, 2008, 04:58:35 PM »
Granted, but Major Payne comes and takes away your head pain by breaking your finger, thus transferring all pain into your finger instead.

I wish the whole world found overweight people as attractive as supermodels.

Offline The Great Triangle

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #645 on: June 23, 2008, 10:04:59 PM »
Granted.  Unfortunately, you're the last person left of supermodel attractiveness, and can't get a date.



I wish I had a beautiful catgirl who would follow my every command.

Offline Mathim

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #646 on: June 24, 2008, 07:04:25 PM »
Granted, but she's incredibly dirty and ugly and almost unbearable to even touch.

I wish my gay friend and all the other gay people in the world were accepted and not prejudiced against.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #647 on: June 24, 2008, 07:59:36 PM »
Granted. Homosexuality becomes the norm, and the human race dies out due to a lack of procreation/reproduction.

I wish the lambs weren't so silent.

Offline Maeven

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #648 on: June 24, 2008, 10:05:45 PM »
Granted and now they "Bah-bah-bah-bah" ALL NIGHT LONG and you can never sleep again. 

I wish that I could be in two places at one time.

Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #649 on: June 24, 2008, 10:08:29 PM »
Granted. Now you're having a conversation with your mother in-law AND your mother at the same time.

I wish leather furniture wasn't so expensive.