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Author Topic: Perverted Wishes  (Read 89499 times)

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Offline Paradox

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1400 on: January 26, 2009, 11:29:39 AM »
Granted; now you're extinct, just like the rest of them.

I wish dragons hadn't gone extinct.

Offline Custos Morum

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1401 on: January 26, 2009, 11:52:23 AM »
Granted, but the same turn of events that grants the dragon survival effectively delete us from this time as dragons both outsmarted and outflamed our chipmunk ancestors. You don't exist any more, neither do I, thanks a friggin lot!

I wish for a can of Flame right now...

Offline Kangaroo

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1402 on: January 26, 2009, 04:53:05 PM »
Granted!  You have a can of Flame which you just sprayed all over yourself, before realizing it is a weed control that smells like rancid meat and will not wash off for 6 months.



I wish my back would get better..........


Offline Lavaske

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1403 on: January 26, 2009, 11:04:46 PM »
Granted!  Your back discovers a new life after escaping from your body, runs away, and falls in love with a young photographer from New York.  They are happily married, with eleven very strange looking children.

I wish I hadn't spilled paint on my floor.

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1404 on: January 26, 2009, 11:13:11 PM »
You didnt ... You spilled it on a Radioactive Spider.. it absorbs the latex and the newly created tentacle monster runs off with your girlfriend. She calls a few hours to tell you about the wedding in vegas and that shee come by to pick up her stuff soon.

I wish I was less of an ass

Offline EmrysMindscape

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1405 on: January 27, 2009, 05:26:48 AM »
You have your wish, you are now less of an ass...but your more of a dweeb.

I wish it had snowed more last night....I wanted to stay home from work

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1406 on: January 27, 2009, 08:37:12 AM »
Im already basically as Dweebie as I can be.  Granted... it snows so much that the building housing your office collapses sending you on perminiate vacation in this economy.

I Wish Nathan Fillian and Niel Patrick Harris would just make out on screen already!

Offline Custos Morum

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1407 on: January 27, 2009, 01:39:28 PM »
Granted they made it already, 2 months ago. You missed it :P

I wish I could literally undress woman with my eyes.

Offline Ryven

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1408 on: January 27, 2009, 02:19:33 PM »
Granted!  You have the power to literally undress woman with your eyes.  However, it's always active, so all women are now undressed before your eyes including your mother, sister, and every other female family member you see.  And you know that old lady next door who always sits on her porch.  Yep, she's now undressed too.

I wish I had some iced tea.

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1409 on: January 27, 2009, 05:20:17 PM »
You have some ice tea. In fact you are slowly drowning in it as you have been forced down into a barrel where the lid has been nailed on afterwards and a mad englishman is emptying cup after cup down a hole on the top.


I wish I had a girlfriend who was into costumes.

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1410 on: January 27, 2009, 05:30:10 PM »
Granted you love her to death.. youll do anything for her.. Icluding walking around in whtever Costume she picked out for you for the day.... You Got Superbowl tickets.. but decided to stay home with her cause she decided that day would be Raggedy ann and andy, She was going as Andy.

I wish I could grow my hair to any length i wanted instantly, and any color i wanted.

Online Captain Maltese

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1411 on: January 27, 2009, 05:35:30 PM »
(I'd marry her!)

Offline cattycutie

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1412 on: January 28, 2009, 03:17:13 PM »
Granted. You are now happily married. With 7 children, all under the age of 6 and no job. Not the children, you. :P

I wish... The Dolly Mixtures I'm eating had the delicious yellow/pink cubey fondanty thingymajigs in.

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1413 on: February 15, 2009, 09:56:13 AM »
Granted, But what some how escapes you is that Thingamgigs Is ancient for a particular breed of servants to the deep one. Your cnack becomes the doom bringer of the end of the world as we know it. It truley is the devils food cake spreading its surgary evilness across the land. To no avail the country of the world sent championship eaters in to try and destroy the pastries, only to have them turn into the mindless eating machines that they so desired to be. Instead of food however they thirsted after the verry souls of other living creatures, venturing out into the world spreading there horror. Mad ness spread even further as master bakers throughout the lands tried to bake cakes for good, tried to make cakes that would defend .. but all was bleek, for the good cakes would not animate, there was no good, there was only madness.

I wish I had a firmer grasp on what makes me so repulsive to the love interests.

Offline Custos Morum

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1414 on: February 16, 2009, 09:52:39 AM »
Granted, you are now masturbating
(oh so tastless)

I wish I had a dime every time people told me to stop joking about things not easily joked about.

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1415 on: February 16, 2009, 10:00:03 AM »
Granted, You drown in your money pit.

I Wish I had a grand house free of debt and responsibility.

Offline CaptainDizzy

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1416 on: February 17, 2009, 08:55:43 PM »
Granted, A large house flies out of a tornado and lands on you. killing you and ridding you of your debt and responsibility!

I wish that I had a space ship.

Offline Mithlomwen

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Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1417 on: February 18, 2009, 08:31:14 AM »
Granted....However this space ship is filled with little grey martians with large heads that continually use you for their sick and twisted experiments.

I wish I had lots of money....

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1418 on: February 18, 2009, 11:43:46 AM »
Granted, you have lots of money... all your friends become jealous and , through a combination of things you start beliving that they only like you for your money, one by one you loose them. Your alone.. any new friend seems worse about it then the old.. your constantly baraged by charity requests. you die alone in a house filled with newspapers and a collection of your toenails.. amongst other things.

I Wish for un ending happiness.

Offline Protocol

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1419 on: February 19, 2009, 11:39:23 AM »
Wish granted. The region of your brain that gives you the capacity to feel sadness is destroyed by a disease that brings your IQ well below 100 and leaves you drooling on yourself for the rest of your life. But you always seem to have a smile on your face.

I wish I knew a lot more about music theory.

Offline MusicNeverDies

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1420 on: March 05, 2009, 03:42:15 PM »
Granted, however you lost all technical ability. So you can write diatonic minor scales in d#, but can't even pluck out a C scale.

I wish I didn't physically require sleep.

Offline Bliss

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1421 on: March 05, 2009, 03:46:50 PM »
Granted, you no longer physically require sleep - your body can go endlessly without it. Your mind, however, is not up to the pressures of constant consciousness, and in a matter of days you begin to hallucinate and have microdreams when you blink. The longer you go without sleep, the more difficulty your mind will have telling apart these moments from reality, edging deeper and deeper into madness.

I wish my back would heal.

Offline Moogabi

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1422 on: March 05, 2009, 05:18:03 PM »
Granted.  New technologies in the field of microsurgery have allowed specialists to correct all the wrongs that caused issues with your back.  Unfortunately, due to a system crash near the end of the procedure, all nerve endings connected to the extremeties of you body were unable to be reattached and you can no longer move anything other than your head from side to side.  For some reason, your ability to vocalize has also vanished.

I wish we could all just get along.

Offline Prefect Mos

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1423 on: March 05, 2009, 10:04:50 PM »
I reference you to Miranda from serenity. That's why.

I wish my fiscal problems no longer existed.

Offline Avis habilis

Re: Perverted Wishes
« Reply #1424 on: March 06, 2009, 09:29:42 AM »
I wish my fiscal problems no longer existed.

Shazam! You no longer need money. Of course, neither does anybody else; somebody was asleep at the switch during that crucial afternoon in January & the entire world financial system went up in smoke. Now no currency is worth anything.

I wish I could play the banjo.