Rider's Thoughts on Negativity and Responsibility (Renewed!)

[Rider of Wind]

    A Note on Negativity:

   The more you think of the bad things, dwell on them, huddle the horror, the sorrow and the pain and the fear around you, the more it's going to hurt and the longer it's going to affect you. Sometimes, you can't help it. Life sucks. And bad things are going to happen to you. Bad days are going to occur. But that doesn't mean that -you- have to be the bad in these bad times.

   Change your thinking. Try to notice when everything in your brain is about all the shit that's happening. More forward, find solutions. Don't make every situation a be-all-end-all thing. There's many ways for things to happen, be open to all of them and try to find the best way.

  Everything can change. Everything has to change, or it will stagnate and grow rancid. The same applies to everyone. When negativity is a loop in someone's head, they aren't accepting new things, they aren't finding new ways to grow and mature and learn. They're dwelling. Rotting on the inside.

  I realize that pain has to run it's course, it isn't just gone when you start thinking about butterflies and lollipops. Time can help with that. It's the only thing that can, on occasion. The hardest thing is to accept what is happening, to embrace whatever sucky thing it is. And you have to intelligently analyze your own emotions and figure what needs to be done, what needs to be changed, what needs to be understood before you can move on.

  Now, accepting responsibility is a whole other ballgame. Quit blaming the world for your problems. For the mess you have put yourself in. Realize when whatever crap is happening is your fault. And if you're on the other side of the spectrum on that, quit beating yourself up over it and fucking fix it. Thinking, “Oh God, I'm going to fail this test, it's impossible!” is going to gear you up towards failure, calm down and think a little more positive, “This is a difficult test but I've been to every class and I understand this and this and I've got a  decent time to study for it. I can do this!” And if you know you're gonna fail because you chose to have behaviors that don't lead to academic success then that's your own damn fault, isn't it?

   Figure out what the problem is. If all you're doing is sighing and moaning over the problem, then you aren't looking for the solution(s) to it. Sometimes, the problem is you. Now, I'm not dissing on a good venting, because it can be helpful to regaining control of yourself and gathering thoughts and just plain feel good. But it doesn't get you over the incident or solve the problem. Vent, then fix. Don't obsess.

   And don't give other people control over you. Others don't 'push your buttons', you've surrendered them that power. Take it back. Take a card from the Jedi book, anger and hate lead you to the Dark Side because you're no longer driving the bus, your emotions are.  As I've said before, emotions happen, but start looking at yourself and noticing why and how. And change it.

   You can't be happy if all you're doing is being angry all day or wallowing in fear and sadness. Change and find a way to be happy. Find a way to be successful in your own life.

   On a side note: Politeness, kindness and just being -nice- will get you very far in this world. And it will at least make you feel like a good person. Smile at the nice lady brewing your coffee, even (especially!) if she's your wife. Hold the door that extra second longer for the person behind you. Say thank you to everyone for every little thing. And apologize all the time; for the little things and the big things. An “I'm sorry.” might seem unnecessary for bumping into someone but say it anyway, it only takes a second and it can pave the road a little smoother between yourself and another.

[Rider of Wind]

An addendum to this: 

   Don't apologize for yourself.

   What I mean by this is some of us have the 'cringing apology' when something happens that they can't control. Apologize for the incident, not for your entire existence. A good apology for something little is a smiling apology that is still sincere. Eye contact, "Oh, I'm sorry!" Not mumbled under the breath with eyes staring at the ground. You may have screwed up but you have every right to be taken as an equal individual. Some people will take advantage of that which they view as weakness, don't let them.