If you remember, I half jokingly took on the mantle of Buggerup, God of the Internet and Electronic communications a while ago. Well, while I've been stranded here in Greece, I've been doing a bit of research and got some news from home. It seems that there is a Buggerup and his cult is well established, though he holds jurisdiction over more than the internet.
About a month ago, back in England, Spring started. Once more the vernal equinox passed unnoticed and unmarked in Britain, except by that secret society, whose name is a portent of terror: the Essex County Council Road Planning Department. You don't believe me? Well it's true, this society, more commonly known by it's catchy name of the ECCRPD, has lain dormant for many years, secretly recruiting from the edges of society poor hopeless cases with offers of the esoteric pleasures afforded by forms in triplicate, road usage surveys and the keys to the Council Portakabins.
Well recently, according to my source, activity of this shadowy group has increased. Roads have been closed, roads have been opened and the flow of traffic in Essex has changed. They might claim that it's to do with upgrading the gas mains, but I know better. The ECCRPD is causing drivers to move around the form of the mystic sigil of the potentate of communications- Buggerup. Indeed, the roundabout at a road intersection near my home has been conveniently altered to accommodate the ECCRPD's rites of way.
This must be the case, that the Esoteric Cult - Creatively Reformed for Practical Discipleship will be holding its bizarre rituals around Britain's newest Henge. Of course, the thought of Council employees dancing skyclad around this megalithic erection is frankly ridiculous. Dancing? Council employees? Naked? In Britain's climate? No, indeed not. Their sensible shoes and oil-blue overalls will be worn with especial pride as they prepare to set off from the Henge on the Wild Hunt. With blood-curdling cries of "Erm, excuse me," they will ride their bicycles around the streets of Essex searching for something unseen in Essex for many a generation, a virgin.
The rarity of such a species is something for which we might well be grateful. My source informs me that, were the ECCRPD to find a virgin, they would be obligated to carry out the Rite of No' t'in Mybac K'yard, which involves sacrificing said virgin alive on a pyre of burning parking tickets. Should the rite be accomplished succesfully, then the Cult would be successful in raising Buggerup and spreading a new age of terror, confusion and application forms on carbonless paper over the land. My source is adamant about the danger that the ECCRPD represents and that this is the only possible answer for the Henge's existence.
After all, the alternative, that someone in the council has been watching too many garden design TV programmes is just plain absurd isn't it?
Ah well, it's a long hard day....