Wow, has it really been nine months since I last blogged? That’s inconceivable.
So, the last time I wrote, I mentioned I came to Elliquiy from the writing side, having not much of a clue about role-play. This was not the only thing I found lacking in my education when I joined the family two years ago. In browsing other player’s ons and offs lists, I certainly didn’t know what furries were, or what a top, bottom, or switch was....
Let’s just say the list of things I saw but did not recognize sent me to the tubes, searching for enlightenment. I had so very much to learn. In fact, my own ons and offs page (the original one before we got the newfangled forms) still reflects much of what I originally found myself looking for in role-play partners. I have become much more than I would seem if you’ve read that list. In the nearly two years since my first week on the Elliquiy playground, I’d say my tastes haven’t so much changed, as evolved, deepened, become more varied and rich. One area in which I’ve expanded is the world of dominance and submission (D/s).
In truth, there are different schools of thought when it comes to such a relationship. I have learned, after innumerable conversations--and lots of research with my friends Wiki and Google--that there are as many preferences, as there are people willing to discuss theirs with a newb like me. So, this post is more about my own thoughts, my own preferences regarding dominance and submission, than anything else. This is what works for Ephemera the sub, (in case you’re interested.)
I began my education with a few Saturday morning IRC chats with Lithos. (With the time zone differences, I think it was more like Saturday evening for him.) I asked lots and lots of questions, he never seemed to get tired of answering, and I learned, wide-eyed, about things I’d never dreamed. Eventually those discussions led to a Master/pet relationship that lasted over a year. I look back now, after several more enlightening discourses with others on Elliquiy, and wonder at how easily I fell back then into the perfect arrangement, not even knowing what I would grow to love about being sub to a Dom. As clueless as I was, I could not have been chosen by a better Master.
Lithos taught me several things about myself, and about the sort of Master I need, by the way he treated and trained me during our D/s relationship. In my real, day-to-day life, I’m a strong-willed woman, intelligent, creative, and driven. I hold the keys. I’m the one who gets things done, who delegates, who takes charge of a situation and bends it. I am responsible for my own life… my own pleasure…my own orgasm. I have had nearly three decades to learn what works for me, and I know well how to get what I need.
As I began to explore the D/s world, I was intrigued by the idea that there might be Someone out there strong enough to take that responsibility, that control, and to wield it with sufficient skill to take me to places I’d never been before. With Lithos, I came to surrender those keys to the hands of my Master, and He to cherish them, taking the responsibility very seriously.
There are certain things I love about the physicality of being a sub: restraints, collars, toys, clamps, pleasure/pain, breathing and orgasm control... The variety of things available to try and enjoy is quite limitless. Suffice it to say that I’ve learned that there are things I love, things I don’t, and things that fall somewhere in the space between. I’m very much a happy sub, who likes to obey. I’m not into punishment, or humiliation. I am into strength and being pushed to the limit. It’s important to have the lines of communication open in a D/s relationship. Lots of discussion about past experiences and things you’re willing or unwilling to try are invaluable. I found it was good to challenge myself to do things I wasn’t completely comfortable with, to please my Master. I have tried things I never knew I’d enjoy, and I’ve learned a good Master knows how to physically dominate me in many ways.
However, being a pet to a loving and strong Master is about so much more than physicality. I learned from the beginning that this relationship, at its best, is primarily a mental and emotional one. I found that there are great rewards in pleasing a Master who is both strong and gentle--rewards for obedience can be very, very satisfying.
A skilled Master learns to read his/her pet. In my case, He listens carefully to every word, every tone, every flinch and every breath. He knows where the line is… and how to dance along that line so skillfully, that I do not cross it until permission is granted. Being able to surrender that much control requires a great deal of trust. In my life, a lover must prove that he can handle that trust, before he gains my submission to his dominance.
The results, however are amazing! Fires can be set with a whisper. A word of command spoken in the right moment can push my tolerance to unheard of levels. A reminder that I belong to Him, and that my purpose is His pleasure, can lead to mind blowing sensations. The merest description of a bite, a scratch, a pinch, or a show of strength can bring about a such physical reaction… as though my Master were in the same room with me, and not half a world away. I have never felt as aware of every sensation as I am with a Master who knows me and loves me well.
In addition, for me, a good Master allows me the run of the playground, and lets me enjoy lots of play time with friends. There are limits as to the sort of play, and of course, permission is required for new playmates. But the trust I give to Him is returned to me in kind. I have a measure of freedom even as the collar remains about my neck. A good Master knows that I have a heart with room for many, but only He can occupy the spacious room He has carved out for himself. So, my fun in the Elliquiy community is not limited, rather it is expanded. I never knew how big this world could be.
Being Master and pet from different ends of the planet is a huge challenge. Schedules eventually became near impossible for Lithos and me, in spite of how much we loved our relationship. When the time came for me to find a Master whose schedule better fit mine, Lithos graciously and tenderly released me, and taught me well that true Masters always try to do what’s best for their pets. Taking back those keys wasn’t easy, but Lithos made it as painless as possible.
Happily, I have found the perfect hands for those keys, and will continue to grow beneath them. The collar is once again about my neck, and its weight against my skin is a perfect reminder of the trust and affection of the One whose hands placed it there. Ephemera is a happy sub once more.
If you too, are curious as I was about the world of dominance and submission, I hope you’ve gained something from reading.
I remain your friend,