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Author Topic: 2009 Darwin Awards  (Read 601 times)

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Offline SerephinoTopic starter

2009 Darwin Awards
« on: January 17, 2010, 11:52:46 AM »
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and
family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant
relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and
hope they remain lost.

Online HairyHeretic

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2010, 01:09:46 PM »
Pretty sure some of those have been doing the rounds for years. The bus load of mental patients one I definitely remembering seeing a few times before.

Still funny though.

Offline Avi

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2010, 01:27:10 PM »
@ Number 3: O_O  Anger management issues?

Offline Slywyn

Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2010, 01:45:07 PM »
I <3 Darwin Awards.

Offline Oniya

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2010, 01:56:07 PM »
@ Number 3: O_O  Anger management issues?

You haven't shoveled snow in Chicago before, have you?  ;)

Offline Schrödinger

Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2010, 03:41:08 PM »
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
You mean the ones no longer around to procreate and further drag down the human gene pool with their monumental stupidity  ;)

I mean, there was a valid contendant a whiles back for a guy that managed to castrate himself with a weedwacker.

Offline Avi

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2010, 12:35:28 AM »
You haven't shoveled snow in Chicago before, have you?  ;)

Nah, but I've shoveled snow in Madison. :P  Close enough!

Offline Oniya

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2010, 01:03:01 AM »
Does South-side Madison compare to South-side Chicago?  *starts humming 'Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown'*

Offline Talia

Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2010, 09:29:21 AM »