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Author Topic: The Increasingly Improbable Adventures of Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather III  (Read 3305 times)

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Offline RemielTopic starter



t was just another typical day in Town City.  Blacksmiths were blacksmithing, bakers were baking, tanners were tanning, hoopers were hooping, hostlers were...hostling, and whores were whoring.  The Questgivers' Tavern, the largest such establishment for miles around, was doing a brisk and lucrative business.  And in a certain section of the Town City Town Square known as Idiots' Corner--due to the traditional practice of allowing any idiot with an opinion and a soapbox to stand on one and spout the other with great enthusiasm and sincerity (often to the general amusement and delight of his audience, who always looked forward to the opportunity to practice their tomato-lobbing and rotten egg-throwing skills) --there was indeed the usual collection of idiots.

One man, however, was brave enough to, well, brave the tomatoes and rotten eggs of democratic criticism.  One man dared to draw attention to the great evil that was brewing just beyond the far horizon.  One man had the guts to stand up for Truth, Justice, and the Player Character Way.

That man was Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather the Third.

"Good citizens of Town City!" he cried.  "Give me your ears!  For life as we know it, nay, all life in our beloved homeland of Generica, is in grave peril! For I know of a force most wicked and depravéd, a force which is all the more insidious because it cannot be seen, cannot be touched, smelt, heard, or tasted! It is a force, indeed, made all the more dire by its very absence! And if it is not stopped, it will be the end of the world!"

In the subsequent pause, birdsong wafted liltingly from a nearby tree.  The sound of commerce and city life continued, quite unabated.  The earth quite failed to rip open, fire inexplicably didn't pour down from the heavens, and Death and Destruction completely and utterly failed to rule the land. 

Instead, a small child of indeterminate sex simply stared at Sir Fairweather, its mouth open, as it carefully excavated a nostril with a grubby finger.

The speaker sighed.  As usual, no one in Town City appeared to take him seriously.

But someone in the crowd was listening. Someone believed him.  Someone would join Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather on his grand adventures, facing danger and excitement and danger and mortal peril and danger and treasure and danger and the occasional dragon.  Also, transvestite dwarves.

Could that someone be... you?



If you can't tell by now, this is intended to be both a fantasy-themed quest-based group game and a satire of a fantasy-themed quest-based group game, in the fashion of The Princess Bride, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, Order of the Stick, 8-bit Theater , and pretty much anything ever written by Terry Pratchett.  It's intended to be tongue-in-cheek, simultaneously silly and satirical (whew! Say that three times fast!), but most of all, it's intended to be fun.  I'm looking for players who are intelligent, articulate, and possibly verbose; but most importantly, they should have a wacky sense of humour.  Among the first few missions that I imagine the group will undertake will be to rescue a beautiful dragon from a fearsome princess. Yes, you heard me right--rescue a beautiful dragon from a fearsome princess.  If the concept tickles you, you just might have what it takes to join the Increasingly Improbable Adventures of Sir Reginald Percival Fairweather III.

Because this is going to be, whatever else it is, a Role-Playing Game, it's going to include (gasp!) numbers, in the form of basic attributes.  Because I want it to be primarily driven by the mutual creativity and humour of the players, as opposed to by relentless number-crunching, I've decided to keep it as simple as possible, and thus come up with my own sort of homebrew mechanic.  The primary reason for this is so that we'll get to see what hilarity ensues when something goes terribly wrong (or when something goes terribly right.)

But we'll get to that in a moment.  If interested, please create a character profile, using the following template:

Character Creation

Name:
Occupation:
Species:
Sex:

History:

Item of Importance:

ALIVE:
BASH:
SNEAK:
LIKE:
WHT PHIL:
RED PHIL:
BLU PHIL:
GRN PHIL:
BLK PHIL:




Wait a second. What does that all mean?

Name.  Let's be honest, shall we? If, at this point, you don't know what your name is, you might want to ask yourself: were you dropped on your head a lot as a baby?  Or do you have a suspicious lump of scar tissue on your head, possibly in the shape of the fist of that berserker troll whose girlfriend you insulted? If so, let's just call you Bob and move on.

Occupation. Skip this for now.  We'll come back to it in a bit.

Species.  As in, are you a human, dwarf, gnome, halfling, elf, dark elf, wood elf, high elf, low elf, swamp elf, Santa's elf, MELF, orc, troll, goblin, kobold, ogre, satyr, centaur, mermaid, merdog, merducken, naga, bird man, lizard man, ape man, dragon man, pixie, dryad, nymph, brownie, fairy, or twit?  Are you none of the above? Please elaborate.  Partial credit will be awarded for incomplete answers.

Sex: As in Male, Female, or Neither.  "Yes, please," is not funny anymore.  Not even a little bit. Seriously, grow up, will you?

History: As in, those who do not remember it are doomed to repeat it.  What happened to make you the way you are?  Are you an orphan, whose parents were brutally murdered before your eyes and you have spent your whole life in one long campaign of revenge? Or did you just happen to wander away from your village one day?  How did you end up in Town City?

Item of Importance: Every character needs an Item of Importance, whether it's a Sword of Passable Competency +2, a Cufflink of Mediocrity, or even just a Toilet Brush of Genital Warts.  This could be a family heirloom, passed down from generation to generation until it falls to you, the scion of an almost-extinct royal line, to fulfill your chosen Destiny; or it could be just something you picked up on the street. It's up to you.

Okay, now let's talk about Occupation: The basic idea I had for this campaign is include one of each of the stereotypical "character classes": a fighter, a thief, a priest, a mage, and so on.  However, of course, me being me (but more importantly, me wishing not to get sued for copyright infringement!) I've put my own twist on the whole concept.  Here are the initial character classes, I mean occupations:


THUG

"It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise!" --Fezzik, The Princess Bride

The Thug is someone who is all brawn and no brains.  Generally employed for the purpose of bashing things over the head, or sticking things that are sharp and pointy into things that are fleshy and oozy, the Thug can dish out more damage than others, and take more in return.  The Thug can be the stereotypical "Grrrr Roy smash puny kobolds" type, or he can be someone who might be just doing it in his spare time to make a little bit of extra money to put himself through business school.

Thug Stats:

ALIVE: 3
BASH: 3
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: 0
RED PHIL: 0
BLU PHIL: 0
GRN PHIL: 0
BLK PHIL: 0



CRIMINAL

"But that defeats the whole purpose of me sneaking into these rooms and stealing everything that's not bolted down and on fire!" --Thief, 8-bit theater

The Criminal is someone who got bullied a lot as a child, so she learned how to survive by being just a little bit quicker, a little bit smarter, a little bit less hampered by conventional standards of morality and mores in a relativist-based paradigm.  She's good at picking locks, blending into shadows, and taking her opponents by surprise.  A coward at heart, she prefers to snipe from long range rather than fight up close.  Of course, stabbing people in the back is all good too.

Criminal Stats:

ALIVE: 2
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 3
LIKE: 2
WHT PHIL: 0
RED PHIL: 0
BLU PHIL: 0
GRN PHIL: 0
BLK PHIL: 0



NATURAL PHILOSOPHER

"I used to think I was stupid--and then I met philosophers." --Brutha, Small Gods, Terry Pratchett

Philosophy is the study of those aspects of the world that simply cannot be explained by the rational or sensible.  Since the beginning of time, wise men and women have sought to understand this phenomenon (which is not the "M" word at all)--and we call these people "philosophers."  Most philosophers concentrate on a particular aspect of philosophy, to the exclusion of all else, with the possible exception of the rare and misunderstood "Grey Philosophers", who are truly the jacks of all trades, and masters of none (and that's why most of them end up playing musical instruments for money in taverns and in front of subway stations).  The known branches of philosophy are:

GODAMANCY, or WHITE PHILOSOPHY: Godamancers tend to be more religious then their more secular brethren, and usually devote themselves to the healing arts.  After all, someone needs to be able to bring the party back from the brink of death, right?  Godamancers deal in miracles, requiring nothing in return except the occasional blood sacrifice.  White Philosophers must have a chosen deity; an awesome idea, I think, would be to have a deity who secretly hates the player character and sends him on all sorts of pointless, annoying quests for no reason.

BOOMAMANCY, or RED PHILOSOPHY: Boomamancy is the study of, well, making things go Boom.  Often referred to as Evocation or Elementalism in lesser games, Boomamancy encompasses all five major elements: water, fire, earth, air, and frood.  If it can be frozen, burnt, turned to stone, zapped with lightning, blown away, or froodified, the Red Philosopher's your woman.

TRICKAMANCY, or BLUE PHILOSOPHY: Trickamancy is the art of fooling the senses.  While all of the other real philosophers were off studying hard, all the Blue Philosophers were lounging about in tie-dyed shirts, smoking strange herbs and watching the pretty colors.  There's one advantage to being a Trickamancer, though: seeing is believing, and you won't believe what you see.

LIFEAMANCY, or GREEN PHILOSOPHY: Lifeamancy is the study of life, in all its strange and wonderful forms.  They often have a kinship with fauna and flora that no one else has, or even thinks is natural and healthy.  Lifeamancers can heal withered limbs and cure poison, but they can just as easily induce flesh-eating bacteria or kidney stones.  Hey, no one ever said life had to be nice.

SPOOKAMANCY, or BLACK PHILOSOPHY: The forbidden school of philosophy, Spookamancy is the study of things that go bump in the night.  It is said that Black Philosophy is the ultimate philosophy, for it grants you ultimate dominion over death, the great undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns; this is said mostly by the Black Philosophers themselves, who mostly want to just dress up all in black and wear eyeliner and impress the chicks.

Natural Philosopher Stats:

ALIVE: 1
BASH: 1
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1
WHT PHIL: *
RED PHIL: *
BLU PHIL: *
GRN PHIL: *
BLK PHIL: *

*3 in his chosen discipline, 1 in all other disciplines.

Offline RemielTopic starter

Q: Okay, I'm with you so far.  What is this "Life", "Bash", "Sneak" stuff?

Well, although 90% of the game will be driven by creativity, there will occasionally come times when it becomes impossible to determine the outcome of a situation without some sort of determining factor.  And, since this is a Role-Playing Game as well as being a parody of a Role-Playing Game, I figure that we might as well use dice.  Or, in this instance, the Elliquiy dicebot.

The basic premise is simple.   All you have to do is use the E dicebot to roll a number of ten-sided die, or d10, against a target number given by me, the GM (Game Mangler), that will roughly approximate the degree of difficulty of a particular task.  Bear in mind that this number will not be painstakingly calculated, applying base stats, bonuses, penalties, and other modifiers--but will very often be just something I pull out of my ass!

For example, I'll say:


GM: Are you seriously going to try to arm-wrestle a troll? Very well, make a Bash (more on this later) test vs. 15.

You (possessing a Bash of 2): At 2009-12-28 23:25:13, Remiel (uid: 9411) rolls: 2d10 Result: 7

GM: AHAHAHAHA--erm, sorry.  Okay, the troll rips your arm off, and then proceeds to beat you over the head with it.  Better luck next time.



So, that's basically it.  The number of dice you roll will be equal to your score in the given area of aptitude. With that said, let's get to the attributes:

Bashiness :

"I am a sexy, shoeless God of War!" --Belkar Bitterleaf, Order of the Stick

Bashiness is a general measure of, well, not to put too fine a point on it, how brawny you are.  It's also a vague indicator of how well you can handle a weapon in combat.  (Yes, we all know that the pointy end of the sword goes into the other guy, but it's amazing how many people get that wrong.)  All other things being equal, your Bashiness score will determine whether you win a fight or not.


Sneakability:

"Yes, but I've never seen what's wrong with being a coward.  Plenty of people would be cowards, if they were only brave enough." --Rincewind, The Last Hero, Terry Pratchett

Sneakability measures how good you are at being stealthy and sneaky.  It also is a general indicator of how good you are at adopting disguise, and seeing through the disguises of others.  If the Horned Beast of Igthpah is sneaking up behind you, you'll be the first to know.  Finally, it's a gauge of how fast and nimble you are, and how good you can use ranged weapons.


Likeitude:

"Nixon with charisma? I could rule the universe!" --the preserved head of Richard Nixon-in-a-jar, Futurama

Likeitude, quite simply is a measure of how easily you can make people like you, or, more importantly, do what you say.  Whether trying to talk someone into bed, or trying to talk them out of killing you, a high Likeitude will come in handy.  Also, determines the probability that an NPC you meet won't try to stab you on sight. Probably.


Health-dom:

"Your arm's off."
"No, it's not."
"What's that, then?"
"I've had worse."
--The Black Knight shrugs off a flesh wound, Monty Python and the Holy Grail


Health-dom is an indicator of how easily you can ignore pain, resist disease, survive poison, ignore a wound, yadda yadda.   This leads into the ALIVE attribute, which is defined as follows:

ALIVE:   Every character starts at status Healthy, then proceeds to Mildly Impeded, Severely Inconvenienced, and then Mostly Dead.  Now, as everyone knows, mostly dead is slightly alive.  With All Dead, the only thing to do is go through the character's pockets for loose change.


Philosophy:

"Let me put it this way: have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?  Morons!" --Vizzini, The Princess Bride

Philosophy is not a single attribute, but more of an indicator of competency in a given field of discipline.  If you're trying to do something really difficult, you better have a Philosophy score of at least 2 or 3 in the school of philosophy that you're trying to do.  For example, if you're a Lifeamancer, causing a flower to grow and bloom will be an assumed success, but if you want a tree to pull up its roots, pick you up in its branches, and carry you over a mountain, that will require a Lifeamancy roll of at least 25.  Perhaps higher.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2010, 11:40:26 AM by Remiel »

Offline Jadeling

I'm interested. But wait a while for my brain to digest this information.

Offline SirHakado

I'm definetly interested in this idea.
I'll need a little time to make a profile, but it certainly sounds fun =D

Also, those philosophy schools sound like they come from Erfworld.
if that is the case, I am sad for the lack of croakomancy

Offline Odin

Definitely interested. Waiting for more info, though.

Need an explanation of the stats, and the system, before I can even start a profile, though.

Offline Wolfy

Ooh..can I be a lumberjack?

And do Mages wear Monocles?..hah..that's a silly question..what kind of self-respecting mage WOULDN'T!?

*wonders if anyone will get this joke that the topic title reminded him of*

Offline RemielTopic starter

I'm definetly interested in this idea.
I'll need a little time to make a profile, but it certainly sounds fun =D

Also, those philosophy schools sound like they come from Erfworld.
if that is the case, I am sad for the lack of croakomancy

*Sir Hakado makes a successful Lore (Webcomics) test!*  Yes, Erfworld was the inspiration for the schools of Philosophy.  Spookamancy is like Croakamancy except, um, spookier. 

Odin, this is just an initial rough draft.  Updates soon to follow.

Offline Phaia

'Idioticy must be some human trait'

The cloaked figure was lounching against a wall listening to the latest of a string of idiots. This one was more amusing then some. Going on about some unseen danger when all one had to do was opened thier eyes and see all the normal danger around them.

The slanted exotic eyes rolled as the hooded head shook. Then as a group of soldiers from the infamous Red-Gold Empire transvestite mutant giant dwarf Legion marched into the area, the cloaked figure moved quickly to stand over behind this Great speaker. Folding easyily into the shadows the exoticly slanted eyes narrowed as the banner of the evil Emporer flapped in the breeze.

'The Mouse' decided then that it might be better to find another place and if this silly Lord in his finery had the means to equip some adventure, then by all means 'The Mouse' should tag along.



Phaia

Offline Tad

I'd be interested, though if you'll be adding characters along the way, perhaps I could play as the beautiful dragon? *bats her reptilian eyes*  :D

Offline Phaia

'"The Mouse' is NOT a criminal. Oh No, that would be wrong, 'The Mouse' is a finder of things. Things lost or soon to be lost or things that might be lost, ' The Mouse' finds them and makes sure they are not lost any more"

Name:           'The Mouse'
Occupation:   'Finder of things' [Criminal]
Species:        'Half Elf, Half Human'
Sex:               'Female' [disguised to appear as a young male]

History:
'The Mouse' had not always been Mousey, in fact though 'The Mouse' goes to lengths to appear male 'The Mouse' is in fact a female. She is the last Princess of the True Red-Gold Royal Line. Her Grandfather was the last king of the Silvery Red Gold Throne before her 4th cousin [twice removed and once dead] usurped the throne and killed all her family. Arainna is the youngest grandchild of the old King and was also illegitimate. She is the result of a dalliance with the daughter of an elf ambassador and the Prince. Though her father accepted her, it was her grandfather that truly adored her and she him. It was fortunite that she was illegitimate for she was off being entertained by the royal court 'Finder' when her evil cousin struck. By the time she heard it was all over and a new power sat its ugly butt on the grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne, Declaring to all he was the new Emperor George. Being young at the time and with the last Royal 'Finder' she fled and hid and became 'The Mouse'. Now on her own she has plans, BIG plans, Plans within plans, plans for plans that are meant to counter plans. Anyway she has plans. All she needs is a stake, not a wooden one, but money, gold, shiny things to pay for an army to retake the lands and set her much more shapely butt on The Grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne.
She hides her regal bearing under baggy poncho, a flowing hooded cloak, loose leggings and boots. She has bound her womanly qualities [thats boobies to you boys] and her hips with silken wraps. 
Only her exotically slanted almond shaped violet colored eyes are normally seen. Her lower face is covered in a red gold silken scarf. Under all the layers is actually a very beautiful young female. Long blonde hair in a braid. very shapely figure [that means she actaully has nice boobies for you boys]. Arainna [her royal name] could easy be one of the loveliest in all the lands, if she ever got out from under all those silly garments.

Item of Importance:
The only other tri-pronged key too the secret power of the Grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne. Her grandfather gave her this as a present, and it is the only one left that can activate the power of the Grand Silvery Red-Gold Throne. The secret key hole is in the back, lower left side, four inches from the floor, a hand breath from the side and the third hole, but not that third hole that's a trap its the one beside and above the third hole.

ALIVE:    2
BASH:     1
SNEAK:   3
LIKE:      2
WHT PHIL:
RED PHIL:
BLU PHIL:
GRN PHIL:
BLK PHIL:
« Last Edit: January 13, 2010, 03:26:13 PM by Phaia »

Offline RemielTopic starter

Sorry, everyone.  Been busy.  Updates coming soon.

Offline Transgirlenstein

Would you accept a pixie thug?  A tiny little pixie..who can pack a wollop?

Offline RemielTopic starter

Thread Updated.

Transgirlenstein, that idea sounds hilariously awesome.  "Tell us where the plans are, or Tinkerbell here will rip your head off!"

Shihong and Phaia, love the characters, but I was hoping for only one Criminal type.  Perhaps if one of them was good at archery, while the other had an unhealthy love of stabbing?

I am really hoping for one or two Thug types, one Criminal, and maybe two or three Philosophers, including a Godamancer.   For one idea of a Godamancer, I suggest reading up on the Cult of Banjo, God of Puppets.

Soon to come: Sir Reginald's profile!

Offline Lyrus

This ... hath great potential!

Offline sinera

* sinera wants to pway!! Pwease pwease pwetty pwease??

I just had a great idea - to balance Transgirlenstein's pixie/thugga - perhaps I should play an ogre (or something equally brutish) with an affinity for lace and rainbows - a trickomancy philosopher - with a lisp...

Offline Transgirlenstein

Name: Tink Bigknickers
Occupation: Thug
Species: Pixie
Sex: Female

History: The Bigknickers are a rather prestigious family in pixiedom.  Tink's father father was an insect tamer, Tink's father was an insect tamer and Tink sure as hell wasn't going to be an insect tamer so her brother became one instead.  Tink was always the more adventurous and headstrong type, she left home to make her life in the big city.  And by big city, I mean "Holy fucking crap this thing is huge!', in comparison to a pixie of course.

In this villiage of Cobbler's Knob, she learned what she was best at.  Using her tiny size and speed to take things down which are much bigger than her.  It wasn't long before she got a wonderful job working for a not so wonderful group of free business men/women (*cough* criminals *cough*).  Now she earns all the money she needs to live the life of luxury she feels she so desperately needs to live.

Tink often dresses in rather revealing clothing which shows off her shapely, if small, abs and firm, if small (yet big for a pixie!) breasts.  She also has a tattoo which she got from a rather nice tattooist who was willing to work with someone much smaller.  Her hair is usually pulled back into a snail pony tail.  Her beautiful cute face has a few freckles around her nose.

Item of Importance
?? (not sure yet, suggestions?)

ALIVE: 3
BASH: 3
SNEAK: 1
LIKE: 1






Offline RemielTopic starter

(Sorry, gang. Dealing with RL issues and general malaise. Please stand by...)

Offline Esoteric Myobi

  • ~:|| Teasing Seductress ♡ Trouble's Jellybean ♡ Saffron's Rabid Fairy ||:~
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2009
  • Location: Tease me, please me, bind me, then take me~
  • Gender: Female
  • Let go of your inhibitions...
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 15
I am utterly loving this idea =) Would love to join if it's still going on. ^^ Sounds like tons of fun!

Offline Cassiopeia

Yeah ... you had me at Princess Bride!  This sounds inconceivably brilliant!  I'm just kicking around a couple of character ideas atm.  Not sure which would add more hilarity to the story ;D 

Offline RemielTopic starter

Sorry for the delay, everybody.  I've been trying to sketch out a basic plot, and also tinkering with various ideas, namely considering just making the campaign completely freeform.  Would anyone have any preferences one way or the other?

Here's what I'm considering:

1. Completely freeform -- no stats, no rolls
2. Almost completely freeform -- Still have stats, but no rolls.  The Game Mangler will decide if you succeed or fail based upon your score in a given attribute
3. Nearly Almost completely freeform -- still have stats, but the GM will roll for you, based upon your stats, so you don't have to!
4. Leave everything As Is.

Any preferences?

Offline sinera

... are there any modifiers to the stats for race? I'm making an half-ogre philosopher and really can't imagine him only having a BASH of 1...

Offline Esoteric Myobi

  • ~:|| Teasing Seductress ♡ Trouble's Jellybean ♡ Saffron's Rabid Fairy ||:~
  • Dame
  • Enchanter
  • *
  • Join Date: Oct 2009
  • Location: Tease me, please me, bind me, then take me~
  • Gender: Female
  • Let go of your inhibitions...
  • My Role Play Preferences
  • View My Rolls
  • Referrals: 15
Personally I have no experience with system games of any sort so for me Freeform would be easiest. On the other hand, I'm always willing to learn since I may very well end up in a system game somewhere down the line and it's better to learn sooner than later right? =)

Whichever the majority ends up choosing I will go along with happily, just because I'm loving this idea so much and feel it will be fun regardless of what we pick. x3

Offline RemielTopic starter

... are there any modifiers to the stats for race? I'm making an half-ogre philosopher and really can't imagine him only having a BASH of 1...

Nope, although I'm also considering giving everybody a free stat point at the start to assign as they wish.

Or maybe your half-ogre is a pacifist, or has brittle bones, or is just notoriously clumsy and bruises easily.   The point is, race really won't have much to do with anything so much as the profession.  For example,  remember that Transgirlenstein's pixie has a BASH of 3 even though she can probably fit in a lunchbox.  Size isn't the ultimate be-all, end-all.  :)

Offline Cassiopeia

As far as system vs. freeform goes I'm in the same boat as Myobi.  I've only ever done freeform so that'd be easiest for me, but I'm more than willing to learn as well.  Either way I'm in  ;D  Still just torn on my character as always ><

Offline Phaia

Just remember 'The Mouse' Is here to help!

*deftly helps Cassie, Sinera and Esoteric Myobi and quickly 'finds lost' coins and shinys on each of them.. Slipping said lost and now found shinys into Mousey's pocket**

Here come this way and listen to the grand speaker!!!


Phaia