Topic: Stop Your Faking! Right Now!

[Wistful Dream]

I've gotten incredibly lucky with a man that does understand, you aren't going to climax every time. I use to be afraid of sex, one of the biggest reasons was thinking that I couldn't climax, it just had never happened. But I do love it now, thanks to a certain man (xp). For me I still have times when I freeze up mentally and it takes a bit to get to that point, just because I have a mind block over it and well when I do go over its a lot and it makes me feel bad/shy/embarrassed  sometimes. He just laughs it off.

We have had some amazing moments, with neither of us climaxing. At first I thought I had done something wrong when he would pull away without releasing, but after talking it through I've happily accepted you don't have to every time, its not the end all be all of being together, its just a perk when it does happen. I did fake it for awhile when we first got together, I was too nervous and wrapped up in my own head space, he could get me to that peak but I would always hold back, afraid of what would happen if I did, thinking I couldn't. I honestly thought there was something inside me that was 'broken'. He broke through that a few months ago though, and has been very supportive, yet stubborn about it. So no more faking, just enjoying.

[Brittany]

I think one big problem is, not to simplify men but in general if I want to stimulate a boyfriend I really only need go to one part of his body and it really matters very little what I do there.  While I know they have other sexual responses too, thats the big one and thats the one that they are waiting for, even if its nice when you kiss their neck.

For women it isn't like that.  Firstly all girls like different things.  Some may like the direct approach.  Strangely enough a huge turn on for me personally is caressing my feet (Not in a fetish kind of way!!) but theres that, the hairs at the back of my neck etc etc.  Stimulating these areas help towards orgasm more than the "banging around downstairs" that is being mentioned.  The breasts and down there certainly are important parts to it all, but female orgasm is far more complicated on a whole.  Even just feeling a bond with the person I am with makes it easier for me.

[Will]

I think one big problem is, not to simplify men but in general if I want to stimulate a boyfriend I really only need go to one part of his body and it really matters very little what I do there.  While I know they have other sexual responses too, thats the big one and thats the one that they are waiting for, even if its nice when you kiss their neck.

For women it isn't like that.  Firstly all girls like different things.  Some may like the direct approach.  Strangely enough a huge turn on for me personally is caressing my feet (Not in a fetish kind of way!!) but theres that, the hairs at the back of my neck etc etc.  Stimulating these areas help towards orgasm more than the "banging around downstairs" that is being mentioned.  The breasts and down there certainly are important parts to it all, but female orgasm is far more complicated on a whole.  Even just feeling a bond with the person I am with makes it easier for me.

That's not always true.  Not even most of the time, I would say.

[cere]

I have a view that change is also needed.  There comes a time (pun intended, sorry but I love puns) when it just isn't good enough to mechanically go to the same places doing the same thing.  Even with toys, I would say that you need some variation to get the most pleasure...a heightened event you might say rather than a "yeah, that was good" but not knowing better is possible.  Even laying off for a few days works in my opinion...plus any additional mental stimulii help a lot too.

It's all good if you're with someone you love. It's sometimes good when you're with  someone you've just met.  It's sometimes fabulous in either circumstance...and...experience counts a lot! ;-)

[Brittany]

That's not always true.  Not even most of the time, I would say.

It may not be of all guys.  But it often feels like that with guys.  I have often felt while touching and kissing men, that I'm being pressured or hurried to get to that spot.  Also it's what we're told guys want in magazines

[Torch]

It may not be of all guys.  But it often feels like that with guys.  I have often felt while touching and kissing men, that I'm being pressured or hurried to get to that spot.  Also it's what we're told guys want in magazines

No offense, but if that's the case then you are having sex with the wrong guys. As Will pointed out, it's not remotely true at all, and generalizations on both sides are a bad thing. When you state that "all men" or "all women" do or want or need this or that, you are stereotyping.

And for heaven's sake, who really gives a shit what magazines say?

As someone who has had sex with one person for the last 17 years, I can say truthfully that I've never once faked an orgasm with Mr. Torch. That does not mean I always orgasm when we have sex. And that's fine. As a matter of fact, he doesn't always orgasm when we have sex. And that's fine, too.

Of course, a lot of this is due to maturity and being comfortable enough with each other to accept that the fireworks will not happen every single time, something younger people (or those new to a relationship) have a hard time doing. They have silly expectations in their heads (probably because they are reading those aforementioned idiotic magazines *coughCosmocough*) and feel stressed when those expectations do not pan out.

[Kiric Rand]

I'm not afraid to admit that i'm new to the whole situation, but i thought i'd share the insights of a newcommer (no pun intended)

I've always said i'd rather be hurt by the truth then protected by lies. Most men are like this deep down. I know we're suposted to be the "macho, dominating" types sterotypically, but most guys (at least ones i know) are actually wanting their partner to feel good, regardless if its orgasmic or not.

That being said, I would never had a problem if my partner suggested something to help her out. I know i currently haven't had much experiance, but anything i could do to help her feel good i would gladly take advice on.

[Black Howling]

I'm sad to say that women are not the only ones to have ever faked an orgasm. I can count more than a few times that I've had to fake one in order to spare my partners feelings. No one likes hearing they haven't done the trick, men and women alike. It takes two to tango, so anytime you notice you've had a certain problem you can bet your partner has as well; or at-least a similar one. I've also tried the honesty policy, and trust me it doesn't work so well. Usually the opposite feels saddened, making their next performance even worse. The only solution I've found is to find a partner that can satisfy you, and make damn sure your doing the same for them.     

[Rora]

I definatly agree on the whole honesty is the best policy or whatever. At first me and my last boyfriend had a huge problem in the bedroom or at least he thought it was a huge problem. I didn't come all of the time..and I just an't gonna fake it so...he felt that he was doing something wrong or that he wasn't doing something right. After the third time or so he just got up and left...I was like what the hell! Later we talked and that really helped things. I had tried to talk to him before that but he just didn't want to listen.

Men tell us to tell them the truth, yet when we try if it is something they don't necessarily want to hear what we have to say. I totally agree with Saffron...men do get offended if you try and help them along with a toy or a hand...I don't understand that.

[Torch]

Men tell us to tell them the truth, yet when we try if it is something they don't necessarily want to hear what we have to say. I totally agree with Saffron...men do get offended if you try and help them along with a toy or a hand...I don't understand that.

Please don't stereotype. All men are not like this, and I know firsthand because I'm married to one.

As I said to another poster earlier in the thread, if this is the case, then you are having sex with the wrong guys.