Sept 28th - It's The End of You & Me
Fifteen minutes to six I was woken up to the sound of my new phone. I still have to get used to the fact I have a new phone with new sounds. I need to fix it to play my usual alarm ring tone, a Spanish one to wake my lovely behind up. I showered, changed and headed off to class. Usually it takes me twenty minutes to shower, fifteen to get dressed and then the rest of the time I allow myself (an hour and fifteen minutes) to fix myself breakfast, brush teeth, heat up my car and head off to class. Usually in between fixing breakfast, brushing my teeth and heating up my car I check my email and Elliquiy. About 15-20 emails I will get in the morning, sometimes spam, other times important items (work, school, Elliquiy) and it needs to be cleared out. I get itchy when I do not clear out my morning emails. I find in my email, an email sent to moi by an ex-lover.
At first I am slightly confused as to why he wants to contact me after all this time. The last time we spoke was a good year ago and it was on bad terms. Distinctly, I remember the two of us in each other's faces trying to see who would back down from their point of view before turning around and walking away. The walking away part was the last time for him and I. I have walked away from various relationships over the past few years. I started to date around fifteen but walking away from him was a difficult task because I truly cared and perhaps loved him but knew we were not right for one another. When I entered into a relationship with him, I had mixed emotions about it. Let me give you the background on this relationship. He is a lifestyle Dom and I am a lifestyle Domme. He owns submissives and polyamorous which runs along the same things I do. In fact, I met him through a munch a year and a half ago around the time of my birthday.
The two of us became an item a few months after after we talked and interacted with one another. We kept each other private but a friend knew about him, well, some about him since I never knew where the relationship would end up. We fought, we loved, we knew there would be ups and downs for one another. He wanted me to travel with him after a few months of dating to Europe but I wanted to stay in California to finish my first two years of college before I moved to San Francisco. In fact, I was offered a plane ticket to run off to Spain with him but I knew I could not take it. Not to say he was strange for offering the plane ticket eight months into the relationship but I knew I did not want to go on a trip with someone who I could not commit anything further to; strange words I spill onto the wireless paper but it is true.
While I am polyamorous, I hold some faith to being monogamous to those I am in relationships or about to commit to a relationship. Being monogamous in a polyamorous relationship is a bit contrasting is it not? I cannot speak on those who are polyamorous or anyone choosing to be polyamorous but for myself I mentioned I hold primary, secondary and so forth partners. I have been in triad relationships where the other two individuals and I put down there would be no one else to come into our relationship unless it was one night or a friends with benefit type of deal. There are those I choose not to bring around other partners because while one can say one is not jealous, I think there is some bit of envy and possessiveness in all of us. Just because you say you are fine with someone flirting with your mate does not mean you are fine if the mate was to walk off to enjoy sexual or sensual pleasures with the person who flirts with them. You like to have some trust or even conversation in making sure whatever happens outside the relationship does not affect what is in the relationship.
For the ex and I, I felt no need to be around him when he was with other women. With other individuals, I am quite fine basking in the view of a partner with another. Sometimes, I even join in on the fun but with him I had an urge to walk away from him when he handled his submissives or his partners. It felt wrong. At the time, I had no clue why I felt it was wrong to be around him with other females but I figured it was because the women who came around him were there to see him and no one else. I have met women who are able to zone out other people and focus on just one person. I have the same thing when it comes to cracking the whip against the backside against the lush bottom of a female. However, these women were almost vicious in their attempts to ignore my presence and while I am not afraid to inform a female submissive to mind her manners, I had no place to tell these women to step back and reevaluate their actions. I could not do it because while I may say one thing, it is their Master, my ex-lover who holds the reins in the M/s relationship. I am an interloper and I did not like the power play he tried to use in getting his females riled up to try and ruffle my feathers. When a man is trying to piss me off to gain status or attention with other people, it is a man I do not want to hold company with; he was that man.
Now back to him emailing me. He emailed me to ask if I wanted to meet up for dinner to catch up on what has gone on between the two of us. Now, on the one hand, my curiosity is piqued but on the other hand I do not want to open up a can of worms. When we left one another after yelling and throwing out a few phrases to cut each others emotions, I knew I wanted to move on with my life. He and I butted heads in the relationship and I do not like feeling as if I have to be ready for an interrogation or tested on how to be a proper 'Dom's girlfriend. No one puts Miss Marguerite in a corner especially in trying to mold me into a perfect 'Domme' girlfriend. For all his faults, he was a good male to me even if he tried to push me into certain things I easily pushed back onto him to be wary of trying to force my hand. Never did he try to lay a hand on me because he knew I had no hesitation to throw a pot at his head or hose him down in the mornings with cold water.
As I read over his email for the fifth time, do you know what I did? Nope. I did not reply. I simply blocked his email address and deleted his email. What we had was an experience I will never forget but it is something I never want to rehash. He was my past and I do not want to catch my past up on my present.
After I deleted his email, I went about finishing the rest of my morning tasks before driving off to class. Class only reaffirmed I did the right thing in deleting his email. The topic of my Sex & Relationships class was 'Ex's and Whether An Ex Should Be A Lover Again'. Now, I am not implying he and I could fall back into a relationship or what he wanted out of the dinner was to take me back to his place to bed me. Hell, he could simply want to know how I am and what I have been up to but just as easily as I could have dinner with him, the past has a way of coming back to remember me of past deeds. He may or may not want to be with me but I do not want to play the guessing game and simply put my mind at ease in snipping the thread before it becomes problematic.
I explained my troubles to B who is now a bosom buddy about the ex. She agreed on what I did and we continued with our conversation later over lunch. Every time there is the one hour break, well, for me when my class day ends at 10am (yes, I have class form 8-10am three days a week), B, S and I have lunch together for an hour. We speak about what happened to each of us during the weekend, I showed them my new phone (well, S, saw it for the first time while B saw it earlier in class) and go on about various items in the media. No matter what, I end up laughing 80% of the time when we have lunch together because of the jokes, imitations and poking fun at one another. I enjoy receiving a few more laugh lines because of them. They make the rest of the day worth it and aid in acquiring more lovelies.
Though I am happy to see my lovely Eden back on Elliquiy. Yes, hopefully she reads this because I missed her and hoped all was well in that she did not leave moi. I plan to give her a score of snogs later but right now the phone is ringing and it is from a potential new client. Adios for now.
Miss Marguerite & The City
P.S. I do enjoy comments.