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Author Topic: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details  (Read 4364 times)

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Offline VekseidTopic starter

Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« on: August 29, 2009, 12:15:00 AM »
I've been wanting to talk about this for awhile, as we occasionally get heat from it. "I know what I'm doing!" some scream. "I'm not worried about spammers or creeps or..." They think the rule is about them, in the singular. In some cases, this sort of thing is relevant - we occasionally edit introductions that are far too personal for the poster's own good. That is usually not the case, however.

It goes a bit like this: You want to look up a phone number, you open up a phone directory. Likewise, if you want to find a picture or video, you will go to a site that is known to have those sorts of content.

So where does a random creep  (Treebuddy420 here) look for people to harass?

We actually haven't had a serious case of harassment since the mentoring process was streamlined - despite doubling our membership since. Knock on wood, and all, but in addition to saving our sanity, they have done a wonderful job. Have you thanked one lately? : )

So, when we seek to prevent contact details being made public, it is because we want to present ourselves as a place where that information is not available. It's not like approval costs money, or ever will. The only honest reason to circumvent it is impatience... and we rather frown on that. You have presumably spent, at a minimum, eighteen years in this world before applying to Elliquiy, if a few days is too much for you, you probably do not belong here.

I hope that helps explain things. I really do want to keep most of how we function transparent.

Thank you for reading, and have a nice day : )

Offline Dakota

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2009, 05:43:29 AM »
I completely agree Vek, E is the first site I've joined where I've not had half a dozen IM requests from complete wierdos lol I've always asked for permission before I've added someones IM but not everyone online is like me lol

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2009, 01:38:56 PM »
He sounds like an asshole and I'm really glad he didn't get in.  Not that he had a chance with the way he was acting.  He didn't even try to pretend to be nice. 

Offline Beguile's Mistress

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Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2009, 08:40:28 AM »
This is the only site I've visited that requires an approval before a member is granted full access.

Any impatience I may have felt during the approval process has long been forgotten.  E is the largest community I belong to and is extremely well moderated.  I feel 'safe' here to express myself, play a little (or a lot), and approach others looking for friendship, companionship or role playing without fear of harassment.  Only a few other, much smaller sites give me that feeling.

Approval works to impress on new members the fact that this is a community and that a certain standard of behavior is expected.  People who are expected to behave well usually do.

Offline PaleEnchantress

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2009, 11:00:05 PM »
Beguile's Mistress said it well. I was itching a bit to get into the site when I was going through the approval process. However the swift and thoughtful replies I got in my app from the moderators here let me know I was not being ignored.

Once I was in I became a fan of the process and am glad it's there. It's pretty amazing we can cater to such a wide variety of interests and have everything stay so smooth.

I didn't understand the exact reason behind the no personal info rule but now that you explained why, it makes a lot of sense. No one who has a imagined grudge with us or random hate-flamer can go through out public pages looking for people to harass. Once they see it isn't there they stop looking. Not bad.

Offline WhiteyChan

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #5 on: September 07, 2009, 05:25:52 AM »
I have to say, as a relatively new member, I didn't even really notice the approval process. It was like, over and done with in the blink of an eye. I guess that's down to the efficiency of your approval team. Thanks for that, lol. But yeah. I am glad you guys have that approval process, it does make the community here - however large - that little bit safer, and thus closer together than other sites are. So, again, thanks for that. XD

Offline Vicarious

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #6 on: September 07, 2009, 05:56:50 AM »
We actually haven't had a serious case of harassment since the mentoring process was streamlined - despite doubling our membership since. Knock on wood, and all, but in addition to saving our sanity, they have done a wonderful job. Have you thanked one lately? : )

I have been on the moderation staff of many forums, including my high school forum on MySpace (before I realized that MySpace is a retched spawning pool of contempt and drama), and a few other forums. Elliquiy is by far the best moderated community that I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of. None of the staff, in what I have seen in a short week, makes anyone else feel lessor because of their rank, every one of the staff members are friendly, and you all are part of the community instead of just policing it.

That being said: Thank you. All of you. The mentors, the moderators, the administrators. Never before have I seen such a dedicated group that doesn't sacrifice kindness and yet is able to run such a smooth community.

Now, my thoughts on the approval system and prohibiting contact information in public areas.

Like Beguile's Mistress, I have never been to a community of any sorts that required a screening and approval. And the way it's done here simply works. I love it, I thought it was fun and didn't really have too much of an itch to get in. At least it wasn't "Fill this out, we'll let you know in a couple of days." And the fact that you couldn't contact anyone until you were approved kinda confused me at first, however it makes absolute sense, and I couldn't agree more.

Also, if I may put my two cents in, these issues (at least in my thoughts) help protect the community itself from being attacked. Because we don't just allow anyone, and not just have a "Are you over 18? Click yes or no." style sign-up, we don't run the risk of easily providing adult material to those under 18, and further jeopardizing the existence of Elliquiy due to possible lawsuits.

Offline Doomsday

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2009, 03:48:47 PM »
Holy crap, that guy's a headcase.

Offline Serephino

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2009, 07:30:55 PM »
I think my approval took a week.  The wait was a bit frustrating, but nothing to have a fit over.  Having been a member of other adult writing groups I understood that it's important to make sure underage people don't get access.  I didn't understand why you didn't just use an age verifyer then watch people, but I guess who am I to argue...

The no contact rule makes sense though.  Adult forums seem to attract real creeps.  I met one guy through a yahoo group that seemed to just want to cyber. *shivers*  I like that E is a creep free zone. 

Offline Cythieus

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2009, 06:17:36 AM »
I will have to say what I do like about this is the level of care put into the user's safety. Many sites don't worry about letting you information get out or don't punish those who do. So I have seen guys show up at a girl's house because of something he found on her myspace because he tracked it down using her sign up info. I have seen people try every number in a series of photos in photobucket and find nudes to steal. I have modded, been a member and just been around forums for ten years now and I think that this forum has probably had some of the most attentive and diligent staff I have seen. It seems understood here. Safety is not a joke, the internet is a fun place but not to be taken as a free for all where you can put whatever out there and it won't come back to get you.

I see people steal pictures all of the time on another adult site and post them on 4chan and I just wonder why when the mods catch them doing this it's never seen as a problem. It's good to see communities where it is seen as one.

Offline Jude

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2009, 04:58:52 AM »
I think the ban on public contact details is excessive.  If I want to give out my information where people can find it and use it to contact me, I don't understand why I shouldn't be allowed to put myself in that position.  If anyone harasses me as a result, fine, I brought that upon myself.  I think the rule is paternalistic in a way that I, and anyone else on the site, really shouldn't need granted that we have to be adults to sign up in the first place.

However, I completely agree with the introduction period including the amount of time it takes.  Otherwise we'd have trolls and people from 4chan messing around.  It keeps the more destructive elements from wracking havoc on the community.

And it's not like I don't understand why the ban is in place; not everyone would think of the potential downfalls of giving out their information and some people have fragile dispositions.

Offline Cythieus

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2009, 07:35:24 AM »
I think the ban on public contact details is excessive.  If I want to give out my information where people can find it and use it to contact me, I don't understand why I shouldn't be allowed to put myself in that position.  If anyone harasses me as a result, fine, I brought that upon myself.  I think the rule is paternalistic in a way that I, and anyone else on the site, really shouldn't need granted that we have to be adults to sign up in the first place.

However, I completely agree with the introduction period including the amount of time it takes.  Otherwise we'd have trolls and people from 4chan messing around.  It keeps the more destructive elements from wracking havoc on the community.

And it's not like I don't understand why the ban is in place; not everyone would think of the potential downfalls of giving out their information and some people have fragile dispositions.

I would agree with you on the first part, but having seen the results of what can happen to someone who doesn't realize what putting their information out there can do, I can say that the rule might be there just to protect us even if it seems strict.

I have seen too many people have their information posted on 4chan by trusted "friends" who were scamming them just for that reason. While the internet is a fun interesting place, there's some dangers here. I can see why posting personal info is frowned upon...especially in the part of the site unverified members can get to. Even more so, I can see why other members are not allowed to post the information of others.

Offline emily dls

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2009, 12:27:17 AM »
I guess I have been very Lucky over the years of my Internet browsing.  I have never run into any creeps or weirdos trying to find out where I live or work.  I've been on the net since 1994 Or 95.
 From the sounds of it, some of you have had some bad encounters or at least know someone who has.

  Like I said, I've been browsing for about 14 years and I've only been a member of a website as an Official Member Twice and, I have yet to get harrassed or threatend.
  I have met people were there was conflict of personality or philosophical differances, but I have some how managed to resolve them before it got to serious.

  I think alot of people put themselves in positions of vulnerability ("which I find very arousing, but at least I keep one finger on the trigger." )   when they search for what ever in life they desire.  But while they search, they have no plan for when things fail.  Hence the slaughter begins of the courious, light hearted in search for something.

Like I said, maybe I'm just lucky because I know Damn good and well I'm not the sharpest pencil in the pencil box.
But being an Invert does have its advantages.

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2009, 01:26:58 AM »
I think the ban on public contact details is excessive.  If I want to give out my information where people can find it and use it to contact me, I don't understand why I shouldn't be allowed to put myself in that position.  If anyone harasses me as a result, fine, I brought that upon myself.  I think the rule is paternalistic in a way that I, and anyone else on the site, really shouldn't need granted that we have to be adults to sign up in the first place.

However, I completely agree with the introduction period including the amount of time it takes.  Otherwise we'd have trolls and people from 4chan messing around.  It keeps the more destructive elements from wracking havoc on the community.

And it's not like I don't understand why the ban is in place; not everyone would think of the potential downfalls of giving out their information and some people have fragile dispositions.

...I think you completely the post : /

Once again, it isn't about you. It's about the culture we wish to cultivate here. I even link to Elliquiy's main competitor which I run, entirely so that those who disagree with the culture at Elliquiy have a place.

Paradoxically, Elliquiy is winning that popularity contest. It really shouldn't be, but it is.

Offline Oniya

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Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2009, 08:22:46 AM »
I've been wanting to talk about this for awhile, as we occasionally get heat from it. "I know what I'm doing!" some scream. "I'm not worried about spammers or creeps or..." They think the rule is about them, in the singular.

It goes a bit like this: You want to look up a phone number, you open up a phone directory. Likewise, if you want to find a picture or video, you will go to a site that is known to have those sorts of content.

So, when we seek to prevent contact details being made public, it is because we want to present ourselves as a place where that information is not available.

Stripping out the all-too-appropriate cautionary example, the snippets above are the heart of the post.  If you want to put your personal details on a website, go right ahead - set up a Facebook, a LiveJournal, a MySpace - heck, pick up one of those free-hosting pages and put up your name, picture, email, home address, phone number, birthdate, Social Security Number and blood type if you want to.  Nobody here will stop you.

By not allowing such things to be public here, it keeps Elliquiy from being a go-to place for the people looking for it.

Offline Cythieus

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2009, 08:26:33 AM »
...I think you completely the post : /

Once again, it isn't about you. It's about the culture we wish to cultivate here. I even link to Elliquiy's main competitor which I run, entirely so that those who disagree with the culture at Elliquiy have a place.

Paradoxically, Elliquiy is winning that popularity contest. It really shouldn't be, but it is.

What is the culture at the other site like? Easier to get in and more spam?

Offline jouzinka

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Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2009, 08:31:27 AM »
... and harassment, molesting, stalking...

Offline Cythieus

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #17 on: September 23, 2009, 08:36:44 AM »
... and harassment, molesting, stalking...

Sadly this doesn't surprise me, I'm not saying its good but I am saying that's forums. Both the writer's forum I frequent and a very large anime one have this issue. Stories of girls getting loads of penis pictures in their in box and guy's posting the pictures from girls along with their myspace URLs on 4chan. It's horrible. One girl I know literally got "doorstepped" by a guy from her city.

Another guy on the forums I go to has become so notoriously well known for stalking, threatening to kill himself and threatening women that he has his own Encyclopedia Dramatic page.

This stuff seems to be the norm most places, this site is just a very rare case.

Offline jouzinka

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Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #18 on: September 23, 2009, 08:41:56 AM »
Well, on this site you do it once (or maybe twice) and you're getting a nice, shiny BANana for the ride...

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #19 on: September 23, 2009, 08:48:45 AM »
Blue Moon isn't that bad, else I wouldn't host it. You saw how we dealt with Tony, there.

Ultimately, it's a place for the younger crowd - Elliquiy tends to the late twenties, maturity wise. Blue Moon is inherently more hostile and less forgiving. I basically set it up as a counterpart to Elliquiy. Open to all with no approval, looser rules, and so on. It's also somewhat demonstrative of what one person can do regarding a site.

Personal Roleplaying, Lunar Radiance, Sex is Normal and World Enough and Time are also hosted, the first two primarily because BM and E don't really cover the culture spectrum. People are happier when they have a home.

Offline Cythieus

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2009, 08:53:18 AM »
Well, on this site you do it once (or maybe twice) and you're getting a nice, shiny BANana for the ride...

I like that too, I hate how some sites give certain members special privileges to break rules repeatedly while others do something once are banned on first offenses.

Blue Moon isn't that bad, else I wouldn't host it. You saw how we dealt with Tony, there.
 
 Ultimately, it's a place for the younger crowd - Elliquiy tends to the late twenties, maturity wise. Blue Moon is inherently more hostile and less forgiving. I basically set it up as a counterpart to Elliquiy. Open to all with no approval, looser rules, and so on. It's also somewhat demonstrative of what one person can do regarding a site.
 
 Personal Roleplaying, Lunar Radiance, Sex is Normal and World Enough and Time are also hosted, the first two primarily because BM and E don't really cover the culture spectrum. People are happier when they have a home.
 

I've never even heard of Personal Roleplaying before  ???

And I'm 23, but I tend to fit in better with the older group. How is it less forgiving?

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2009, 08:56:09 AM »
http://personalroleplaying.com <- it and the others will become more prominent soon.

Rather than Elliquiy's warning system for incivility, Blue Moon uses the Player versus Player forum.

Offline Cythieus

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2009, 08:59:26 AM »
http://personalroleplaying.com <- it and the others will become more prominent soon.

Rather than Elliquiy's warning system for incivility, Blue Moon uses the Player versus Player forum.

That's a very interesting concept, but I am not sure how it would work out. Actually falling in love over the forums is really not a good idea. Done that before and with someone very far away and it was painful for both of us. I wouldn't recommend it, but you can't help who you fall for. But I see that site has places for just friends and the like too.

Offline VekseidTopic starter

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2009, 10:39:13 AM »
That's a very interesting concept, but I am not sure how it would work out. Actually falling in love over the forums is really not a good idea. Done that before and with someone very far away and it was painful for both of us. I wouldn't recommend it, but you can't help who you fall for. But I see that site has places for just friends and the like too.

We have just had our first public pregnancy via a couple that found each other via Elliquiy recently. You are preaching to people older, wiser, and far more experienced in these situations than you are : )

Offline Haibane

Re: Why Elliquiy Bans Public Contact Details
« Reply #24 on: September 25, 2009, 04:31:03 PM »
By not allowing such things to be public here, it keeps Elliquiy from being a go-to place for the people looking for it.
Bang on the nail. Well said. That should be Vekseid's sig. ;)