August 23 -
Edit: This is only the morning part of the blog series, I have yet to have the afternoon and evening but I thought it best to get it out here now. This section has been reposted onto the Bad & Ugly thread as well.
2nd Edit: To include a few pictures from today. More can be seen at the Photo Blog Series of Miss Marguerite & The City
I woke up this morning with good thoughts on my mind save one. One thought which plagued me last night after the parents left me in charge of lil Mar-Mar and this morning as I pondered over what to do with the thought. The thought was of my good friend who is moving out of state (actually several states away) to start her new life. I am sad to see her go but I am more angry at the way she is leaving things. Somehow running away because things get too hard is not what I consider a smart choice. I know she has a good life because she has been given every opportunity but it was squandered away. Not saying it was by her own fault but with those same opportunities given to me, I would have taken full advantage of it.
However, I cannot really put my two cents in because I have been a bad friend to her by not being there the past two months which seemed to be the two important months where all hell broke loose for her. Nonetheless, I still cannot but wonder if she knows how good she has it here. How while she thinks no one is there for her, her family still loves her even with the stupid stunts she pulled in the last two months. Hell, I even found out some of these stupid stunts and I am or was supposed to be her best friend. Some of these stunts made me wonder just how disconnected we have become to one another. We used to, well, I used to tell her everything; I considered her part of my family (I still do even with this anger surging inside of me), for E's sake she was even photographed and placed in a few of the family albums and the high school graduation picture of us is placed proudly in the front of the house for everyone to admire and see.
Yet, somehow it does not matter. I do not know what is going on in her head or her rationalizations as to why she has to move not one state away from several states away. I know things have been rough with her old job and school but not enough to make her leave for a place at the drop of the hat. While I am writing this blog series there has always been one fault in this series and it is her. She was supposed to be joining me on this blog series. It could have been Miss Marguerite, ******* & The City. Both of us went to the same school, became friends over funny thing enough Phantom of the Opera, have been friends for a good six years. I call her my hetero lifemate and made comments on her having our lovechild (sorry Michi, she was the first to be impregnated with our love child), both have the same majors, went to the same college and yet we went on our own paths. I know two people will not choose the same choices and make the same mistakes. However, I fooled myself into thinking she was always a part of my life and she still is but I cannot support her decision.
She called me just as I was writing this and I informed her I was not going to see her. Elliquiy, I broke down and let her know this was a mistake and I could not bring myself to seeing her because I rather see her as she was laughing and spending the night over at my parent's place. What she was doing was not healthy but even if it was a rebellion phase, it was one I never expected her to do. I can see her dying her hair a different color, wanting to head into San Francisco to visit me on a whim, maybe even get another tattoo but move several states from people who can help her out and would drop things to make sure she is well and not harmed? Never really crossed my mind.
Now I try to look on the good of things and it works out because the past few weeks have been well but I could not be happy for her. I am sorry if it makes me a horrible friend but honestly, I do not think this was a smart choice to make (she made it in a few weeks time) and while I know she will make her comments known when she calls me again, I still love her like a sister. A sister who I wish I could protect like I do with lil Mar-Mar (knife and mace if anyone remembers the last blog post) but she wants to do this and I cannot and will not support her. It would make me a bad friend to support this stupid decision and then pretend as if it does not mean a lick in the book. Friends do not lie to friends even if it means having them get angry at you.
So what did I do when she asked if I was coming to see her?
I ditched her.
I made plans with a good friend, best friend and I ditched her. I will not lie about waking up late because I woke up at seven in the morning. Not blaming it on a faulty automobile or sudden illness. I ditched her to see just how dead serious I am in her mistake in moving to Mississippi. I am not hating on the state of Mississippi but when we talked long ago but places we wanted to visit, never had I suspected Mississippi was on her top ten list. There was talks of Florida, New York, Europe and various other places. I want her to see that if her good friend will not see her because seeing her would make me want to drag her back to her parent's place or maybe even back to my own parent's place then maybe she can see how much of a support system she could potentially lose.
She knows I will always love her (cue Whitney Houston) but right now I am at a cross roads and I wish she was going down one of the roads with me, arm in arm. People change and times are moving forward but hopefully our friendship will stand the test of time.
The rest of the morning went by quicker than I expected it. After eating and discussing over what my plans were for the rest of the week with family, I headed back to Costco. Seems my new pair of eyeglasses were loose on the sides and needed to be tightened a bit. It was the usual bonding of father/daughter in the car since I took my little Tracker and maja took her own car. My faja [father] has never seen me drive on the highway and was worried I was unable to get to and from school or visiting them if having to use the highway. For about 80-90 of the life I have led now, I have been driven around by relatives, friends, lovers because I usually wanted to sit back, enjoy the scenery or continue reading the latest novel I picked up from the local Borders.
We spent what time we had left together chatting about what my plans were for Labor Day weekend. I have since written down major and minor holidays will be spent with the family. I said my farewells to family but not before checking out some Elliquiy emails and roleplays.
The drive was not so bad because I had music and my own thoughts to keep me company. I managed to go through two cd's on my way back to the house.
After that, it was really boring, the girls were quiet, maybe even too quiet for their own good. Must watch out for them, those sneaky little vanilla females.Miss Marguerite & The City