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Author Topic: Is it cheating?  (Read 652 times)

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Offline NothingTopic starter

Is it cheating?
« on: March 11, 2006, 12:39:11 PM »
Hello all,
I'm new to the forums, just joined a few days ago, and I haven't been in the "adult" RP world for very long...I had a game on another forum that had to be closed down because of it's adult content, so I came here to restart it.
Anyways, to get to the point...
My boyfriend knows that I have the one game, but he doesn't know that I'm starting to get involved in others, and I'm starting to do one-on-one sessions...I don't really think he'd be upset over it...but it's just a thought that entered my head last night...
Why do I come on here, looking to roleplay out adult fantasies? I mean, sexually, i'm completely satisfied...he makes me very happy in that regard...yet I'm still drawn to this website to carry out mythic fantasies with people that I barely know...
I don't know, I guess my question is, to those out there in relationships, does it bother your signifigant other? Do they even know about it? Do they participate?
I don't really see this as cheating, I see it as more of exploring my sexuality...I figure this site will let me get my....frustrations out and even give me a few ideas :)

Nothing
(Fred)

Offline strangely made

Re: Is it cheating?
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2006, 02:44:38 PM »
Fred, the good thing about Elliquiy is that you can try things that you would never try in Real Life. A person's sexuality is a very strange thing; there are hidden fetishes and desires that maybe you don't even know you have until you play a game on here that lights a spark.

The important to thing to remember is that this is not real life and you are only playing a game. Unless you actually form an emotional bond with another player and take it beyond just a game then it isn't cheating as I see it.

I guess I'm lucky, I don't have to worry as my partner play's here as well so we know that each other isn't cheating . But if you are feeling guilty, perhaps you should sit down with your boyfriend and speak honestly with him and show him what the site is about.

(I hope that made sense)

Offline NothingTopic starter

Re: Is it cheating?
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2006, 03:02:25 PM »
Lol, my name isn't really Fred, thats just the name they came up with for me cause they didn't want to call me Nothing :)

I've never really explored my sexuality, and thus far, I've had a pretty screwed up, abused sex life and I really don't care for sex all that much...but with my boyfriend, it's different...he's the only one that I've ever really had a continuous desire for, and I've actually wanted to have sex with him, as opposed to doing it because I'm supposed to or simply because it makes him happy...
But I am starting to become aware of my own desiresand needs, if you will, and he's helping me in that, and so is the site...strangely enough...

I know this is only a game, and I have no desire to meet or personally talk to any of the people I play with...they're just roleplaying partners, after all. I don't care about them, and I don't really want to...other than keeping within their personal comfort boundaries, of course. I don't want to upset anyone :)

I don't really see this as cheating, like I said, and I'm not really feeling guilty, cause there's nothing really to feel guilty about...but there's still a twinge...and I suppose I should talk to him about it..I just don't really know how to bring up the subject.
"Yeah, so, I've been having sex on this website...hope you don't mind.."
Heh, that doesn't really work all that well...
So, I don't know...

Offline Celestial Goblin

Re: Is it cheating?
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2006, 03:31:52 PM »
That's right. Personally i would not mind that my significant other explores her(or his, who knows?) fantasies and has fun with other like minded people. I'd only feel cheated if she'd be hiding something from me, or trying to actually find another relationship. I think it's mostly about being honest, so if you'll tell about it, it's all good. Remember there's a big difference between playing a fictional char and yourself. Roughly the kind of difference that's between watching an erotic movie and doing it for real.
Myself, i'm the kind of guy that wouldn't be shy of three-some sex, but would be very hurt if i'd be betrayed emotionally.
Basically, it's good as long as you love him.

Offline Silentnyt

Re: Is it cheating?
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2006, 04:18:27 PM »
     A lot of this is really how far you are going to take the games you are currently playing in and how involved you become in them.  I have personally seen people rush off to give their partner a quickie so they can get back to whatever roleplaying game they are playing, which is similar to a guy trying to finish one off before Sportscenter comes on.  The experience kind of leaves both partners unfulfilled and leaves at least one feeling cheated of their time.  So the matter really does come down to time with your partner and time spent with your hobby, because at the end of the day this is simply a hobby.  A separation of hobby and lover needs to exist along with a clear-cut priority system.  Roleplaying is not cheating if you keep the two separated and by that I mean as long as your partner is held as the higher priority and given the majority of your attention and time then there is no cheating them of their time with you.
     By the same token, there is a difference between not hiding your activities and flaunting them.  No person wants to read about their significant other being bent over a desk or pursuing someone else.  This could be especially bad if a fight has occurred or there are problems in the relationship revolving around attention and insecurity.  Leaving IMs open or email passages exposed is simply begging for your partner to read them.  That could be especially bad if your significant other is not involved in roleplaying and does not understand the concepts of OOC and IC.  Continually talking about sexual encounters you've had on the internet can also really play havoc with a relationship.  I'm not saying to skulk in the darkness, but at this point you should know your partner and know how much they can take without becoming upset.  If their tolerance is complete zero, then you will probably be typing up posts at coffee shops or in the dead of night while they are asleep.  Some might be more accepting and may put up a fog of accepted ignorance where they simply don't ask what you are typing up anymore.
    One other pitfall that people get into would be having their internet friends give them calls.  At this point you are better off telling your partner who is on the other line and emphasizing roleplaying friend, not cyberbuddy.  Also do keep in mind that caller ID does exist and people do use it to find out who is calling.  So if your roleplaying friend calls and then hangs up when your partner answers the phone, your roleplaying friend is asking to get you into trouble.  Anyway, hope all this helps or is at least fun to read.  Luck and peace.

Offline NothingTopic starter

Re: Is it cheating?
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2006, 12:36:48 AM »
Thanks for your long reply. :) It was definitly entertaining to read.
I settled on writing him a letter, hopefully being able to explain the why's and whatnot of my goings on here, and ideally, if it makes him uncomfortable in any way, we'll come to some sort of compromise. Cause while I don't really want to quit playing, I also don't want to upset him. So, we'll work something out.
Thank you, everyone, for all your replys and comments. They were much appreciated. :)

Offline strenoth

Re: Is it cheating?
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2006, 12:52:29 AM »
heh, I'm tryign to get my headspace back to the rigth point, which is where most of you are at. Had a bad online-only relationship that screwed with my sense of character distance.. but not for myself, strangely. I could still roleplay intimate scenes with out personal attatchement, but I was sort of trained by experience to not believe my partner could. And thus I needed to be jealous of any IC flirting etc, and to except jealousy if my character flirted with another (let alone anything else)

Fortunatly, I've got a great gal whose being very patient as I try and fix this. Just be open and honest, don't play head games, it shoudl be fine.