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Author Topic: A way to start and End a relationship.  (Read 674 times)

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Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

A way to start and End a relationship.
« on: July 08, 2009, 04:04:27 PM »
Well here's my story! ;D

My Best Guy friend and I have known each other since we where baby's.We went through a lot with each other making us close...but not on a Intimate way.We are taking dance classes Together for five years now and seperatly almost 7 years adding that up to 12 then in total.

Anyway I have Taking A huge crush on him..Saying that I wanted to date him actively but can't since he had or maybe still have a Girlfriend who he has been dating for two years now.

Durin gour Class today we had to show the other's how we moved and did the body to body dance.Meaning we had close contact poses that paused milimeters away from each other.His Girlfriend was watching today and we both just acted naturally to each other.

But during the dance as we had to act that we love each other and make it seem really intimate.We had to freeze for our teacher at every close pose and at the final one when we where face to face.He kissed me making me push him away as his Girlfriend ran out of the room crying and us dancing seperatly until I decided to leave and finally ended up back here at E.

Now he's calling me and Talking to me on msn and leaving voice messages while his GF or maybe ex one Is calling me too.

That sums it up lol.

Offline Rapt

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2009, 04:09:04 PM »
Ok so you know my position on this, I think its cruel what he did. Especially if he fails to make amends with her and talk it out. Even if its over, that is no way to end it. It would make me suspicious but then again, I am jaded.

Offline Oniya

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Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2009, 04:10:08 PM »
I'm assuming that you didn't plan to have him kiss you, and the fact that you pushed him away says a lot for how comfortable you felt with it (especially with his girlfriend there and watching.  You might want to explain to her that the dancing was for the class and that you didn't expect him to do what he did.

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2009, 04:24:55 PM »
Well I agree with you on that Dabria it's just down right wrong.Even if I liked the kiss still he shouldn't have done that right infront of her.

As for Oniya she knew about the dancing form of today and I already asked her over and over if she didn't mind and she said yes better two friends then a complete stranger.....I do like him a lot but now I'm starting to have dounts at the way he did this..He apologizes over and over on voicemail and msn.....His girlfriend is crying and blaming me for this and so on...am a bit at loss right now/

Offline Oniya

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Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2009, 04:52:05 PM »
Has he apologized to her, would be the question.

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2009, 05:05:39 PM »
As far AS I heard from her now after calming her down through the phone.She said they dd talk and he said sorry...telling her that he didn't knew why he had done that ..telling that her that he didn't do it on purpose...

Offline Oniya

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Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2009, 05:17:13 PM »
He got caught up in the act.  The two of them are talking, and so he's doing the right thing now.  If she wants to accept that, on the other hand - that's between the two of them.

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2009, 05:23:46 PM »
Well yes but we did this routine i
over and over and now he decides to get caught up in the act..Really frustrating and am talking to both off them now..but it's kind of I'm being shoved a side and has to listen to them and give advice on what to do now...

Offline Ryuka Tana

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2009, 09:56:57 PM »
"Hmmm... let me throw in my two cents here..."

"Let me first say, no being on Earth is obligated or loyal to anyone that they do not want to be... I have told my girlfriend that I love her more than anything, but that is only true so long as I feel it to be so... If ever my love wanes, or I fall in love with someone else, it doesn't matter how much I love her... That's the truth of it..."

"He (hypothetically) would be more unfair to be with her and love you, if you loved him in return. Now, his method may have been distasteful, but maybe, in his heart, it was romantic. See it from his eyes, before an entire class, and even his girlfriend, he could not help himself. Even if only subconsciously, he wanted people to know."

"So, either he is a malicious person, who wanted to leave his girlfriend and used you to do it hurtfully; he is a confused romantic, who wants you and could not figure out how best to prove it; or he is a conflicted human (which makes him inherently flawed) and he loves you both and knows not what to do about it..."

"I must say, I am one who loves easily, and I am polyamorous. However, I doubt you would attempt to pursue a relationship where all three of you mutually enjoyed one another, the simple answer is that he must decide for himself who he loves more."

"It may not sound simple, but in one's heart of hearts, it's a choice any person can make with only a little difficulty. However, in turn, you and his girlfriend must accept that he belongs to no one. He will love as he pleases, and sometimes he will desire. This is one great fault I find with humans as a whole."

"What he did was kiss someone he cared about, he did not give away his love, or even risk his health or safety greatly. Should he have said something to his girlfriend first? Yes, but considering the way people treat relationships, why would he? Openness is not encouraged with monogamous love, so if he expressed an interest in you, all he would have done was caused heartache and/or anger."

"Unfortunately, you let that stuff bubble long enough, and eventually your subconscious will act..."

Offline Serephino

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2009, 11:32:21 PM »
I agree with Ryuka on some points here.  It sounds like he got caught up in the moment and acted on sudden impulse.  He might've been thinking about it for a while, just didn't say anything because he already has a girl, and he didn't want to jeapordise his friendship with you in case you didn't feel the same way.

I'd say you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about why he did it and how he feels.  Only then should you talk to the girlfriend, because having her in the middle of all this will just confuse things.  It may concern her, but he needs to decide whether or not he wants to try and make it work with her, or peruse things with you.

Though if he decides to try and make it work with his girlfriend I will warn you that she will be jealous.  No matter what either of you say she'll wonder when you're spending time together.  It wouldn't be a pleasant situation, so basically, your friendship has already been put on the line.





Offline Phoenix

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2009, 11:06:36 AM »
If he's going to be an actor, she's going to have to get used to the fact that he'll possibly be kissing a LOT of other women.

If you're going to be an actress, you're going to have to get used to sometimes falling for the character a man is playing with you, but having to accept that the kiss didn't mean anything to the man himself. He gets into character and kisses you like nobody's business, but then when he's no longer that character, he's no longer in love with your character, either.

Of course, maybe it wasn't a theatre/acting class I'm talking out my ass.  ;D



As far as the rest of it goes, don't you think it's time to be honest with yourself, and with your friend? It's awful easy to end up in situations like this when you are not authentic with someone who you are so attracted to.

Yes, it might mean the two of you need to step back from each other, but that could also be a blessing in disguise. Neither of you can move on while you're playing this little game with each other.


Just my 2cp, offered based solely upon this post's content. Take it for what it's worth, given that.

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #11 on: July 09, 2009, 03:38:05 PM »
Thank you all for the repliess and you are all right at a few points.
Let me tell you what happened today.

The girlfriend... Well ex girlfriend came at my home today un expected....She was all angry and emotional as I let her in ofcourse...I mean come on she came from the City to my small village.
Dcrstching that as she came in we started talking..more like I was talking and she was crying and she told me  that SHE broke up with him..Sfter he told her after We hang up that He really likes me but was afraid...like some of you said....To tell me because of our long term friendship.

Anyway she hanged out with me today and her mood got better and better...but he called me all day and I ignored it...but still it's nagging me about the kissing thing -_-

I'm too Twitchy for my own good lol

Offline ShrowdedPoet

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Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2009, 05:43:34 PM »
Human emotion is a confliction all its own.  Girl, this is your chance!  He likes you, he's single, you like him. . .what the hell are you waiting for.  I'm willing to believe that he in fact did get caught up in the moment, hell I would've no matter how long we'd been practicing it. 

Offline Phoenix

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #13 on: July 09, 2009, 08:33:18 PM »
She broke up with him, and she came to tell you he cares for you. Sounds to me like she wants you both to be happy, and wants to be free to find someone who will love her the way she deserves, also. He can't love her the way she deserves if he's pining after you.

I'd say you need to call him and go for it. Because honestly, think about it. If you knew for sure that you'd still be married, madly in love, and happy 50 years from now, would you sit there and say, "But he upset his ex girlfriend, so no way!"?

What I can tell you is that eventually, if you don't take the opportunity, you will wonder "what if" and you will regret that you let something like "he upset his ex girlfriend" keep you from the possibility of that love.

Ya know?

Offline Oniya

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Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #14 on: July 09, 2009, 08:44:53 PM »
In light of the fact that she came to see you, and the two of you seem to be on good terms at this point, I'd proceed with caution.  Let their relationship with each other resolve itself (she's broken up with him, but it's probably a little raw, and rebounders can be a mess).  You might want to tell him that you need a little time to sort things out - if he's really pining over you, he'll still be around.

(Don't say 'let's still be friends,' though.  Guys consider that a death knell for some reason.)

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #15 on: July 09, 2009, 08:51:53 PM »
Yea thats a sad thing..Regretting my decision then ><
But Right now he came over to me and is currently napping on my lap..WE talked but he got sall wet hiding out in the rain because my dad came in lol. AN dnow he is snoozing on my lap and I can't really sleep with him here...so close....*twitches*

And WE are goood friends so now the breaking point is do we stay like this and be awekward forever...Or We hook up and see how far we come,,,

Offline Serephino

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #16 on: July 09, 2009, 09:02:31 PM »
Well, if you like him and he likes you, I say go for it.  Neither of you will be able to fully commit to someone else while you're thinking about each other, and that's not fair for either of you, or anyone else you might start seeing. 

Offline Oniya

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Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2009, 09:03:33 PM »
Just don't rush into anything.  No need to outright avoid him, just - as they used to joke in my college dorm - keep at least one foot on the floor.

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2009, 09:22:53 PM »
Yea I will do that Galls...WE are just in a awekward stage....Just am doubting myself a lot ><

Offline Phoenix

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2009, 10:11:33 PM »
He said he's hot on you. What more do you want?

Wait, I know... an engraved invitation, right?  O8)

It can't get more obvious that it is right now. If you're still doubting, then honestly, nothing will ever convince you.

It's like walking up to a tomato plant with tomatoes hanging off of it, and saying, "Oh my god, I'm so afraid to eat it, what if it's not really a tomato??" I mean, the thing is growing naturally off of a tomato plant, what would a person think it was, a watermelon?

The guy told his girlfriend he's hot for you. It's a tomato, my friend. Watermelons are green, and not nearly as squishy.  ;D

Offline WolfreyaTopic starter

Re: A way to start and End a relationship.
« Reply #20 on: July 10, 2009, 05:42:00 PM »
Lol Your right and I decided to give it a try....but Will be awekward though lol