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Author Topic: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss  (Read 16230 times)

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Offline Talia

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #75 on: November 08, 2009, 08:28:50 AM »
Not sure if I could work well with her, but I'd love a project with you!

Offline MasterMischief

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #76 on: November 08, 2009, 01:53:29 PM »
"You know how every six months you do my performance review?  Well, I was thinking I would return the favor and do a management review.  How do you spell inept?"

Offline Sultrynets

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #77 on: November 08, 2009, 03:19:27 PM »
I am your daughter's best friend, why don't you just hand me the paycheck so I can go to the mall now?

Offline RedPhoenix

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #78 on: November 08, 2009, 06:06:44 PM »
No.

Offline Beguile's Mistress

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Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #79 on: November 08, 2009, 06:55:14 PM »
I don't have time.  ~~  You'll have to tell the boss why and what ever answer you give it will be wrong.

Offline Snow Cherry

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #80 on: November 08, 2009, 09:41:08 PM »
True Story

Friend says, "Shhhh Cherry, the boss is standing behind you...put away your ipod."

*Oh shit* thinks Cherry... and goes to stow it away.

Friend says, "Cherry hurry up, he is still standing behind you."

Boss overhears, comes over and says, "What about me standing behind you Cherry?"

Friend's eyes shoot open wide like a deer caught in headlights...

Cherry only smiles to her boss... "I like my men from behind Sir."

 

Offline Leala Magnus

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #81 on: November 09, 2009, 03:55:56 PM »
Is that a hairpiece you're wearing?

Offline MasterMischief

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #82 on: November 20, 2009, 07:33:48 PM »
Are you wearing panties under that skirt?  Prove it.

Offline WhiteAngel

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #83 on: November 20, 2009, 08:55:34 PM »
"I'm not doing it your way, because your way is too slow."

"You don't even have a certificate to drive one of these things, so don't tell me how to drive it."  My boss was not certified to drive a forklift.

Offline Darius

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #84 on: November 21, 2009, 12:37:55 AM »
do you remember the company car?  followed by.. what's the policy on drinking and driving here?

Offline Immortal Cherubin

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #85 on: November 22, 2009, 01:03:09 PM »
"You know your wife is better in bed than mine is"

Offline MasterMischief

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #86 on: November 22, 2009, 03:24:27 PM »
"That is not listed as one of my job duties."

Offline Talia

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #87 on: November 23, 2009, 12:35:55 AM »
“Hang on a sec’, I’m beating the highscore...”

Offline MasterMischief

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #88 on: November 24, 2009, 09:38:20 PM »
"We are not due for another random drug screening anytime soon, are we?"

Offline Nabeshin

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #89 on: November 24, 2009, 10:26:31 PM »
"Shh... It'll only hurt at first."

Offline BaronS

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #90 on: November 25, 2009, 06:13:30 AM »
"Oh will you just go sleep with the receptionist and leave me alone?  Im too busy propping up your company to give a shit."

In my defence I was quitting the next day so I didnt care. 

Offline Immortal Cherubin

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #91 on: November 25, 2009, 12:00:01 PM »
"Do you own a red Porsche?!...followed by"well you don't anymore i lost it in a blackjack game against my younger brother...can i get a raise?"

Offline MabFaerie

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Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #92 on: November 25, 2009, 11:33:41 PM »
First day on the job.... "So.... when do i get my raise?"

Offline Adonis

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #93 on: November 26, 2009, 12:47:14 AM »
"Nope, haven't seen your secretary Marge. OW ! NO TEETH!"

Offline Talia

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #94 on: November 26, 2009, 05:34:38 AM »
"Let me finish this free phone sex line call first, before they start charging by the minute."

"Then I'll get that report done."

Offline Shadowstrike2

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #95 on: November 29, 2009, 05:51:43 PM »
"Yeah i got bored so i just took the rest of the day off. By the way wheres my 25k bonus?"

Offline MasterMischief

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #96 on: November 29, 2009, 09:07:29 PM »
Left on your boss's voice mail:

"Oh hey, I am not going to be in today.  The new Harry Potter book is coming out so I will be in line down at the Barnes and Noble.  Afterwards, I will be taking a long, hot bath and enjoying my new reading material."

Offline Drake Valentine

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Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #97 on: November 30, 2009, 11:23:06 AM »
"Whatta mean I can't drink? You look drunk over half the f***ing time!"

"You can't fire me, I quit!" Ten minutes later, returning.. "Now about that raise."

"Why do you flirt with all your other employers and not me?" -Works best if the boss is SAME sex or of a different sexual preference than your particular gender.


Phone Call
Boss: "We need you to come into work today."
"F*** you, it is my day off!"
Hang up.
« Last Edit: November 30, 2009, 11:27:41 AM by Drake Valentine »

Offline Meri

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #98 on: November 30, 2009, 09:06:59 PM »
No, I DON'T know how to take a stupid message.

Offline Talia

Re: 1001 Things not to say to your Boss
« Reply #99 on: December 05, 2009, 09:09:50 AM »
Boss:

"What are you doing?"

"You haven't answered the phone for five minutes."


Your Response:  "Just finishing an on line job application, be with you in a sec."