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Author Topic: Old Love Letters and Such  (Read 793 times)

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Offline StattickTopic starter

Old Love Letters and Such
« on: May 09, 2009, 07:33:47 PM »
I'm dejunking, and simplifying. So, I've run across some old love letters, mutual pictures, and stuff like that from my ex. She hurt me pretty bad. Cheated on me... untidy break up I'd rather not discuss. Long story short, I don't want the stuff... not even the pics. So, which do you think is the better option? Should I...

Throw everything away without a word?
Ask the Ex if she wants the stuff back?
OR Something else entirely different?

Offline Ket

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Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2009, 07:43:13 PM »
Toss it.  Just let it all go. 

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Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2009, 09:47:26 PM »
If it was me, I'd toss the pictures but I'd take the letters out somewhere and burn them.  Watch them burn to ashes, and then throw the ashes either to the winds or into swift water.

Offline StattickTopic starter

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2009, 10:03:37 PM »
Toss it.  Just let it all go.

I hear you... but she more or less abandoned most of her stuff with me. So I've got most of her childhood heirlooms and there's furniture we bought together and stuff like that. We never married... but in all practical sense we were married. So I can't just toss it all and never contact her. Not without being a complete bastard that is. So I figured that I'd just toss in the stuff that she gave me that I don't want... you know, the pics and letters and crap like that.

If it was me, I'd toss the pictures but I'd take the letters out somewhere and burn them.  Watch them burn to ashes, and then throw the ashes either to the winds or into swift water.

Funny that... the pics disturbed me more then the letters. But I didn't actually read the letters, so I dunno.



Uh... shit. You don't think that I'd be sending the wrong sort of signals by sending the love letters and pics back do you? I certainly don't want to get back together with her, and would rather be able to do this without having to deal with her. Someone just PM'd me saying that perhaps I should do all of this through an intermediary, so I can put this to rest, yet not have to deal with the Ex directly.

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Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2009, 10:14:19 PM »
The only reason I wouldn't burn pictures is because I don't know what chemicals would be released by it.

For bigger stuff (furniture etc) I think the intermediary would be the best way to go.  It would say rather definitively that it's over.

Offline Skye

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2009, 10:20:56 PM »
I agree with both ladies. Get rid of them. Especially if you're not friends anymore, and the break up was messy.

Giving her the option of taking sentimental things back is giving her so much emotional power. If she rejects them-will you be angry|fell hurt?

Burn them. (The pictures and letters) I think it'll make you feel better!!! 

You don't need to answer these, just some food for thought. ;)
Why did she leave her family heirlooms behind?
Are you able to contact a neutral family member of hers, so you won't need to talk to her directly?

Offline Ket

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Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2009, 11:23:55 PM »
Ah, well you didn't mention childhood heirlooms.  I'd speak to an intermediary about those.  Evidently, she doesn't want the furniture, or she'd have contacted you about it.  So, keep it, sell it, donate it.  Your choice.  As for the pictures and letters...just get rid of them. 

Offline Defiance

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2009, 12:38:38 AM »
Burn.

Everything.

If she really gave a damn, she'd have made some sort of claim long ago. If she was too afraid, too prideful, too whatever... well, it's not like she's missing those things. And if she is, well, moral of the story; "Don't fuck people around."

Offline Aiden

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2009, 12:55:31 AM »
If you destroy her property I think she could be in her legal right to sue you for losses, so make sure you do not leave yourself exposed on the legal side.

Offline Merlyn

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2009, 11:05:55 AM »
I don't think she'd be able to sue over it.  Mainly because she left it all on his property, in his possession without leaving any sort of claim to return for them.  It would be the same if he were to sell them or donate them.  He is still getting rid of her property.  But he can also claim that she gave it all to him/it was his property.  I don't think any judge would say that he owed her anything for getting rid of some junk that was cluttering up his house/apartment/storage space.

Now with that said I would agree that it'd be best to try and get it back to her through some way without destroying it all.  To be honest I burned a bunch of letters/notes and pictures from my first girlfriend after she cheated on my (in my eyes not hers) after a two year or so relationship.  I really regret it now, and wish that I still had some of the things I got rid of. 

Offline tesseractive

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2009, 11:14:32 PM »
Ah, well you didn't mention childhood heirlooms.  I'd speak to an intermediary about those.  Evidently, she doesn't want the furniture, or she'd have contacted you about it.  So, keep it, sell it, donate it.  Your choice.  As for the pictures and letters...just get rid of them.

+1

Offline Kip

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2009, 11:22:16 PM »
If the pictures and letters do hurt you, I'd get rid of them.  Don't worry about handing them back or anything like that.  If the furniture bothers you, boot it too... if not and it's useful *shrug*  keep it, use it.

As for the heirlooms... well..  It seems strange that she wouldn't try and get em back if they truly meant something to her.  The intermediary seems the best there... at least for them.  I certainly wouldn't put yourself through talking to her - it may give her too much satisfaction or power.

Offline Skye

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #12 on: May 11, 2009, 11:26:17 PM »
+1

*Chuckles* Ooh, it's "Rise and Fall of a Gender." in here. Trying to see how many votes get Stattick to do what YOU want. *Sneaks some matches into Statticks bag.*

Offline Mnemaxa

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2009, 11:59:24 PM »
Speaking as someone in the hotel and apartment management business, yes, she can in fact sue if he destroys her property. 

The love letters and pictures, however, are yours.  Dispose of them however you wish.  An intermediry is best for the property that is hers, but inform her, if she does not pick it up in a month, then it will be considered abandoned and will be taken to Goodwill or the dump as appropriate.  You must give her a reasonable amount of time to do so - 2-4 weeks is average.

Use that phrasing.  Get a witness.  That protects you legally.

Offline StattickTopic starter

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2009, 08:19:57 AM »
Yeah... I don't think that keeping any of the sentimental stuff is going to happen. It's been two and a half years, and with a bunch of it sitting within arms reach of me almost constantly, I never once even glanced through it. So yeah, the pics and letters, they're as good as gone. I'm gonna burn 'em.

The heirloom stuff, and anything that is clearly hers, I'm gonna pack up, and drop it off at one of her friends' houses. That way, I don't have to talk to her, nor do I have to deal with her family (her family is even more disfunctional then mine - and for those of you not in the know, that's A LOT). I'm not certain that she has an address and phone number for me. I know that she did, but I suppose that it's possible that she lost it or threw it away or something... and that'll be fine by me. She cheated. There's no way in hell I'd take her back. Besides, there's someone else in the picture now... someone new and wonderful.

I think that I'll get in touch with her friends via a public pay phone... that way, there's no way for the ex to get all obsessive/stalkerish. I'd hope that she's long over me, but she might just be the sort to get obsessive like that. On the off chance that she's still holding a torch and simply lost my contact info, I intend to leave no trail back to me. I'm a scorpio... I'm at home hiding in the dark.

Offline Trieste

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Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #15 on: May 12, 2009, 09:09:41 AM »
Traditionally, it's polite to return tokens of affection, letters, etc. The "My dear so-and-so, I regret to inform you that my heart is no longer engaged in this alliance, and so it is with only mild regret that I return to you your letters and the handkerchief you gifted to me ..." is sort of a Victorian ideal of breaking up with someone.

It's something I did in my dramatic teenaged years, and I found the closure so satisfying that I have done it since. I return jewelry, I delete emails, I make sure that the massive sweatshirt I stole gets returned so I'm not even temped to roll around in his or her scent... First of all is the aforementioned closure. Second of all, it clears out a lot of stuff that might remind you of your relationship - this goes for good reminders as well as bad ones, by the way - and it tells the other person that you have no intention of taking your revenge by spreading their love notes, personal effects, or ... pictures... all over the local area or the internet. They may not show you the same courtesy, but there you have it.

That said, I have had it taken the wrong way before, but all it required was a simple, "Yeah, I thought you'd like your stuff back."

Offline Maeven

Re: Old Love Letters and Such
« Reply #16 on: May 12, 2009, 10:12:12 AM »
Another Scorpio checking in.

Stattick, you know, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you should keep the letters and pictures.  The relationship is still fresh enough for it to hurt now, but in 10 or 15 years, you might really want to go back and look at that stuff.

I destroyed everything but a necklace from my very first love.  He crushed me.  I cried more for him alone than I have over every other lover combined.  But, he also taught me alot of things about myself, albeit inadvertently.  I'm in a better place now because of what he did to me (and it was UGLY).  I wish, now, that I could go back and read those sappy notes and sortof take myself back there to reminisce -- which is separate from wallowing. You know what I mean, we Scorpios tend to be thinkers.

Anyway, just my view on the other side of the coin.