I defiantly shouldn't be watching this movie... Premonition. It's movies like this that start to creep me out and start to wrack my mind. Butterfly Effect, Premonition, 23, Gothica... Movies that have a physiological effect effect on the mind that make me have to piece together more and more of the workings of the mind.
I don't know why I'm watching this movie when I can't sleep in the first place. It makes me think about events in my past, present and future. What if I was to snap? What if I went crazy? Am I crazy?
Then I think about the thoughts of things like House of a 1000 corpses, Dawn of the Dead, and Devil's Rejects. Then I think of all the twisted thoughts that of what I could and or would do.
Then I get the whole eerie vibe from the thought of my world falling out from under my feet.... It's really odd, how events are playing out before me.
I go into the hospital and am in ICU for two days. The day I am about to be released to the regular hospital ward, my boyfriend breaks up with me. I realize now that there was something wrong with our relationship. Even though he would open and was only a manager that means he would have plenty of time to talk to me if he got off work at oh... 4pm. He would have time for a nap, would still make plenty of money. But then he never had money, he never had time to just even text to me how he was doing. How his day went, how my day went, if I was ok. He didn't even care that I was in the ICU for two days. But I loved him.
My friend I liked has a girl friend. I told him I would love to be more than just friends with him... But not at the cost of her and him breaking up. But then he always told me, he couldn't stand her. He wanted to end it with her but he didn't have the heart. That if he broke up with her she would most likely kill herself.
The other day I texted him, asking if he was still going to come to Anime Central. He told me, he told me that he told her. He told her that we had been talking and how I felt about him. I guess he left out the part about him not liking her anymore. Or the part about I just wanted to be friends as long as she was with him.
Am I really that corrosive? That Someone can't even be friends with me? Am I that contagious that what ales me physically will bring down the strongest person mentally and emotionally? That I must suffer hardship and emotional pain for others to be happy and successful at life?
I even question what it is I should do with the rest of my life. I wanted to be a veterinarian, open my own clinic and help injured wild life. Now I just don't know... I had to drop out of school because I was too sick to go, because I was too sick and missed so many days.
I just don't know what to think, what to do, what to say about anything anymore. I question myself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Sorry.... These are the beginning thoughts of the random. The collection of Where the random thoughts go.