Summarizing [[ I'm bad at it please help ]]

Started by Mnemosyne, March 01, 2022, 07:11:43 PM

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Mnemosyne

I'm trying to shorten my story ideas into small summaries for easier consumption! I've never been good at it however, so please take a look for me and tell me what you think about the comparison!

This summary:: Stolen away from her home and transformed, will she blossom or will she wilt away? A member of a Vampire Clan acting on his own rather than as one of a whole creating a whole new level of chaos for one woman and the new world she would be introduced to. With a new unbounded strength given to her by force, she makes haste in laying waste to her stalker. Breaking away from that which gave her power, in want to crush the trauma at its core. Confronted by the clan leader she would have to show her strength or submit to the will of a new Master. Could she sacrifice her individuality to survive? Or would she reveal to them more than they were prepared for?

For This Story
Kidnapped from the streets, they see the promise of a budding rose inside of her. A rose, that given the proper conditions, would blossom into another spirit to join their clan. Trapping her in an attic filled with assorted items, they waited for her response. At first she sat silently in wonder of where she was, but upon sensing her belongings among the rubbish scattered on the floor her head tilted a way that was curious for someone who appeared human. The more she could smell and feel the objects around her without moving, the more fierce she appeared until she nearly hissed in her rage. Among her own scent, there was that of another. One she had yet to realize until now.

Her nails had extended from their place in her nail bed to carve at the wood beneath her before she thrust herself up and ran out of the room. After managing to land gracefully on the ground, she ran faster than her heart beat inside her. Toward the first home of the man who had been stalking her. It was a welcome sight to the man to see his obsession coming forward, however he wasn't given time to think otherwise as she tore him apart. Turning him into a work of art plastered all over his walls but no matter what she tried she couldn't get rid of his sickening eyes that still watched her.

It is then that the clan catches up to her. Both stunned and appalled by the way she has conducted herself, though there is no leader, one of the creatures decides to confront her. Catching her by her throat to pin her to the wall while increasing his strength with his large bat like wings that shadow the both of them. In doing this he forces her own wings to burst forth that alternatively look like glass feathers with a hint of black to them. Could these fanged and winged creatures whose forms contorted as well as appeared to have scales along ridges much like dragons, take on this new recruit? Were they really aware of what they had created?

Whether either party is ready, they descend into their neon world with their newest companion in hopes of restoring some manner of peace and calm to her mind. Knowing that her state could make or break both worlds if not kept in check. The truth was, that one of their clan had gone ahead of them all and chosen to awaken the girl without going through the proper procedures. They had not discussed it with the clan nor did they present the idea to the woman before hand so she could be tested for her compatibility with the alternative lifestyle they bestowed upon her.

A chaotic beauty and a traitor in their midst, they will have to continue to thrive any way they can. Slaying to keep their kind fed while quarreling with other clans. Clans being much like gangs were, above on the humane plane of existence. They had business they exchanged but often territorial battles were also on the table. With so many races of so many different opinions, they were lucky that their world was not a complete blood bath. Especially when it
came to vampires that were more 'pure blooded.' That believed they were better in every way, while the new species that had developed were advanced in design they were viewed as lowly for how they might revert to being human. Concealing their more finer details.




And this summary:: With Better Living Industries taking over the world a little at a time, what hope did it leave for the rebel Killjoys? Always at odds with one another, S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/Ws breathing down the Killjoys necks with a leader that was well advertised. The daughter of the President of Better Living Industries. One of the original testers for all things BLIND. She was suited up with every sort of drug you can imagine given they had a new flavor of emotion coming out almost every day. Brainwashed as much as the rest of the scarecrows, she was perfectly tailored to her position at Better Living. How long could she keep the Killjoys at bay? Could the Killjoys come out on top in a world so corrupt by the capitalization of people's core needs?

For this story
Better Living Industries, also known as BLIND, has taken charge in the world after it has been shattered to pieces by what mankind thought to be the end of the world. Who else was going to give the world the order and peace it needed after all that havoc? Better Living Industries was an organization created by those left who still had their sanity left. Or so they would claim. As all they could see in others was failure of the species Homo Sapiens. If anything was to be done about it, it would be by those who still retained great intellect. People of science, of reason.

The world being left like a desert after a nuclear fallout, those who were left behind all knew there was only one place left that held salvage. Battery City. Where the Headquarters of Better Living lied. They were always sending out broadcasts, advertising what a perfect place it was. Holograms all around the city inviting people in both day and night. Although what they didn't say, was how their system worked.

It had become more of an experimentation camp, than a city. As Better Living came out with more and more patches. For happiness, excitement, contentment, peace of mind, love, responsibility, courage, nobility, loyalty, honesty. Of course they only lasted for a certain amount of time, but one could always resupply! For a price. At the head of it all, were two individuals. The President, and the President's daughter. Although, most don't know the identity of the President, his daughter on the other hand is the public representative for the organization. Her face is plastered on the mass majority of all the holographic advertisement boards around the city. Little does she know, she was the very first to undergo experimentation.

Though they would not like to admit it, on the opposition, is the Killjoys. The sole remaining group that chooses to fight against what Better Living considers to be 'human nature.' Just when Better Living thought they had taken care of all the 'problem children,' the Killjoys surfaced louder and prouder than any other rebelling group. Acting like the anarchists that came in the beginning of the fallout. Better Living only shook their head, choosing to ignore the threats the group made. Who could ask them to take them seriously? They were mere children! The leader of them all, Party Poison could be no older than seventeen!

They were wrong of course. Party Poison was twenty-eight. The eldest of the group in fact. It didn't matter to him what Better Living thought of him and the others. They were going to be heard. By any means necessary.

As the Killjoys tried constantly to pull Better Living apart at the seams more constantly, Better Living had to take on some, less than pleasing resources. Forming their own team. Although they had never wanted it to come back to something as savage and primitive as this, they realized they had no other choice. Putting the President's daughter in charge of the group, she was dead set on bringing all of them in.

Who would come out on top?
I like my posts like I like my cock.
Thick, lengthy, and something I can choke up on.
Cravings//Apologies&Absences//O&O
I've been Insulted... Disrespected... I've been
Mistreated

RedPhoenix

I think for the first one the summary is sort of lacking what you are looking for in a partner. It reads more like a teaser on the back of a book than an advertisement for a rp story. Think maybe more about what you're looking for from a partner not simply making your character's struggles intriguing.

Is the second one from a canon setting? I don't know what most of the things you're referring to there are, and if you want it to be open to anyone you may want to use more general terms rather than in-world labels, unless it's for a canon setting and someone who is into it would know that stuff!
Apologies & Absences | Ons & Offs | Canon in Red | Red Hot Thoughts
She trod on sacred ground, she screamed loud into the crowd, "I'm a Blackstar."

Mnemosyne

Thank you for your words of wisdom! I'll try to fit in what the person is meant to be for the first.

The second might be a bit harder to reword in terms that aren't in the world I have in my head, but I do understand where you are coming from yes! So thank you for bringing it up!
I like my posts like I like my cock.
Thick, lengthy, and something I can choke up on.
Cravings//Apologies&Absences//O&O
I've been Insulted... Disrespected... I've been
Mistreated