(Originally posted 10 July 2008.)
"I'm a fairly typical straight male who is totally into women. I'm not into gays at all, not interested. But I like lesbians!" I see it all the time in intros. I see it on campus, at school. I see it in chats and on messengers and in popular media everywhere. I suppose you could say it's a pet peeve of mine, even though I am not actually a lesbian. I am bi, and quite happy with it, but it still bothers me.
I am here to tell you now that lesbians are, in actuality, gay.
I suppose it's the hypocrisy that gets to me. I know very few people who actually like the idea of hypocrisy, and even fewer who can admit to their own small hypocrisies. We all have them. They're there. It's a fact of life, and possibly a facet of human nature. But it's the little hypocrisies that aren't very well thought out that get to me the most, and this is probably the chief among them.
It's not the fact that a gentleman enjoys a good lesbian scene that gets to me. Many claim that the female body is among the most beautiful things on the planet, and I am inclined to agree, although my personal point of view is that the human body in general is beautiful, and fascinating, and captivating. Perhaps that's why I'm bisexual instead of straight, or lesbian, or whatever. So the appeal of watching two women go at it with each other is really not lost on me. I don't blame people for liking lesbians... I'm quite fond of them myself.
It's the double standard, the stipulation that I won't be taking it in my ass, nosireebob, and don't even think about mancuddling. Seriously, just because you snuggle up to a guy or two doesn't mean you're going to trip and fall on his penis, and it doesn't mean that he's going to immediately expect you to ride him like a racehorse. When it comes down to it, it's another form of intolerance, and intolerance is something I also cannot stand. In the main, you are dealing first and foremost with a person, and only secondarily with a set of sex organs. What's wrong with a little bit of snuggling once in a while?
That and the fact that a lot of my dealings lately have been online. I understand a desire to roleplay what you enjoy, but roleplay is also a place where you can cut loose from day to day restrictions. It's a place - from where I'm standing, anyway - where you can explore things that you cannot or would not explore in your offline life. So the aversion some people have to doing anything even remotely related to a sex scene with another male involved is quite simply very silly to me.
In short, I just don't get it.
... or maybe I do get it, but I just don't like it, and that's what actually bothers me. Regardless, I can only imagine what sort of an annoyance some characters like this must be to those who actually identify as lesbian. I equate statements such as the one with which I opened with men who not only are homophobic, but also probably cannot grok the concept that not every woman wants a ride on his crotch. In my mind, such statements go hand in hand with the misconception that lesbians are only into girls because they haven't found the right penis to satisfy their secret desire for men. This mindset is also highly annoying to me, even though I swing both ways. There is very little that infuriates and frustrates me more than someone who decides that I only swing both ways, or am only poly, because I haven't found a proper man to settle me down yet. Again, I cannot imagine the frustration of those that don't actually swing both ways with this approach, either.
So I'll make it short and sweet: Lesbians like the girlybits. They generally are not interested in having someone in whom they are not sexually interested watch them get it on with their woman. And no, you are not invited. They also quite firmly like the girlybits, so no matter how many times you try to get them to ride you, they will probably still really like the girlybits even if they accept, and may only marginally be interested in danglybits - if at all. This holds true even for lesbians that enjoy strap-ons. And no, you are not invited. It is not personal. You do not need to make it your personal crusade to convert every lesbian on the planet to the true way of the cock. It's not going to happen, but it's not personal, so don't take it that way. Most lesbians I know are about the girlylove more than the manhate. And no, you are not invited.