Posts in Lolcatz!

[Shandragontear]

Ok, this is a game me and a friend started on one of my forums. Using an lolcat translator we translated very serious posts in to lolcats and posted them, we got some funny results.

Translator: http://www.slangaholic.com/

Sense I have no IC posts on here I'm gunna use one from another forum.

Anyoen hoo wud ever tri ta claim a yeerk haz nawt lef sum influence awn dem aftah havin bein a controllah foar n e prolawnggeded period uv tyme wuz a owt riet lier. At dat mahment, Leona wanteded nofin moar den ta pull teh triggah awn dat shreddah, her wanteded nofin moar den ta destroy Ilsagoth in teh most painful adn humiliatin wai possible. Her wanteded ta heer him screamz uv agony, wanteded ta maeks him beg her ta kill him ta end him sufferin, srsly. adn awl uv dis, her knowed wuz nawt her, wuz nawt teh person her'd bein befoar, eet wuz teh person eet haded maeded her.

Foar wun lawng intense mahment her glared down at Ilsagoth dat shreddah presseded firmly against teh bak uv him hedz, foarcin him faec down in ta teh dirt. Finally teh shreddah lifteded az her flun eet of in ta teh woodz wif teh uddah.

Instead uv killin him her hand grippeded him hehr liftin him hedz up adn slammin eet bak down in ta teh ground, srsly. Her wuz tryin ta daiz him lawng enough ta grip him shoodzah adn flippin him bak ovah awn ta him bak. Her hand goed ta him throat, dowz claw lieks fingah nailz grippin him trachea az her pinneded him bak ta teh ground.

"I will maeks yoo eats evry lass wurd yuv uttered tuniet." Her nearly spited her werdz, a almost crazeded luk in her hazel eyup, lieks sum sort uv wild beast strugglin ta keep frum destroyin teh prey beneath her. "Wehn teh dai comz, dat yoo seez, wif yur own eyup, hao a small handful uv hyoomanz small-hyooman-torturerz kan defend deir peeps, hao teh spirit uv hyoomanity will driev dem ta fyet ta teh bittah end, hao ever lass wun uv mai raec will com ta fyet, hao we will prevail or destroy awr selvez tryin, hao we will chooes freedom or death. Wehn yoo learn dis, nows dat eet iz ownlee thru mai gud gracez dat yoo haz liveded ta seez eet..."

Her hand tighteneded awn teh awn him throat, az if once agin considerin takin him lief befoar her finally releaseded him. Her fist drawed bak slammin foarward toward him faec, aimin ta getz in wun lass punch befoar her standed up ovah him. Standin her gaev wun lass swift kick ta him sied, jus ta remind him hoo wuz controls uv teh situashun befoar her turneded ta walk off in ta teh woodz, pausin ownlee lawng enough ta meaow wun lass fin.

"If yoo ever 'let' meh win agin....eet will b teh lass tyme..." Her sayed befoar disappearin in ta teh foarest, awlredy beginnin ta demorph az dat purple fur moveded across her body.

[MusicNeverDies]

Ohmy.

This hurts my soul. I can only handle lolcat speak on lolcats. Best of luck with it though.

[Barding]

((Oh GOD! This is horrible...but quite funny. Consider your flame fanned.))

A haolin storm uv barbeded wier adn borkeded glass adn bombz adn atomic refuz - awl teh illz uv modern man; fingz dey haded createded wif teh foaresight dat him territory haded given dem, awl wif a view ta wipin wun anudda owt: toolz uv eradicashun - spined adn rippeded abowt Sanmireh. Him wuz a bein dat haded once bein cawleded teh glowz uv Alcyoen; him haded bein a concept adn liveded az a concept adn yet him haded liveded az noes concept haded, but foar in teh casez uv teh uddah sevun thauzandz memberz uv teh Ceelin ly host. Him haded bein starlight refracteded thru teh infiniet spheerz uv teh cosmoz, dartin in reflectionz adn refractionz lieks fractal son thru teh orbitz uv teh eternal mechanism, frum Alcyoen's coer ta teh surfaec uv teh urf. Him haded bein teh singin cloak uv night az eet drapeded eetself, Birdcat by Birdcat, across teh sky awn dat furst dai uv truest, most perfick creashun. Him haded bein wun uv teh hundredz uv rayz uv starlight ta kiss teh faec uv man adn woman in turn az night falled foar teh vewee furst tyme.

Sanmireh lukeded up, despiet himself adn despiet teh screechez uv him achin foarm. Teh skiez haded bein faar briteah den. Once, him cudda spread teh mechanistic clickingz uv him brass wingz sow far az ta scraep mountain topz in differin continentz, awl cuz teh briefest fracshun uv mankynd loveded him az deeply az eet wuz capable uv lovin anyfin. awl cuz dat fracshun uv burnin faith bewieveded dat him kud doez sow. tyme immemoriam haded passeded, although teh Birdcat knowed nawt xackly hao lawng. Once him haded known uv evry uddah grain uv sand dat passeded thru teh wurld's hour glass, or ever wud. Nao him didz nawt sow mutch az nows hao lawng eet haded bein since lass him hovered abuv teh wurld adn feeled eets sun; once benign, though fierce, nao cold adn cloudeded wif hyooman guilt.

hyoomanity haded changeded. Sanmireh feeled eet az faithlessness gnaweded holez in him wingz adn teh hungry moufz uv multitudez bited awai at him body; foar nao foargeded adn foarmeded ownlee frum a idea - a concept: him wuz lait frum a star teh name uv wich tyme haded foargotten, filtered thru a multitueded uv glassy, celesshul spheerz dat haded, lawng ago, ceaseded ta turn az dey ought. noes Birdcat uv him territory, b dey Fallen or Faithful, haded tendeded ta teh spheerz foar sow lawng - dey werz nao rusty wif neglect. Sanmireh kud noes lawnggah feel Him eyup upon him; kud noes lawnggah feel him seefin hatred. Him wuzn't thar, or Him wuz hidin. jus az noes Faithful hostz turneded deir shoodzerz ta teh revolutionz uv teh yooniverse n e lawnggah, noes firey bladeded Birdcatz comed ta fyet him entry into dis foarbiddin, bitin, wurld uv nailz adn needlez adn hateful sleet. noes-wun seemeded ta caer. Teh wurld wuz faithfless adn eets disbelief hurt him.

Teh nuanceded painz uv dis nuanceded wurld, haoevah, provideded teh loen Birdcat wif focuz. Whiel teh razorblaeded symphoniez uv spiritual windz dat rippeded into teh dust adn shiverin lait, wreatheded around a concept dat may or may nawt haz composeded Sanmireh's body, dey warneded him toward acshun. Dey erodeded him, adn sow him seeked sheltah, lest him foargetz even teh pain him feeled in teh openness uv reelity az teh emptiness uv teh Abyss tukk him once moar . Ironic dat, in such a unforgivin wurld, thar shoodz b sow mutch sheltah; sow menny anchorz adn sow menny handholdz. Sanmireh spread owt teh wingz uv a consciousness dat haded pusheded thru teh cracks uv teh Abyss eetself adn bak into Creashun adn him perceiveded teh wurld.

Skylinez, pierceded wif spikez uv steel, veineded adn breafin. A wurld uniteded adn divideded by teh curse uv Babel. Desertz adn continent sizeded junglez uv steel adn oasez uv lief adn glacierz uv hyoomanity dat floweded, ambitiously, towardz teh sky eetself. It seemeded dat hyoomanity haded succeededed in tearin down Ceelin 's gatez werz teh Fallen kud nawt. purrhaps teh Almighty haded died thru fear uv man. sow menny difrnt languagez adn sow menny difrnt moufz, awl cryin owt in pain - "y haz yoo foarsaken meh?" - or desperashun - "y will noes-wun halp?" - or ecstacy - "y will dis hafta stawp?". dis wuz hyoomanity adn eet haded becom a shadow uv whut eet once haded bein...adn yet thar werz sow menny uv dem.

Amon teh legion, lied wun mouf; a pair uv lipz dat hun open listlessly, suspendeded lieks teh body ta wich dey werz attacheded in a pool uv cold, seefin pity. Dowz lipz - dey werz sow soft. Dey werz chokin awn teh bref uv teh Creator; exhalin eet, wif evry deflashun uv eets reel, fleshy lungz, wreatheded in brittle appetizin-boen adn clotheded wif unnecessary fat adn vestigial muscular layerz. Teh body wuz exhalin lief adn inhalin watah, awl foar wantz uv a luvz sow stron...Sanmireh stretcheded adn rippeded dat mouf open wif newly grown clawz, composeded uv dreamz adn refracteded starlight, rippin eet, invertin eet. Him dresseded himself lieks a revellin adn murderouz bachant, in teh breafin creatuer's skin adn yet noes creamy-red-nectar floweded.

lef within teh cold, unforgivin wuz a weak soul, confuzhun ripplin eets golden, immaterial substance into a kweschun eet nivvah askeded. It noes lawnggah haded a meaowin wif wich ta kweschun, adn eet wuz soon blown awai, taken by teh razorblaeded windz.

Sanmireh brefeeded den, foar teh furst tyme, adn cawlum Mckelvie's hedz broek teh surfaec, sodden caramel drippin watah adn drippin death, sweatin eet owt into teh bafwatah; riddin eetself uv dat taint. Lungz spasmin az if operateded by wun hoo haded nivvah befoar uzd dem, teh slap dat followz birf comed in teh foarm uv memoriez, swoopin down adn scratchin. Sanmireh revelleded in eet - efrytin, transmitteded thru chemicalz adn electricity adn awl centered around dat spark uv divinity dat him haded displaceded. Thar wuz sow mutch pain. Him lungz burneded adn him cougheded adn spluttered til creamy-red-nectar drippeded frum him lowah lip. awl but him hedz falled once moar  into teh baf's aqueouz embraec adn him losed himself ta cawlum's memoriez.

[Bliss]

Serious posts are Serious! *giggling*

(Original post is here.)



Amelia Johnstoen haded cawleded teh press conference at Vic's demandz, pullin in several rather high-ordah favorz ta getz sow menny memberz uv teh press corpz thar sow fast (adn sow early, aftah whut wuz definitely a laet night foar lotz uv dem). Him'd bein awn teh bleedin edge uv distraught, but refuzd ta tell her y, pacin adn runnin him fingerz thru him messy spikeded-up hehr.

sow her wuz riet thar wif everywun else wehn him maeded him proclamashun adn mournful demand ta teh cameraz. Her mouf falled qwyet literally open, even az teh press surgeded toward him wif microfonez adn kweschunz, adn foar teh furst tyme in her notable careah az publicity director foar Vic himself adn Teh Mad Hatterz overall, her wuz catched flat-futeded, blinkin wurdlessly at him.

Him wuz awl twisteded up… ovah a groupie?

Den instinct haded snappeded her bak into plaec, adn her swalloweded her hart ta throw herself awn teh bullet uv teh press' kweschunz, lettin Vic stumble bak awn teh staeg. Frum teh cornah uv her eye, her kud seez him scannin teh see uv facez beehien noatbooks adn cameraz az if teh woman him wuz lukin foar maiet sumhow b thar, adn her stomach begined ta hurt. Her wuz awn autopilot, puttin teh press of adn providin avenuez foar contact in caes wun uv dem wuz sumhow able ta locaet dis stoopid girl.

By teh tyme her manageded ta satisfy sum adn send teh rest awai, Vic wuz goen, havin stumbleded bak toward teh dressin territoriez, adn her hededed dat wai wif a sigh – pausin once ta exchange a puzzleded glance wif Ross, hoo wuz nursin a swollen jaw adn wun hell uv a shinah. Him lukeded az confuzd az her feeled, shruggin wifout a wurd.

Sighin, her rakeded her fingerz thru her honeeblonde hehr adn den rappin hird awn him door. "Vic? It’s 'melia. We needz ta talk." Teh uddah guyz in teh band haded appeared owtta deir territoriez at sum point in teh conference, hungovr adn castin her confuzd, kweschunin luks.

Him haded lotz uv explainin ta doez.



Julianna strippeded down wehn her finally feeled lieks her wuz dun wif retchin adn slided into teh shwr, turnin eet awn az hot az her kud stand eet; a liddill hottah than dat, even. It stun her skin, reddenin eet teh lawnggah her standed undah teh spray wif her foarehedz pressin against teh cool tiel wall, tryin ta maeks her stomach stawp eets guilty twistin. Her wuz a idiot… whut teh hell haded her dun?

evenchulee teh watah begined ta cool, adn wif a sigh, her wuzheded herself – makin a small sownd low in her throat az her wuzheded creamy-red-nectar adn uddah fluidz owt frum between her thighz, adn in spiet uv herself her hand lingered thar, memeberin hao him'd toucheded her, teh circlez uv him fingertipz- tearz welleded up agin wifout warnin, adn her smileded adn let owt a liddill sob. Him'd bein perfick. perfick.

By teh tyme her wuz dun adn goted owt, softly strawbearee scenteded, her fathur wuz lawng goen, adn her peered owt at teh empty drivewai adn teh prittee, sunny dai. It wuz lieks natuer wuz mockin her, adn her pulleded teh shaeded wif a sigh, resolvin ta stay in adn ignoer teh wurld.

Openin her bag, her concert adn bour tikits werz riet awn top, adn her pulleded dem owt, adn glowered at dem befoar hidin dem undah her comput-arrr keyboard; her kudn’t bearz ta getz rid uv dem, but lukin at dem maeded her stomach hurt agin. Den her noticeded her cell foen lait wuz blinkin, adn her pulleded eet owt adn set voicemale ta loudspeakah, listenin ta eet az her goted dresseded.

"Juliana! iz Jody, hiyee! Did yoo go ta teh concert lass night? I kudn't find yoo, thar, but eet wuz soooo crowdeded, adn kudn't find anyoen!  Mai betterest frend frum teh cheerleadin squad wanteded ta com, too, but her dad haz bein a total dick latelee adn won't even let her owtta mai territory. Anywai, didz yoo seez teh newz?  Omigod, Vic iz in luvz wif sum girl hoo-"

Her fingah STABBEDED down awn teh button ta deleet teh messaeg wif a soft whimpah. Vic wuz in luvz wif sum girl… adn thar her’d bein, temptin him awai frum hooevah him wuz foar a stoopid night uv teh most beautiful lovemaki- noes, her kudn’t let her finks uv eet az dat. Fuckin. Sweet, slow, sensual, intense… fuckin. Tendah.

noes wundah him wuz awl screweded up todai; her'd maeded him cheat awn him girlfrend.

Seth's meaowin slowly trickleded into her consciousness.

"I sawed Vic awn teh newz todai. Luks lieks yoo reelee did eet, huh? Yoo reelee goted teh man yoo wanteded. I dunno hao, but yoo did eet. I thot eet wuz prittee stoopid dat yoo rejecteded meh foar sum guy yoo'd nivvah meets, but... fuck, yoo akshully goted Vic Sinclair ta fallz in luvz wif yoo... jus lieks yoo did ta meh. Hao menny udderz, Juliana? Hoo else haz yoo lead awn adn flirteded wif ta toss asied? Yoo hasn't heerd teh lass uv meh."

Dat messaeg her listeneded ta awl teh wai ta teh end, her fingerz frozen in pullin awn wun uv her socks az him surmiseded Vic ta b in luvz wif her. Ceelin Cat, if ownlee him knowed… Teh Mad Hatterz haded bein deir favoriet band, boaf uv dem, til Julianna turneded Seth's advancez down adn explaineded her stoopid dream.

Whut if teh band broek up? Him wuz goin ta hates her. Well, hates her moar . Her mind turneded ovah a liddill numbly az her let teh messaeg frum teh floral shop play owt, adn den hun up teh foen, wanderin downstairz wif teh foen tuckeded in her hip pokkitz, ignorin teh waffelz her fathur haded lef awn teh countah ta digs a pint uv ice cream. Her bringed eet wif her ta curl up in teh papasan clawin-chair in teh cornah uv her fathur’s den, wun uv teh kwyet3st territoriez in mai territory.

Wif a mouf full uv ice cream, her flippeded open her foen adn sended a text, teh furst ta Jody.

pheelin sick. Too mutch "fun" lass night. At territory if yoo wantz ta com by. Don’t brin anybody.

Her eyup werz blurrin agin, adn her let owt a liddill sob; mebbe dat’s y her fingerz stuttered awn teh keyz, sendin eet wifout her reelizin eet ta teh lass person frum her address book ta meaow – nawt Jody, but Seth.