Tails of Monkey - Hey Adventure is still waiting

[Catherine]

I can feel the world bouncing over and over as I lay there asleep. "Let me sleep a little longer mom," I say trying to roll over but find the blankets have a death grip on me preventing me from rolling over.

The bouncing is just enough to keep me asleep, well half asleep and not running for a doorway thinking it was an earthquake. Even in my slumber I wonder why people run for the doorways when an earthquake hits. I mean those can come down and in a bad earthquake the door would keep swinging open and close on you until it manages to lock and that wouldn't be pretty at all. Not at all!!! fingers would be hurting and I would be screaming and crying,

"Please just five more minutes, it isn't Saturday but can't we just act like it is."

Still more bouncing and I ask myself, did I fall asleep on a waterbed? It would make sense with all of the bouncing. I have heard people can get seasick on them because of their ability to take the slightest little move and make it worse. Also heard that some have disappeared on them like the Bermuda Triangle but rectangular and not in Bermuda.

"Okay How about ten minutes? I am trying to compromise here," I say eyes still closed with an added little yawn.

The bouncing continued and my stomach was starting to complain. Bouncing is good but this is getting ridiculous. It is like one of those mechanical rides at the stores that parents put kids on thinking they will like it. Yeah it is fun for the first couple seconds but then we realize it isn't going anywhere but by that time it malfunctions and it goes from "I am riding a pony" to "Yeehaw, this bull won't throw me". I set the record by the way, fifteen minutes before I turned green and urped.

"Fine I will get up," I say, opening my eyes to see the world going by silently. I look down because why not and see something, well somethings that I never thought I would see, PYGMIES!

[Catherine]

Yeah it didn't take long for the little guys to start chanting it was a catchy tune. I didn't understand a single word of it, I don't speak Pygmynesse. Still could hum to it, maybe they could record it and use it as some background music in a movie or show where needed. Oh since it is so relaxing, maybe offer it to those people who have a hard time falling asleep. A lot better than that strange whispering, I think I heard one once that sAid "We will get you while you sleep" which if I was using it I wouldn't be sleeping at all.

Down the hallway we went past the hidden traps that I am sure are about. I think I see one right over there in fact.

*point*

You can look if you like but since it is hidden and you may not have a trained eye it will just look like hallway. This is real life not something made up and if it will do something it is painted just a slightly different color. It works in cartoons, I think the characters are color limited blind where they cannot see variations of colors if they are next to each other.

Cartoon theory done. There will be a test later. Have you been studying? Kidding!!!

Down the hallway and over a pit trap which they somehow floated. Insert question marks. Does everyone but me know how to float? I mean come on… just glad they could because it looked like there were sharp pointy things down there and yeah sharp pointy things and myself don't mix. Other than me holding a stick with a marshmallow or hotdog on it over a fire.  Then we get along perfectly fine, yum!

Down more hallway, Okay this is getting ridiculous! Was the building even this long. Is this building like a telephone box and is bigger on the inside? So help me if a doctor pops up with something in his or her hand I will scream. I didn't come here for any type of doctor interaction.

"Hello I am the Doctor," said in a British accent.

"I really doubt that let me see some papers."

"Um!!! here look at this."

"Yeah a blank piece of paper. Actually two pieces of blank paper. Nice try."

"But uh!!!"

"That is what I thought. I think I am going to report you to the medical association for impersonating and that is poorly impersonating a doctor."

"But I am the Doctor. "

"You already told me that and we already proven that you don't have the papers to prove that so yeah no."

"but I am...”

"yeah I know the Doctor. Can we maybe move on to something different? Oh and stop waving that thing at me someone can take it for something bad and I am not into that stuff. jeez. What is it again a sonic what?"

"Screwdriver"

"yawn bored."

Back to the hallway with NO DOCTOR!

Oh look a door, finally...

[Catherine]

I got the whole queen thing going, hey how can I help it? Being carried does that to you, unless you are tied and bound of course. Then it goes in a whole different direction. *shiver and shudder*

"Fan me," I say, royally waving with a hand with a hint of dismissiveness in it. I wasn't really hot or anything but the words just came out. It has to be a royal thing. When in doubt have those who carry you also fan you.

"Grape me," not even sure where that came from to be honest. Where would even get grapes at this height? Something hard arced up in front of me and hit me in the head.

"Ow!"

Using my ninja like speed and monkey agility I catch whatever it was before it rolls away to wherever it would have went. Over there. Maybe over there. Under one of the carrier's feet which would have gotten this whole moment messed up. Those being carried shouldn't be tossed up haphazardly and end up on their butt. Falling and royalty don't mix, even faux royalty. Although royalty and sharp objects that fall and sever the union between head and neck do I hear for some.

"NOT ME!!!," I yell out, getting a strange look from the pygmies. "Not me," I mumble as I lay back again, stupid mind and everything. The pygmies wouldn't understand so all I could do is lay back like I said I did and just hope there isn't a large blade on the other side of the door. If they start turning me as they motion for me to push my head out a little more I will show them how strong I am when I grab the sides of the doorway and start yelling "Nope!"

There are of course other commands I could use; rub my feet, tell me how pretty I am and others but those are so blah with blah added and well not me.

I glance towards the door and issue the command, "Open the door but knock first. Don't want to catch anyone doing something ick."

[Catherine]

"Did anyone put any effort into this, " I say, lifting a hand, not even sure which one now and just let it drop. That is how disappointing it is on what I see. I mean come on, it looks like it could be a cover from some game where it takes dice and becomes really confusing.

"Roll what and add what to do what? All I want to do is get up and get a drink of water? What in the world is a THAC0? Is it catchy? I think my brother had it and he had to get shots!!!

There it stood and I think sat would be a better description. Some guy with sharp teeth and horns. I would have screamed but the guy was a statue and unless they are falling on me or something similar there are no screams. Yeah he was huge and everything but whatever was flying in and out of the statue's mouth sort of softened it. The whole holding a pot full of fire was a good touch and so were the gems for eyes. The golden braziers with fire in them was a bit much though, I mean look one huge fire and two tiny ones is a bit of an overkill.

Obviously an interior designer wasn't consulted when setting this place up. Well throw pillows would have not been good either so I guess that is okay,

What really took away from the whole this * circle hands in air* was the people crawling over it trying to pry out one of the emeralds and the group just standing there looking confused. At least one had paper out which is never good near open flames. They must be new at this, I mean look at them. Now they could be the people doing the sacrificing but if they are, I am not sure if I have to worry about tasting flame.

Well hmmm...

[Catherine]

I should just turn around and leave, obviously I am in the wrong place or something. Maybe I am even being punked, I mean look at them they aren't even dressed even close to what they should be wearing. Look at the one over there. *point* Robes? Good for bathrooms or cold winter days but outside of that it is a  'yeah no' are you hearing that people that visit that one store that sells mass produced items for you to yell and scream at as you put it together and find out you are missing one screw! Robes are for inside of the house or a sauna and maybe a pool or close to the beach but nothing outside of that! 

Then don't even get me started with that person over there. *point over there* Armor?!?! If you are trying to be silent you are wearing the wrong thing! Then there is really how much can you do in that? Run? It looks like you would barely be able to to walk in it. All you would be good for if you need to run away to or away from something with teeth is make it easy for the person who finds you to clean up the mess that you had become. Think people!

That cone hat is stupid to. It would get caught on anything low. What fashionista even thought of that? Maybe it doubles as a megaphone or hides something under it like a rabbit but that is just cruel.

Okay look over there. *points over there* how can you classify what she is wearing as armor? I mean come on it just looks like they gave up after placing the smallest pieces of metal on leather straps.

"Aren't you cold?"

*fingers to bridge of nose*

"Give me a second to think. There might be another door and I got the one behind me but I would hate to see the Sorry little faces of the pygmies if I went out that. Hmmmm I hope these 'adventurers' don't have anything!!!"

[Catherine]

If this was a cartoon and not real life it would be easy to spot the hidden door since it would be painted and off color. I am not sure why none of the cartoon characters couldn't tell that the boulder that it painted a slightly different color was going to roll on them. Not hard to miss, light gray boulders and look a darker gray one. Hmmm I wonder which one is going to roll over them?

Of course it is a hidden door so it may be a little harder to find. If it wasn't it wouldn't be called a hidden door and might be called just a door. Makes it easy to discern between the two, door and hidden door. 

Slowly I make my way around the room tapping on the walls. Not to just say ’Hi' but to find if anything sounds different. Tap Tap. Nope. Tap tap. Nope and more taps and nopes. Of course it didn't help that someone wearing a dark cloak and smelling of something or another was breathing heavily on the back of my neck.

"what are you doing," the man in Black and not the singer but the creepy guy with the oily not kept hair and invading my personal space kept asking.

"You are doing something," the creepy man would continue before I could answer.

"Yes, testing the wall to see if there are any areas that might fall down," I answered, no thought out into the answer it was just said. 

I could feel the creepy man take a breath and cringed when he breathed against the back of my neck. I think he sprayed me with something because the back of my neck feels awful moist now!!! 

"Do you mind. I took a bath today," I said as I continued to tap on the walls. Again I shuddered, the whole monkey on your back taking on a whole new meaning because one and an important one, the guy wasn't a monkey!  He smelled of little canned fish and that is not a monkey smell, we clean ourselves. Daily! With nice flower shampoos and soaps. A shower cap sometimes when we don't want to get our hair wet and maybe a little rubber duck turned away so he isn't looking at us the entire time.

When I got around the statue I felt something funny in my bag, funny as in the creepy guy's hand.  Freeze and "Excuse me?"

Before I realized what I did, I felt the creepy breath on the back of my neck and felt it get even more moist. *Shiver*

"What?"

"Exactly," I continued the creepy man's sentence, "What do you think you are doing?"

"Ummmm, Yeah I thought I rolled higher."

Okay...what? I mean that doesn't even make sense. I rolled higher? Is that some type of strange greasy man lingo or something? The words can go together' since they just did but not in this moment.

I rolled higher?

I mean what does that even mean? Do I even want to know and if I did would I have the label "greasy" applied to me. 

"Let's try this again and don't use any strange lingo or phrases, hand in my bag...why?"

[Catherine]

The two of us stood there, the greasy guy and yours truly tapping her foot. I wanted to hear what the greasy guy had to say honestly and if he found the electric eel hidden in my bag at the same time it would be even better. Kidding about the electric eel.  The fear of sticking my hand in and getting a new hairdo, then having to work for hours to get it all back to where it should be and that wasn't in the upright porcupine position would be yeah no...

I thought I had rolled higher, the little greasy guy said and did he think I didn't see him reaching for something behind his back.

*yawn*

"Reaching for something, huh?"

The little greasy guy froze and my tail slowly revealed itself from behind me. What? You would hide too if you had a greasy person near you, the fear of being greased running through your mind. In its grasp was a knife. Oh wait... you think my tail started carrying knives and was going to stab the guy. Lol no...

Although I do know it did take several lessons in the handling of knives and all things sharp even paper cutters. But no the knife wasn't my tail's. It was the greasy person's that is why my tail was wearing a glove. 

I flip a hand up, "Missing something? Like I didn't know that you were going to try to stab me. Probably in the back too! I know your kind, Wait in the shadows and then stab! E tu greasee?"

I just give the greasy guy one laugh and toss the knife away, wincing a little when I heard someone scream in pain followed by "She must have rolled good."

Hand goes to face and slow nod with an exhale, "I don't want to know." Hand drops and still the greasy man has his hand where he shouldn't. Since I really doubt he was going to answer a rather simple question I decided to do the only thing I could do. I reached into my bag, staying away from the other hand in the bag and pulled out a rolled up magazine, then smacked the greasy guy in the forehead and then the hand , "Bad, no. Don't make me get the water bottle out and spritz you since I doubt you haven't taken a shower for a very very and more very long time"

The greasy guy immediately pulled his hand back and I believe firmed a tear in the corner of his eyes or blob of grease, either one of those.

"That was a warning. No invading personal space. What do you think you are a thief?"

The sound of crickets filled the air and I asked myself, where did they come from...

[Catherine]

The greasy man, in fact all of the people in the room went quiet and stared at each other. The one with the cone hat with the stars on it and a long beard answered in a way, "He is the thief. He rolled up the stats and wanted to play a thief."

"What," I ask with a lot of confusion poured in. I mean confused, yes definitely confused. I could feel the greasy guy's hand rummaging around in my bag. I take a step away, "No means no!"

"But he is the thief," the guy with the hat and the beard says, the obvious leader of these people since none of the others were speaking. Now I couldn't tell if the person in the full armor was trying or actually speaking since well armor covers the entire body. I was hearing something muffled but couldn't tell if that was the person in the armor or the pygmies singing outside.

"I don't care if he is the thief or he rolled anything," hand comes up, "I don't want to know what rolling or rolled means either. I like to learn things  unlike what some of my teachers said but just not anything about rolling or being rolled or anything verbish with roll in it."

There is some motion off to the side which of course draws my attention to it and I see a guy!!!girl... well someone that looked like they could be either with pointy ears dressed in Green sneaking off to one side, kneel down and pull something out of their robes before throwing whatever it is down on the floor.

Had to think!!! there was going to be none of what I thought it might be. Something that ended in a BOOM!

I threw myself at the green robed man woman, "No...no need to do that. Whatever it is that may or may not end in a boom!"

[Catherine]

My body hits the green robed man woman's body knocking him her out of the possible way of a boom. We roll a couple feet because of body hitting body physics and the whole it would be cool for the story thing. I mean how page stopping would it be if I threw myself at the man woman and nothing happens other than an oomph followed by a BOOM! It wouldn't just be page stopping but story stopping and head scratching with a lot of ˜Huh, I didn't think it would end that way.'

So arms out that of course wrap around the man woman to pull him her along with me since it would be bad if I dove and either  missed the man woman and dive past him her and BOOM and then I didn't miss but thought I had the man woman and got to safety but left him her behind and BOOM. Neither of those were good So arms out, wrap around and continue the forward  movement dive to safety,

Like any good hero I kept the man woman covered just in case there was an explosion. It is always best that the hero takes the brunt of an explosion, not sure who made that up but until I do I guess I have to do the hero cover. I throw my arms over the man woman's head, "Don't worry I have you!" Immediately the he she starts to struggle and I try to calm her him down, "You are safe now, I have you." I am not sure why, but the man woman didn't stop struggling for several more moments and then him her went to the extreme on the other side and went limp.

"Good," I tell him her, "stay relaxed, I have this all!!! I stopped almost at the end of a thought but the while no explosion thing was starting to pique my interest. Thank Monkey I am not a cat since I was curious and turned my head to look at the nonbooming and see!!!

What in the world!?!?!

I must be being punked!!!

"What are those," I ask, letting go of the man woman trying to figure out what in the world was going on. I mean this is getting ridiculous!

[Catherine]

"They are dice," the one with the beard answers and I just...¦. I just...¦ "Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!" With a side of throwing my arms out in utter frustration, throwing them out again after pulling the greasy guy's hand back out of my bag and cleaning my hand with a moist towelette.

"Okay, why," I start to ask and just stop, "I don't want to know. Listen I think all of you need to...¦"

"Roll a d2o," one of the others ask and I just let my arms drop as I walk over to a wall and gently place my forehead against it. Yeah some would have bounced their head against the wall a couple times and yeah no...¦. I like my forehead and I am just saying no and I think my forehead would thank me.

"I don't even know what that means and I am pretty sure you don't either or you are just using it the wrong way."

My tail flies up and somehow gives everyone in the room the power sign of ...˜shhhh' as I just sit there leaning against the wall.

"Maybe she failed her saving throw," I hear somebody say and I lift a hand, then let it drop. I am not giving up it is just that they are not speaking right. It is sort of like that little green guy from far far away. Words are just wrong, I am sure his English teacher is rolling in their grave,

"Cookie you will give."

"What? I heard something about a cookie."

"Desert I shall have."

"Have you heard of proper sentence structure?"

"Wise you are not."

"I um yeah...¦.. don't you need to be at a rave or something with that glowstick?"

I lift my head back and gently place it against the wall again.

"I think she did fail her saving throwing."

Ugh,,,,, I lift my head back and gently place it against the wall again.