Tails of Monkey - Hey Adventure is still waiting

[Catherine]

"Unable to reboot monk," I hear a soothing voice that almost makes me fall asleep, thumb sliding up to almost sucking position which I quickly drop and nervously look around to see if there are any witnesses. Need to cover it up, I tell myself and laugh nervously.

"The wind must of caught my thumb! Thank Monkey I caught it before anything embarrassing happened."

*mental proud pose, Ha Ha That was believable. I did the nervous laugh and gave a good and very believable excuse.*

How could Siri not be able to reboot the monk? Was he not plugged in? She was able to mute my brother that one time?

"Hey Siri mute my brother and if you can do anything about his socks that would be great."

I heard the slamming of a door and the room started to smell better and got quiet almost immediately. Cheerfully I said, "Thank you Siri."  She saved me from eyes watering and being pummeled by bad jokes thankfully. It was kind of odd to hear a "uh okay."

So what would it take to reboot a monk? The skies looked clear so no lightening could be used and I doubt he would like bolts in his neck. They sort of hinder the whole neck movement thing, chiropractors look down on them. Ice cube down the back? Looking around it might actually melt.

SNAP!

That was the snapping of fingers, I had an idea. It worked for a princess so why not a monk. Other than a vow of silence and lack of hair they are sort of a like. I turn and whistle at the Mounties.

"Hey, one of you want to kiss a monk?"

[Catherine]

If I said I shuddered When heads turned in the general direction of the monk and myself that would be an understatement. I thought owls could turn their heads like the Mounties just did. One direction looking one way and now looking in the opposite, the opposite being in the general direction of people with an ‘M’ in their names. Odd that everyone in this scene has an ˜m' in their name. Not an aluminum foil moment but still odd in a Ha ha way.

Necks cracked and eye starred, none of them blinking.

*shudder level 5*

I would say I started to glisten with nervousness but it takes more than great white north timber police to make me nervous. I mean they haven't faced my mom yet after something fragile like one of her snowglobes hits the floor and shatters, that makes anyone nervous. Me, dad, my brother, neighbors, people on the other side of town, aliens just landing to abduct someone hundreds of miles away and so on and on and on. Complete strangers just perk up as a wave of nervousness rolls over them like a tidal wave and they can't figure out why.

The creepiness factor though!

*shudder level 6*

Now if the Mounties turn towards us without moving their heads I will scream. That kind of stuff only happens in horror movies or nightmares and yeah???  I tend to have a blanket pulled over my face in both generally or laughing because the ˜scary' stuff is more scary in quote then actually scary.

"Really? Really? How can that be scary? How can they not know? The guy's mask looks like one you can buy and isn't even pulled down all the way. Oh come on, he just tripped and fell on his own axe. Klutzy not scary.."

I laugh nervously, "The looks in your unblinking eyes say it all," I say, coughing, "BLINK!" Nothing¦.

"Okay, I guess you don't need to blink to kiss. I hope you have lip balm or something because dry lips are cracked lips and those are never good to kiss."

The Mounties don't blink as they pull something out of their red coats?¦ I squint and take a step back when I see what they have in their hands, Beavers! They better not do what I think they might, I start to tell myself, and watch in awe as all of them bring the beavers up and URP!

[Catherine]

I stand there in awe, mouth open and the last thing I am thinking about is anything flying in. That is how in awe I am in. If there are levels of aweness, one being "meh not really' to something or another "okay, did I just see that? I didn't think that was possible!' I wasn't up to something or another level, that usually includes drooling moments later as minds are blown and yeah I don't want to slip and fall. Oh and that would cause chin-cicles and yeah no!"I am pretty sure those are not possible for the cute and adorable. Being frozen in a block of ice kind of sort of but not chin-cicles.

What are the benefits of beavers on lips? I don't want to know or anything but look!"

*points at the Mounties who are smearing beaver stuff on their lips*

Oils? Grease? Beaver juices?

*urp*

Someone have an answer? Again I don't want to know, it is definitely a tmi and may even be classified for eyes other than mine. Definitely the second one!

It is a sight that!"scarring to be honest and it is like “nightmare fuel!"

*pulls out a remote control and starts to press the fast forward*

"Why wasn't this being censored? Where are the black boxes and blurry things?"

*shudder and click*

[Catherine]

There we stood in front of the large stone doors with wood here and there, oh and iron spikes with rope there, there and a lot over there. There might have been some problems with the doors so whoever lived here had to do a duct tape fix without duct tape.

I looked back down the mountain as the wind howled and threw snowflakes like ninja shuriken into my face and hitting their target every time. Grrr!!! ninja wind! Way down there, no down there *point* was a kid on a Dressed in black and on a bike saying something about two dollars chasing after a guy on skis. Oh wait, switch that to past tense, there was a kid chasing a guy on a bike. Now there is a kid learning about gravity and cliffs.

"If you are lucky, there will be a really deep snowdrift, " I yell out to the kid as he flapped his arms before disappearing out of sight. Slowly I lower my head in a moment of silence.

POOF!

Okay, take back the silence the kid found a snowdrift, he will be okay. Unless!!!. no wait it isn't Arbor Day so he should be safe from hidden snowdrift trees. The bane of those who like to go extreme on snowdrifts.

"Hey guys watch me shred Ollie this snoooourrkkkkkkk!"

I hear and it is just a rumor that is why extreme people walk funny. Snowdrift trees and their kin. Leaf pile logs. Mud pit stumps and lake trunks. They all get the same result and that is someone saying "Urk!"

Now let's look over down that way, where the footprints are coming from. Right there! *point*

See way down there, really far down you can see the Mounties are in looking around in a confused state. It was pretty cool how monk and myself escaped don't you think? What, you didn't see that part? It was just right back!!! You missed the cool flip with light flare and everything. Oh shoot I fast forwarded past the cool parts. Let me do some rewinding.

*press rewind*

[Catherine]

Scenes flash by in reverse and the urp level skyrockets. I knew I should have closed my eyes before pressing the rewind. You don't have to be a doctor to know that timey wimey things are bad on the stomach. They should really post a message or something.

‘Go back past this point and you will URP. Stomach will be sick and your face will be green. You better take an urp back. You may be asking when am I but you will asking why did I just do that?'

You may ask why and I will answer with a shrug. It could be the whole rewind thing and well…. urp. Just the thoughts alone is making me urpable. Be right....

*wave hand wildly in other direction before running away out of the view of the camera*

Don't you dare focus on me as I urp…

[insert sound of urping, far off and muffled behind things like birds singing ]

*moments later......*

Okay where was I? Ohyeah why the whole urping when rewinding. Could be the strobing effect or it could be that the time tunnels are so curvy. I am not sure who made them or anything but they need to be sat down and talked to.

“I don't care if you are a doctor in some telephone box. Stop with the curvy tunnels. Point a to point b okay. Not point a to point b through some way off place and back. Straight line, if I wan to do a loop da loop while doing a corkscrew I would have gotten on a roller coaster. Don't you ask yourself why Everyone says it is bigger on the inside? They are looking for the bathroom! They can sense the oncoming urping and urping. Oh and ties aren't cool! What? Why do you keep saying eleven for? Have you considered ten maybe and why is that tent over there for?”

Followed by arms across chest and slow shaking of head.

Let's try this again...


*close eyes and press rewind button*

[Catherine]

I feel the rewind wind on my cheeks, its a cool but warm wind. It is sort of like this and sort of like that. Very confusing, you don't know if you need to "ahhhh so warm" or "brrr it is chilly".

The sounds are all crazy too which makes sense since everything is going in reverse. I listened intently to see if anything had hidden messages that only can be heard when played in reverse? Did that squirrel just say "Eat at Charlie's"? It couldn't have and if it did I don't speak squirrel. Did that cute white rabbit over there just say "All will fall. Worship the dark god and if you are lucky he may eat your soul if not!!! well I am bunny so I sort of can't say what the dark one will do, it would make my tail twitch and that isn't a good thing. Fall to your knees" okay!!!.. maybe it is the whole going backward thing with added vinyl distortions that is making me hear these things. The pop and hiss is happening just at the right moments so it is making things hard to hear,

It is sort of like hearing your order repeated back to you at a drive through.

"What? I can't understand you. Are you even opening your mouth? What? Four score and seven years ago? I don't need the Gettysburg address read to me. Maybe I pulled into the wrong place!!! can you try annunciating? Do you even have that on the menu? Can you maybe just stick your head out of the drive-through window and yell it to me? I can do what with what?"

Rewind getting to me, finger skipping and like slamming into a wall everything stops and I blush. Why did it have to be this moment!!!.

[Catherine]

There we were beating feet away from the Mounties and this is so embarrassing. I was trying to blank this out of my mind. Sort of a Vulcan nerve pinch or Jedi mind trick myself but since we were running and I had mittens on the whole pinch thing was not possible. The guy with the big pointy ears that was lacking in elfness would have been confused.

"Interesting. I am pinching you with no effect. Does your species not have the same biological makeup as others with shoulders?"

That and if I pinched myself, down I would go and eat snow. Which is not a good choice during the time of running away from red coats and thrown hats.

"Aye!"

"Yes I know you are back there," I yell back, "Aye back to you. I hope I am saying it right and it doesn't come up adult translated since this is supposed to be kid friendly."

The monk and myself keep running, I jump over a couple snow covered boulders going "Wahoo" and the monk just does what monks do and float. Which I thought I needed to push at first, float doesn't necessarily mean movement in an escape direction or speed. Usually it's like… hey guys, don't mind me I will just float here. You know not touching the ground or anything. Taking up space but not really.

We were doing well, Mounties out of our personal space at a good distance and then the monk got into a tailspin in front of me, his flip flops got caught on something and he tripped. Don't ask me how, must me a monk thing.

I float but reality, especially sharp things that catch my sandals, can trip me up.

*hang head low*

Monk robes went flying up and I was blinded by the sun shining off white and I mean white flesh. Not just a little bit of flesh, I saw all of it and URP!  Hands went up and I yelled no!!!!

*monkey girl side note, it was an interesting place for a tattoo that says 'Eat at Joes'*

I slammed into something not soft and started to see Stars and I heard a loud THWUMP and a Yak-like 'what the?!?!' Oh and sounds of Aye coming closer. Thanks rewind for letting the readers see this, it isn't pretty.  I knew I should have taken my finger off a Moment earlier or later.

[Catherine]

When in doubt freak out! Wait no that doesn't sound right. That would just lead to running around with your hands in the air screaming and yelling. Possibly leading to things that would induce more screaming and yelling. Never a good thing. Freaking out should be low on the list of anything.

Let's try this again, when in doubt stop drop and roll. That isn't good either unless you are on fire. Other than you are just making yourself a tripping hazard. "Hey didn't Bobby just freak out over here? Whoop! What the? THUMP!!! Found him."

and again, when in doubt take in the situation and see what can be done that doesn't include bodily harm to yourself.

Taking in the situation I see Mounties running towards us with the look in their eyes that says ‘We eat beavers, have you tried those yet? Good with some grey poupon. Anyways we are coming to back rub you with our giant boots and then sacrifice you to some long forgotten great white north god. Something with white fur maybe, oh and teeth, sharp ones!' That type of look but with less words.

Then there was the yak with the look of surprise on its  face standing perfectly still and the muffled sound of the monk. Oh and the feet of the monk kicking  the air, how he can walk in the snow without boots I don't know. Must be a monk thing. Mind over freezing toes. He could just hover over the snow too but toes would still be cold!!!

*dismissive wave*

Onto something other than monk toes and not feeling cold. Subject worn out and it doesn't help his current situation. What is his current situation, look!

*point*

Yeah, I guess the yak is lucky that the monk has a bald head. The monk is lucky too if you think about it. Long golden locks would never have been good and one of those Elvis cuts would have been!!!


*bow head in a moment of silence*

Painful!!!

I look back and did the power sign of the time out, tip of hand to the palm of the other.

"TIME OUT! In need of the jaws of life maybe!!!¦” I look back to the yak, "crowbar and a plunger. I don't know really, sort of new at this and well wanted to stay away from anything possibly close to it."

The Mounties looked towards where I was looking and took a step back, cringing in fear maybe. All of them going "Aye!!!”

[Catherine]

Looking at the yak-ccident, I just came up with that and my mind is practically freezing. It is sort of cheesy and corny but hey the mind is working. There was only one way to save the monk and the yak.

Pulling out my phone I flipped through my contacts to find a locksmith, maybe they can spin the monk just right and pop him out. Don't ask me why i just happen to have a Locksmith in my contacts, long story and the door was  unlocked. Okay there might have been footprints on the side of the car but hey pigeons. *whistle*

Tap screen and give the Mounties a smile and a thumbs up, I would have given the monk the same but he would never have seen it either. Don't want to waste either so kept them for after insert a into b thing is done.

"The guy is good, trust me" I told the Mounties with a nod, "a miracle worker. He should be able to undo the um!!!" I look back towards the yak and kicking feet, "that quickly. Maybe use a slim Jim or something like lard, turn and a quick tug." Standing there waiting for the ringing and eventual pick up I start to whistle, the Mounties joining in I think. I heard whistling!!!

This seemed to continue past the safe 'it should be ringing' time and beyond. I give the Mounties the power sigh of 'wait a moment' with one finger pointing up.

*slowly shake head*

You should be ashamed of yourselves thinking it was THAT finger. Go wash your minds out with soap, I will wait!






Back with an ivory fresh smelling mind? Good! Yeah, I just found out, I have no connection up here so yeah!!!  have to do this the hard way. Imaginary spit on hands while keeping them in the mittens. I pat the monks knees, "You might not be able to hear me but I am not an expert and I don't play one on tv so this may or will hurt. Wanted to give you a heads up so you can scream. Okey? Three!!¦ two and!!!"

[Catherine]

Do I need to make it overly complicated on what I was doing. I mean do I have to do charts and graphs, whiteboard stuff?  I really don't think the markers will work at this temperature and I don't want to draw what is going to happen and with what.

Imagine two circles and a 'V' shaped thing with little knobs sticking out from between the two circles. If I was a dentist I would say I am extracting the 'V'  from between the circles. If I was a doctor I would use a lot of big words that sound made up to explain what easier words would explain better. If I was anyone else I would say I am grabbing and pulling until something pops, hopefully not my back.

'I hope you cleaned your feet, ' I yell to monk giving them a look over before grabbing his ankles. The yak looks back at me with pain filled eyes and I nod, 'I will try to make it fast but I cannot guarantee anything, it will depend on how jammed up he is. Have you drank Miralax lately?"

The yak gives me a confused look and I guess it hasn't, maybe never heard of Miralax. Don't know and it isn't saying so time to do it the old fashion way. Feet go up on each cheek and pull.

Pull some more.

Oh and some more before falling to the ground. Quickly springing up and dusting myself off before yelling to the monk, 'Hey I am doing this for you!" Some people get so freaked out if you pull on their ankles. Not that I know since I am ticklish. I would just start laughing if a person grabbed me by the ankles and tried to pull me away.

Hands go to ankles again. Check. Feet in the proper position. Check and pull!

Grunt.

That wasn't me, it sounded like a monk grunt to me. *Whistle*

Pull and pull and yank and jaws of life and crowbars later there was a POP!

'FREEDOM!!!!!!!" I don't know which one said that, the yak or the monk. But hey mission accomplished, lives saved and now time to get back to beating feet.

[Catherine]

With a quick glance around I could see that beating feet was going to be delayed. Surrounded by Mounties on all sides, well other than directly above and below of course unless they are able to burrow underground, think I saw collapsible shovels or fly and!!!

*quick glance upwards*

Nope can't fly whew, didn't know if the wide brimmed hats allowed them or not. Don't ask me how, maybe they oddjob the hat, then ran up to it and did some weird move like catching or jumping up so their head got stuck in it and spun around. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy. Give me a moment please, urpable moment coming on.

*breathe, inhale and exhale*

Better now, got close there and urping on snow is never pretty. Something about the White makes it look a lot worse. Skiers and snowboarders have willingly jumped off cliffs, I think they call it huckleberrying so they would not  cross urp snow. So what are we going to do?

A smile crept across my face as I palmed something in my left hand, this is going to be good. All the Mounties know is that i am a girl with tail and not a trained ninja? Mwhahaha.

“GOT YOU ALL! Ninja smoke bomb!”

I throw the smoke bomb down in the middle of the group and PLOP it goes into the snow. Shoot I forgot! My head drops back and I groan, It is too cold for the smoke bombs!!! Had to think, quickly I threw a hand up and pointed somewhere, It's the legendary abdominal beaver look at those teeth!!!

*ninja art of distraction, pointing at something or maybe nothing and say something is there but maybe it isn't.*

Heads turn and necks crack, one monkey girl and monk beat feet away. Aying behind the two of them, just wish I knew what it meant.


Pish, pish. Pish. Pish and more pish.

[Catherine]

I gasp, sucking in air never realizing that I wasn't breathing. Well I spoke so I must have stopped after that. Thank Monkey that the Mounties reacted quickly and I didn't pass out. That would have terrible, nearly and probably urpable. Just think mouth to mouth with a monk? Don't they take a vow of no lippage or something.

"She isn't breathing someone needs to do mouth to mouth. Hey you shiny forehead, drop and start giving her the breath of life. Pop a mint too."

"What is this?"

"It says you took a vow of silence, vow of no lippage and some others. Overachiever aren't you. Okay we need to think. Does anyone have a bicycle pump? I am not going to touch those lips who knows where they have been. "

"Hey!"

"She is alive! Yay us."

The Mounties' yeah I just don't want to know. Spending all that time in the woods I am sure they have stories and none of them I want to hear,

"Aye."

"I said no. TMI on a great white scale."

"Aye."

"No means no."

"Aye."

"Nah Nah Nah. I can't hear you'."

"Aye."

Shhhhhh. Quiet now or you won't hear the sounds of nature saying “Stop!”

I do not want to even know what has touched those lips. Urp. Granola. Urp. I think I going to be sick. Urp. Turn the camera away please. Just the thought'.

[Catherine]

Moist towelette to mouth and toss away in the garbage can hidden behind the tree over there.  *point* hey wait!!! that is kind of odd that there are garbage cans everywhere that I have gone!!!

There wasn't any strange markings on any of them as far as I can remember.

*plays back all of the times that there was garbage cans in strange places. Not photographic memory and if it was why would I want to remember garbage cans? Banana milkshakes yes. Garbage cans no! Okay there was that one. Then that other one. Okay cannot forget that one that was in that one location. Oh and then that other one too. That was a close call finding that one.*

Yep no strange markings on any of them. It is sort of like those tumbleweeds but less weedy. Did the witch move on to something else? Less conspicuous. I mean tumbleweeds do sort of stick out. Okay a garbage can up above safe Sherpa level is kind of odd. Maybe whoever placed it here was just a tidy person.

"If you are going to throw your used crampons somewhere, throw them here. You know recycle save something by tossing a crampon. Think of the ozone people and global warming, they are caused by crampons and not recycling them"

Slowly I turn back to the garbage can, maybe it is a conspiracy! Rule the world through metal cylinders that sometimes have spray paint on them and lids that have been crushed by a large tire. Insidious! Eh that is kind of blah!!! only green fuzzy muppets would care probably so yeah not too world domination.

But it is still something to look into!!!.

*note to self buy a thick decontamination suit in my size. Also air supply and those green tree things to make wherever smell pine fresh. *

Another time though, need to beat feet now. I turn back to monk covering my eyes so not blinded by the light glaring off of his head.

"Let's get out of here before the Mounties do what they do best."

[Catherine]

Nope. No. Nah. I turn back and give the Mounties the power sign of time out. Tip of fingers to palm of other in a ’T’ like shape,

Looking for ice picks so I can do some climbing. Since not all of us have the ability to just float, I motion towards the monk who was humming as he went higher and higher.  Well not yet, I tell myself. I mean how hard could it be to do? It would keep my shoes from getting that dirty and no I wouldn't wear a fez. Jeez.

Not sure where I got the chainsaw or the stuffed puffer fish. Maybe the goldfish slipped them in while I was trying to get to the surface. I was wondering why I felt heavier and the random growling, thought it was my banana milkshake meter getting low. Now I know and blah. So chainsaw murder and less ice cream parlor. That raises the question, how and why would a goldfish need a chainsaw?

Sterno which would have been nice earlier. Half eaten sandwich, not sure how that got in there, I really need to clean my bag out. I mean look at this, a mirrored ball! I know I didn't pack that. Maybe my bag is an opening to an extradimensional space that is used by a lot of people. Like a bag of communal holding. That sounds like it would be something found in a dungeon with maybe a dragon in it.

Tire iron. Nope. Gas cap for a car which I didn't think they made anymore. Nope. A used tissue. Eww!!! A five and a quarter floppy disk? I toss it at the ice wall and it just bounces off. Okay,  not even sure what it would be used for.

Definitely need to do some cleaning. If I pull something gross out the story is stopped and I am cleaning out the bag now!

Hand goes in and...

[Catherine]

Tahdah!!! Throw hands filled with climbing axes out. Hitting something off of my right side and I hear a pain filled "Aye!!!."

"Sorry,"I call out, "personal space. I was too busy looking to say no but the ice axes was watching my back.”

I look up the ice wall and the monk looking down at me. Thank Monkey He wasn't just floating there because everyone would have gotten TMI with what is worn under a monk's robes. I like my eyesight so no looking up at the sun, mountain's kilts and monks robes. I really don't need to be yelling, "my eyes!” I saw monk flesh that I never wanted to see!!!!

He gives me a friendly wave and motions for me to come up and I just give him the thumbs up power sign. So from where he was and I was I am sure he is asking himself what finger is she giving me or is she rueing the day?

"Hold please,"I call out followed by the clanking of the ice axes as I give the power sign of time out. I needed to warm ups before climbing. I didn't want to pull a muscle as I climb.

*ninja tip - always warm up before climbing, flipping or ninja stuff. It takes away from the whole cool factor if you start yelling in pain and either crying out "Medic!"Or "heating pad!"

*Swing arms  in big circles *

*bend side to side *

*stretch the neck.*

*kick one foot up on wall and stretch followed by the other*

*some jumping in place while holding the climbing axes in front of me so I don't slice myself. Safety is important even when stretching.*

*some more arm stretches, don't know the names to them but doing them anyways.*

Okay think I am ready. I turn and flash the puppy dog eyes, this will so work. It is so like a Jedi mind trick but with less waving of hands, glow sticks and robots.

"Will one Of you throw me up,"eyes widen, "don't eat me and you know urp. I just need to be thrown up there, " point with a climbing ace and winning smile.

Oh and "please!!!!!!"

[Catherine]

The winning smile did it I just knew it, it had the proper amount of teeth showing and not in the creepy way. The whole 'I am smiling but not really' or 'I did something  bad and in the long run you are going to be framed and just don't know it' smiles. I have experience with both, grandma and her constant barrage of those bunny pajamas. Yeah they were cute when I was like two but not when I was twelve!

"Thank you Grammy. I just love this. Hey how did you know my measurements?"

The second well… *whistle* Someone had to be blamed for the missing cookies, other than me. Cookies crumbs can be planted and it is always nice to share, especially if the sharing leads to the other person being caught. Not that I would ever do that to a bigger brother at all. *whistle*

"Hey bro [generic 'bro' entered to protect my brother's identity. Not that I need to, once you smell him you would keep a safe distance away from him. Like miles away from him and hope that the wind doesn't shift. Oh and mom needs someone to try this cookie. I was going to but I thought you would give her good feedback. Better than I would since you are so much smarter like you say all of the time. "

*Pause just long enough after throwing cookie crumbs over brother*

"Gasp. Mom look he is eating one of the cookies that you clearly said not to eat. You should ground him for clearly disobeying you. What is this? Cookie crumbs!!! Mom, I think he ate all of them. For shame... I will go get the paddle so you can discipline him. I think a lashing, I mean a paddle for each cookie he clearly ate should be good and I recommend putting your whole body into each one just so there is no issues learning."

Not like I ever did that. *whistle* But he did learn after a while. *whistle*

Up I flew, ice axes in the ready for the sooner or later fall. If my calculations are right it would be just right about here.

*chunk chunk *

I look over my shoulder down to the Mounties and give them a big thank you. Then I saw them punch the wall with their fingers and start to climb.

"No fair!!!!"

[Catherine]

Some people just like to show off, look we can sink our fingers into the hard cold ice and climb after you while you have to use ice axes, ha ha. They can be like that if they want, they just don't look as cute and adorable while thrusting their hands into the ice.

"That is going to be hard on the fingernails," I call down to the Mounties that were following me up the ice wall like some deranged spiders. They all froze and looked up at me for a moment which sent a chill shooting up my back. Their unblinking eyes and stillness, like creepy statues. For a moment I considered moving to one side and then the other to see if I get that ‘their eyes are following me' feeling and then I dropped  the consider since I would be more creeped out if their eyes didn't follow me. A no win situation there so I did what any warm blooded ninja monkey girl would do, stuck my tongue out at them before focusing on what was important ... climbing!

"Hey for safety all of you should drop back a little just in case any ice breaks off or anything. I don't want to see any of you get hurt."

I looked up and saw the monk wave down at me with a friendly smile on his face and then motioned for me to come up.

"Coming..."

What else was I supposed to say really? Lower a rope? Can you float down and maybe carry me up? Nah, ninjas don't need any of that, we throw smoke bombs and ninja on. Kind of hard to throw one from here so best just to climb. Up I go, "place one axe in front of the other and soon..."

[Catherine]

Up and up I went, straight up. Well not straight up, I mean there were some spots that I had to veer to one side or the other since there was large cracks or boulders in the way. The last one is right over there. *hang by one hand and point* there is no way I could have climbed over that. Just look at it! *point again*

"Show offs!"

Of course the Mounties could climb that part. Like great white spiders, just scurrying over it. I would have said like a monkey but that is denied. I mean they don't even have a tail I think. At least I don't think they do and if they did it would be a beaver tail. It makes sense and if you ask them they will just deny it. Go ahead and ask one. You will probably get a weird look and a "uh no" said with a great white north accent. Just think about it though, those funny looking black pants and that whole you are what you eat thing. It only makes sense,

Anyways, that was a good break.  Time to climb more, point b is still up there.

[Catherine]

Up the axes went and I followed along since well I was holding onto them. Which only makes sense, if hands are on axes and axes go up so would the hands. Up, up and whoops that might be trademarked and I really don't want to be blown off the side of this *points to ice wall with tail, thanking tail afterwards of course* and have to climb all the way back up thanks to the trademark police's helicopter or hovering  jet thingie.

The ice chips from the axes is catching the light nicely as they fall past. They look better than glitter.  Below me I hear a painful Aye, taking a look I can see that one if the Mounties is in trouble. Will it's ‘mates’, co-Mounties or whatever they are called , help him...it? I don't want to even go into The whole, how do you tell the sex of a Mountie because it is tmi. I don't want to hear the words 'Turn your head and cough' coming from me.

I hang and watch, documentary video words playing in my mind.

"Here we are watching the elusive but not really Mountie and it's pact, herd or whatever. It's name is Spheen, "

Spheen, really?

The Mountie answers with a shaking of the head. The only answer I need and the only one he can give since probably something or another is preventing him from answering me in worded form. Maybe it is the translators, from great white north to English. Google translate must be down or something.

I can see the look in his eyes and then…

"Someone get him," I yell as he starts to fall. His Mountie friends, mates or whatever will do something. I mean they can't just let him fall, Mountie code or something.

But he just falls and the others just kept looking at me. I know I am adorable but not death causing adorable.

"What are you doing?!?!?"

You see the exclamation points there, I was monkey something or another. Shocked maybe, maybe yes. I had to decide.

Oh for the love of all that is banana gold.

[Catherine]

It is time to be a hero.

I don't even think and just push off from the ice wall, in my ears I can hear my tail screaming "What are you doing?!?"

As I do a little spin or something so I am not looking out but down I answer it with a smile, "Heroing". Yeah yeah I know it might not be a good answer and it may not be an actual word but I was doing it anyways, I was also going, "Why don't we just you know reach for the wall and think about this,"

Of course I answered myself with, "I am heroing" and start to fall towards the Mounties. Who still aren't doing anything but staring at me. Minds like a bear trap maybe… once it is set on something it will take a lot of kicking and screaming to break free, I guess a long ayeeeeeeee doesn't count as a scream maybe, don't know. *shrug* Doesn't  matter, I am heroing, please hold.

I drop like a monkey girl meteor, past the Mounties who were still climbing, their necks cracking as they turned their heads to track me. Of course, I give them a winning smile and finger gun as I fall past since I didn't have to worry about bugs or birds which is kind of odd. Of course I added some words too, "You suck and you suck and you suck and don't think I forgot you, you suck too!"

The falling Aye got my mind racing on one question, how was I going to save the Mountie. I sort of jumped before thinking, heroes do that right? 





Doesn't matter really, this hero did and she was going to save the falling Mountie. Oh and herself before the dramatic and immediate stop at the end where a lot of "Ow" and "I didn't know I could bend like this" are moaned.

Need to think. Need to think. Don't like the ending coming up. Need to think. Think faster... THINK FASTER...  Ground coming quickly! FASTER!!!!!!

This is not going… why did you let me do this tail? I know, I said heroing. I just need to…

[Catherine]

*Recap moment but just a moment since falling and ground is coming up FAST!*

Climbing up side of ice cliff because some of us can't fly, yet. Mounties climbing up behind me using their fingers. Which has to hurt and be hard on the nails. Something happened and one of the Mounties fell and none of the others tried to  help him or it. I don't know how you tell the gender of a Mountie. It is TMI for me and trust me I don't want to know.

"All you have to do is walk up and..."

STOP! La La La. Don't want or need to know.

Anyways Mountie falls and no one raises or really pulls their fingers out of a wall to save him. So yeah that leaves me to be a hero and yeah... I didn't think and sort of jumped and did some "You suck" mixed in with falling and the wind through my hair. Oh oh and tail screaming.

I think that is it.

*end recap moment and back to falling with excessive speed to a very i don't want climatic SPLAT!*

Shhhhh don't tell the reader I needed a moment to think. Let's just keep it between you and well shoot.

[Catherine]

Look down and look back up, nod and start to climb again. Again some of us can't just float up the side of cliffs, yet. I will figure it out someday. Maybe use a little cloud or something so people don't stare. Accidental moonings are never good. Hey some of us do wear dresses and skirts, just saying.

I don't need to hear "Mommy, I see two full moons. Are we on Tattoine?" Then me looking up and only seeing the sun and looking down to see the kid pointing at me and the growing crowd of people gasping. 

A cloud would help cover just in case things happen. When in doubt cover yourself with a cumulus. That sounds sort of cool and STAMP is trademarked now.

Back to the non cloud part of the story!!!. "Everyone doing fine back there? Watch out for that ice over there it looks kind of loose." Asking because it is a hero thing to do. Not sure how many more falling and saving I got in me!!! well the writer has in her to be honest. There are only so many "let's just skip this part and just hint at things" sections that can be done before people put stories down and turn on the TVs.

Up and up. This may get boring so if you want to skip to the next section it is fine. I mean how many times do want to read "up and up"?

[Catherine]

I look down from the top of the ice cliff, mittens slipped on to warm my hands, the Mounties starring up at me while hanging there. Still not blinking ramping up the creepy factor with every passing moment.

"You know it would have been nice if you helped" I tell the monk without taking my eyes off of the Mounties. I figured it was best to keep my eyes on the ones who could have a tongue that they could shoot out at me and give me a tongue lashing. Okay that was bad, I admit to it but do you see what I just had to climb? There was a lot of up on my mind and that was taking away from all of the witty remarks I could be thinking of.

"Yes I could have but I knew you could handle everything"

I nod still staring down, "Yep, had the climbing axes all handled. Made it nice and easy" I immediately remember the writer that was probably listening in and how her mind works, "Not that easy. Sort of easy but not really easy. The readers will love what you did and hey they would really love it if let's say you put an escalator going up the side of the ice cliff. You know a nice paced chase scene always is good. Oh and snacks, the whole threat of cookie crumbs keeps readers on their toes"

*fingers crossed that the writer falls for it.*

"Oh and milk too"

*thought I would throw it in. I am hoping I didn't push it too far.*

"It plays with the whole lactose intolerance thing and that can be dangerous. Spine tingling maybe"

*whew a save I think*

"Let's get going" I tell the monk, "I don't think they like just hanging around" motioning to the Mounties below and a tired Aye came from below.

[Catherine]

"So how much further" I ask the monk as I turn and start to walk away, arms hurting just a little after the climb, save and then climb.

"The goal is nearer than it was" the monk answered as he floated next to me.

"That is sort of an open answer" I say, laughing a little and see the laugh freezes in the air in front of me before it falls to the ground, "I do hope you know where it is and not just had me climb up here for as my mom always said ‘for your health'. I am pretty sure it wasn't ‘for my health' carrying those heavy boxes up the ladder into the attic but she said it was while my brother just stood there putting his hands on the boxes and pushing them down when mom wasn't in the room. She didn't like it when I slapped him on the head and told her it was for my brother's health. "

"Sometimes the goal is right in front of you and you do not see it, " the monk answered.

I laughed, "What are my lucky numbers?"

"What" the monk stopped and floated there trying to figure out what I meant. How did I get from getting somewhere to numbers. Easy really, change of subject or topic in mid conversation, it introduces confusion but livens up conversations when they go all well this way. You know fortune cookie sounding, answering with answers that don't answer and make you think.

"Don't worry about it so how mu..”

THUMP!

[Catherine]

How do you open something that can not be seen, I ask myself. I am not going to get all touchy feely with something I cannot see. That is how strange stories are started by invisible men.

"Yeah I was just standing there minding my own business and some guy came up and started to [censored just because]."

I could try to push it open but with if it is locked or a pull door? People would laugh, "Can't you read the sign or tell it is locked?"

"No! Invisible door so I cannot see anything. Why do you think birds fly into windows because they cannot see the window. Same thing really, just larger and door like."

I continue to walk back and forth, quickly running out of ideas as I do. How does anyone get into a place that is hard to get into?

DING!

I think I git an idea and my math teacher said I wasn't good with math, i will show her. Okay that had nothing to do with the door but needed something.

*proud pose with hands on hips*