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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 290418 times)

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Offline EmyKat

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9900 on: March 01, 2015, 02:43:27 AM »
Dear K,

You really had me going when I thought what we had was real. I truly believed that I had met the one. It was a fail, to no avail. Am I another victim of the Bad Boys Club? I see the way you dress when you go out with your "business partners" and I know that you see other women. I can smell their perfume on all of your clothing! Just be honest with me. I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, I'm leaving you.

~Emy

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9901 on: March 02, 2015, 10:33:09 PM »
Dear EmyKat,

I suppose you think you're hot stuff! Joining the elite club of people of whom I've kicked to the curb!  Well, let me tell you - I'd appreciate you moving out of that space sooner than later seeing as you currently occupy the space I have to put my garbage for pickup and as much as you might be looking for someone new, dumpster diving is probably too far to fall from the likes of my divinity!

I mean, think of all the great people you could date having been let go by me, yanno, other than me - seeing as that whole thing is over - but a long list of celebrities, and other people who are less than me are now at least temporarily within your grasp!  It's not forever though, so you really got to strike while the iron is hot - but don't wait too long, since yanno, whose to say that my next relationship doesn't end at any moment and you become old news and the next hottest thing hits the market (Aside from myself, of whom, gets first dibs of whateves).

So yeah, good luck out there!

Sincerely, Cayenne~

Offline Kurzyk

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9902 on: March 03, 2015, 01:10:25 PM »
Cayenne -

Yea so like, I'm not into a commitment right now? Sex was fun, you're hot! But I dunno, I met this chick at the pool in my building. Remember that lifeguard who was looking at me. You were all like jealous and s---t.  Whatev.

Later,

Oh hey what's your sis up to?

K

Offline abandoneddolly

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9903 on: March 03, 2015, 01:40:20 PM »
Dear K

Your awesome, but you keep bringing different girls in here all the time. You stay up all night, and you don't even invite me. I need sleep or at least an invitation so bye.

Offline Nowherewoman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9904 on: March 03, 2015, 01:41:16 PM »
Dear Dolly:


Sorry, lover, but look at it this way: I'm helping you live up to your name.


Abandoned.  Again.

Offline Barbarian

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9905 on: March 06, 2015, 02:25:37 PM »
Dear Nowherewoman,

I was glad to meet you. But you're just not the right one for me. I enjoyed the short time we shared, you're a wonderful cook and you're even better in bed. But I can't be with you anymore. I just don't love you. Hope you're not mad at me. Goodbye...

Take care

B.

Offline abandoneddolly

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9906 on: March 06, 2015, 02:37:05 PM »
Dear Barbarian

we first met when you came into town and pillaged and raped the people there. You took me with you back to your camp those were some fun times, but since then your always gone pillaging and raping. I'm left here. So unless you plan on taking me with you next time I'm afraid this is over.

dolly

Offline Kurzyk

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9907 on: March 07, 2015, 11:25:03 AM »
<texting>

Sup babe, dolly is getting suspicious. Need to break it off for a while. Gimme a few months ill be in touch.

<send text>


Oh wait... oh CRAP!


<New text>

haha was just kidding... hope you're well hon? See you later tonight will bring roses.

<send text>

Offline colerie1974

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9908 on: March 07, 2015, 02:11:43 PM »
Sweet lover...it's not you, it's me...I just need some Cole time...time to grow and figure out what I want in life. Please don't hate me for wanting to have some me time.

Offline Barbarian

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9909 on: March 08, 2015, 12:21:43 AM »
Dear colerie,

Just what is wrong with you? We have been together for some time and it was great. I used to love the way you sat on my lap and kiss me. But seriously, all you think is fuck and sex and have fun. Who's gonna do the housework? The dishes, the laundry, cooking, clean-up? Me? Yeah sure...

It's over. Bye.

B.

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9910 on: March 08, 2015, 10:15:24 AM »
Dearest Barbarian (If that's what you really are!)

Not to play into societies stereotyping, but when I originally thought of a barbarian, it was all yanno, Conan the Austrian guy who works out a lot and could probably win some Mister Universe competitions in the mid to later 1900's or yanno, samoan former wrestler, or maybe like.. this guy.



I mean like, something about being able to wear what he would use as sleeves as a dress seems somehow appealing, and cost saving, since he probably rocks the guns out at any opportunity.  I mean, not that you don't seem, or don't go around doing barbarian like activities, it just seems like you're kinda well dressed for the whole thing - I mean where is your animal skins and whatnot? You're wearing these super decorated things, with your phallic hats and whatnot!



I know it seems pretty shallow of me to let someone go for how they dress, in retrospect to purely wrong views perpetrated by the media but -- I'm just a girl - a girl with a dream and yanno, I am fully intent upon living that dream, even if I have to run a casting call for it!

So yeah, good luck with your actual pillaging and whatnot~  If you ever sack my city, be sure to drop by and say hello~

Sincerely, Cayenne~

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9911 on: March 08, 2015, 04:44:28 PM »
So, Cayenne.  I know you're not a sports fan but unfortunately everything I have to say involves sports metaphors.  I'll explain as I go along, try to keep up.

Many team sports organise their teams in to what we call "leagues".  This is a grouping of teams of a similar skill level at their sport, it ensures that teams play appropriate opposition, with me?  Generally we call the leagues containing the more skillful teams the "higher" leagues and those with less adept sportsmen the "lower" leagues.  Clearly one would expect a team from a higher league to win in a game against one from a lower league.  Using that, can you work out what I mean when I say I am "out of your league"?  Basically, I intend to convey that I am in a higher "league" than yourself when it comes to desirability as a partner.  This is largely an attractiveness issue, but I don't want you to overlook your dubious dress sense either when analysing your performance.

Moving on to boxing, bouts - which is the name for a fight between two boxers - are arranged by weight class.  This is a proxy for muscle mass, realistically.  It ensures that a relatively unmuscled/lithe fighter does not get drawn against a considerably more muscled fighter, as they would not be able to fairly compete.  This has given us the phrase "punching above your weight", used to imply that someone is taking on a challenge for which they are inadequately adept.  So if I were to say you were "punching above your weight" in attempting to be my girlfriend, I would be essentially saying that your combination of traits that make you sexually desirable is inferior to my own - again, this is largely to do with physical beauty but the weird smell that permeates the air around you does certainly have a part to play.

Are you with me so far?  We're going to move on to baseball.

Baseball is played on a diamond, each of the four corners is known as a "base".  The object is to complete a circuit of these bases - known as a "home run" - prior to the opposing team managing to get the ball.  In brief.  These visuals have led to a very long-standing tendency to refer to progressive stages of sexual contact in baseball terms.  The specifics vary, but generally a "home run" is full sex while reaching the lower bases - numbered first, second and third respectively - are less "extreme" one might say.  Petting, for example, or manual stimulation of the genitals.  In this case precisely what action is assigned to each base isn't strictly relevant - all sources agree that sex is a "home run"  and that is what I reached with the overwhelming majority of your friends.  Not to flog a dead horse, but it cannot have escaped your notice that they are, unanimously, more attractive than you and lack most if not all of your annoying turns of phrase.

Finally, when one says one is "playing for the other team" then, in terms of sexual dynamics, one is generally referring to having a sexual preference for members of the opposite sex to the person one is addressing - if I were to say (which I am) that I was playing for the other team to you I would be stating that I, now at least, preferred males.  Ironically this is also related to your physical appearance - I am disgusted by the sight of you to the extent that I have become somewhat repelled by naked females in general.  While that doesn't actually relate to your irritating whiny voice - I can usually bear to hear females speak - your voice is without a doubt irritating and whiny.

I hope you followed all of that, because realistically it conveys most of the information I need to give you, when appropriately combined.

In summation:  You are quite ugly whereas I am not (I'm out of your league) and your attempts to keep me in a romantic relationship with you were doomed to failure from the off (you were punching above your weight).  I've been fucking your friends (this is the "home run" from earlier) behind your back but now I've decided I like cock well enough to have that as an exclusive genital preference (I'm playing for the other team) and as such the inevitable end of our time together has arrived.

Any questions?

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9912 on: March 08, 2015, 05:24:40 PM »
Dearest Kythia,

Remember when we were sitting around and shooting the shit (In no literal fashion) and you'd said something rude and I responded with the term "Fuck you" of which we decided to take literally, and then from that, continued down this sweat mess of a trail that had more scissoring than a 1990's Tim Burton film about a man with literal scissors for hands and not in a manner of which you press and grind your genitals with another person for easiest friction as told to us by the book of pornography?

Don't worry, I'm sure I have the realplayer file somewhere - honestly though, I told you that format was going no where and that it wasn't "At any point going to make a comeback, really, they were the first, and they needed to be regarded better" Questionable evidence aside, I rather need to wrangle this little note to you before it turns into some ridiculously long 737 word explanation of which one might have to turn their podcast off in order to gather (Also in case your wondering, that might come to 3,369 letters not counting spaces and 4,132 with).

The thing is, for a while now I've become suspicious that you have moved on - I mean, at first it started out that you would be busy on friday nights, and quiet interested in dating apps, and very little of that interest for me to also make an account so that, the universe or whatever lazily coded algorithm could pair us together once more! No, you were content that you try it out, and that I stop hounding you about every little thing like - you know, condoms in our shared bed, and where that ring came from that currently sits on your "I'm in the process of being united with the person I truly love, please note that the girl beside me is not also sporting this, and draw the conclusions she is obviously not catching"

For whatever reason, I decided to let that go, I mean, you getting into sports and things, you getting that new friend that you'd talk to on the phone while we were at dinner, or that you were too tired for sex, unless you mean foot massage, and then please continue. Eventually when we'd walk together, you'd not introduce me as "This is the chick I'm currently rubbing my genitals with" to "This is the roommate who won't listen when I tell her I'm getting married soon, and that our relationship was never really much of a thing outside of me killing time while my profile gathered views on OK Cupid"

So anyway, I decided to take this time while you are busy packing boxes to move in with your fiance, I've begun to think its time for a break. I know, to me it seems rather rash, and coming out of left field (I know you've becoming super into sports, so I thought you might like that reference) but I feel like we've been moving in separate directions a little bit, and we might need some time to find ourselves! Me, most likely at the cat shelter, attempting to find companionship with something that will just put a virus on my brain and force me to make bad choices both of how many more felines should be living with me, but also in all other aspects of my life, and you, getting married and moving on.

So yeah, like I said, before it gets too long winded, I should say that it has been fulfilling for me, you know, the kind of life affirming thing that makes you want to spend the rest of your years with a person - and for your, apparently that there are better things on the horizon someplace else with genders of lower protruding genitals. 

So good luck to you!

And to me.

Mostly me.

I worry about me.

Sincerely, Cayenne~


Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9913 on: March 08, 2015, 06:19:13 PM »
You know what I'm sick of, Cayenne?  I mean, apart from Adobe Flashplayer, (thinking its all that, fucking piece of shit, wheres the the respect for the classics). 

It's you, hanging out the passenger side of your best friend's ride and trying to holler at me.  I've been quite clear, a scrub - also known as a buster - is the kind of gal who can't get no love from me.  You think you're fly, always talking about what you want and sitting on your broke ass.  I'm talking to you, Cayenne.  You ain't got no car and you're walking, you live at home with your mamma.  I mean, Christ, you have a shortie but you don't show love.  I'm looking like class and you're looking like trash and you know that you cannot approach me.  Your game is kinda weak.

So no, Cayenne, I don't want your number.  And no, I don't want to give you mine (I appreciate its a little late for that, but what I mean is that I've deleted yours and changed mine, I just phrased it badly).

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9914 on: March 08, 2015, 06:50:54 PM »
Dear Kythia,

I don't know why you are still sending me messages, as we are broken up, and thus, any ties we once had completely disapear and we are like strangers in the night of whom hold irrational anger at each other. 

That being said, I thought I would clear some stuff up for you.

1) The world is dying because we're pumping fossil fuels into the atmosphere, who'd have thought the true dinosaur attack that kills us all comes in the form of turning them into the gogo juice for our cars and slowly choking ourselves to death on the noxious fumes because a bunch of stuck up women like yourself aren't into carpool/drive by courting rituals. 

2) I own a car, I choose to walk! I don't like driving, I don't understand why everyone needs to have their own car, and why the government thinks its cool to hand over control of the insurance industry that is required by law in order to operate said car to the private industry of whom is not out to serve customers, but yanno, figuratively rape them of their income and as much as possible, abandon them in their times of need.

3) I aen't no buster.  I don't chase down ghosts, I don't share co-star role on a childrens cartoon with a girl named babs of whom we share last names but, are somehow not related enough to be considered worth while.

Alright, now that that is out of the way, I will say that this is the part where I take the high road, and don't call out your "I stole my jeans off a bear mauling victim - Oxyclean does work magic on gore stains" and whatnot and point out that we continue to be over, and I hope you have your "Fun little life that is basically meaningless since I am the center of the universe, and the further you decide to rotate from me, the colder and more lonely and less planetoid like you're going to seem (Looking at you, Mrs. Pluto)

So to conclude.

1) We are through.
2) You are an echo terrorist.
3) You steal your fashion from corpses.

Cayenne~

P.S.

Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide
I still think you are cool~

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9915 on: March 15, 2015, 10:45:50 PM »
Dear Cayenne,

So there we were, at the Jurassic Amusement Park having so much fun poking dinosaurs with sticks and taking selfies in front of a bunch of  stegosaurus to show our non-adventurous friends.

Funny how Kythia kept texting you through it all. Funny how you kept texting her back. Even funnier is how I peeked at your conversations. And... I know you said you didn't care, but there was that hint of desperation in your typing that said you did.

So, I'm sorry for the 6 pounds of raw hamburger I hid in your backpack when we next went to visit the T-Rexs. And it really hurt me to lock you inside the containment gate. Really. My heart was breaking the whole time I lowered down that massive gate and clicked the locks. Really! I even cried a little.

But you know... I'm a one woman gal. And you're now like some little dino snack, so I guess it's time for me to find a new adventure on some hard to reach island in the middle of nowhere with a new girl... one without a phone!


Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9916 on: March 16, 2015, 09:30:27 AM »
Dear Blue Bunny.

This probably isn't something I should be sharing with the world but.. honestly I do recall you trying to murder me at least once.

I don't know that I was ever super into this idea of you wearing a skin tight suit of flexible aluminium foil, and every occurrence of sex began with you laying splayed on the bed screaming "TEAR OFF THE FOIL AND EAT ME" I mean, I have some unique fetishes myself, but honestly, everyday isn't your special day where it's all about you and your specific, and kind of creepy at times needs.   I mean, I don't know that you've realized how incredibly sweaty you get while wearing this body suit of unbreathable material - and of course - you've been hot boxing all day makes all things much more ...lets call it potent.

Not to mention (But to mention anyway), you talking over the whole 'eating' process saying how you'll be going right to my hips and obviously be back tomorrow because of the addictive properties of chocolate (Of which, you are kind of not - regardless of skin colour).

So anyway, if you ever come out of your shell (Literally, just stop wearing that thing), give me a ring.

Keeping her options open, Cayenne~

Offline Renegade Vile

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9917 on: March 16, 2015, 09:52:41 AM »
Cayenne,

Your obsession with the tilde has gone too far. I could tolerate the custom rims on the car. I could understand the tattoos. And I could look beyond the need to vocally add the word "tilde" at the back of every sentence you uttered; just to stay in line with your written word.
But the moment you decided to try and brand me with a hot, tilde-shaped poker, you went too far. You know I wanted an infinity sign instead, and you just callously disregarded it.

We're done. And you can take the cat with you. She's not been the same since you shaved her anyway.

Yours nevermore,
Bob A. Nonimity

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9918 on: March 29, 2015, 08:46:37 PM »
I don't get it, Renegade Vile.  What did you think was going to happen when I regained my eyesight?

Obviously you're dumped.  I mean...obviously.

Offline SpiralSpider

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9919 on: April 01, 2015, 11:46:52 PM »
You've been plotting against me so, of course we can't stay together.  ::)

Offline Rubicon

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9920 on: April 02, 2015, 09:25:47 PM »
Look... look... it's... you're wonderful. You are.

And it has been wonderful. Every moment. Every second. Every thought.

But... see....

...now I know you're a Princess Jellyfish fan, and that is awesome, but as I know you know out of necessity whenever I see you I must freeze until you move out of my range of vision. It's a protective reflex. Just....

No no. This post must suffice. I have way too much to get done to be in stunned Otaku mode. Goodbye forever.

Offline CutiebyNight

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9921 on: April 14, 2015, 11:25:18 PM »
Darling, it won't work out between us.

You're a Lord, I'm an unapproved.

Love isn't meant for people such as you and I!

We are from two different worlds!

I guess... this is... goodbye! ~prances away in melodramatic fashion~

Offline Raef

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9922 on: April 16, 2015, 02:52:24 PM »
Sorry dood! This bromance ends now! I cant believe you ate the last piece of pizza in the fridge! Gah!

Offline Angelic Kitten

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9923 on: April 19, 2015, 07:30:28 PM »
Raef,

I'm sorry... losing the keys to the handcuffs was the last straw... I'm afraid I gotta tell you it's over.

Offline Raef

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9924 on: April 20, 2015, 01:42:24 AM »
Wait what? You cant break up with me! I'm breaking up with you! I'm tired of having to pick up your toys after you, woman! :P and put the batteries back in the TV remote if you borrow them at least! sheeesh!