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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 289245 times)

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Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9825 on: November 18, 2014, 02:31:33 PM »
Dear Boatman,

You are not a boat.  You don't have a mast, climbing atop your penis does not offer me the kind of view an actual crows nest might, so don't go asking if I can see incoming ships like I somehow have a better vantage point than you do.  I have no desire to carry this nautical dictionary with me to bed, nor learn new things of which, will have no use in my life other than amusing you in bed, because honestly, you grumpy at my lack of boating knowledge, and you happy at my playing along both end about the same time. 

Quickly.

Though, it did offer some hilarious conversation when you called me your first mate, and you got all defensive when I made those little baby talk about you being a virgin and such, but that aside, you'd best learn to have sex like a normal person, or I'll most likely also be your last mate.

Truthfully yours, Cayenne.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9826 on: November 18, 2014, 02:54:05 PM »
Juicy Pepper,

If we are to be truthful, and I welcome such honesty, we ranged across the possibilities of 'normal' sex within the first two weeks of being under the covers (setting aside room service and included bed baths).

So I suggested something more adventurous.
It was then, in the crow's nest under a wild night sky and rocked by a raging sea, you took fright.

I absolutely understand your need to obliterate such memories and possibilities.
Go back to your normal life with my blessing (and a couple pounds of choice fish).

I'll miss you.

x

B


Offline Songbird

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9827 on: November 22, 2014, 07:23:21 PM »
Dear Boatman,

This is really difficult to say, so I'll try to be brief.

It's over. Time and time again I've told to to stop holding that knife, and you refuse! When I come home, there you are with the knife. When I open the closet door, there you are with the knife. Even when I step out of the shower, you hand me a towel while still holding that blasted knife! That's just your problem, Boatman. You can't let go.

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I hope you, your knife, and your whetstone will be very happy together.

No longer yours,

Birdy

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9828 on: November 23, 2014, 02:34:51 AM »
Sweet Birdy,

I love the skimpy clothes you wear and how you randomly pose your shapely curves over the furniture. It makes it so hard...
for me to leave you to catch fish or do a spot of pirating.
Not that it would have mattered if I'd stayed because you always seem to be in a world of your own.

You never seem to listen when I tell you of my love or read you lines of poetry I've written.
When I invite you out for special dinners or outings, or up to bed, you don't show.

The tipping point for me, I guess, was my birthday when you did remember the cake. But carried it around all day, deep in your own thoughts.
Finally, when I caught your attention and produced my knife to cut it you panicked, as if you'd never seen me before, threw it in my face and ran off.

Sorry if this sounds selfish but I needed this to be a two way relationship.
So I've gone, though you probably won't even notice.

Boat


Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9829 on: December 06, 2014, 05:30:22 PM »
Oh right, what was your name again?

Beeyote men? Is that Swedish?

Oh, sorry I'm getting off track!  My publicist says every minute I continue to be somehow hooked to you totally ruins my image, so it's gunna have to be totally splitsville between us. I mean, as the breadwinner, beautiful and talented one, I of course can't be seen settling down or anything, I got to be potentially fuckable, and obtainable by a masses of people of whom feel they have some personal attachment in my life, despite only seeing me expertly playing parts, or laughing it up in the talk show circuit.

Anyway, my lawyers have cut you a cheque, to yanno, give up whatever truth happened between us while the writers and marketing group gage what kind of narrative I'll need to carry on from this 'relationship' Fingers crossed you weren't a total douchebag against me, because of my successfulness and stuff.  I'm sure you can squeak out a minute or so of fame if you want to be on the local news to tell your side of the story.

Anyway, I've got a photoshoot with some Hollywood A lister of whom, I'll link arms with, like I've decided to be strong and move on as fast as possible, yanno, trading up and shit.

Maybe some day you'll become super famous and I'll find it in my heart to forgive you for whatever it is that they decide you did to break us up.

Till than,

Toodles!~

Cay~

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9830 on: December 06, 2014, 05:48:44 PM »
I really want to love you,
But I have this mental block
You're pretty cool and everything
But I really want a -

Different type of person
Don't let this come between us
You're really great and everything
But you don't have a -

Sense of how hard this is for me
I've tried to make us stick
But something is just missing
Something I need: a -

Reason to be happy
It really does seem silly
I like you, maybe love you
If only you had a -

Flaw or defect that would make this easier
But you don't: we get along
Better than I ever have with anyone
But a partner needs a -

...needs a..I don't know what to say
You're smart, you're funny, you're cute
Blame me, not you - honestly
Perfect skin! But no skin -

I'll touch again.  This is it. Goodbye
Cayenne, my pet, my toy.
You're everything I've ever wanted
Except for eight inches of joy.

Online Wispyr

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9831 on: December 09, 2014, 03:11:26 PM »
Kythia,

This was never going to work. I've never even seen you before.
I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I don't know how it went so far.
Now I'm writing this to you like I owe you something, but I don't.
I'm moving on because there's nothing here for me, nothing here for you.

-Wispyr

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9832 on: December 10, 2014, 10:45:20 PM »
I was like, sure, Wispyr's a nice guy. He's hot and kind and all that. But then you started pulling down the girl's dresses, or skirts, or pants. Everywhere. At the opera, at the grocery store, at the Laundromat, at the monster truck rally... oh wow, remember that big dude that came after you there? Wow! No one is safe it seems.

Anyway... Maybe no one's told you before, but its not really appropriate behavoir. And you're bound to get in loads of trouble.

So... you're on your own babe.

I'm gone.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9833 on: December 11, 2014, 02:00:31 AM »
Beautiful Bunny,

It's this magic vanishing cream really.
There we are sobbing together hand in hand at Les Mis in the City;
Or making love in crystal clear warm Mediterranean shallows;
Or wing walking arm in arm together;
Or snuggled on the sofa warmed by the chuckling log fire on an icy evening...

And you apply the cream...
and vanish without so much of a 'poof'

You are an exquisitely lovely spirit, but too much of a tease.

Bye.

Offline Noir Lace

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9834 on: December 13, 2014, 12:07:23 AM »
Boatman.
I don't like boats, I'm a ship kinda girl.

We should see other people.
I hope there's a nice anchor in your future.

~Claire
« Last Edit: December 13, 2014, 12:10:19 AM by Noir Lace »

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9835 on: December 13, 2014, 02:09:46 AM »
Dearest Claire,

I love black lace don't get me wrong.
Especially, when hugging your curves... Sensually revealing, yet hiding.
But, you go too far.
A hanky made of lace... messy.
Sails made of lace, pedestrian.
Coats made of lace... too chilly at this time of year.
Sorry darling,
I'm switching fetish.

xx

Boat


Offline Noir Lace

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9836 on: December 13, 2014, 02:42:25 AM »
Dear Boatman,

You've cut open your last pair of lacy underwear, Mister.
I'm not rich enough to indulge your knife fetish & my lace fetish at the same time.

~Claire

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9837 on: December 13, 2014, 03:17:21 AM »
Dear Claire,

If you'd only worn one pair of lacy undies at a time, all would have been well I am sure.
But, getting to you was proving too frustrating.
After struggling into the same room, fighting through layers and layers of lace was like wrestling an enormous Russian doll.
By the time I reached your luscious skin, I was knackered.

Sorry darling, I'll stick with the knives (ouch! damn, cut myself again)

xx

Boat

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9838 on: December 13, 2014, 07:40:48 AM »
Didn't...

*peers closely*

I'm pretty sure I broke up with you already, Boatman.  Why are you in my house? 

Offline kckolbe

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9839 on: December 13, 2014, 07:46:30 AM »
EVERY TIME I buy you nice clothes you come home looking like this.  My clothing budget is spent and I just can't keep doing this.

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9840 on: December 13, 2014, 11:26:38 AM »
Dice say 'you lose'. Ksrrybainao.


At least I THINK that's what they say...

Offline Noir Lace

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9841 on: December 14, 2014, 04:07:56 PM »
sweetheart, you have a "v" instead of a "p."
I just can't deal.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9842 on: December 14, 2014, 04:38:01 PM »
Dear NL,

I simply didn't want to break up with your enticing underwear.
But, the heart-rending rules of this game say I have to bin you.
And apparently I cannot have one without the other.

So, sorry, but you both have to go.

Regretfully,

B

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9843 on: December 14, 2014, 05:23:09 PM »
Boatman,

You don't remember me do you?

We've been married for a few years now, but it's rather, all been leading up to this moment.

Remember when you worked for that software company, and worked on that small MMO? You moved up through the ranks from game tester to lead designer.  How you had all these "IDEAS" for making the game better, and you know what? You certainly had one idea.

RUINING MY DAMN LIFE.

That's right, you piece of crap.

You nerfed my class.

You took everything I loved, and you said it was overpowered, and you nerfed it.

Oh, I know, we promised each other our hearts, we made all these "Vows" but let me tell you, you piece of garbage my heart was already gone! Yeah, maybe you should have nerfed my ability to FAKE IT FOR SO MANY YEARS, BECAUSE BOOM, I'M THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AND I THINK YOU ARE BILE BENEATH THE SHOES OF SOCIETY.

So yeah, I've burned the house down.

So yeah, I've sunk your boat.

So yeah, I've let all your computers cozy up to a giant magnet that was strong enough to pull the fillings out of the teeth of the people three doors over.

So yeah, I guess I could consider your happy little life a little OP, so you know, since I got the "ideas" from you, I decided maybe YOUR LIFE needed nerfing!

So go ahead! With your now WEAK ASS BUILD, because I canceled the insurance, I even leaked all your private data and if your phone is ringing why you read this you'll know that it's your boss FIRING YOUR ASS.

What's that? You think this is crazy? That it was just some game?

Well -- I hoped you liked playing my game, my game of life! (Trademark hasbro I think)

Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow at couples counselling.

Or whatever.

Cayenne~
« Last Edit: December 14, 2014, 05:25:54 PM by Cayenne »

Offline Scott

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9844 on: December 15, 2014, 03:18:21 PM »
Cayenne I'm breaking up with you because as long as we've been together and after all the promises you made to me, you're never going to leave your husband. I know you wrecked his life, but you're still going to counseling with him? It's not what you've been telling me, but I guess your actions speak louder than your promises. 

Offline Noir Lace

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9845 on: December 15, 2014, 06:39:25 PM »
Scott, after the mesmerisation of your glorious abs wore off, I kinda realized what a snot face you are.
Later, bro.

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9846 on: December 15, 2014, 09:17:41 PM »
My lovely Noir:


For the longest time, I was content to watch you touch yourself. Smooth, gentle hands tracing soft, subtle curves; a tweak here, a dip there- true heaven!

But after a while- especially after that sort of floor show- I wanted to play, too. You, however, were always too lost in your narcissistic self-exploration. Dammit, I want to touch and get touched!

I'm going to a movie. When I get back, be dressed. And be gone.


NW

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9847 on: December 15, 2014, 09:39:28 PM »
To my once dear Nowherewoman, (Or No where woman or Now here woman)

It pains me to say that you will be denied my presence in your life from this point forth.  Yes, even as I'm writing this, and you, not having read it, are already being denied me.  I know this will come as a crushing blow to that thing you call your existence, as I, the bright shining star in your otherwise great by most peoples standards, except my own, which are higher, loftier, betterly, perhaps life-thing you have going on.

I mean, I myself could hardly imagine a world without me, but rest easy in the fact that I continue to exist, and the world is not without me, just you are without me, in the direct way that we were, at the very beginning of this letter, but not, as of the beginning of the paragraph - and no, reading this backwards doesn't put us back together.

I hope you, somehow find a way to live on, is what I suppose I should say, but a person can only be so strong and of course, there is only one of me of whom, I am left to assume is the strongest that ever was, in a beautiful, charming, perfect kind of way.  So I can wish that your days not be so dim that your eyes suffer, and you require thicker glasses!

Anyway, I know I'd told myself I'd keep this short, but somehow, I couldn't let myself be so cruel as to deny you at least enough words to quilt a blanket to wrap yourself in during what will most likely be many long and cold nights without me.   Please, I know you cannot, as it is impossible, to find it in your heart to blame me for leaving you, but should you try very hard, know that this was also difficult for me, as I awoke only moments ago with this notion, and it nearly occupied my thoughts for an entire minute.

Here is to you, from me, wishing you the best - well, let us be realistic.  The second best. Alright, maybe top ten, in your future endeavours.

Cayenne~

Offline RedPhoenix

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9848 on: December 23, 2014, 12:55:01 PM »
Cayenne,

My PR guy is telling me our relationship is not sparking headlines like it should, so either one of us has to do a nip slip on stage someplace or this relationship is over.

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9849 on: December 23, 2014, 10:31:59 PM »
Red:


Tying...er, wrapping you up for the holidays was hella fun. You were right up at the top of my naughty list, and I loved it. But now its time for the unwrapping, and all you can say is 'no, don't take it off!' That's not nice at all.


I'm attaching some postage to your package, and shipping you North.  Enjoy the trip.


NW