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The Elliquian Herald & Post
Issue 74 (Autumn) ~ August thru October 2017

Wiki Blogs Dicebot

Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 336163 times)

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Offline Rolo

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9800 on: November 12, 2014, 11:15:50 AM »
My dearest Carnivorous Bunny....

Since you mangled me in our last encounter I have had to have reconstructive surgery to repair the damage...Long story short I have a brand spanking new penis that I had augmented with extra length and girth and I am just afraid of what you will do to it.  So I must say farewell....

Offline Wispyr

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9801 on: November 16, 2014, 07:09:18 PM »
Rolo,

You were never my favorite. I'm going to play with Mounds now.

Bye.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9802 on: November 16, 2014, 09:24:22 PM »
Wispyr,

You were one of my favorites... but... you know... now I have new favorites.

See ya round man.

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9803 on: November 16, 2014, 11:46:39 PM »
Remember yesterday, blue bunny sparkle?  Remember how I quite clearly and unambiguously said that if you raped one more sea lion I'd dump you, no ifs no buts?  And what did I come home to find you doing?  Seriously, what did you think was gonna happen.

Offline Rolo

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9804 on: November 17, 2014, 02:42:55 PM »
Dearest Kythia....

When you told me you had holey jeans I thought maybe you meant Holy jeans....Imagine the horror on my poor mothers face when we showed up for Sunday mass...Even the preacher stopped and took notice which did not set well with the head nun nor the choir boy....Needless to say I have been sentenced to a thousand hail Mary's and been dipped in the blood again for good measure....therefore I must bid adieu....

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9805 on: November 17, 2014, 06:09:16 PM »
Dear Rolo,

This might come as a shock, since you know, I was all orgasmic sounding, and super content seeming, but upon further reflection I decided that maybe I should kick you to the curb. I mean, a rolling stone gathers no moss, even though, there is literally no place on earth where a stone could continue rolling indefinitely, especially down an incline.  Yet, I don't really want moss on me, and I don't mean salty man discharge, I just mean -- it's time to change things up.

Did you know they suggest putting different sized perches in a birds cage so its feet don't become formed for only that size? That's exactly how I feel, I need some variety in my life! Before the insides of my vagina becomes a negative for your penis.

Anyway, I just thought you'd appreciate the reasoning, and wisdom that I used when determining this, that it might speed things along. Also, having hired movers who put your stuff on the curb earlier, I feel my efficiency of moving on is second to none, and of course, it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, just as it must be true to have been in a relationship with a highly efficient, high functioning, high reasoning individual who dumped you.

Toodles.

Cayenne~

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9806 on: November 18, 2014, 11:08:16 AM »
Sweet Pepper,

I had you pasted on the deckhead above my dingy dinghy sleeping pit so I could oggle you every night on long voyages.
But you became a bit frayed at the edges.
Then as time went by and the gathering mould turned your body a funny colour I had to cut all your erotic bits off one by one.

Dissecting you in that way broke my heart, but the result was you simply didn't turn me on the way you used to, so regretfully I decided to ditch you.
Although, I admit I did have slight twinge of the old yearning as I scraped you off, screwed you up and threw you over the side.

Anyway, all's well again now I've replaced you with Miss November.

xx

B


Offline Hyacinth

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9807 on: November 18, 2014, 11:13:15 AM »
I decided you were just a rebound. I want my ex back. Thanks for the wild ride.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9808 on: November 18, 2014, 11:27:50 AM »
Look, you knew there was only room on the motorcycle for one passenger when you hitched the lift leaving your ex at the side of the road.
Yes, the ride across the low hills and along forest trails with you holding on tight and close was wild.
But when I saw the saw the fear in your eyes, I knew we had no future.
I'm sorry but I need someone with adventure in their heart and loins.

I've paid for the room at the hotel, but by the time you come out of the wet room to read this note I'll be long gone.

B

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9809 on: November 18, 2014, 12:44:55 PM »
Dear Boatman,

You wanted adventure you said. And I gave you adventure.
Who ever said we needed to travel to find that when everything we needed was right here in this little toy chest of treasures and delights...
and tortures? Right in the badroom... I mean bedroom.

Whaddya mean you take it back? You want a simple life? A vanilla life? That's not what you told Dancing Flower.

*taps foot*

I can not stay with a man who is crying Boatman...


Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9810 on: November 18, 2014, 02:15:23 PM »
Dearest Blue Bunny,

You know how you said I never write you letters? How romantic it would be for me to leave you little notes about how much I care about you, so you know, in the court of law, with some handwriting specialist you could make some case for me having had affections for you at one time.  Yet, for some reason, as soon as I sat down to write  I decided what I really like to write most is breakup letters.

I mean, they devote a whole intro for the 1988 to 1992 American television series Dear John to just that and they don't even change it up season to season! It's still the same "By the time you read this letter I'll be gone"

I don't cut and run though, I mean, leaving you with some once shared space where you can reflect on the lives we once had, in some sad sack premise for a series about an endless depression and attempting to fill the void left behind by little to no closure.  At least, I didn't think I would, I had every intention of reading this aloud to you, but then I realized cutting and running lets me get on with my life way faster and yanno, you can't try to use your charms to lure me into sex.

So yeah, by the time you read this letter, I'll be gone.

Among the things that will also be gone.

*Me of course
*All the things I liked
*Some of the things you liked
*Whatever petty cash was laying around.

Among the things that won't be gone
*This letter
*Stuff I don't like
*Whatever bills and such were laying around.

Sincerely, Cayenne~

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9811 on: November 18, 2014, 02:19:31 PM »
TO Bunny:

Dearest baddest of the bad Bunnies,

You have me wrong.
A misunderstanding perhaps?
I meant all of the things you have in mind but with a delectable seasoning of spice.

At 1000 ft below on trimix, or in the toilet of a plane in freefall, or on a high wire over a canyon.
Then, back in your badroom as relaxation.

I have you on hold Bunny.
All or nothing?
Time out.

Line dead.

~~~~~~

To Spicy Ma-tilde:

Loveliest C,

We've said everything we have to say.
The sex was perfect.
The romance sublime.
But not once did you say how much you loved my boat.

The choice was easy.

Bye.

« Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 02:20:33 PM by Boatman »

Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9812 on: November 18, 2014, 02:31:33 PM »
Dear Boatman,

You are not a boat.  You don't have a mast, climbing atop your penis does not offer me the kind of view an actual crows nest might, so don't go asking if I can see incoming ships like I somehow have a better vantage point than you do.  I have no desire to carry this nautical dictionary with me to bed, nor learn new things of which, will have no use in my life other than amusing you in bed, because honestly, you grumpy at my lack of boating knowledge, and you happy at my playing along both end about the same time. 

Quickly.

Though, it did offer some hilarious conversation when you called me your first mate, and you got all defensive when I made those little baby talk about you being a virgin and such, but that aside, you'd best learn to have sex like a normal person, or I'll most likely also be your last mate.

Truthfully yours, Cayenne.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9813 on: November 18, 2014, 02:54:05 PM »
Juicy Pepper,

If we are to be truthful, and I welcome such honesty, we ranged across the possibilities of 'normal' sex within the first two weeks of being under the covers (setting aside room service and included bed baths).

So I suggested something more adventurous.
It was then, in the crow's nest under a wild night sky and rocked by a raging sea, you took fright.

I absolutely understand your need to obliterate such memories and possibilities.
Go back to your normal life with my blessing (and a couple pounds of choice fish).

I'll miss you.

x

B


Offline Songbird

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9814 on: November 22, 2014, 07:23:21 PM »
Dear Boatman,

This is really difficult to say, so I'll try to be brief.

It's over. Time and time again I've told to to stop holding that knife, and you refuse! When I come home, there you are with the knife. When I open the closet door, there you are with the knife. Even when I step out of the shower, you hand me a towel while still holding that blasted knife! That's just your problem, Boatman. You can't let go.

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I hope you, your knife, and your whetstone will be very happy together.

No longer yours,

Birdy

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9815 on: November 23, 2014, 02:34:51 AM »
Sweet Birdy,

I love the skimpy clothes you wear and how you randomly pose your shapely curves over the furniture. It makes it so hard...
for me to leave you to catch fish or do a spot of pirating.
Not that it would have mattered if I'd stayed because you always seem to be in a world of your own.

You never seem to listen when I tell you of my love or read you lines of poetry I've written.
When I invite you out for special dinners or outings, or up to bed, you don't show.

The tipping point for me, I guess, was my birthday when you did remember the cake. But carried it around all day, deep in your own thoughts.
Finally, when I caught your attention and produced my knife to cut it you panicked, as if you'd never seen me before, threw it in my face and ran off.

Sorry if this sounds selfish but I needed this to be a two way relationship.
So I've gone, though you probably won't even notice.

Boat


Offline Cayenne

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9816 on: December 06, 2014, 05:30:22 PM »
Oh right, what was your name again?

Beeyote men? Is that Swedish?

Oh, sorry I'm getting off track!  My publicist says every minute I continue to be somehow hooked to you totally ruins my image, so it's gunna have to be totally splitsville between us. I mean, as the breadwinner, beautiful and talented one, I of course can't be seen settling down or anything, I got to be potentially fuckable, and obtainable by a masses of people of whom feel they have some personal attachment in my life, despite only seeing me expertly playing parts, or laughing it up in the talk show circuit.

Anyway, my lawyers have cut you a cheque, to yanno, give up whatever truth happened between us while the writers and marketing group gage what kind of narrative I'll need to carry on from this 'relationship' Fingers crossed you weren't a total douchebag against me, because of my successfulness and stuff.  I'm sure you can squeak out a minute or so of fame if you want to be on the local news to tell your side of the story.

Anyway, I've got a photoshoot with some Hollywood A lister of whom, I'll link arms with, like I've decided to be strong and move on as fast as possible, yanno, trading up and shit.

Maybe some day you'll become super famous and I'll find it in my heart to forgive you for whatever it is that they decide you did to break us up.

Till than,

Toodles!~

Cay~

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9817 on: December 06, 2014, 05:48:44 PM »
I really want to love you,
But I have this mental block
You're pretty cool and everything
But I really want a -

Different type of person
Don't let this come between us
You're really great and everything
But you don't have a -

Sense of how hard this is for me
I've tried to make us stick
But something is just missing
Something I need: a -

Reason to be happy
It really does seem silly
I like you, maybe love you
If only you had a -

Flaw or defect that would make this easier
But you don't: we get along
Better than I ever have with anyone
But a partner needs a -

...needs a..I don't know what to say
You're smart, you're funny, you're cute
Blame me, not you - honestly
Perfect skin! But no skin -

I'll touch again.  This is it. Goodbye
Cayenne, my pet, my toy.
You're everything I've ever wanted
Except for eight inches of joy.

Offline Wispyr

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9818 on: December 09, 2014, 03:11:26 PM »
Kythia,

This was never going to work. I've never even seen you before.
I'm sorry. It was a mistake. I don't know how it went so far.
Now I'm writing this to you like I owe you something, but I don't.
I'm moving on because there's nothing here for me, nothing here for you.

-Wispyr

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9819 on: December 10, 2014, 10:45:20 PM »
I was like, sure, Wispyr's a nice guy. He's hot and kind and all that. But then you started pulling down the girl's dresses, or skirts, or pants. Everywhere. At the opera, at the grocery store, at the Laundromat, at the monster truck rally... oh wow, remember that big dude that came after you there? Wow! No one is safe it seems.

Anyway... Maybe no one's told you before, but its not really appropriate behavoir. And you're bound to get in loads of trouble.

So... you're on your own babe.

I'm gone.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9820 on: December 11, 2014, 02:00:31 AM »
Beautiful Bunny,

It's this magic vanishing cream really.
There we are sobbing together hand in hand at Les Mis in the City;
Or making love in crystal clear warm Mediterranean shallows;
Or wing walking arm in arm together;
Or snuggled on the sofa warmed by the chuckling log fire on an icy evening...

And you apply the cream...
and vanish without so much of a 'poof'

You are an exquisitely lovely spirit, but too much of a tease.

Bye.

Offline Noir Lace

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9821 on: December 13, 2014, 12:07:23 AM »
Boatman.
I don't like boats, I'm a ship kinda girl.

We should see other people.
I hope there's a nice anchor in your future.

~Claire
« Last Edit: December 13, 2014, 12:10:19 AM by Noir Lace »

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9822 on: December 13, 2014, 02:09:46 AM »
Dearest Claire,

I love black lace don't get me wrong.
Especially, when hugging your curves... Sensually revealing, yet hiding.
But, you go too far.
A hanky made of lace... messy.
Sails made of lace, pedestrian.
Coats made of lace... too chilly at this time of year.
Sorry darling,
I'm switching fetish.

xx

Boat


Offline Noir Lace

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9823 on: December 13, 2014, 02:42:25 AM »
Dear Boatman,

You've cut open your last pair of lacy underwear, Mister.
I'm not rich enough to indulge your knife fetish & my lace fetish at the same time.

~Claire

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9824 on: December 13, 2014, 03:17:21 AM »
Dear Claire,

If you'd only worn one pair of lacy undies at a time, all would have been well I am sure.
But, getting to you was proving too frustrating.
After struggling into the same room, fighting through layers and layers of lace was like wrestling an enormous Russian doll.
By the time I reached your luscious skin, I was knackered.

Sorry darling, I'll stick with the knives (ouch! damn, cut myself again)

xx

Boat