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Author Topic: Breakup with the person above you!  (Read 336370 times)

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Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9725 on: September 13, 2014, 03:48:21 PM »
Stupendous Ky (our pet name for you),

When we met, you said you were a misunderstood artist, ahead of the curve.
I took one look at you and 'wow,' realised you knew all about curves.
Everything about you was trigonometrically perfect.
I was certain even Archimedes would have named a screw after you.

But when we took your best artwork along to the gallery, they just laughed at your stick men.
I tried to reassure you. I bought you tea and cakes.
But, no, you cried that your dream had been crushed and broken.
You started dressing in track suit bottoms, fag hanging out of your mouth, and let yourself go.
And you blamed me.

So sorry to leave you.
I wish you all the best, I really do.

Boat
« Last Edit: September 13, 2014, 03:49:43 PM by Boatman »

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9726 on: September 13, 2014, 08:24:12 PM »
You know, a gentle row, row, row is fine, a lot of the time.
But some times, I just want you to take the wheel and kick up the throttle.


I want the thunder of the engine, the slap slap slap and all the other hot wet noises.
Move my ocean, baby, you know?
But you...you're, like, SO fixated on your oar.
Like you're afraid it's going to break, or something.


So I'm gently heading downstream.


Be merry.

Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9727 on: September 13, 2014, 11:03:40 PM »
Nowherewoman.

How do I put this gently?

Oh, that's right, I don't.  I don't do gentle at all.  You know what else I don't do?  Pixelated and blurry!

I mean, things were absolutely fine with your old resolution and outfit.  I knew what you were wearing, I could make out all of your delectable bits, it was good!  But now I just can't tell anymore.  I know where your head, limbs, and torso are, but that's pretty much all I can make out nowadays.

I almost choked on a pastie the last time I tried to lick you, and let's not even talk about the groin damage when it turned out you were still wearing that chain-mail bikini.

I just... I need a woman who lives in HD, and you aren't that woman anymore.

Enjoy being retro alone.

The Beast.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9728 on: September 14, 2014, 11:55:16 PM »
Dear Kazyth,

I know I said we were an unbeatable team. That our love would last a thousand years. That nothing could tear us apart.

But then came the Quickie Stop. And the plan to rob it.

I was the Brains. You were the Braun. I was the Get-A-Way Driver. You were the Big Gun Waver (you exhibitionist!)

Sooo... I'm not sure what came over me when you threw the bag of money in the car... followed by the case of Coors Light, a carton of Pall Malls and that little hand held motorized fan. The gas pedal... it just seemed to vroooommm. And there you were on the sidewalk with the Po-Po coming around the corner, pistols trained on you... and... well... maybe I was wrong about that thousand years. Maybe it was more like one? Or... maybe 20 minutes?

It was nice. But please don't expect a postcard delivered to your cell. I'm off living the high life at one of those fancy trailer park homes in Florida with the flamingos and palm trees and shit.

P.S. I still think of your Big Gun fondly.



Offline Kazyth

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9729 on: September 15, 2014, 12:03:12 AM »
Bunny.

Bunny bunny bunny.

Did you really think that it was going to be that easy?  That you were just going to drive off with the money and all the goodies, and leave me holding... well, just that cloth so I wouldn't be charged with public indecency too?

You really should have paid more attention.  That night you woke up convinced that some bug had bit you?  Yeah, I planted an RFID tag under your skin.  The police know where you are, and I've already cut a deal for a reduced sentence in exchange for my testimony.

You could have had the money and my Big Gun, relaxing in the sun and enjoying our new fortune.  Now, you get to rot in jail for longer than I do.

P.s. My new wife Jerry says hi.

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9730 on: September 15, 2014, 12:14:42 AM »
Dear Kazyth (and Jerry),

I know about RIFD tags. All about them darling. I knew you put it there. It was all part of the plan... the Master Plan. And you fell for it. Hook. Line. And Sinker. You my dear Kazyth were set up in an elaborate scheme, years in the planning, awesome in its scope of catching petty, underdressed criminals.

I know. I know! It was a difficult yet intimate task. So many times I almost broke down, ready to throw in the towel... but, funny, I never could find an extra.

And now, I'm about to get a promotion! And then my real work begins... Searching for a deranged, knife wielding boat dude and his evil apprentice, a spice girl.

Guess you're stuck in the slammer a bit longer. I might have accidentally planted some contraband in your cell right before your last hearing. And oh! They denied you bail? Ohhh.... Kazyth. That's just too sad.

Or is it?

Offline TaintedAndDelish

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9731 on: September 15, 2014, 12:25:07 AM »
Dear BBS,

*fondles an electrode as he instructs his assistant to type this letter*

That little game of truth or dare was rather.... shocking, wouldn't you say? The look on your face after confessing that last little secret was absolutely priceless, and more so, the look on my new assistant's face when I demanded that she pull the switch and make you twitch one last time.

*Hey, that rhymes!*

Anyway, since we dropped off your spent carcass at the runaway shelter, I've found that my assistant has been able to fulfill all of your former duties. I don't need you any more, good bye.

*puts the electrode back into his drawer*

p.s.

Ehm... what's one supposed to do when they have an erection that lasts more than four hours?

p.p.s.

Never mind, Dr. Taint does not need outside help.

Sincerely...

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9732 on: September 16, 2014, 10:31:45 AM »
Dear T & D,

What is there to say? After all we have known each other years now...

Your perversions are terribly perverted. Mine as well.

And I have a fondness for you, and that blonde wig. You know the one... no, not that one, the other one. No. The one with the pigtails.

It is simply this. I do not think the world could handle us both in same place at the same  time. Something or someone is liable to explode. Or many someones... its kinda like a scientific thing with equations, but instead of numbers, it involves sex. And more sex. And humiliations. And wigs. And toys... and... oh hell Tainted, that kind of math is just beyond me. And you know I hate to think that hard!

*Waves a lacy handkerchief as I motorboat away*

Good bye darling! Good bye!
 

Offline TaintedAndDelish

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9733 on: September 17, 2014, 02:49:47 PM »
Dear BBS,

I forgot to mention that I've arranged for your personal items to be removed from my premises. I've hired a local moving service, "DICKS", to load up their 14' moving truck with all of your phalluses. I admit, for an ex con, Dick and his cousin in law Richard worked like hell to stuff each and every one in. They could barely shut the damn door. They'll be dumping them off on your front lawn in the next few days. Keep your eye out for a huge truck bearing their name.

Sincerely,
Taint

Offline Mtpersson

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9734 on: September 20, 2014, 10:50:56 AM »
Tainted,

If I'm honest, I wanted to tell you this via a text but that's the sort of thing you would do. This is much more...public. We're over. I just can't take it anymore and I feel like I'm at my wits end.

Why couldn't you stop leaving breadcrumbs in the butter?

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9735 on: September 20, 2014, 10:46:09 PM »
My dear marble goddess:


I was so hot for you, I was so hot for you, I was so hot for you, and you were so COLD! I don't mean to sound judgemental- I know you can't help it. It comes of being stone gorgeous, and a gorgeous stone  That I could have lived with.

The third time I chipped a tooth on one of your nipples, though, I knew I needed to think of myself.

I hope you find your Pygmalion. Me, I'm gonna scare up a nice salamndress or something.  Stay chill!


Not that you have any choice...

Offline Kythia

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9736 on: September 21, 2014, 06:59:17 AM »
This isn't a breakup, Nowherewoman, because - once again - WE WERE NEVER FUCKING TOGETHER.  How many goddamn times must we go through this.  Me and your pet dragon are together, we let you watch because we love that shit.  That DOES NOT mean that you and I are together.  Stop following me around, stop sending me tear stained notes, carry on sending me chocolates and buying me presents, stop telling people I'm your girlfriend, stop writing "Miss Kythia" all over your schoolbooks.  Got it?  Let me have crazy dragon sex with your pet dragon while you watch and film it in peace, is that so much to ask?

Offline gaggedLouise

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9737 on: September 21, 2014, 07:11:47 AM »
We really need to part, lady. I don't want no Injuns around me and you're technically from British India, right? The stripes of the zebra never wear off, I couldn't care less that you might shout and argue it's not what they called it when you lived down south...Plus you're a schismatic bitch who is constantly making me feel like you're stirring up trouble. I invoke the spirit of Brian de Bois-Guilbert to take matters in hand, we cannot have all this doublecrossing and strange rumours running around and even slipping into my dreams!

Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9738 on: September 21, 2014, 07:57:41 AM »
My dear muffled mattress:


Let me put this in terms you can understand.


Mggh!  Mfffvll, nnng mff!  Ffffmmm mrrrm gng. Vmmm nnngm Ngu.


OK?  We clear?


Maybe your next partner will untie you. You look too cute to disturb.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9739 on: September 21, 2014, 08:53:24 AM »
Dear NWW,

Look, I really liked the idea of your recent interest in the occult.
At first it added a new spine-tingling dimension to our relationship.
A turn of the cards and a few incantations before we began.
Mystic mumblings during, and a final release of energy like no other I have known.
The Earth truly moved.

But then, you accidentally used the wrong words and reincarnated a tiny dragon.
You said the monster looked cute and things would be fine.  A baby one would be so easy to train.

No such luck...I mean, where the heck do you find a dragon trainer, the Internet?
Anyway, things around the house started acquiring singed edges.
And, you said this was great because now we'd not need central heating in winter.

Then there were the piles of stinking green poo where you'd least expected them.
That was bad enough, but when people's pets started vanishing,
and the dragon wouldn't let me in the bedroom, I'd had enough.
I confronted you saying "That bloody dragon's taking your soul dear - You are going to have to get rid of it or I'm off!"

So, anyway, I've packed my bags.
I am going to spend some time sailing far far away.

Keep a fire extinguisher handy.
Your escaping ex

Boat
« Last Edit: September 22, 2014, 12:47:39 AM by Boatman »

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9740 on: September 26, 2014, 09:50:01 PM »
Mr. Boatman, Lord Seducer,
Join Date Mar 2012
At the point where the tides meet

September 26, 2014

Dear Mr. Boatman,

It has come to our attention that you have not satisfied your monthly quota in the Breakup with the Person Above You Thread. Perhaps this is an oversight on your part? Please check your records to see if you misplaced any pertinent breakups. You understand of course that we can not tolerate laziness in this thread. Imagine if apathy were to carve a foothold? Once established, the horror could spread into all the forums... even *gasp* the Good and Cuddly! It is not a pretty thought. Remember the hugging penguins? Or the kittens sleeping? GONE! If you would have your way!

Mr. Boatman, we hold you responsible for the horrible future that could befall every single member of E. And in the best interest of Breakup with the Person Above You, furthermore to be known as BWTPAY and the GAD too, you are hereby broken up with this thread.

Please know it is nothing personal. It is strictly business. Now pack your things and move out so the next man may have his chance in the sun.

The Staff
« Last Edit: September 26, 2014, 10:08:35 PM by blue bunny sparkle »

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9741 on: September 27, 2014, 01:53:59 AM »
Dear Bunny (acting on behalf of the E Management),

I do have to come clean here... It is about cleaning.
Partly anyway.
You see...
You might understand. I hope you do.
Every time I had to find a new love, sometimes even a love I had broken up with previously, I felt I had to be on my best behaviour.
Well, for a short while anyway.
You know, Id clean the house before she came round.
Id make the bed.
Id hose down the boat.
And hose Boat down.
Id shave and wash my clothes and sometimes change my clothes too.
Once Id even bought new clothes - two for the price of one at the market.
And presents you know, new loves like flowers, chocs. Jewelry even!
You have to buy more food, provide toilet paper.
Clean sheets new loves seem to like those.
And all the tidying away of my mess. Hiding it anyway.

It was my therapist who started adding it all up. The time, the cost.
And she said, she would come round and help me.
She said I was the worst case shed ever encountered.
I could be her project.
But it turned out she liked clean sheets too.
So, although I did ease back on my break ups for a while.
I think I am stuck with them for the sake of the glimpse of pleasure in between.

So, Bunny dear, I am breaking up with your management threat of breaking up with me.

Boat.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2014, 01:55:10 AM by Boatman »

Offline Queen of spades

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9742 on: September 30, 2014, 08:14:46 AM »
Argh breaking up with Timothy Dalton era Bond! It almost pains me.

"Well, I guess it's, uh... a farewell to arms.."
« Last Edit: September 30, 2014, 08:31:12 AM by Queen of spades »

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9743 on: September 30, 2014, 08:37:38 AM »
Dearest QOS,

I did love you. I still do.
And it wasn't just the arms... Every part of you fascinated me.
For me, you were the real Bond girl.

So why your moody silences?
You really didn't need to get jealous.
They were just actresses... the bedroom scenes, and the off set rehearsals meant nothing.
Nothing at all.
Just duty.

Oh well, I've some casting interviews, so won't keep you.
Keep safe.

Bond.



Offline Nowherewoman

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9744 on: September 30, 2014, 12:09:31 PM »
My dear Bond, James:

By the time you read this, I will be beyond your reach, returned to the Nowhereness of being an anonymous figure in the crowd of your women.

I won't insult you by pretending either of us will be upset; we understand each other far too well for that. Each was a convenience for the other, a moment, trapped in the amber of time, to be examined as a keepsake, but not to be overvalued, or renewed.  Still, I will remember with fondness the moonlit car chases, playing jet-ski bumpercars; the hours at the firing range (I still maintain that I would have outscored you had your hands not begun to wander).  The full-contact naked judo, the...dare I say it? Bondage?

But all ties, like all persons, are mortal, and ours is now dead, as shall, in such a painfully short time, we be.  I have taken your beloved Walther PPK as a memento, and left you one of my knives in return. I hope it will amuse you.  Do not attempt to search me out- not that I expect you will- for I do not choose to be found. It is I, this one time, who does the abandonment scene, and comes out the Pyrrhic victor.

And so now, Mr. Bond-

Goodbye.

Offline Boatman

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9745 on: September 30, 2014, 05:17:50 PM »
Agent Nowhere,

You played your part well. Even though you knew in your heart of hearts you were expendable.
It took guts and dedication.
I admired you. Wow!
And under other circumstances, if Id not had the world to save, you would have been the target of my true affection.
Definitely.
Almost certainly.

Your emotional parting with me was such a good ruse.
The bad guys fell for it.
Thinking they had captured someone I would die for.
But how wrong they were!
We knew...
Our little secret, that when you detonated the tactical nuclear weapon sewn into your bag, we'd beaten them.

You are/ were fantastic.
Unique.
I had hoped you'd escape in time... Knowing a ticking minute would be tight.
Perhaps you did and have gone to ground.

Otherwise, if your atoms have been dispersed in that terrible mushroom, I won't let you be forgotten.
There'll be a mention in dispatches, though clearly without disclosure of your real name.

xx

James
« Last Edit: October 01, 2014, 03:53:04 AM by Boatman »

Offline Stone

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Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9746 on: October 03, 2014, 01:49:01 AM »
Bond, you learned nothing from your villains. No monologues, just go!

Like this: whoosh.

Offline Queen of spades

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9747 on: October 03, 2014, 10:25:21 AM »
When you squeezed my throat lightly, during sex, it made me purr with pleasure - now you're just a pain in the neck!

It's over!

Offline blue bunny sparkle

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9748 on: October 03, 2014, 11:30:47 AM »
First you wanted to leave the small town. I said yes...
Then you wanted to climb all over city fire escapes in the middle of the night. I said yes to that also...
You made me get up way too early in morning - to go window shopping when the stores weren't even opened yet.
I said yes, even though I didn't understand your reasoning. At all.

And now. I'm saying no.

Forever.

Offline Queen of spades

Re: Breakup with the person above you!
« Reply #9749 on: October 03, 2014, 12:48:03 PM »
I only did those things because you said yes! Because you being there gave them meaning and made them memorable.

The reason didn't matter, just that you we're there!

Now that you said no, the reason matters to me.

Only because you're not there, and now I have to find someone else, to go window shopping with.

:(